What do you wish you knew when expecting your first?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That if your pelvic floor cant relax- you cant have a vaginal birth. All the prep and classes etc wont help if you arent able to widen/relax your pelvic floor when taking deep diaphragmatic breaths

Is this true even if you get an epidural?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That if your pelvic floor cant relax- you cant have a vaginal birth. All the prep and classes etc wont help if you arent able to widen/relax your pelvic floor when taking deep diaphragmatic breaths

Is this true even if you get an epidural?

Yes. Some women have hypertonic pelvic floor muscles. This is best treated with PT prior to delivery. It’s not something your OB or midwife will notice. But if you have symptoms like overactive bladder, painful sex or pain wearing tampons, urine leakage with coughing or sneezing, straining to poop, taking a long time to start peeing, this can be a sign your pelvic floor muscles don’t relax well. Muscles that are on all the time can make vaginal birth very difficult.

[Anonymous]

It is very hard and not very fun to have a newborn...but it all goes very fast and you will look back on it fondly for the miraculousness.

[Anonymous]

Most of those decisions that you agonize over don’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That if your pelvic floor cant relax- you cant have a vaginal birth. All the prep and classes etc wont help if you arent able to widen/relax your pelvic floor when taking deep diaphragmatic breaths

Is this true even if you get an epidural?

Yes. Some women have hypertonic pelvic floor muscles. This is best treated with PT prior to delivery. It’s not something your OB or midwife will notice. But if you have symptoms like overactive bladder, painful sex or pain wearing tampons, urine leakage with coughing or sneezing, straining to poop, taking a long time to start peeing, this can be a sign your pelvic floor muscles don’t relax well. Muscles that are on all the time can make vaginal birth very difficult.

NP- I have a very tight/strong pelvic floor and had no problem once I got the epidural. I wouldn't have been able to do it without it though, I wasn't making any progress despite contractions on top of each other for two hours. Also, it was definitely something my midwife noticed and we discussed before the birth. I did see a pelvic pt beforehand but didn't find them much help. Silver lining is easy peasy recovery!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That many of the people trying to convince me my life would be a certain way going forward were full of it.

1. We sleep trained and my kid is an excellent sleeper

2. Weekly babysitter means I still have fun with my husband

3. I lost all of the baby weight. My body is actually better.

4. My house isn’t full of kids stuff

You have privilege. Your child sleep trained well. Not all kids do. You can afford a babysitter and have a husband. Many women are single moms and many families can’t afford a weekly babysitter. You lost the weight which means you have time to exercise and prepare healthy meals, it sounds like. Not all people can afford healthy food, a gym, or have time to exercise. You have a playroom which means you have a large enough home to dedicate a room to children’s toys. Many people do not. Please recognize your privilege before assuming all other women can have what you do when they become moms.

I can share this since it’s an anonymous forum... I was on birth control until I was married. I would have had an abortion if the birth control failed pre marriage. I wouldn’t have had children if I couldn’t afford a babysitter or still find time to exercise. I exercised with the baby if it matters. But this is because I prioritize these things and not everyone does.

[Anonymous]

I’m laughing my ass off at the idea of not having a baby unless you can afford a separate playroom or whatever. A pristine living room is not that big a deal, guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m laughing my ass off at the idea of not having a baby unless you can afford a separate playroom or whatever. A pristine living room is not that big a deal, guys.

Who said that?

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for the insights to those who responded.

A follow up question since it came up a couple times (and sorry in advance if this is a dumb question) - what is PPD like and how does it manifest? Are there things you can do beforehand to avoid it/lessen the blow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the insights to those who responded.

A follow up question since it came up a couple times (and sorry in advance if this is a dumb question) - what is PPD like and how does it manifest? Are there things you can do beforehand to avoid it/lessen the blow?

Discuss PPD and PPA with your spouse, mother, close friends before hand so everyone knows the signs. I will forever be grateful to my older child’s former nanny who came over to visit us and said very gently to me, “you just have postpartum anxiety”. That one line made me immediately hopeful and immediately seek help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That many of the people trying to convince me my life would be a certain way going forward were full of it.

1. We sleep trained and my kid is an excellent sleeper

2. Weekly babysitter means I still have fun with my husband

3. I lost all of the baby weight. My body is actually better.

4. My house isn’t full of kids stuff

You have privilege. Your child sleep trained well. Not all kids do. You can afford a babysitter and have a husband. Many women are single moms and many families can’t afford a weekly babysitter. You lost the weight which means you have time to exercise and prepare healthy meals, it sounds like. Not all people can afford healthy food, a gym, or have time to exercise. You have a playroom which means you have a large enough home to dedicate a room to children’s toys. Many people do not. Please recognize your privilege before assuming all other women can have what you do when they become moms.

I can share this since it’s an anonymous forum... I was on birth control until I was married. I would have had an abortion if the birth control failed pre marriage. I wouldn’t have had children if I couldn’t afford a babysitter or still find time to exercise. I exercised with the baby if it matters. But this is because I prioritize these things and not everyone does.

Oh honey. Were you trying to be ironic here? Somehow I don't think so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That many of the people trying to convince me my life would be a certain way going forward were full of it.

1. We sleep trained and my kid is an excellent sleeper

2. Weekly babysitter means I still have fun with my husband

3. I lost all of the baby weight. My body is actually better.

4. My house isn’t full of kids stuff

You have privilege. Your child sleep trained well. Not all kids do. You can afford a babysitter and have a husband. Many women are single moms and many families can’t afford a weekly babysitter. You lost the weight which means you have time to exercise and prepare healthy meals, it sounds like. Not all people can afford healthy food, a gym, or have time to exercise. You have a playroom which means you have a large enough home to dedicate a room to children’s toys. Many people do not. Please recognize your privilege before assuming all other women can have what you do when they become moms.

I can share this since it’s an anonymous forum... I was on birth control until I was married. I would have had an abortion if the birth control failed pre marriage. I wouldn’t have had children if I couldn’t afford a babysitter or still find time to exercise. I exercised with the baby if it matters. But this is because I prioritize these things and not everyone does.

Oh honey. Were you trying to be ironic here? Somehow I don't think so...

Do you think the only women who reproduce are affluent, fit, privileged, educated, and wealthy? Because the vast majority are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That many of the people trying to convince me my life would be a certain way going forward were full of it.

1. We sleep trained and my kid is an excellent sleeper

2. Weekly babysitter means I still have fun with my husband

3. I lost all of the baby weight. My body is actually better.

4. My house isn’t full of kids stuff

You have privilege. Your child sleep trained well. Not all kids do. You can afford a babysitter and have a husband. Many women are single moms and many families can’t afford a weekly babysitter. You lost the weight which means you have time to exercise and prepare healthy meals, it sounds like. Not all people can afford healthy food, a gym, or have time to exercise. You have a playroom which means you have a large enough home to dedicate a room to children’s toys. Many people do not. Please recognize your privilege before assuming all other women can have what you do when they become moms.

I can share this since it’s an anonymous forum... I was on birth control until I was married. I would have had an abortion if the birth control failed pre marriage. I wouldn’t have had children if I couldn’t afford a babysitter or still find time to exercise. I exercised with the baby if it matters. But this is because I prioritize these things and not everyone does.

Oh honey. Were you trying to be ironic here? Somehow I don't think so...

Do you think the only women who reproduce are affluent, fit, privileged, educated, and wealthy? Because the vast majority are not.

Birth rates would plummet if that were the case and contrary to popular belief, that would not be a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That if your pelvic floor cant relax- you cant have a vaginal birth. All the prep and classes etc wont help if you arent able to widen/relax your pelvic floor when taking deep diaphragmatic breaths

Is this true even if you get an epidural?

Yes. Some women have hypertonic pelvic floor muscles. This is best treated with PT prior to delivery. It’s not something your OB or midwife will notice. But if you have symptoms like overactive bladder, painful sex or pain wearing tampons, urine leakage with coughing or sneezing, straining to poop, taking a long time to start peeing, this can be a sign your pelvic floor muscles don’t relax well. Muscles that are on all the time can make vaginal birth very difficult.

NP- I have a very tight/strong pelvic floor and had no problem once I got the epidural. I wouldn't have been able to do it without it though, I wasn't making any progress despite contractions on top of each other for two hours. Also, it was definitely something my midwife noticed and we discussed before the birth. I did see a pelvic pt beforehand but didn't find them much help. Silver lining is easy peasy recovery!

You don’t understand hypertonicity. They are pelvic floor muscles that literally do not relax. Having a strong pelvic floor is not the same as having a hypertonic one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That many of the people trying to convince me my life would be a certain way going forward were full of it.

1. We sleep trained and my kid is an excellent sleeper

2. Weekly babysitter means I still have fun with my husband

3. I lost all of the baby weight. My body is actually better.

4. My house isn’t full of kids stuff

You have privilege. Your child sleep trained well. Not all kids do. You can afford a babysitter and have a husband. Many women are single moms and many families can’t afford a weekly babysitter. You lost the weight which means you have time to exercise and prepare healthy meals, it sounds like. Not all people can afford healthy food, a gym, or have time to exercise. You have a playroom which means you have a large enough home to dedicate a room to children’s toys. Many people do not. Please recognize your privilege before assuming all other women can have what you do when they become moms.

I can share this since it’s an anonymous forum... I was on birth control until I was married. I would have had an abortion if the birth control failed pre marriage. I wouldn’t have had children if I couldn’t afford a babysitter or still find time to exercise. I exercised with the baby if it matters. But this is because I prioritize these things and not everyone does.

Oh honey. Were you trying to be ironic here? Somehow I don't think so...

Do you think the only women who reproduce are affluent, fit, privileged, educated, and wealthy? Because the vast majority are not.

Obviously only because they don’t *prioritize* being fit, wealthy, etc. like this poster so wisely did.