How many of you schedule sex with your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So my wife and I just pulled out our phones and debated time slots until we agreed on a time. It seems the opposite of sexy but if you read much on DCUM you’ll be glad that you’re having sex at all.

So, this is the beginning of the end of a marriage.

BTDT.

Why? They are setting up a date. I don't see that this is a problem. Better than going a month without sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scheduled sex seems like you’re one step away from giving up on your marriage. Red flag that you have to do it.

Posters like you are why people end up in sexless marriages. This is totally a reasonable and good technique to keep sex life alive during natural and life imposed dry spells. Which helps reduce long term resentment and keep both parties romantically interested in each other.

One step away from giving up on your marriage is saying you don't care enough about fixing your sex life to even try.

what? I'm not in a sexless marriage. And we have 3 young kids and 2 careers too! We have sex at least 2x a week. No need to schedule and take all the fun and spontaneity out of it. You just need to prioritize your relationship.

Scheduling sex just seems like...something akin to scheduling a workout at the gym. NOT SEXY.

Unsurprisingly you misread my post and created a meaning based primarily on yourself instead of who it was referring to, which is other people. Which is consistent with what I was criticizing you for in the first place.

People like YOU who can't envision needing to do this spreading messages like THIS, that scheduling is a universal symbol for a bad problem in the relationship make other people who are not you think that scheduling is a non starter. And so a person who might start scheduling and eventually get their sex life rocking and rolling again will not even try this and forego even the chance at fixing the situation. You are spouting a wrong and damaging message that will hurt other people. I assumed you had never had to do this because if you had you wouldn't have this attitude.

Different strokes for different folks pp.

Sure Jan. Your sex life rocks. Keep telling yourself that. Lol

[Anonymous]

I’m loling at all the super defensive relies. Sure scheduled sex is probably better than no sex at all (maybe - if two people aren’t in the mood and are doing it just to check an item off a to do list, the sex isn’t likely to be that great). But it’s not as good as spontaneous desire, which is obviously the ideal. It’s just not.

It’s the fact that you HAVE to schedule in order to get any at all that is the bad sign imho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not so explicitly. But I do note how long it's been and don't let it go over a week. But all it takes is me initiating, so I guess the answer is no. But it helps me get in the mood, honestly, knowing we are going to be having sex; I can start thinking about it and that will turn me on, rather than being surprised by his desire when I'm tired.

+1 This is exactly us, at least once a week with some advance planning. We never schedule per se but usually during the morning one of us will initiate for that evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scheduled sex seems like you’re one step away from giving up on your marriage. Red flag that you have to do it.

Posters like you are why people end up in sexless marriages. This is totally a reasonable and good technique to keep sex life alive during natural and life imposed dry spells. Which helps reduce long term resentment and keep both parties romantically interested in each other.

One step away from giving up on your marriage is saying you don't care enough about fixing your sex life to even try.

what? I'm not in a sexless marriage. And we have 3 young kids and 2 careers too! We have sex at least 2x a week. No need to schedule and take all the fun and spontaneity out of it. You just need to prioritize your relationship.

Scheduling sex just seems like...something akin to scheduling a workout at the gym. NOT SEXY.

Unsurprisingly you misread my post and created a meaning based primarily on yourself instead of who it was referring to, which is other people. Which is consistent with what I was criticizing you for in the first place.

People like YOU who can't envision needing to do this spreading messages like THIS, that scheduling is a universal symbol for a bad problem in the relationship make other people who are not you think that scheduling is a non starter. And so a person who might start scheduling and eventually get their sex life rocking and rolling again will not even try this and forego even the chance at fixing the situation. You are spouting a wrong and damaging message that will hurt other people. I assumed you had never had to do this because if you had you wouldn't have this attitude.

Different strokes for different folks pp.

Sure Jan. Your sex life rocks. Keep telling yourself that. Lol

Could you bold where I said that?

But since you asked and are thinking about it, I'm just fine. DH and I have had sex four times in the last seven days, a lot for us actually. All of it spontaneous. But we went through significant periods where we weren't having it enough and it was stressful and hurting our relationship, so we scheduled it. And hey when we were ready to get back on the spontaneous horse it happened naturally and was great and we didn't have months of awkwardness or years of resentment to overcome.

[Anonymous]

I'd rather bone thoughtful and articulate 13:54 than the mean, dumb, and immature 13:23.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m loling at all the super defensive relies. Sure scheduled sex is probably better than no sex at all (maybe - if two people aren’t in the mood and are doing it just to check an item off a to do list, the sex isn’t likely to be that great). But it’s not as good as spontaneous desire, which is obviously the ideal. It’s just not.

It’s the fact that you HAVE to schedule in order to get any at all that is the bad sign imho.

I agree that spontaneous desire is ideal, but I don't think it's a red flag for the marriage not to have that. Different parts of life have different challenges that don't necessarily stem from the relationship. For some of us, being run ragged by babies and work and nowhere near enough sleep makes spontaneous desire rarer. It would be unkind to my husband to say "not until my energy and libido and hormones are back to nornal and i am suddenly in the mood, probably when baby is sleeping through the night and not breastfeeding," rather than just planning on it. Yeah, it's not newlywed sex, but it's neither of our faults.

[Anonymous]

what? I'm not in a sexless marriage. And we have 3 young kids and 2 careers too! We have sex at least 2x a week. No need to schedule and take all the fun and spontaneity out of it. You just need to prioritize your relationship.

Scheduling sex just seems like...something akin to scheduling a workout at the gym. NOT SEXY.

Wonder what your husband would say? I bet you have not had sex in 1/2 year.

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course! Typical marriage where husband wants it often (every day and 2X on sundays), wife wants it never (once per year, occasional skipped years are fine). We've scheduled twice per week for past decade. It has saved our marriage.

[Anonymous]

I think people are confusing enthusiastic scheduled sex with scheduled duty sex. It is one thing to schedule it and have it be ho hum. Its another to schedule it and have it be great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m loling at all the super defensive relies. Sure scheduled sex is probably better than no sex at all (maybe - if two people aren’t in the mood and are doing it just to check an item off a to do list, the sex isn’t likely to be that great). But it’s not as good as spontaneous desire, which is obviously the ideal. It’s just not.

It’s the fact that you HAVE to schedule in order to get any at all that is the bad sign imho.

We absolutely schedule sex and no, I don't view it as a bad sign. We both have demanding jobs and two high energy, very young children who are close together in age (which was my husband's preference that I agreed to). Our younger one is teething, cranky, and in the middle of some kind of sleep regression. At this stage in life, my desire for sleep trumps all... food, sex, EVERYTHING. I am ever not tired - I fall into bed each night absolutely exhausted. Scheduled sex helps us maintain an intimate connection as a couple rather than just mommy and daddy. Someday soon kiddo will sleep again, date night will resume, things will feel normal, and natural desire will return. Yes, right now we have to work at maintaining it and I view that as a good thing, not a bad thing - a bad thing would be just neglecting it altogether in hopes that someday things would get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m loling at all the super defensive relies. Sure scheduled sex is probably better than no sex at all (maybe - if two people aren’t in the mood and are doing it just to check an item off a to do list, the sex isn’t likely to be that great). But it’s not as good as spontaneous desire, which is obviously the ideal. It’s just not.

It’s the fact that you HAVE to schedule in order to get any at all that is the bad sign imho.

We absolutely schedule sex and no, I don't view it as a bad sign. We both have demanding jobs and two high energy, very young children who are close together in age (which was my husband's preference that I agreed to). Our younger one is teething, cranky, and in the middle of some kind of sleep regression. At this stage in life, my desire for sleep trumps all... food, sex, EVERYTHING. I am ever not tired - I fall into bed each night absolutely exhausted. Scheduled sex helps us maintain an intimate connection as a couple rather than just mommy and daddy. Someday soon kiddo will sleep again, date night will resume, things will feel normal, and natural desire will return. Yes, right now we have to work at maintaining it and I view that as a good thing, not a bad thing - a bad thing would be just neglecting it altogether in hopes that someday things would get better.

ugh that should say I am never not tired - sorry for the double negative

[Anonymous]

I can't say we schedule but we do have sex at least once a week. It use to be on Sundays but now that we are retired it's far more random maybe because we don't know what day it is! We've been married 36 years and our frequency had dropped from 3-4 in our early days to 2-3 in our kid days and now at least once but more when we are on a nice vacation as I love hotel sex.

[Anonymous]

"Wednesday night we make sweet, weekly love"

it's business time! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhN93rFZuJs

[Anonymous]

We usually have sex at night or early morning in our bed. No need to schedule anything, its Pavlovian to us.