SIL is really obtuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s dh’s brother. I’d let him decide how to handle this.

+1 support your husband in whatever he decides.

I agree. Thing is, nothing good comes from interfering with siblings. It doesn't sound like this is a family that expects overinvolvement, but rather is dealing with a crisis and legitimately needs help. I also suspect that SIL is not going to actually get her husband into treatment and is hoping that his brother will be able make a difference. It sounds like a pretty awful situation. If things go south and OP's husband dies after OP interfered with the decision, it is going to be a tough time in their marriage.

Do you have reading comprehension problems? Read the OP’s post. Why would her husband die?

come on, that's an obvious mistake, the posted meant OP's husband's brother, in the last line, not OP's brother, as it is obvious based on the content of the entire post and by the fact that the poster said that if that person dies there would be a tough time in OP's marriage. obviously if it was OP's husband to die there would be no marriage left for any had time

[Anonymous]

OP I am dealing with this exact same thing.

Except it is my SIL who is the alcoholic, my DH sister.

His other sister wants him to fly and empty the other sisters home, sell it and take over any and all things so she doesn't have to travel. It's a complete mess.

I immediately said absolutely not it's a pandemic.

Normally I would not get involved or ever really add my opinion it's DH sister so his choices, but Pandemic means whole other ball game.

Yes, this causes issues with his family. I could care less. Not our fault she continued on this path. Do I have empathy of course, but again special circumstances Pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is his own person. He needs to decide if he's going to spend money on a round trip cross country ticket to fly during a pandemic while taking a day off from work to go do something that someone local could do instead.

It's not your place.

OP has every right to put her foot down on this. Too big an ask when it involves times, energy, and money. Resources that ought to be directed to OP and kids.

hum ok, the brother of OP's husband is likely in a life threatening situation and the SIL is asking the brother of her husband for help in getting him emergency medical attention. you say that OP is right in putting her foot down because her husband is spending resources that should be spent on OP and her kids? are you kidding? we are not talking about OP's husband going with the bros to Las Vegas or on fishing trip to Florida. this is a medical emergency his own brother is experiencing. the fact that the SIL does not want to ask for her family help may suggest they may have helped before and may be fed up of having their sister/SIL married to a raging alcoholic. I am not saying this is an easy thing and OP's husband should investigate if there is any way he can participate remotely or signing and mailing the affidavit or any other way to avoid the trip. otherwise it is up to him to go and I find OP's behavior truly awful. we had emergency in my family and the lifesaving thing was having a spouse who said do what you need to do and I will deal with it. I had a relative with terminal cancer who had a couple of emergencies and I flew (pre-pandemic) to Europe twice in six months on a day notice . my husband was aware of the high cost and the fact that he was going to be entire responsible to take care of kids and I felt I had to go but that it was not right for my family. I am so grateful that my husband just hug me and told me to go if I wanted to and not to worry. recently his family had issues and he was concerned. I did the same thing for him, told him to go if he needed and stay longer if he wanted, and I would manage the house. he drove 16 hours each way to avoid flying. I find OP's behavior appalling, I can't even think of being in a situation in which my brother is in trouble and I can help and my husband would pout, I would never forgive him.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like an extremely difficult, fraught situation. I doubt she's thinking clearly. I suggest your husband figure out if the court even wants him to travel during the pandemic and what else he can do to support his brother's family during this stressful time. Maybe hire a local lawyer to help.

[Anonymous]

OP again. SIL's DH is a narcissistic alcoholic who doesn't want to check himself in and she has been his enabler for years. She talks a lot about ending the marriage but is codependent and he manipulates her a lot. It's not like she didn't know who she was marrying. The affidavits would carry more weight from her sister and her sister's husband as they have dealt directly with SIL and DH's brother and know their problems first-hand (plus, the sister's husband is actual local law enforcement). My family of origin would know better than to involve me or DH in any problems. I don't know why people here get the impression that SIL's DH is going to die if his brother doesn't show up. That's NOT the case. He's probably just going to continue drinking. This isn't cancer or a true medical emergency. And SIL telling us that DH needs to spend time and money to get his brother sober is ridiculous on her part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is his own person. He needs to decide if he's going to spend money on a round trip cross country ticket to fly during a pandemic while taking a day off from work to go do something that someone local could do instead.

It's not your place.

OP has every right to put her foot down on this. Too big an ask when it involves times, energy, and money. Resources that ought to be directed to OP and kids.

hum ok, the brother of OP's husband is likely in a life threatening situation and the SIL is asking the brother of her husband for help in getting him emergency medical attention. you say that OP is right in putting her foot down because her husband is spending resources that should be spent on OP and her kids? are you kidding? we are not talking about OP's husband going with the bros to Las Vegas or on fishing trip to Florida. this is a medical emergency his own brother is experiencing. the fact that the SIL does not want to ask for her family help may suggest they may have helped before and may be fed up of having their sister/SIL married to a raging alcoholic. I am not saying this is an easy thing and OP's husband should investigate if there is any way he can participate remotely or signing and mailing the affidavit or any other way to avoid the trip. otherwise it is up to him to go and I find OP's behavior truly awful. we had emergency in my family and the lifesaving thing was having a spouse who said do what you need to do and I will deal with it. I had a relative with terminal cancer who had a couple of emergencies and I flew (pre-pandemic) to Europe twice in six months on a day notice . my husband was aware of the high cost and the fact that he was going to be entire responsible to take care of kids and I felt I had to go but that it was not right for my family. I am so grateful that my husband just hug me and told me to go if I wanted to and not to worry. recently his family had issues and he was concerned. I did the same thing for him, told him to go if he needed and stay longer if he wanted, and I would manage the house. he drove 16 hours each way to avoid flying. I find OP's behavior appalling, I can't even think of being in a situation in which my brother is in trouble and I can help and my husband would pout, I would never forgive him.

You're comparing apples to oranges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. SIL's DH is a narcissistic alcoholic who doesn't want to check himself in and she has been his enabler for years. She talks a lot about ending the marriage but is codependent and he manipulates her a lot. It's not like she didn't know who she was marrying. The affidavits would carry more weight from her sister and her sister's husband as they have dealt directly with SIL and DH's brother and know their problems first-hand (plus, the sister's husband is actual local law enforcement). My family of origin would know better than to involve me or DH in any problems. I don't know why people here get the impression that SIL's DH is going to die if his brother doesn't show up. That's NOT the case. He's probably just going to continue drinking. This isn't cancer or a true medical emergency. And SIL telling us that DH needs to spend time and money to get his brother sober is ridiculous on her part.

Wow. You have a lot to learn about alcoholism. It's absolutely deadly. And nothing here changes anything that anyone in this thread said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. SIL's DH is a narcissistic alcoholic who doesn't want to check himself in and she has been his enabler for years. She talks a lot about ending the marriage but is codependent and he manipulates her a lot. It's not like she didn't know who she was marrying. The affidavits would carry more weight from her sister and her sister's husband as they have dealt directly with SIL and DH's brother and know their problems first-hand (plus, the sister's husband is actual local law enforcement). My family of origin would know better than to involve me or DH in any problems. I don't know why people here get the impression that SIL's DH is going to die if his brother doesn't show up. That's NOT the case. He's probably just going to continue drinking. This isn't cancer or a true medical emergency. And SIL telling us that DH needs to spend time and money to get his brother sober is ridiculous on her part.

Wow. You have a lot to learn about alcoholism. It's absolutely deadly. And nothing here changes anything that anyone in this thread said.

Are you nuts? No one is forcing the guy to drink. What happened to personal responsibility?

[Anonymous]

Can’t he do it Virtually online? There must be a way he can do this? Or she very much needs his brothers support to wake her husband up to his alcoholism. My heart goes out to her must be really hard to face the issue.

[Anonymous]

When the traveler in question risks bringing the virus home, it absolutely becomes a joint decision!

The posters who said that it was solely the husband's choice are completely wrong in times of pandemic.

For us, there is no way we'd travel for that reason. We would let the SIL know that due to the pandemic, we cannot travel. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
When the traveler in question risks bringing the virus home, it absolutely becomes a joint decision!

The posters who said that it was solely the husband's choice are completely wrong in times of pandemic.

For us, there is no way we'd travel for that reason. We would let the SIL know that due to the pandemic, we cannot travel. End of story.

Pandemic or not a spouse can not dictate their spouse's movement.. OP can express her concerns, and they can sort or various scenarios based on various decisions, but she cannot make her DH stay home or decide for him, that's his choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. SIL's DH is a narcissistic alcoholic who doesn't want to check himself in and she has been his enabler for years. She talks a lot about ending the marriage but is codependent and he manipulates her a lot. It's not like she didn't know who she was marrying. The affidavits would carry more weight from her sister and her sister's husband as they have dealt directly with SIL and DH's brother and know their problems first-hand (plus, the sister's husband is actual local law enforcement). My family of origin would know better than to involve me or DH in any problems. I don't know why people here get the impression that SIL's DH is going to die if his brother doesn't show up. That's NOT the case. He's probably just going to continue drinking. This isn't cancer or a true medical emergency. And SIL telling us that DH needs to spend time and money to get his brother sober is ridiculous on her part.

Wow. You have a lot to learn about alcoholism. It's absolutely deadly. And nothing here changes anything that anyone in this thread said.

Are you nuts? No one is forcing the guy to drink. What happened to personal responsibility?

The Reagan era messages really did a number on you. Please educate yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t he do it Virtually online? There must be a way he can do this? Or she very much needs his brothers support to wake her husband up to his alcoholism. My heart goes out to her must be really hard to face the issue.

The woman knowingly married a guy with problems based on what the OP wrote. No sympathy for someone like that, a woman marrying a guy hoping he’d change. There are many women like the SIL and people need to stop picking up the slack for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. SIL's DH is a narcissistic alcoholic who doesn't want to check himself in and she has been his enabler for years. She talks a lot about ending the marriage but is codependent and he manipulates her a lot. It's not like she didn't know who she was marrying. The affidavits would carry more weight from her sister and her sister's husband as they have dealt directly with SIL and DH's brother and know their problems first-hand (plus, the sister's husband is actual local law enforcement). My family of origin would know better than to involve me or DH in any problems. I don't know why people here get the impression that SIL's DH is going to die if his brother doesn't show up. That's NOT the case. He's probably just going to continue drinking. This isn't cancer or a true medical emergency. And SIL telling us that DH needs to spend time and money to get his brother sober is ridiculous on her part.

Wow. You have a lot to learn about alcoholism. It's absolutely deadly. And nothing here changes anything that anyone in this thread said.

Are you nuts? No one is forcing the guy to drink. What happened to personal responsibility?

The Reagan era messages really did a number on you. Please educate yourself.

No, you educate yourself you ultra liberal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
When the traveler in question risks bringing the virus home, it absolutely becomes a joint decision!

The posters who said that it was solely the husband's choice are completely wrong in times of pandemic.

For us, there is no way we'd travel for that reason. We would let the SIL know that due to the pandemic, we cannot travel. End of story.

Pandemic or not a spouse can not dictate their spouse's movement.. OP can express her concerns, and they can sort or various scenarios based on various decisions, but she cannot make her DH stay home or decide for him, that's his choice.

Theoretically. I would be extremely forceful about my views on the subject. This is not a "whatever, honey" situation.