SIL is really obtuse

[Anonymous]

^^Traveling by *plane*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is his own person. He needs to decide if he's going to spend money on a round trip cross country ticket to fly during a pandemic while taking a day off from work to go do something that someone local could do instead.

It's not your place.

OP has every right to put her foot down on this. Too big an ask when it involves times, energy, and money. Resources that ought to be directed to OP and kids.

Disagree. It's on her if she married a man who can't employ critical thinking and set boundaries after review priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is his own person. He needs to decide if he's going to spend money on a round trip cross country ticket to fly during a pandemic while taking a day off from work to go do something that someone local could do instead.

It's not your place.

OP has every right to put her foot down on this. Too big an ask when it involves times, energy, and money. Resources that ought to be directed to OP and kids.

Disagree. It's on her if she married a man who can't employ critical thinking and set boundaries after review priorities.

So you are on the OP’s side then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is his own person. He needs to decide if he's going to spend money on a round trip cross country ticket to fly during a pandemic while taking a day off from work to go do something that someone local could do instead.

It's not your place.

OP has every right to put her foot down on this. Too big an ask when it involves times, energy, and money. Resources that ought to be directed to OP and kids.

The door swings both ways, don't expect DH to give a a crap about your family of origin or support you in helping them. He also has the right to put his foot down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL lives 5 miles from her own sister and BIL and yet wants DH (brothers with her DH) to fly all the way to her city in a different region to submit an affidavit with her in person so that her husband can be ordered to undergo inpatient treatment for alcoholism. Apparently, she doesn’t want to ask her sis or BIL because “then, they’ll have to take a day off work”. I’ve told DH that she’s making it more complicated than it needs to be and he needs to stay put and not travel during a pandemic. The logic of SIL just baffles me. DH agrees with me but feels awkward about saying no. Shall I just tell her myself that she is inconveniencing us at her expense?

The only thing you should have said to DH was that you'll support him in whatever he decides.

[Anonymous]

I might be confused and don't feel like reading comments to clarify, but why would your sister in law's sister help with your husband's brother? Of course your husband is the one to handle this.

[Anonymous]

So...your husband is a minor, or is mentally incapacitated, and can’t make this decision on his own?

How very interesting.

[Anonymous]

I know nothing about the law, but isn't an affidavit a sworn statement? Could a local lawyer prepare one and send it to SIL's jurisdiction? I think with COVID a lot of legal matters are being handled virtually anyway.

[Anonymous]

I think your family needs to help handle your brother if it’s really come to involuntary admission to a facility— why is that your sister in laws family’s problem? On the other hand that *doesn’t * mean your husband in specific has to fly to her city amidst a pandemic and put his wife and children at risk from whatever he encounters, that would be irresponsible. Can one of your parents go? Do you have a single sibling? Can this be done by a lawyer here as a PP recommended? Your brother is the origin of the problem here, not your SIL.

[Anonymous]

Wow things must be really bad for her to take such a hard core action. This might be saving his life. Let your DH decide and be supportive.

[Anonymous]

You are a real biatch op? Aren't you? You care more about your DH not being away from you for a couple of days than about saving a man, helping him out, and helping his family out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she’s making it awkward, but it’s also a his brother, who he likely cares about.she’s not inconveniencing anyone. She asking for help for dealing with YOUR HUSBANDS BROTHER. He needs help. Let your DH help.

But OP’s DH first responsibility is to his wife. His brother needs to deal with his own issues by himself or his own wife. What if This guy was an only child? Who would this obtuse woman turn to then? I vote letting SIL know she’s being obtuse.

But he is not an only child. His wife wants her DH’s brother to help. Assuming brother loves the DH and wants to help, then he should go without backlash from his wife. This is an emergency situation, not like “fly out here to help me move” or something like that. If you can’t lean on family, who can you lean on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she didn’t have local family who could help, maybe I’d consider it but her excuse - that they would have to take a day off work - isn’t cutting it. Because traveling by older to a different region is definitely an inconvenience, and unsafe during a pandemic.

Her local family is not her DH’s family of origin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s dh’s brother. I’d let him decide how to handle this.

+1 support your husband in whatever he decides.

I agree. Thing is, nothing good comes from interfering with siblings. It doesn't sound like this is a family that expects overinvolvement, but rather is dealing with a crisis and legitimately needs help. I also suspect that SIL is not going to actually get her husband into treatment and is hoping that his brother will be able make a difference. It sounds like a pretty awful situation. If things go south and OP's husband dies after OP interfered with the decision, it is going to be a tough time in their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s dh’s brother. I’d let him decide how to handle this.

+1 support your husband in whatever he decides.

I agree. Thing is, nothing good comes from interfering with siblings. It doesn't sound like this is a family that expects overinvolvement, but rather is dealing with a crisis and legitimately needs help. I also suspect that SIL is not going to actually get her husband into treatment and is hoping that his brother will be able make a difference. It sounds like a pretty awful situation. If things go south and OP's husband dies after OP interfered with the decision, it is going to be a tough time in their marriage.

Do you have reading comprehension problems? Read the OP’s post. Why would her husband die?