Divorce Perspective

[Anonymous]

Nobody gives a shit if divorced men are “thriving” or not.

[Anonymous]

Male, 55, divorced 9 months. Most of my energy is invested in being a dad. That’s no change from before the divorce. Spend an hour a day at the gym. Get to read after the kids go to bed. No longer have the divorce process hanging over my head sucking up all my mental bandwidth. Planning on revamping my wardrobe prior to sticking my toe in the dating waters again. Don’t know about thriving but I feel pretty good!

[Anonymous]

I did date one woman briefly and found myself just not really enjoying it or feeling "ready." I think I did it because I thought it was something I was supposed to do. But then it became clear she wanted to move her and her daughter in with me and my kids, and I finally drew a line and told her no one was ever moving in, certainly not before both my kids were in college.

Glad you held the line. I have the same view that cohabitating (especially with a woman who has her own kids) is probably a bad idea.

Was she lower income / SES than you, was that what was driving it? She would upgrade from her townhouse to your SFH? Was she offering to pay half the mortgage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I did date one woman briefly and found myself just not really enjoying it or feeling "ready." I think I did it because I thought it was something I was supposed to do. But then it became clear she wanted to move her and her daughter in with me and my kids, and I finally drew a line and told her no one was ever moving in, certainly not before both my kids were in college.

Glad you held the line. I have the same view that cohabitating (especially with a woman who has her own kids) is probably a bad idea.

Was she lower income / SES than you, was that what was driving it? She would upgrade from her townhouse to your SFH? Was she offering to pay half the mortgage?

Yes she was much lower income. High school graduate. Got screwed by her ex in her divorce years ago but also never fought for what she was legally owed. She had been cohabitating with a previous boyfriend and then in a townhouse she couldn’t afford on her own.

She was a good person. Just needed more than I could give.

[Anonymous]

Mid-50s male. Thriving 5 years after divorce.

Mentally: ex-wife was an abusive borderline personality disordered woman, so being away from her is indescribably wonderful. I have had tremendous mental contentment the past few years, and I no longer require therapy.

Physically: I have lost 50 pounds, I work out most days, and I'm approaching being ripped. My BP is lower now than it was at any time during the marriage.

Financially: I never realized while I was married how much of a millstone my unproductive and selfish ex was on my financial status. I am now planning to retire with $4.5 million in savings, and a pension + SS income of $150,000. Retirement plan is to either buy a house on the beach, or a farm or ranch in the mountains. Maybe both, if real estate prices don't go up too quickly.

Professionally: I am already a leader in my field, but the mental abuse and anguish my ex put on me for the last decade of marriage slowed my rate of promotion. My career is back fully on-track and I expect to be promoted soon.

Romantically: I have dated at least 130 women since the divorce, and had sex with about a dozen of them. Of all those women, only a few were worth the effort, and only one or two would I marry. One of them I would worship--she was an amazing goddess.

Recreationally: I have returned to my old hobbies which I was not allowed to have when I was married, and these alone bring me a lot of happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced two years. Male. Happy. Kids with me most of the time despite 50/50 on paper; they prefer me. As they get older they see in my ex what drove us to divorce.

The most interesting thing to me is my complete lack of desire to date. I tried once or twice but I just ... don’t... care. I would rather spend time with my kids or be solo or with friends.

Didn’t see that one coming.

Were you cheated on? I am a female who was cheated on and I have no real desire to date either. And I'm not even 40 yet. Sigh.

Yes, I was. I'm also 48 and just … tired. I did date one woman briefly and found myself just not really enjoying it or feeling "ready." I think I did it because I thought it was something I was supposed to do. But then it became clear she wanted to move her and her daughter in with me and my kids, and I finally drew a line and told her no one was ever moving in, certainly not before both my kids were in college. She left the next day and was paired up with someone new three weeks later, so what I learned from that is women (my ex-wife included) generally are more interested in what men can DO for them than in being a partner who appreciates men for who they are.

I'm too tired to deal with it.

Woman here. Yes there are a lot of single women and single women with kids just looking for a man to pay the bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced two years. Male. Happy. Kids with me most of the time despite 50/50 on paper; they prefer me. As they get older they see in my ex what drove us to divorce.

The most interesting thing to me is my complete lack of desire to date. I tried once or twice but I just ... don’t... care. I would rather spend time with my kids or be solo or with friends.

Didn’t see that one coming.

Were you cheated on? I am a female who was cheated on and I have no real desire to date either. And I'm not even 40 yet. Sigh.

Yes, I was. I'm also 48 and just … tired. I did date one woman briefly and found myself just not really enjoying it or feeling "ready." I think I did it because I thought it was something I was supposed to do. But then it became clear she wanted to move her and her daughter in with me and my kids, and I finally drew a line and told her no one was ever moving in, certainly not before both my kids were in college. She left the next day and was paired up with someone new three weeks later, so what I learned from that is women (my ex-wife included) generally are more interested in what men can DO for them than in being a partner who appreciates men for who they are.

I'm too tired to deal with it.

Wow. Please stay single unless you can get over the whole misogyny thing and see women as actual individuals, some of whom are good people and some of whom aren’t.

+1. Plus pp was clearly using this woman. How dare she want more of a relationship when he was having a great time keeping her at arm's length and just enjoying steady sex.

I wasn’t “using” this woman. She moved the goalposts with the expectations we set at the beginning, which was to be exclusive but “dating” in that we would each keep our own abodes and see each other 2-3 times a week. It very quickly became clear she wanted to see each other every day and any variance from that required some acknowledgement that she was sacrificing something. Along with that it became expectations for constant texts throughout the day — fail to reply to one soon enough and there was a mild freakout. And she was constantly asking for affirmation of the relationship. We dated for 8 months. I liked her. It just got to be too suffocating. When it got to the point where my own daughter was avoiding the house because she and her daughter were there — that’s when it became crystal clear that she was making me prioritize her over my own kids. So that’s when I broke up with her. And, again, she promptly hooked up with someone new three weeks later so it wasn’t really ME she was interested in.

Woman here. Honestly she sounds needy and psycho. Again, I will restate that there are a lot of women looking for a man just to pay the bills.

[Anonymous]

Mid 50’s male divorced seven years and pretty sure I’m thriving after an ugly divorce that was painful financially especially having to give a lot of money to my cheating ex knowing she’d be wasting it on some other guy. But my kids wanted me to have primary custody which was wonderful and now I’m mostly an empty nester which is good and bad. I have way more than made up for the financial loss and the outlook for the next five years is even better so I will be able to retire very comfortably and my ex will not see a dime of it. Like others I’ve gotten fitter and become active in clubs and organizations so I’ve met and dated plenty of very nice women along with some who I quickly determined that they saw me as a meal ticket. I would love to find Ms Right as love, friendship and companionship are important to me.

[Anonymous]

Romantically: I have dated at least 130 women since the divorce, and had sex with about a dozen of them.

5 years = 260 weeks = dating a new woman every 2 weeks (yes, doubtless there was overlap)

Sounds exhausting tbh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced two years. Male. Happy. Kids with me most of the time despite 50/50 on paper; they prefer me. As they get older they see in my ex what drove us to divorce.

The most interesting thing to me is my complete lack of desire to date. I tried once or twice but I just ... don’t... care. I would rather spend time with my kids or be solo or with friends.

Didn’t see that one coming.

Were you cheated on? I am a female who was cheated on and I have no real desire to date either. And I'm not even 40 yet. Sigh.

Yes, I was. I'm also 48 and just … tired. I did date one woman briefly and found myself just not really enjoying it or feeling "ready." I think I did it because I thought it was something I was supposed to do. But then it became clear she wanted to move her and her daughter in with me and my kids, and I finally drew a line and told her no one was ever moving in, certainly not before both my kids were in college. She left the next day and was paired up with someone new three weeks later, so what I learned from that is women (my ex-wife included) generally are more interested in what men can DO for them than in being a partner who appreciates men for who they are.

I'm too tired to deal with it.

Woman here. Yes there are a lot of single women and single women with kids just looking for a man to pay the bills.

Like the men who are mainly looking for a sex cushion who will take care of their ageing body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Romantically: I have dated at least 130 women since the divorce, and had sex with about a dozen of them.

5 years = 260 weeks = dating a new woman every 2 weeks (yes, doubtless there was overlap)

Sounds exhausting tbh.

He’s lying of course and if he’s not then he’s a player.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced two years. Male. Happy. Kids with me most of the time despite 50/50 on paper; they prefer me. As they get older they see in my ex what drove us to divorce.

The most interesting thing to me is my complete lack of desire to date. I tried once or twice but I just ... don’t... care. I would rather spend time with my kids or be solo or with friends.

Didn’t see that one coming.

Were you cheated on? I am a female who was cheated on and I have no real desire to date either. And I'm not even 40 yet. Sigh.

Yes, I was. I'm also 48 and just … tired. I did date one woman briefly and found myself just not really enjoying it or feeling "ready." I think I did it because I thought it was something I was supposed to do. But then it became clear she wanted to move her and her daughter in with me and my kids, and I finally drew a line and told her no one was ever moving in, certainly not before both my kids were in college. She left the next day and was paired up with someone new three weeks later, so what I learned from that is women (my ex-wife included) generally are more interested in what men can DO for them than in being a partner who appreciates men for who they are.

I'm too tired to deal with it.

Good for you! That's a horrible idea, not a very good mother. And if you have boys there's another big risk there.

Her poor daughter has probably been exposed to all kinds men. Yes date away from the home while there are kids involved. They don't need to suffer through anymore mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced two years. Male. Happy. Kids with me most of the time despite 50/50 on paper; they prefer me. As they get older they see in my ex what drove us to divorce.

The most interesting thing to me is my complete lack of desire to date. I tried once or twice but I just ... don’t... care. I would rather spend time with my kids or be solo or with friends.

Didn’t see that one coming.

Were you cheated on? I am a female who was cheated on and I have no real desire to date either. And I'm not even 40 yet. Sigh.

Yes, I was. I'm also 48 and just … tired. I did date one woman briefly and found myself just not really enjoying it or feeling "ready." I think I did it because I thought it was something I was supposed to do. But then it became clear she wanted to move her and her daughter in with me and my kids, and I finally drew a line and told her no one was ever moving in, certainly not before both my kids were in college. She left the next day and was paired up with someone new three weeks later, so what I learned from that is women (my ex-wife included) generally are more interested in what men can DO for them than in being a partner who appreciates men for who they are.

I'm too tired to deal with it.

Woman here. Yes there are a lot of single women and single women with kids just looking for a man to pay the bills.

Like the men who are mainly looking for a sex cushion who will take care of their ageing body.

A guy whose body isn’t in decent shape isn’t going to get a sex cushion.

Late 40s or early 50s, you still gotta be sex-worthy, boys. Get yourself to the gym.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced two years. Male. Happy. Kids with me most of the time despite 50/50 on paper; they prefer me. As they get older they see in my ex what drove us to divorce.

The most interesting thing to me is my complete lack of desire to date. I tried once or twice but I just ... don’t... care. I would rather spend time with my kids or be solo or with friends.

Didn’t see that one coming.

Were you cheated on? I am a female who was cheated on and I have no real desire to date either. And I'm not even 40 yet. Sigh.

Yes, I was. I'm also 48 and just … tired. I did date one woman briefly and found myself just not really enjoying it or feeling "ready." I think I did it because I thought it was something I was supposed to do. But then it became clear she wanted to move her and her daughter in with me and my kids, and I finally drew a line and told her no one was ever moving in, certainly not before both my kids were in college. She left the next day and was paired up with someone new three weeks later, so what I learned from that is women (my ex-wife included) generally are more interested in what men can DO for them than in being a partner who appreciates men for who they are.

I'm too tired to deal with it.

Woman here. Yes there are a lot of single women and single women with kids just looking for a man to pay the bills.

Like the men who are mainly looking for a sex cushion who will take care of their ageing body.

A guy whose body isn’t in decent shape isn’t going to get a sex cushion.

Late 40s or early 50s, you still gotta be sex-worthy, boys. Get yourself to the gym.

I'm a woman and that is not true. Guys with a decent retirement and assets have little trouble. Especially if they treat the woman well. He can look like Elmer Fudd, and she could be the local waitress. The sexes want different things, but sex is the power leveler especially with men. Women are looking more down the road for themselves and the family security.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced two years. Male. Happy. Kids with me most of the time despite 50/50 on paper; they prefer me. As they get older they see in my ex what drove us to divorce.

The most interesting thing to me is my complete lack of desire to date. I tried once or twice but I just ... don’t... care. I would rather spend time with my kids or be solo or with friends.

Didn’t see that one coming.

Were you cheated on? I am a female who was cheated on and I have no real desire to date either. And I'm not even 40 yet. Sigh.

Yes, I was. I'm also 48 and just … tired. I did date one woman briefly and found myself just not really enjoying it or feeling "ready." I think I did it because I thought it was something I was supposed to do. But then it became clear she wanted to move her and her daughter in with me and my kids, and I finally drew a line and told her no one was ever moving in, certainly not before both my kids were in college. She left the next day and was paired up with someone new three weeks later, so what I learned from that is women (my ex-wife included) generally are more interested in what men can DO for them than in being a partner who appreciates men for who they are.

I'm too tired to deal with it.

Woman here. Yes there are a lot of single women and single women with kids just looking for a man to pay the bills.

Like the men who are mainly looking for a sex cushion who will take care of their ageing body.

A guy whose body isn’t in decent shape isn’t going to get a sex cushion.

Late 40s or early 50s, you still gotta be sex-worthy, boys. Get yourself to the gym.

I'm a woman and that is not true. Guys with a decent retirement and assets have little trouble. Especially if they treat the woman well. He can look like Elmer Fudd, and she could be the local waitress. The sexes want different things, but sex is the power leveler especially with men. Women are looking more down the road for themselves and the family security.

If you’re in good shape you’ll get a newer and better quality cushion. A cushion with less... cushion. And believe me, single moms usually have plenty of cushion.