DH said that he’s not married on FB chat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people don't confront right away not because they aren't 99% certain what it means/what is going on, but because if the person cheating knows they have been caught they are more likely to delete evidence and/or put more effort into hiding new evidence. The OP may not be as naive as some think, she may be clever.

What the hell is so clever about allowing something potentially toxic to your relationship to continue?
"Oh wow she's so smart she sat back and just spied on his cyber-flirting for months without saying anything look how much evidence she has going into divorce proceedings."
Wait a minute...

"Why didn't the bitch just confront him immediately and get him to clean his act up BEFORE shit got out of hand for months thus causing them to divorce?"
That's not clever that's dumb.
Now you on here posting a new thread about how stressed you are about the divorce and him cheating.

YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED IT AND YOU DID NOTHING STUPID!!!!

There's really no way to stop it nowadays. There are a million ways to hide online cheating. You confront them, they just find a way to hide it better.

So if there's no way to stop it then what's the harm in asking, "Hey...what the f**k is this?"
Yeah he may continue but he'll at least clean his shit up and hide it better.
You let that shit go and don't say anything and he's gonna get more and more emboldened and shit will get outta hand.
Next thing you know he done got some chick pregnant.
Nah - cut that shit off immediately.
Turn the tv off close the door cross your arms and CONFRONT HIM.
Stop acting so scared.

It already is out of hand.

Narcissists and f-d people are masters at lying. Mine fooled EVERYONE, even himself, life-long family and close friends.

I am no shrinking violet and would confront immediately over something like this FB (though we don't do any social media)...however, his deciet was so crafty and so far hidden there were ZERO signs. The two whores thought of absolutely everything to cover their tracks---no phone or texts ever. They direct skype messaged (left no trace). They learned how to hack the 'iphone locator' so iphone tracking would show he was at his office instead of 40 min away at this woman's house (yes that f-ing crafty). Real work emails--with him forwarding to me saying he had to go out of town or in on his Friday telework day (but work had cancelled the trip--and I didn't get that email!!).

What I learned--if a person is determined to cheat in 2020---technology and burner emails and skype and hacking make it fairly untraceable....and if they are meeting up at SAHM's house during work hours (with iphone tracker hacked) you have zero way of knowing---especially when they act totally normal to everyone around you, very loving as always, still doing nice things and having sex with you 3-4 times per week.

I once was as smug as you. There is no way, NO WAY I would have thought my spouse of 20 years (and I stayed very fit, look very young and all of the crap, have a very successful career and we always got along great/great friends) was capable of what he did.

Just be careful. You think you are in control---so did I. Man was I burned.

But, if my spouse ever had a social media account and I saw what OP saw---I would have been in his face about immediately. What he did (and, btw, he is a very dumb cheater nowhere near as crafty and manipulative as my own) I would have not been able to contain myself---I would have been all over him. What I know about that, they will go further underground in the future.

[Anonymous]

^ oh and I had password to his iphone and his email account...he was very transparent and left it lying around. THAT IS BECAUSE HE WAS DOING ALL OF THE DECEITFUL WAYS 2020 ALLOWS FOR...

The old articles about how to find a cheater do not apply to today's technology. There is no classic found text message or numbers showing up on a phone bill or him staying out at night or going away on friend's trips. They can do this sh(t middle of work day and never call or contact each other minus a skype message which leaves no trace on phone bill...and if they have given zero signs in the relationship you have no reason to GPS track or put a VAR recorder in their car.

This is reality today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d keep an eye on it. I’d get a good luck at his phone and email before I asked DH what it was about.

Um, what do you think it's about?!

PP here. I think he is interested in flirting and potentially an affair. I just meant that I’d want to gather all the evidence before confronting him. That would tip him off to scrub all his accounts.

This is a good tip from a divorce perspective. Gathering evidence so it's ready to go is a very wise idea

Evidence? For what? Just divorce. No one sues for at-fault divorce anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ oh and I had password to his iphone and his email account...he was very transparent and left it lying around. THAT IS BECAUSE HE WAS DOING ALL OF THE DECEITFUL WAYS 2020 ALLOWS FOR...

The old articles about how to find a cheater do not apply to today's technology. There is no classic found text message or numbers showing up on a phone bill or him staying out at night or going away on friend's trips. They can do this sh(t middle of work day and never call or contact each other minus a skype message which leaves no trace on phone bill...and if they have given zero signs in the relationship you have no reason to GPS track or put a VAR recorder in their car.

This is reality today.

You can’t put GPS tracker on a car that isn’t in your name and you certainly cannot put a VAR to record people’s conversations if you aren’t part of them. You could literally be jailed for that.

[Anonymous]

Well, if you are smart you dont confront him in a rage because liars lie and being caught makes them more creative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ oh and I had password to his iphone and his email account...he was very transparent and left it lying around. THAT IS BECAUSE HE WAS DOING ALL OF THE DECEITFUL WAYS 2020 ALLOWS FOR...

The old articles about how to find a cheater do not apply to today's technology. There is no classic found text message or numbers showing up on a phone bill or him staying out at night or going away on friend's trips. They can do this sh(t middle of work day and never call or contact each other minus a skype message which leaves no trace on phone bill...and if they have given zero signs in the relationship you have no reason to GPS track or put a VAR recorder in their car.

This is reality today.

You can’t put GPS tracker on a car that isn’t in your name and you certainly cannot put a VAR to record people’s conversations if you aren’t part of them. You could literally be jailed for that.

I know someone that used a VAR. They never go after them for that. If your name is on title, you most definitely can use a GPS tracker.

Sorry, cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d keep an eye on it. I’d get a good luck at his phone and email before I asked DH what it was about.

Um, what do you think it's about?!

PP here. I think he is interested in flirting and potentially an affair. I just meant that I’d want to gather all the evidence before confronting him. That would tip him off to scrub all his accounts.

This is a good tip from a divorce perspective. Gathering evidence so it's ready to go is a very wise idea

Evidence? For what? Just divorce. No one sues for at-fault divorce anymore.

Yes, they do. I got my divorce on grounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people don't confront right away not because they aren't 99% certain what it means/what is going on, but because if the person cheating knows they have been caught they are more likely to delete evidence and/or put more effort into hiding new evidence. The OP may not be as naive as some think, she may be clever.

What the hell is so clever about allowing something potentially toxic to your relationship to continue?
"Oh wow she's so smart she sat back and just spied on his cyber-flirting for months without saying anything look how much evidence she has going into divorce proceedings."
Wait a minute...

"Why didn't the bitch just confront him immediately and get him to clean his act up BEFORE shit got out of hand for months thus causing them to divorce?"
That's not clever that's dumb.
Now you on here posting a new thread about how stressed you are about the divorce and him cheating.

YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED IT AND YOU DID NOTHING STUPID!!!!

There's really no way to stop it nowadays. There are a million ways to hide online cheating. You confront them, they just find a way to hide it better.

So if there's no way to stop it then what's the harm in asking, "Hey...what the f**k is this?"
Yeah he may continue but he'll at least clean his shit up and hide it better.
You let that shit go and don't say anything and he's gonna get more and more emboldened and shit will get outta hand.
Next thing you know he done got some chick pregnant.
Nah - cut that shit off immediately.
Turn the tv off close the door cross your arms and CONFRONT HIM.
Stop acting so scared.

Most people *don't* want the cheater to hide it better. The entire point of waiting is so they'll screw up and you'll have evidence. Not for court, but because it's tough to divorce over one FB message, but a lot easier to divorce over an affair. Hell, I had an entire book full of good reasons why I left my ex, and everyone still reduced it to "I can't believe you're divorcing him because he did ONE THING that ONE TIME".

Plus I can't imagine being in a marriage where I confront him, he just hides it better, and I'm left worrying the rest of my life what he's up to. I'd rather bide my time and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d keep an eye on it. I’d get a good luck at his phone and email before I asked DH what it was about.

Um, what do you think it's about?!

PP here. I think he is interested in flirting and potentially an affair. I just meant that I’d want to gather all the evidence before confronting him. That would tip him off to scrub all his accounts.

This is a good tip from a divorce perspective. Gathering evidence so it's ready to go is a very wise idea

Evidence? For what? Just divorce. No one sues for at-fault divorce anymore.

Yes, they do. I got my divorce on grounds.

+1

Yes. In Virginia and Maryland

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ oh and I had password to his iphone and his email account...he was very transparent and left it lying around. THAT IS BECAUSE HE WAS DOING ALL OF THE DECEITFUL WAYS 2020 ALLOWS FOR...

The old articles about how to find a cheater do not apply to today's technology. There is no classic found text message or numbers showing up on a phone bill or him staying out at night or going away on friend's trips. They can do this sh(t middle of work day and never call or contact each other minus a skype message which leaves no trace on phone bill...and if they have given zero signs in the relationship you have no reason to GPS track or put a VAR recorder in their car.

This is reality today.

You can’t put GPS tracker on a car that isn’t in your name and you certainly cannot put a VAR to record people’s conversations if you aren’t part of them. You could literally be jailed for that.

I know someone that used a VAR. They never go after them for that. If your name is on title, you most definitely can use a GPS tracker.

Sorry, cheater.

I am not the cheater. I caught my ex wife and just sharing the legal advice I received at the time.

You also cannot hack into your partner’s emails or devices.

And, yes, they do prosecute these things. Which is why you should hire a licensed PI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ oh and I had password to his iphone and his email account...he was very transparent and left it lying around. THAT IS BECAUSE HE WAS DOING ALL OF THE DECEITFUL WAYS 2020 ALLOWS FOR...

The old articles about how to find a cheater do not apply to today's technology. There is no classic found text message or numbers showing up on a phone bill or him staying out at night or going away on friend's trips. They can do this sh(t middle of work day and never call or contact each other minus a skype message which leaves no trace on phone bill...and if they have given zero signs in the relationship you have no reason to GPS track or put a VAR recorder in their car.

This is reality today.

You can’t put GPS tracker on a car that isn’t in your name and you certainly cannot put a VAR to record people’s conversations if you aren’t part of them. You could literally be jailed for that.

I know someone that used a VAR. They never go after them for that. If your name is on title, you most definitely can use a GPS tracker.

Sorry, cheater.

I am not the cheater. I caught my ex wife and just sharing the legal advice I received at the time.

You also cannot hack into your partner’s emails or devices.

And, yes, they do prosecute these things. Which is why you should hire a licensed PI.

It's not hacking when they provided the email password/phone password and authorization. But, yes, otherwise pi

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d keep an eye on it. I’d get a good luck at his phone and email before I asked DH what it was about.

Um, what do you think it's about?!

PP here. I think he is interested in flirting and potentially an affair. I just meant that I’d want to gather all the evidence before confronting him. That would tip him off to scrub all his accounts.

This is a good tip from a divorce perspective. Gathering evidence so it's ready to go is a very wise idea

Evidence? For what? Just divorce. No one sues for at-fault divorce anymore.

Yes, they do. I got my divorce on grounds.

That must have taken a lot of time and money. Some of us didn’t want to bother.

In Virginia it can take 11 months to get a court date for at-fault and that was before Covid.

Better to just do the separation and go no-fault. Unless you have money to burn and want a very public spectacle and drag your kids into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ oh and I had password to his iphone and his email account...he was very transparent and left it lying around. THAT IS BECAUSE HE WAS DOING ALL OF THE DECEITFUL WAYS 2020 ALLOWS FOR...

The old articles about how to find a cheater do not apply to today's technology. There is no classic found text message or numbers showing up on a phone bill or him staying out at night or going away on friend's trips. They can do this sh(t middle of work day and never call or contact each other minus a skype message which leaves no trace on phone bill...and if they have given zero signs in the relationship you have no reason to GPS track or put a VAR recorder in their car.

This is reality today.

You can’t put GPS tracker on a car that isn’t in your name and you certainly cannot put a VAR to record people’s conversations if you aren’t part of them. You could literally be jailed for that.

I know someone that used a VAR. They never go after them for that. If your name is on title, you most definitely can use a GPS tracker.

Sorry, cheater.

I am not the cheater. I caught my ex wife and just sharing the legal advice I received at the time.

You also cannot hack into your partner’s emails or devices.

And, yes, they do prosecute these things. Which is why you should hire a licensed PI.

It's not hacking when they provided the email password/phone password and authorization. But, yes, otherwise pi

Cheaters never provide these passwords. That said sometimes you can find incriminating things in shared clouds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d keep an eye on it. I’d get a good luck at his phone and email before I asked DH what it was about.

Um, what do you think it's about?!

PP here. I think he is interested in flirting and potentially an affair. I just meant that I’d want to gather all the evidence before confronting him. That would tip him off to scrub all his accounts.

This is a good tip from a divorce perspective. Gathering evidence so it's ready to go is a very wise idea

Evidence? For what? Just divorce. No one sues for at-fault divorce anymore.

Wrong. Still an option. Provides evidence of adultery. Gives leverage emotionally. Also considered in alimony calculations depending on the state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d keep an eye on it. I’d get a good luck at his phone and email before I asked DH what it was about.

Um, what do you think it's about?!

PP here. I think he is interested in flirting and potentially an affair. I just meant that I’d want to gather all the evidence before confronting him. That would tip him off to scrub all his accounts.

This is a good tip from a divorce perspective. Gathering evidence so it's ready to go is a very wise idea

Evidence? For what? Just divorce. No one sues for at-fault divorce anymore.

Yes, they do. I got my divorce on grounds.

That must have taken a lot of time and money. Some of us didn’t want to bother.

In Virginia it can take 11 months to get a court date for at-fault and that was before Covid.

Better to just do the separation and go no-fault. Unless you have money to burn and want a very public spectacle and drag your kids into it.

Separation with a liar is a horrible idea. Open the court case first, it gets the clock ticking and courts don’t want divorces open in the docket for years and years. You can’t assume how much money anything will cost until you talk to a lawyer, OP.

But have you noticed anything other than this? A lot of couples are going covid crazy.