Is it necessary to reveal that you had a vasectomy?

[Anonymous]

vasectomies can reversed - so it's not permanent.

and no, he does not need to tell her about his procedure as long as he is/has been honest about not wanting children. that is in his past and it was a personal decision he made for himself.

let me put this another way - a woman does not have to reveal she has had an abortion at a previous stage of her life. both a personal choices and medical procedures - one is irreversible (abortion) and the other can be reversed (vasectomy). so what is the difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not only should you disclose this before getting serious, but I think you have a moral obligation.

I wish my ex had gotten one. He never wanted kids, but also never did anything to prevent having them. I was on the pill when I got pregnant. He is the shittiest father in the world.

well, that is totally and completely your own fault for sleeping with a guy who was showing you that he was irresponsible. yet you stuck with him - your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only should you disclose this before getting serious, but I think you have a moral obligation.

I wish my ex had gotten one. He never wanted kids, but also never did anything to prevent having them. I was on the pill when I got pregnant. He is the shittiest father in the world.

Why did you have kids with someone who didn't want kids?

Did you read? She was on the pill. And why is it only the woman's responsibility to use birth control instead of, I dunno, the person who wants to prevent pregnancy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only should you disclose this before getting serious, but I think you have a moral obligation.

I wish my ex had gotten one. He never wanted kids, but also never did anything to prevent having them. I was on the pill when I got pregnant. He is the shittiest father in the world.

Why did you have kids with someone who didn't want kids?

Did you read? She was on the pill. And why is it only the woman's responsibility to use birth control instead of, I dunno, the person who wants to prevent pregnancy?

If a woman is on the pill she is the person who wants to prevent pregnancy. Last I checked, abortion is an option. Don't have kids with people who don't want kids and then whine about what bad parents they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:vasectomies can reversed - so it's not permanent.

and no, he does not need to tell her about his procedure as long as he is/has been honest about not wanting children. that is in his past and it was a personal decision he made for himself.

let me put this another way - a woman does not have to reveal she has had an abortion at a previous stage of her life. both a personal choices and medical procedures - one is irreversible (abortion) and the other can be reversed (vasectomy). so what is the difference?

This wins for the dumbest thing I've read on DCUM today.

[Anonymous]

Even though this seems like more incel garbage, been an influx of that recently. I'll give you a serious answer on the small chance this is a serious question.

Yes you should tell.

You don't have to put it in a dating profile or say it on the first date, but before getting serious.

It doesn't have to be complicated and can be part of the pre sex conversation you have about birth control and STDs getting tested.

Or even when the kids question comes up, you say I've had a vasectomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prior to first date? No

Prior to intimacy? Yes, it helps with choice of birth control!

Exactly. Condoms are still required to prevent STI’s until you’re monogamous, but she needs to know what the birth control situation is. Seriously. Don’t keep this stuff from a romantic partner - birth co trip has side effects (all of the options!) and if I didn’t need to be on it I’d be thrilled.

[Anonymous]

At what stage? If you're just dating, there is no need to reveal your medical history. What's important is to be crystal clear that you do not want children. At all. In no way. As long as you're saying "I do not want children" then you're fine.

I would think the vasectomy would come up organically, usually around a birth control discussion? I feel like in most of my relationships, there's been a bit of a birth control/STDs discussion that went along with dropping the condom, after we've been dating a long time and are a well established couple. This might be a natural time to bring it up, particularly as it means that, assuming she's been taking birth control, she may want to stop, so it seems helpful to mention.

Certainly, if it hasn't come up and you're approaching engagement, you should definitely make sure to mention it. But it feels like if you are approaching engagement and it HASN'T come up, you're hiding.

I guess the big thing is - don't hide it, bring it up where relevant, but you don't need to like walk into a first date and say "Hi, I'm Larlo. I've had a vasectomy."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes

You should tell

Also know that people can and do get pregnant after a vax

[Anonymous]

Yes, you have an obligation on the very first date. You chose to be an outliner. You chose to make a life altering decision re: a basic biologic function.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you have an obligation on the very first date. You chose to be an outliner. You chose to make a life altering decision re: a basic biologic function.

His body, his choice?

[Anonymous]

If you are serious, yeah I think it is.

My now husband said on our first date that he did not want kids. I was disappointed because I really liked him but thought "meh, lots of 20-something men probably feel this way, it'll change." It did change, and we are happy with a wonderful kid now, but it took a break-up and some come to Jesus talks about what we both wanted and were willing to compromise on. If he'd had a vasectomy but hadn't told me I'd have walked when I found out, and he'd have ultimately married someone else who required no compromise. It worked out for us, but I am not so naive to think that this kind of thing would work out for everyone without tremendous heartbreak in one way or another.

[Anonymous]

I would after we became exclusive. I have known people who NEVER wanted kids who went on to have them. Of course, she shouldn’t expect you to change your mind. Presenting the vasectomy as a fait accompli may stir up emotions in a partner that she wouldn’t anticipate. The important thing is to give her all information, once exclusivity has been established.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would after we became exclusive. I have known people who NEVER wanted kids who went on to have them. Of course, she shouldn’t expect you to change your mind. Presenting the vasectomy as a fait accompli may stir up emotions in a partner that she wouldn’t anticipate. The important thing is to give her all information, once exclusivity has been established.

Of course, if sex took place before monogamy, then that would be the time to bring it up. -pp

[Anonymous]

Medically impossible? LOL you still have about 1 in 1000 chance. Of course, you let the other person know both.