Spouse has never acknowledged the autism diagnosis

[Anonymous]

This thread is so disturbing. Especially as my child has become a teen, he finds a lot of comfort in knowing that his challenges are part of something identifiable - knowing WHY his brain is different because he certainly knows he is different.

OP, talk to your child. I can't imagine keeping my childrens' diagnoses from them unless I was ashamed of them AND I AM NOT ASHAMED OF THEM.

They have some things that come easier to them than to other people and they have to work a lot harder at other things. Knowing there are other people who are similar does not mean that they aren't being treated as individuals.

[Anonymous]

I would be furious if my parent hid a ASD diagnosis. I don't know how parents can justify that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a father of a child who was diagnosed with autism and flat-out doesn't believe the diagnosis. I did plenty of research. There is not any clear scientific grounding for "high functioning autism". Autism in general seems like a subjective diagnostic junk heap of various different issues (from severe language problems to very vague personality characteristics). The subjectivity of the diagnosis was demonstrated to me in how my child was diagnosed, by a 20 minute interview full of subjective judgements conducted by someone who didn't know him at all.

I spend a lot of time with my child and am one of the world's leading experts on their personality and issues. (The other is my wife). Autism brings with a whole bunch of vague and general stereotypes about personality and needs that in many cases just do not fit my child. In many cases these are not helpful and just distract from a close analysis of what your child really needs and how they are functioning. If my child needs help I will provide it or get it, but I'm not interested in enlisting them in the autism industry.

If your kid was diagnosed in 20 minutes, then you are right to be skeptical. Best practice involves detailed testing, parent interviews and questionnaires, teacher questionnaires, child and a structured assessment that takes a lot more than 20 minutes. This is what my kid got.

"High Functioning Autism" is not a diagnosis. It's a term that many parents and some doctors use, but there is no formal definition, so of course there is no scientific basis for it and I'd be surprised if any doctor told you there is.

My kid doesn't fit the autism stereotype either and no medical professional or teacher ever thought she did.

You have a bunch of your own stereotypes about what the "autism industry" actually is.

DP. You are plain ignorant if you haven't seen other parents cheated out of time and money by the autism industry.

You are plainly illiterate if you think that has anything to do with what I said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be furious if my parent hid a ASD diagnosis. I don't know how parents can justify that.

Denial.

[Anonymous]

No one is hiding a diagnosis. As my child ages. He will become aware of it. The issue is labeling and boxing kids in.

[Anonymous]

Yes, when you announce your 3 year old is autistic, that is boxing him or her in. You're labeling this kid in everyone's mind as autistic forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is hiding a diagnosis. As my child ages. He will become aware of it. The issue is labeling and boxing kids in.

The label is just a label. People try to box you no matter what your label is. And we all get labels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, when you announce your 3 year old is autistic, that is boxing him or her in. You're labeling this kid in everyone's mind as autistic forever.

Who are you announcing that to? Who needs to know your kid is autistic at 3, besides therapists and trusted family/friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, when you announce your 3 year old is autistic, that is boxing him or her in. You're labeling this kid in everyone's mind as autistic forever.

Who are you announcing that to? Who needs to know your kid is autistic at 3, besides therapists and trusted family/friends?

All the people on Facebook and Instagram. I see it all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, when you announce your 3 year old is autistic, that is boxing him or her in. You're labeling this kid in everyone's mind as autistic forever.

Who are you announcing that to? Who needs to know your kid is autistic at 3, besides therapists and trusted family/friends?

All the people on Facebook and Instagram. I see it all the time.

That's their choice. I would never do that. Nor would I reveal a lot of other personal information about my child. That has nothing to do with OP's concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is hiding a diagnosis. As my child ages. He will become aware of it. The issue is labeling and boxing kids in.

If someone doesn’t call it what it is and uses euphemisms like language disorder that is hiding a diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think it depends on whether your partner is moving from not accepting a diagnosis to not agreeing to services/pushing for services because partner doesn't think they are necessary. That would be a major issue in my opinion.

This.

The purpose of an evaluation is not just to assign a label, but to identify strengths and weaknesses so that you can select appropriate treatments. If you reframe the evaluation as focused on guiding future treatments, would he be more willing to do it?

He already has the label/diagnosis in his medical file.

I’m older than my spouse and since everything, have this vision of me not surviving and my son seeing this diagnosis and saying why didn’t you tell me. My spouse may never accept it, but I don’t want my child to think we are ashamed of him or love him any less.

My true worry is the older he gets, it may get more difficult for him. Yes he does okay in school and has friends but is also very trusting in a childlike way. I don’t think my spouse would accept confirmation of autism in a neuropsychological evaluation, but we wouldn’t need to share it. It might actually help for planning for the future and understanding his needs now. It would give me piece of mind knowing that we had it and for my son to understand himself. My spouse has online groups that think like she does. I didn’t realize so many people here deny the diagnosis too. It’s not just a meaningless label.

This is the main reason to get it. You can ignore the diagnosis and just look at test results/interpretations and still get useful information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, when you announce your 3 year old is autistic, that is boxing him or her in. You're labeling this kid in everyone's mind as autistic forever.

Who are you announcing that to? Who needs to know your kid is autistic at 3, besides therapists and trusted family/friends?

All the people on Facebook and Instagram. I see it all the time.

I have literally never seen anyone do that.

I'm a pp-I said that ASD is part of my amazing dd. I'm not an autistic adult, but I would find most of this thread insulting and ableist, if I was. I'd be interested to hear what an autistic adult thinks about this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think it depends on whether your partner is moving from not accepting a diagnosis to not agreeing to services/pushing for services because partner doesn't think they are necessary. That would be a major issue in my opinion.

This.

The purpose of an evaluation is not just to assign a label, but to identify strengths and weaknesses so that you can select appropriate treatments. If you reframe the evaluation as focused on guiding future treatments, would he be more willing to do it?

He already has the label/diagnosis in his medical file.

I’m older than my spouse and since everything, have this vision of me not surviving and my son seeing this diagnosis and saying why didn’t you tell me. My spouse may never accept it, but I don’t want my child to think we are ashamed of him or love him any less.

My true worry is the older he gets, it may get more difficult for him. Yes he does okay in school and has friends but is also very trusting in a childlike way. I don’t think my spouse would accept confirmation of autism in a neuropsychological evaluation, but we wouldn’t need to share it. It might actually help for planning for the future and understanding his needs now. It would give me piece of mind knowing that we had it and for my son to understand himself. My spouse has online groups that think like she does. I didn’t realize so many people here deny the diagnosis too. It’s not just a meaningless label.

This is the main reason to get it. You can ignore the diagnosis and just look at test results/interpretations and still get useful information.

I agree. But my spouse is very rigid. She feels that our ST has told us everything we need to know. She often exaggerates what the ST has said. My spouse wanted to test in early for kindergarten and said the ST agreed with her and recommended this. She had not and did not.

I don’t think there’s any way I could get differential testing without her knowledge and without her going off the rails.

[Anonymous]

It's really unfortunate that your wife is taking this position. There's a community of autistic adults out there, and it's one your child might eventually want to be part of. Having to deal with a parent's denial could make that a lot harder to access. It's a risk for mental health problems. I would not let this sit.