DH said that he’s not married on FB chat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people don't confront right away not because they aren't 99% certain what it means/what is going on, but because if the person cheating knows they have been caught they are more likely to delete evidence and/or put more effort into hiding new evidence. The OP may not be as naive as some think, she may be clever.

What the hell is so clever about allowing something potentially toxic to your relationship to continue?
"Oh wow she's so smart she sat back and just spied on his cyber-flirting for months without saying anything look how much evidence she has going into divorce proceedings."
Wait a minute...

"Why didn't the bitch just confront him immediately and get him to clean his act up BEFORE shit got out of hand for months thus causing them to divorce?"
That's not clever that's dumb.
Now you on here posting a new thread about how stressed you are about the divorce and him cheating.

YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED IT AND YOU DID NOTHING STUPID!!!!

There's really no way to stop it nowadays. There are a million ways to hide online cheating. You confront them, they just find a way to hide it better.

So if there's no way to stop it then what's the harm in asking, "Hey...what the f**k is this?"
Yeah he may continue but he'll at least clean his shit up and hide it better.
You let that shit go and don't say anything and he's gonna get more and more emboldened and shit will get outta hand.
Next thing you know he done got some chick pregnant.
Nah - cut that shit off immediately.
Turn the tv off close the door cross your arms and CONFRONT HIM.
Stop acting so scared.

It already is out of hand.

Narcissists and f-d people are masters at lying. Mine fooled EVERYONE, even himself, life-long family and close friends.

I am no shrinking violet and would confront immediately over something like this FB (though we don't do any social media)...however, his deciet was so crafty and so far hidden there were ZERO signs. The two whores thought of absolutely everything to cover their tracks---no phone or texts ever. They direct skype messaged (left no trace). They learned how to hack the 'iphone locator' so iphone tracking would show he was at his office instead of 40 min away at this woman's house (yes that f-ing crafty). Real work emails--with him forwarding to me saying he had to go out of town or in on his Friday telework day (but work had cancelled the trip--and I didn't get that email!!).

What I learned--if a person is determined to cheat in 2020---technology and burner emails and skype and hacking make it fairly untraceable....and if they are meeting up at SAHM's house during work hours (with iphone tracker hacked) you have zero way of knowing---especially when they act totally normal to everyone around you, very loving as always, still doing nice things and having sex with you 3-4 times per week.

I once was as smug as you. There is no way, NO WAY I would have thought my spouse of 20 years (and I stayed very fit, look very young and all of the crap, have a very successful career and we always got along great/great friends) was capable of what he did.

Just be careful. You think you are in control---so did I. Man was I burned.

But, if my spouse ever had a social media account and I saw what OP saw---I would have been in his face about immediately. What he did (and, btw, he is a very dumb cheater nowhere near as crafty and manipulative as my own) I would have not been able to contain myself---I would have been all over him. What I know about that, they will go further underground in the future.

OMG!! How did your divorce go???

in process. he is begging, begging, begging. he had already broken up with her when I found out. like that is supposed to make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ you are such an asshole to do that to someone you are supposed to love and care for.

+1. And not just once - multiple times.

Women do the same. My spouse's AP was on her 3rd affair over the course of a 20-year marriage.

I wasn’t being gender specific. I’m sorry you experienced that trauma, PP. I have my own story. But you seem very raw about this and are personalizing things in an unusual way. Please consider to talking to someone about the grief of adultery.

It seems she’s started dozens of raging threads here for a long, long time, and spews about her derangement on other parts of the board. It would be great if she got her head examined and left this board forever.

She should link up with mra man, open marriage dude, bitter ex, or the apple picking guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Saw it by accident. He lets our daughter use his phone for Youtube. She clicked the wrong thing and it took her off of Youtube. While I was closing windows I saw the convo. She asked how he was, if he still visits where she lives (where he grew up) and if he’s married. He answered all questions and answered the are you married question with a simple “no”. She then asked if he was “down for the talking “ and he never responded that I see. This was 4 days ago.


Thoughts?

B+. Not too shabby.

[Anonymous]

What does down for the talking mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do y’all just sit in shit for days and weeks wondering what to think of this and worrying whether this means that?

Why do y’all sit around for days and weeks stressing in bewilderment when every night you sleeping right next to the person who can answer your questions?

Communication people.
Don’t wonder - ask.
And if the answer sounds shady get some clarification.
What’s so hard about it?

You think someone who would lie about this would give a straight answer?
Lol.
Some people are so naive.

OP hasn’t found the courage to confront him so he hasn’t lied to her about shit.
Yeah he lied to some anonymous nobody in cyberspace but that truck doesn’t matter - he’s supposed to lie to her lol.
Did he lie to his wife? NO!! Cause she ain’t asked him she sitting around stressing for four days asking everybody for their thoughts on the situation EXCEPT the one person who can explain what’s going on.

That’s naïveté

But... she's NOT an "anonymous nobody", now is she?

She's clearly either an ex of his, or someone he'd pined for in the past but thought about from time to time in the back of his mind ("does he ever get back to (where she grew up)?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people don't confront right away not because they aren't 99% certain what it means/what is going on, but because if the person cheating knows they have been caught they are more likely to delete evidence and/or put more effort into hiding new evidence. The OP may not be as naive as some think, she may be clever.

What the hell is so clever about allowing something potentially toxic to your relationship to continue?
"Oh wow she's so smart she sat back and just spied on his cyber-flirting for months without saying anything look how much evidence she has going into divorce proceedings."
Wait a minute...

"Why didn't the bitch just confront him immediately and get him to clean his act up BEFORE shit got out of hand for months thus causing them to divorce?"
That's not clever that's dumb.
Now you on here posting a new thread about how stressed you are about the divorce and him cheating.

YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED IT AND YOU DID NOTHING STUPID!!!!

Speaking of stupid...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Saw it by accident. He lets our daughter use his phone for Youtube. She clicked the wrong thing and it took her off of Youtube. While I was closing windows I saw the convo. She asked how he was, if he still visits where she lives (where he grew up) and if he’s married. He answered all questions and answered the are you married question with a simple “no”. She then asked if he was “down for the talking “ and he never responded that I see. This was 4 days ago.


Thoughts?

I think you know what that means.

[Anonymous]

At the end of the day OP your marriage is f**ked.
Y’all can stress about assigning blame and argue about the woulda shoulda coulda’s but real talk her shit is over.
Let that soak in for a while and prepare for that adjustment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d keep an eye on it. I’d get a good luck at his phone and email before I asked DH what it was about.

Um, what do you think it's about?!

PP here. I think he is interested in flirting and potentially an affair. I just meant that I’d want to gather all the evidence before confronting him. That would tip him off to scrub all his accounts.

This is a good tip from a divorce perspective. Gathering evidence so it's ready to go is a very wise idea

What's the difference. If you've seen enough to get a divorce, you get a divorce. You probably live in a no fault state. What extras do you get by having more evidence of cheating?

[Anonymous]

“Down for the talking”. Gross so white trash.

What’s with all of the Jerry Springer lingo lately?

Is “cash me outside girl” handing out advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of man chats on FB anyway?

It probably was on FB Messenger.

And yes, your husband should be in the doghouse for saying he doesn’t have a wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well let's hope you grew some balls since then so if you become unhappy in this marriage in the future you can address it like an adult

And I hope you can find peace with whoever did this to you. Holding on to bitterness only hurts you.

This but she’ll never find peace, let’s get real here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do y’all just sit in shit for days and weeks wondering what to think of this and worrying whether this means that?

Why do y’all sit around for days and weeks stressing in bewilderment when every night you sleeping right next to the person who can answer your questions?

Communication people.
Don’t wonder - ask.
And if the answer sounds shady get some clarification.
What’s so hard about it?

You think someone who would lie about this would give a straight answer?
Lol.
Some people are so naive.

OP hasn’t found the courage to confront him so he hasn’t lied to her about shit.
Yeah he lied to some anonymous nobody in cyberspace but that truck doesn’t matter - he’s supposed to lie to her lol.
Did he lie to his wife? NO!! Cause she ain’t asked him she sitting around stressing for four days asking everybody for their thoughts on the situation EXCEPT the one person who can explain what’s going on.

That’s naïveté

There is nothing to ask really.

He is stepping out. Probably has already sexually, or is in the market.

I would honestly leave someone like this.

Not the type of man I would hook my wagon to for life.

[Anonymous]

Well you know he is cheating. hes very likely done it before.

You need to figure out what you what to do. You need a plan whether you stay or leave.

Sorry your husband has put you in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do y’all just sit in shit for days and weeks wondering what to think of this and worrying whether this means that?

Why do y’all sit around for days and weeks stressing in bewilderment when every night you sleeping right next to the person who can answer your questions?

Communication people.
Don’t wonder - ask.
And if the answer sounds shady get some clarification.
What’s so hard about it?

You think someone who would lie about this would give a straight answer?
Lol.
Some people are so naive.

OP hasn’t found the courage to confront him so he hasn’t lied to her about shit.
Yeah he lied to some anonymous nobody in cyberspace but that truck doesn’t matter - he’s supposed to lie to her lol.
Did he lie to his wife? NO!! Cause she ain’t asked him she sitting around stressing for four days asking everybody for their thoughts on the situation EXCEPT the one person who can explain what’s going on.

That’s naïveté

OP this person is nuts, do not follow this advice.