What do you wish you knew when expecting your first?
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Anonymous
| How hard and exhausting the first week was, especially that first night home no one warns you about. |
Anonymous
This is the kind of stupid commentary you should be ignoring, OP. Take a childbirth class and you'll be fine. |
Anonymous
Just to clarify before the crazies come: you'll be fine as in you'll be able to make your own informed decisions. Not you'll be fine as in childbirth will be easy. It's different for everyone. |
Anonymous
Uh I have never heard of anyone who enjoyed being in labor? .... why? I mean, I can think of lots of things I would’ve preferred to be doing than being in labor... |
Anonymous
Wish I had known that it’s easiest to stockpile breast milk early on (first 3 months) when milk supply is driven more heavily by hormones. I didn’t realize how difficult breastfeeding would be, especially since it seemed so easy at first. I had low supply after the first 3 months and put in a lot of effort to increase supply with very little success. And not everyone sheds weight breastfeeding. That was an annoying discovery .
There really are so many things that vary from person to person. You’re bound to find some part of pregnancy or postpartum life difficult or unexpected. |
Anonymous
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I agree with taking stuff from the hospital. You will bleed more and for much longer than you think. It was basically like being on the heaviest day of my period for 2-3 weeks. And those giant pads are amazing.
Nesting is real. I am pretty type B, and I surprised myself every time with all of the little things I did to prepare for the baby. The second trimester is the easiest. First trimester I was nauseated, which I had known about, but I was also SO TIRED. I wanted to sleep about 14 hours a day. Third trimester it’s hard to get comfortable to sleep, and everything is just more difficult. |
Anonymous
+1 to this. I watched the Ricki Lake documentary and read Ina May and really drank the natural birth Kool aid. I was all set to experience the rushes and breathe and squat my baby out. Turns out actual labor for me was nothing like that. The worst pain of my life and I ended up with all sorts of awful pelvic floor conditions as a result, like prolapse and an injured tailbone and internal tears in my vaginal walls (turns out there was a family history of prolapse but no one told me til after my birth cause no one wants to scare pregnant women. Too bad because I wish they had.) Birth is just one day - it turns out that the ability to live, mother, be active, have sex, poop, pee, hold in gas, wear tampons, stand, run, jump, etc all depend on a functional pelvic floor. If it’s injured it’s not something some pelvic PT can always fix. Wish I had known all that was at stake when I went into the delivery room. If I can get pregnant next time I will 100 percent have a scheduled C section. There’s way way way too much fear mongering about C sections. OP, There are different ways for babies to be born and there are different ways to feed your baby. All have pros and cons. Breast is not best. Vaginal birth is not best. Both vaginal birth and breastfeeding can have some serious downsides for women and anyone who pressures you into those should be aware that the pressure to do those things is often rooted in misogyny and/or religious fundamentalism (look up the roots of La Leche League or the natural birth movement). Make the right choices for you and your family without shame. A loved and fed baby and happy mom is best. |
Anonymous
NP. I enjoyed the second birth. The contractions didn't feel good by any measure. But I loved much about birth that was intense in a good way: kissing DH during contractions like my life depended on it was passionate and fun. The chant I made up during the hardest part made the birth otherworldly. Making up a tune to deal with contractions helped me appreciate how pain inspires music. The birth ended on a low point when I lost so much blood that was still weak and lightheaded the next day. Even so, I'm looking forward to doing it again in a few years. |
Anonymous
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You will realize how misogynistic our society is.
Before I had kids this seemed very theoretical and like it didn’t really effect me. After having my first baby, especially after going back to work, it was out there in my face in a very real way I could not ignore. |
Anonymous
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Epidurals like other interventions have pros and cons but the bottom line is you should get one if you want it and ignore the propaganda about the "dangers". Epidurals are very safe, and labor pain can be really, really bad. I literally wanted to die (my epidural did not work, but I'd still go for it again if there was a chance of avoiding that pain).
Also try to avoid "baby friendly" hospitals if you can. They have policies against taking the baby to the nursery overnight (as well as other policies that are promoted as helping breastfeeding but are not shown to help and can actually cause harm). You'll want rest after the birth. Ignore the books on childbirth. Take a class if you want but know you can't control what will happen at the birth. Use your time instead to prepare for taking care of the baby. Do the TakingCaraBabies newborn course, and/or read a book on infant sleep (e.g. Precious Little Sleep) before the baby arrives. Know that you will need to adjust what you learn to your specific baby. |
Anonymous
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Personally, I would say to enjoy the experience as much as possible. I feel that I was so tired/ragged that I didn't always take time to be grateful for the moment.
Secondly, get help when you need. Whether you need a baby nurse, so you can get a night's rest, or whether you need to switch to formula at some point, just don't stress to the point where you are wearing yourself thin. Do the best you can, of course, but take care of yourself, too. |
Anonymous
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get the epidural (coming from someone who researched natural births alll 9 months)
c section is fine, the healing is fine oh and sleep as much as you can because when the baby gets here you wont sleep and take lots of pics |
Anonymous
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That many of the people trying to convince me my life would be a certain way going forward were full of it.
1. We sleep trained and my kid is an excellent sleeper 2. Weekly babysitter means I still have fun with my husband 3. I lost all of the baby weight. My body is actually better. 4. My house isn’t full of kids stuff |
Anonymous
+1000 Life is what you make of it! Parenting is what you make of it! Some people just love to complain and would be complaining if they didn't have kids. |
Anonymous
Genuine question, do you only have one kid? I was exactly like this with one kid and REALLY full of myself. My second kid was a huge dose of humility. I'm an exhausted frumpy loser mom now. I mean this sincerely, if you value all of these things about yourself I highly recommend stopping after one kid. I thought that since one kid came so easily to me and H that the second would also be easy but I was wrong, wrong, wrong. I love her but man she turned my whole world upside down. |