Is it necessary to reveal that you had a vasectomy?

[Anonymous]

Tell her up front. Most guys would like to know if a woman is sterile up front, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only should you disclose this before getting serious, but I think you have a moral obligation.

I wish my ex had gotten one. He never wanted kids, but also never did anything to prevent having them. I was on the pill when I got pregnant. He is the shittiest father in the world.

Why did you have kids with someone who didn't want kids?

Did you read? She was on the pill. And why is it only the woman's responsibility to use birth control instead of, I dunno, the person who wants to prevent pregnancy?

She could get her tubes tied as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I am not that other guy.

I have reservations about sharing my private medical information. Within my friend group, I weirdly know about several vasectomies because of girlfriend’s gossiping. Why can’t people just take “I’m not having kids” at face value?

Because some men, like my husband are willing to be flexible after saying no more kids/no kids to be with someone they love as its important to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are 45+ I wouldnt mention it until your relationship got serious. You're not really thinking of having kids at that age anyway.

But it could still happen. A friend had twins at 45. Not planned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I am not that other guy.

I have reservations about sharing my private medical information. Within my friend group, I weirdly know about several vasectomies because of girlfriend’s gossiping. Why can’t people just take “I’m not having kids” at face value?

Because some men, like my husband are willing to be flexible after saying no more kids/no kids to be with someone they love as its important to them.

This. It should be disclosed before sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only should you disclose this before getting serious, but I think you have a moral obligation.

I wish my ex had gotten one. He never wanted kids, but also never did anything to prevent having them. I was on the pill when I got pregnant. He is the shittiest father in the world.

Why did you have kids with someone who didn't want kids?

Duh...she got pregnant. It was unplanned. Why people think all kids are planned is beyond me. 50% of pregnancies are still unplanned. NP here. I had kids with my ex who I never wanted kids with. Both shocking accidents. It happens. Your question is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:vasectomies can reversed - so it's not permanent.

and no, he does not need to tell her about his procedure as long as he is/has been honest about not wanting children. that is in his past and it was a personal decision he made for himself.

let me put this another way - a woman does not have to reveal she has had an abortion at a previous stage of her life. both a personal choices and medical procedures - one is irreversible (abortion) and the other can be reversed (vasectomy). so what is the difference?

Huge difference. A past abortion has no impact on a future pregnancy. A vasectomy does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I am not that other guy.

I have reservations about sharing my private medical information. Within my friend group, I weirdly know about several vasectomies because of girlfriend’s gossiping. Why can’t people just take “I’m not having kids” at face value?

Because some men, like my husband are willing to be flexible after saying no more kids/no kids to be with someone they love as its important to them.

It really sounds like a lot of people on this board do not respect “No kids” when it comes from a guy and manipulate and coerce their partners. I wonder how many still regret having kids. I know a few in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only should you disclose this before getting serious, but I think you have a moral obligation.

I wish my ex had gotten one. He never wanted kids, but also never did anything to prevent having them. I was on the pill when I got pregnant. He is the shittiest father in the world.

Why did you have kids with someone who didn't want kids?

Duh...she got pregnant. It was unplanned. Why people think all kids are planned is beyond me. 50% of pregnancies are still unplanned. NP here. I had kids with my ex who I never wanted kids with. Both shocking accidents. It happens. Your question is stupid.

Take control of your life. If you get pregnant and don't want to be pregnant you get an abortion. If you're with someone who doesn't want kids and you decide to have kids anyway you don't get to whine that they aren't a good parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I am not that other guy.

I have reservations about sharing my private medical information. Within my friend group, I weirdly know about several vasectomies because of girlfriend’s gossiping. Why can’t people just take “I’m not having kids” at face value?

Because some men, like my husband are willing to be flexible after saying no more kids/no kids to be with someone they love as its important to them.

It really sounds like a lot of people on this board do not respect “No kids” when it comes from a guy and manipulate and coerce their partners. I wonder how many still regret having kids. I know a few in real life.

I wonder how many of them had kids with someone who didn't want kids and are the same posters who complain about uninvolved fathers.

[Anonymous]

No you don't need to say anything. You only need to say you don't want kids. I am assuming you will end up with someone that also doesn't want kids.

I would think that if you end up making a serious commitment with someone, you will be certain you are on the same page and if the conversation comes up then regarding concerns about pregnancy etc, its only then that I would say something.

Then you can high five each other and go celebrate.

[Anonymous]

OP: no, do not tell her. When she gets pregnant anyway, you'll know she was cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only should you disclose this before getting serious, but I think you have a moral obligation.

I wish my ex had gotten one. He never wanted kids, but also never did anything to prevent having them. I was on the pill when I got pregnant. He is the shittiest father in the world.

Why did you have kids with someone who didn't want kids?

Duh...she got pregnant. It was unplanned. Why people think all kids are planned is beyond me. 50% of pregnancies are still unplanned. NP here. I had kids with my ex who I never wanted kids with. Both shocking accidents. It happens. Your question is stupid.

Take control of your life. If you get pregnant and don't want to be pregnant you get an abortion. If you're with someone who doesn't want kids and you decide to have kids anyway you don't get to whine that they aren't a good parent.

Many people are morally opposed to abortion. It is not that easy if you have not been in that situation.

[Anonymous]

Its interesting how on this thread honesty is not respected. All OP needs to say is "I don't want children". He can tell any future partners that he has never wanted children. This should be enough. He does not need to disclose personal medical information, its no one else's business at the early stage of dating. Within a committed relationship there may be more reason to disclose the information.

Its interesting that women want to know the permanence because most think they can or will change his mind or what will trick him or trap him with pregnancy. Its quite interesting that people won't just accept what is said to them.

Perhaps the real issue here is that if you are dating someone who says they don't want kids and you do then stop dating them and move on.

[Anonymous]

I have reservations about sharing my private medical information.

You can't even be honest and upfront. No relationship for you, not with this frame of mind