Friend’s 8 year old is awful to my 4 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An 8 year old has no interest in a 5 year old.

That may be true, but that 8 year old shouldn't be so mean and nasty. That's 4 year old behavior, not 8 year old behavior!

Yes, chiming in with the others - just see her alone without kids. Yes, that means you'll see less of her, and both of you will need babysitters, but c'est la vie. I wouldn't allow my child to be treated that way at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you expect a 3rd grader and your preschooler (with some disabilities) to be buddies and play harmoniously together for several hours while parents are off socializing?

Of course I do. Have you never been to someone else’s home where the multi age kids go off to another room and watch a movie? Or go to someone’s playroom to check out the toys? in this most recent case they were watching a movie and I 1000 percent expect older children to not antagonize him.

NP- for HOURS? Wow. Your expectations are crazy.

Yeah. An 8 year old and a SN 4 year old? That’s not realistic for the vast, vast majority of kids. The multi age kids hang works when there are a bunch of kids spanning a range of ages (and even then, it doesn’t always work with a 4 year old). This sounds like an 8 year old is expected to entertain a 4 year old who has difficulty processing language so likely plays younger for HOURS and repeatedly. It doesn’t sound like she’s the worlds nicest kid, but she is entirely normal and definitely being set up for failure. The fact that it doesn’t happen at the playground where she can get separation is very telling. She’d rather not play with the 4 year old than be mean, she’s just not up to playing nicely yet. The fact her older brother can manage may be temperament, but it may also be that he is older (being nice to younger kids is a learned skill) and there are actually lower expectations on him) probably no one expects him to play with a 4 year old for hours/his type of play (phone/electronics?) isn’t interrupted by a 4 year old. An 8 year old not wanting to sit next to a 4 year old during dinner is normal. This is *finally* her chance to interact with adults. The fact the table is being set up for them to sit next to each other — despite the OP’s awareness of mean behavior — is incredibly telling about what OP/the other parents expect and that the adult socializing is the priority.

[Anonymous]

OP - - your child should not suffer for your friendship

[Anonymous]

You let go of your friendship, completely if necessary, rather than subject your child to bullying.

Ideally you see your friend alone, as adults. Without the kids. That may be what has to happen for a few years.

Your kid is your focus, not this adult friendship.

[Anonymous]

They don't get along; stop forcing it. Leave your son at home when you hang out with these friends. If that means you have to miss a few get-togethers, so be it.

[Anonymous]

It is not realistic for the kids to hang out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An 8 year old has no interest in a 5 year old.

That may be true, but that 8 year old shouldn't be so mean and nasty. That's 4 year old behavior, not 8 year old behavior!

Yes, chiming in with the others - just see her alone without kids. Yes, that means you'll see less of her, and both of you will need babysitters, but c'est la vie. I wouldn't allow my child to be treated that way at all.

The 8 year old is the babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Ok, we will do more playground and more events where parents are involved, like a hike or walk etc, vs leaving them alone to fend for themselves. The mom is going through a horrible divorce and leans on me as a friend, and she also wants to hang out when she has her kids with her. I don't want to abandon her/the friendship even though I think her daughter is being bratty.

[Anonymous]

This girl sounds like there is something wrong with her. This sounds like she is targeting your son and I would not socialize with them any longer. If anyone was nasty to my kid in my presence I’d be right in their face about it. I’m a special ed teacher and this sounds much beyond normal kid stuff. Protect your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. If that friendship is of value to you, nurture it in another capacity.

Agreed. Basically sometimes you learn that you can't be friends in the same way with old friends once you have kids because their approach to parenting is so different. Stop getting the kids together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This girl sounds like there is something wrong with her. This sounds like she is targeting your son and I would not socialize with them any longer. If anyone was nasty to my kid in my presence I’d be right in their face about it. I’m a special ed teacher and this sounds much beyond normal kid stuff. Protect your child.

Please. She doesn't sound like that at all. She sounds like a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This girl sounds like there is something wrong with her. This sounds like she is targeting your son and I would not socialize with them any longer. If anyone was nasty to my kid in my presence I’d be right in their face about it. I’m a special ed teacher and this sounds much beyond normal kid stuff. Protect your child.

ok, will heed this advice as well. Maybe I can see her when her kids are with her DH, and I'll leave DC with my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This girl sounds like there is something wrong with her. This sounds like she is targeting your son and I would not socialize with them any longer. If anyone was nasty to my kid in my presence I’d be right in their face about it. I’m a special ed teacher and this sounds much beyond normal kid stuff. Protect your child.

Targeting him? You're crazy. OP said that she repeatedly goes to a random house where there are NO toys, it's NOT a kids' house, and brings along her SN 4 year old and just expects that he'll be able to "hang together" with the big kids for hours and not annoy the heck out of them. Or maybe she knows full well that he will annoy the heck out of them and just doesn't care, because she feels ENTITLED to her socializing or boozing or whatever she's doing, no matter the effect on the kids.

And then she compares it with a bunch of mixed age, non-SN kids "hanging together" by choice in someone's playroom while they check out all the different toys. Those things are not even vaguely comparable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, we will do more playground and more events where parents are involved, like a hike or walk etc, vs leaving them alone to fend for themselves. The mom is going through a horrible divorce and leans on me as a friend, and she also wants to hang out when she has her kids with her. I don't want to abandon her/the friendship even though I think her daughter is being bratty.

You really have zero empathy. The girl is having her family ripped apart with a "horrible divorce", and now she needs to entertain a SN 4 year old at some lady's house with no toys. But she's being "bratty" to ask not to be expected to sit next to him at dinner like she needs to do every other time.

SMH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, we will do more playground and more events where parents are involved, like a hike or walk etc, vs leaving them alone to fend for themselves. The mom is going through a horrible divorce and leans on me as a friend, and she also wants to hang out when she has her kids with her. I don't want to abandon her/the friendship even though I think her daughter is being bratty.

You really have zero empathy. The girl is having her family ripped apart with a "horrible divorce", and now she needs to entertain a SN 4 year old at some lady's house with no toys. But she's being "bratty" to ask not to be expected to sit next to him at dinner like she needs to do every other time.

SMH.

not sure why you are not understanding . She does not need to entertain him. She needs to LEAVE HIM THE F ALONE. And it would be great if she would not be openly rude and bratty. You really would be ok with our EIGHT year old saying "I don't want to sit next to Larlo?" I would not!