Spouse has never acknowledged the autism diagnosis

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think it depends on whether your partner is moving from not accepting a diagnosis to not agreeing to services/pushing for services because partner doesn't think they are necessary. That would be a major issue in my opinion.

This.

The purpose of an evaluation is not just to assign a label, but to identify strengths and weaknesses so that you can select appropriate treatments. If you reframe the evaluation as focused on guiding future treatments, would he be more willing to do it?

[Anonymous]

I don’t see any problem with this, in a vacuum. But do you feel your spouse isn’t fairly sharing the burden of the struggle? Living in denial leaving it to you to be pragmatic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think it depends on whether your partner is moving from not accepting a diagnosis to not agreeing to services/pushing for services because partner doesn't think they are necessary. That would be a major issue in my opinion.

This.

The purpose of an evaluation is not just to assign a label, but to identify strengths and weaknesses so that you can select appropriate treatments. If you reframe the evaluation as focused on guiding future treatments, would he be more willing to do it?

He already has the label/diagnosis in his medical file.

I’m older than my spouse and since everything, have this vision of me not surviving and my son seeing this diagnosis and saying why didn’t you tell me. My spouse may never accept it, but I don’t want my child to think we are ashamed of him or love him any less.

My true worry is the older he gets, it may get more difficult for him. Yes he does okay in school and has friends but is also very trusting in a childlike way. I don’t think my spouse would accept confirmation of autism in a neuropsychological evaluation, but we wouldn’t need to share it. It might actually help for planning for the future and understanding his needs now. It would give me piece of mind knowing that we had it and for my son to understand himself. My spouse has online groups that think like she does. I didn’t realize so many people here deny the diagnosis too. It’s not just a meaningless label.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think it depends on whether your partner is moving from not accepting a diagnosis to not agreeing to services/pushing for services because partner doesn't think they are necessary. That would be a major issue in my opinion.

This.

The purpose of an evaluation is not just to assign a label, but to identify strengths and weaknesses so that you can select appropriate treatments. If you reframe the evaluation as focused on guiding future treatments, would he be more willing to do it?

He already has the label/diagnosis in his medical file.

I’m older than my spouse and since everything, have this vision of me not surviving and my son seeing this diagnosis and saying why didn’t you tell me. My spouse may never accept it, but I don’t want my child to think we are ashamed of him or love him any less.

My true worry is the older he gets, it may get more difficult for him. Yes he does okay in school and has friends but is also very trusting in a childlike way. I don’t think my spouse would accept confirmation of autism in a neuropsychological evaluation, but we wouldn’t need to share it. It might actually help for planning for the future and understanding his needs now. It would give me piece of mind knowing that we had it and for my son to understand himself. My spouse has online groups that think like she does. I didn’t realize so many people here deny the diagnosis too. It’s not just a meaningless label.

I'm the spouse in this story (def not your spouse).

I love and accept my child. I acknowledge he has severe neurological differences and may always need my support. I refuse to describe him as "autistic" except in the context of getting him needed services.

As he gets older he will become more aware. The word autism will always be there. It is not useful for actually helping him.

Instead, we deal with individual issues. "You struggle with x sensory issue. Lets look for ideas and try different coping strategies"

Autism is such a huge spectrum. Knowing someone is autistic tells you zero about them. There is no need to be lumped together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Child is almost 12. High functioning. Services (mostly ST) covered b/c of early diagnosis. I think it’s accurate. Spouse won’t agree to testing for differential diagnosis in any case.

What would you do?

I'd just get the testing. You don't need him to agree. Use your own best judgement.

My dh will occasionally say, he doesn't 'agree' with dd's ASD dx. Well, he quite literally is the only one-the speech therapist, Ot therapist, her pediatrician, the neuropyschologist, ect... all 'agree' with it so he's the only one.

ASD is part of who my amazing dd is.

[Anonymous]

Let your kid be your kid.
There are plenty of high functioning folks with Autism who have never been diagnosed, treated or fussed over. And they are living and functioning fully in the world today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let your kid be your kid.
There are plenty of high functioning folks with Autism who have never been diagnosed, treated or fussed over. And they are living and functioning fully in the world today.

Exactly. I don't want my kid to think, I have Downs/Autism /ADHD, that's the way I am.

I want him to think "I have strengths and weaknesses. These are my strengths. These are my weaknesses. How can I be a productive member of society with the brain I've got?"

There's a certain victim mentality that kicks in on Instagram etc. Feel bad for me/my kid they're autistic. You don't need a label or to accept a label. You need to get the help you need. And what your kid needs.

[Anonymous]

I am a father of a child who was diagnosed with autism and flat-out doesn't believe the diagnosis. I did plenty of research. There is not any clear scientific grounding for "high functioning autism". Autism in general seems like a subjective diagnostic junk heap of various different issues (from severe language problems to very vague personality characteristics). The subjectivity of the diagnosis was demonstrated to me in how my child was diagnosed, by a 20 minute interview full of subjective judgements conducted by someone who didn't know him at all.

I spend a lot of time with my child and am one of the world's leading experts on their personality and issues. (The other is my wife). Autism brings with a whole bunch of vague and general stereotypes about personality and needs that in many cases just do not fit my child. In many cases these are not helpful and just distract from a close analysis of what your child really needs and how they are functioning. If my child needs help I will provide it or get it, but I'm not interested in enlisting them in the autism industry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your kid be your kid.
There are plenty of high functioning folks with Autism who have never been diagnosed, treated or fussed over. And they are living and functioning fully in the world today.

Exactly. I don't want my kid to think, I have Downs/Autism /ADHD, that's the way I am.

I want him to think "I have strengths and weaknesses. These are my strengths. These are my weaknesses. How can I be a productive member of society with the brain I've got?"

There's a certain victim mentality that kicks in on Instagram etc. Feel bad for me/my kid they're autistic. You don't need a label or to accept a label. You need to get the help you need. And what your kid needs.

Yes, exactly right. Literally every human being has to deal with the challenge of finding their own strengths and weaknesses based on their personality. I want to teach my child from this perspective. Probably most humans have significant ways in which their brains "don't match" all the demands of modern life.

Especially with "high functioning" autism the labeling is very tricky because the supposed characteristics of repetitive behavior, sensitive to stimuli, etc. are actually quite common among kids and people in general, so it's a very vague and subjective line between normal and this supposed lifetime brain disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a father of a child who was diagnosed with autism and flat-out doesn't believe the diagnosis. I did plenty of research. There is not any clear scientific grounding for "high functioning autism". Autism in general seems like a subjective diagnostic junk heap of various different issues (from severe language problems to very vague personality characteristics). The subjectivity of the diagnosis was demonstrated to me in how my child was diagnosed, by a 20 minute interview full of subjective judgements conducted by someone who didn't know him at all.

I spend a lot of time with my child and am one of the world's leading experts on their personality and issues. (The other is my wife). Autism brings with a whole bunch of vague and general stereotypes about personality and needs that in many cases just do not fit my child. In many cases these are not helpful and just distract from a close analysis of what your child really needs and how they are functioning. If my child needs help I will provide it or get it, but I'm not interested in enlisting them in the autism industry.

I love this. (I'm also the world's leading expert on my kid, lol).

And there is an Autism industry. And some of it is just scammers. Not just the whacko treatment people. There's also therapists who want to box children in to specific therapies etc.

It's up to us parents to push back on labels and insist on clear definitions of each child's needs. Clear goals and timelines for treatment.

[Anonymous]

Diagnoses aren’t labels. Your iep designation is a label b/c that’s how the schools decided on how to sort kids. You often can’t get help for your kid without a diagnosis and their needs change over time.

Understanding how your brain is wired is part of who you are. An autism diagnosis doesn’t define who a person is any more than having brown eyes or being tall or short does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Diagnoses aren’t labels. Your iep designation is a label b/c that’s how the schools decided on how to sort kids. You often can’t get help for your kid without a diagnosis and their needs change over time.

Understanding how your brain is wired is part of who you are. An autism diagnosis doesn’t define who a person is any more than having brown eyes or being tall or short does.

Except that having brown eyes and/or being tall or short doesn't impair people's everyday functioning. Autism does, and in that way, the diagnosis DOES define who a person is. Or, at least, the severity of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think it depends on whether your partner is moving from not accepting a diagnosis to not agreeing to services/pushing for services because partner doesn't think they are necessary. That would be a major issue in my opinion.

This.

The purpose of an evaluation is not just to assign a label, but to identify strengths and weaknesses so that you can select appropriate treatments. If you reframe the evaluation as focused on guiding future treatments, would he be more willing to do it?

He already has the label/diagnosis in his medical file.

I’m older than my spouse and since everything, have this vision of me not surviving and my son seeing this diagnosis and saying why didn’t you tell me. My spouse may never accept it, but I don’t want my child to think we are ashamed of him or love him any less.

My true worry is the older he gets, it may get more difficult for him. Yes he does okay in school and has friends but is also very trusting in a childlike way. I don’t think my spouse would accept confirmation of autism in a neuropsychological evaluation, but we wouldn’t need to share it. It might actually help for planning for the future and understanding his needs now. It would give me piece of mind knowing that we had it and for my son to understand himself. My spouse has online groups that think like she does. I didn’t realize so many people here deny the diagnosis too. It’s not just a meaningless label.

I think a lot of people are worried about the stigma associated with the diagnosis/label. Doctors use diagnostic labels because they are useful. My kid already knew she was different and is more stigmatized by her own behavior than any label. I told her that she was diagnosed with autism because she met the criteria. All really means is that her brain works differently and therefore she has certain challenges that most other people don't have. It doesn't mean she actually has autism but it does mean doctors, teachers etc. may think she does even if she doesn't tell them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a father of a child who was diagnosed with autism and flat-out doesn't believe the diagnosis. I did plenty of research. There is not any clear scientific grounding for "high functioning autism". Autism in general seems like a subjective diagnostic junk heap of various different issues (from severe language problems to very vague personality characteristics). The subjectivity of the diagnosis was demonstrated to me in how my child was diagnosed, by a 20 minute interview full of subjective judgements conducted by someone who didn't know him at all.

I spend a lot of time with my child and am one of the world's leading experts on their personality and issues. (The other is my wife). Autism brings with a whole bunch of vague and general stereotypes about personality and needs that in many cases just do not fit my child. In many cases these are not helpful and just distract from a close analysis of what your child really needs and how they are functioning. If my child needs help I will provide it or get it, but I'm not interested in enlisting them in the autism industry.

If your kid was diagnosed in 20 minutes, then you are right to be skeptical. Best practice involves detailed testing, parent interviews and questionnaires, teacher questionnaires, child and a structured assessment that takes a lot more than 20 minutes. This is what my kid got.

"High Functioning Autism" is not a diagnosis. It's a term that many parents and some doctors use, but there is no formal definition, so of course there is no scientific basis for it and I'd be surprised if any doctor told you there is.

My kid doesn't fit the autism stereotype either and no medical professional or teacher ever thought she did.

You have a bunch of your own stereotypes about what the "autism industry" actually is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a father of a child who was diagnosed with autism and flat-out doesn't believe the diagnosis. I did plenty of research. There is not any clear scientific grounding for "high functioning autism". Autism in general seems like a subjective diagnostic junk heap of various different issues (from severe language problems to very vague personality characteristics). The subjectivity of the diagnosis was demonstrated to me in how my child was diagnosed, by a 20 minute interview full of subjective judgements conducted by someone who didn't know him at all.

I spend a lot of time with my child and am one of the world's leading experts on their personality and issues. (The other is my wife). Autism brings with a whole bunch of vague and general stereotypes about personality and needs that in many cases just do not fit my child. In many cases these are not helpful and just distract from a close analysis of what your child really needs and how they are functioning. If my child needs help I will provide it or get it, but I'm not interested in enlisting them in the autism industry.

If your kid was diagnosed in 20 minutes, then you are right to be skeptical. Best practice involves detailed testing, parent interviews and questionnaires, teacher questionnaires, child and a structured assessment that takes a lot more than 20 minutes. This is what my kid got.

"High Functioning Autism" is not a diagnosis. It's a term that many parents and some doctors use, but there is no formal definition, so of course there is no scientific basis for it and I'd be surprised if any doctor told you there is.

My kid doesn't fit the autism stereotype either and no medical professional or teacher ever thought she did.

You have a bunch of your own stereotypes about what the "autism industry" actually is.

DP. You are plain ignorant if you haven't seen other parents cheated out of time and money by the autism industry.