Friend’s 8 year old is awful to my 4 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8yrs is way too young to expect her to play with a 5yr old. The age gap is way too close but yet way too big. If that makes sense. I have an 8yr old and she literally has no interest in anyone much younger than her unless it is a baby. 8yrs old will easily say they don’t want to sit next to someone. That’s typical for their age. It isn’t even remotely mean.

We have neighbors like OP. I have an older boy, they have a younger girl. They have had the kids play and mine is polite and does sometimes but really has no interest. Its very uncomfortable for my son to have to be forced to play.

WOW - reading comprehension. I don't care if the girl doesn't play with him. Read again. I have NO EXPECTATION THAT ANY OLDER CHILD PLAYS WITH MY CHILD. I put it in CAPS so you understand. I do expect that when my child is happily playing with something, or meeting the dog, or watching TV, that a bratty 8 year old does not snatch items from him, boss him around, tell him he cannot do things, and generally get in his face, and then announce at dinner, when he is already sitting down, that she doesn't want to sit next to baby Larlo. Fine, go sit elsewhere. But have some manners.

Actually, OP, what you haven't said on any of these pages is how bothered your DS is by this girl. If at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, we will do more playground and more events where parents are involved, like a hike or walk etc, vs leaving them alone to fend for themselves. The mom is going through a horrible divorce and leans on me as a friend, and she also wants to hang out when she has her kids with her. I don't want to abandon her/the friendship even though I think her daughter is being bratty.

THIS!! sooooo this! She has no control over the upheaval in her life. She is seeking something or someone to have control over.

Kindly tell her she is free to go and play, and that you will be keeping an eye on your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8yrs is way too young to expect her to play with a 5yr old. The age gap is way too close but yet way too big. If that makes sense. I have an 8yr old and she literally has no interest in anyone much younger than her unless it is a baby. 8yrs old will easily say they don’t want to sit next to someone. That’s typical for their age. It isn’t even remotely mean.

I can't believe these responses.

An 8 year old should be told it's rude to announce in front of another human that you don't want to sit next to them. This is basic shit people. Yes, it's fine if she has the feelings. Yes, it's fine to not make her sit next to the 5 year old. No, it's not ok to announce it at the table in front of the kid. An 8 year old should know better, but if she doesn't, correct the behavior.

Eh. There is also a gender difference too. My 8 you doesn't want to sit next to another 8 yo boy. Let alone a 5 yo boy with special needs. My daughter would know to whisper this to me instead of announcing at the table, but the feelings would be the same. People are always hypersensitive with their first born.

My SN DS has very sweet older cousins (of both genders) who are very nice to him, so no, it's not universal behavior. In turn, my DS has a younger cousin he would pick on meanly if he could, and I am 100% on top of that. I also wouldn't tolerate him refusing to sit next to his cousin.

So you make him sit by the cousin he picks on and are correcting him constantly? That sounds miserable for all parties.

Yes, I expect him to be able to have good manners for the short time period they are sitting at the table eating. If not, time out. Otherwise, he learns to use bad behavior to get what he wants. For the rest of the time I keep a close eye on him and separate them as needed. They're family so the other option would be to never see them, which is obviously problematic.

What I would suggest for OP is that she give up the idea that the 8 year old and 4 year old are going to play together. Have a plan to keep your 4 year old occupied by himself (screen, toy, game). In this scenario you're not just going to be able to trust that your 4 year old can play unsupervised. Even if the 8 year old's mom was on top of correcting her, you STILL couldn't expect they'd play together nicely. She doesn't have that personality, and you're not paying her to babysit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8yrs is way too young to expect her to play with a 5yr old. The age gap is way too close but yet way too big. If that makes sense. I have an 8yr old and she literally has no interest in anyone much younger than her unless it is a baby. 8yrs old will easily say they don’t want to sit next to someone. That’s typical for their age. It isn’t even remotely mean.

I can't believe these responses.

An 8 year old should be told it's rude to announce in front of another human that you don't want to sit next to them. This is basic shit people. Yes, it's fine if she has the feelings. Yes, it's fine to not make her sit next to the 5 year old. No, it's not ok to announce it at the table in front of the kid. An 8 year old should know better, but if she doesn't, correct the behavior.

Eh. There is also a gender difference too. My 8 you doesn't want to sit next to another 8 yo boy. Let alone a 5 yo boy with special needs. My daughter would know to whisper this to me instead of announcing at the table, but the feelings would be the same. People are always hypersensitive with their first born.

My SN DS has very sweet older cousins (of both genders) who are very nice to him, so no, it's not universal behavior. In turn, my DS has a younger cousin he would pick on meanly if he could, and I am 100% on top of that. I also wouldn't tolerate him refusing to sit next to his cousin.

So you make him sit by the cousin he picks on and are correcting him constantly? That sounds miserable for all parties.

Yes, I expect him to be able to have good manners for the short time period they are sitting at the table eating. If not, time out. Otherwise, he learns to use bad behavior to get what he wants. For the rest of the time I keep a close eye on him and separate them as needed. They're family so the other option would be to never see them, which is obviously problematic.

What I would suggest for OP is that she give up the idea that the 8 year old and 4 year old are going to play together. Have a plan to keep your 4 year old occupied by himself (screen, toy, game). In this scenario you're not just going to be able to trust that your 4 year old can play unsupervised. Even if the 8 year old's mom was on top of correcting her, you STILL couldn't expect they'd play together nicely. She doesn't have that personality, and you're not paying her to babysit.

While I agree with your dinner strategy, shouldn't YOU be the one to have a plan to make sure your kid has something to do, since he cannot seem to keep his hands off his younger cousin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8yrs is way too young to expect her to play with a 5yr old. The age gap is way too close but yet way too big. If that makes sense. I have an 8yr old and she literally has no interest in anyone much younger than her unless it is a baby. 8yrs old will easily say they don’t want to sit next to someone. That’s typical for their age. It isn’t even remotely mean.

I can't believe these responses.

An 8 year old should be told it's rude to announce in front of another human that you don't want to sit next to them. This is basic shit people. Yes, it's fine if she has the feelings. Yes, it's fine to not make her sit next to the 5 year old. No, it's not ok to announce it at the table in front of the kid. An 8 year old should know better, but if she doesn't, correct the behavior.

Eh. There is also a gender difference too. My 8 you doesn't want to sit next to another 8 yo boy. Let alone a 5 yo boy with special needs. My daughter would know to whisper this to me instead of announcing at the table, but the feelings would be the same. People are always hypersensitive with their first born.

My SN DS has very sweet older cousins (of both genders) who are very nice to him, so no, it's not universal behavior. In turn, my DS has a younger cousin he would pick on meanly if he could, and I am 100% on top of that. I also wouldn't tolerate him refusing to sit next to his cousin.

So you make him sit by the cousin he picks on and are correcting him constantly? That sounds miserable for all parties.

Yes, I expect him to be able to have good manners for the short time period they are sitting at the table eating. If not, time out. Otherwise, he learns to use bad behavior to get what he wants. For the rest of the time I keep a close eye on him and separate them as needed. They're family so the other option would be to never see them, which is obviously problematic.

What I would suggest for OP is that she give up the idea that the 8 year old and 4 year old are going to play together. Have a plan to keep your 4 year old occupied by himself (screen, toy, game). In this scenario you're not just going to be able to trust that your 4 year old can play unsupervised. Even if the 8 year old's mom was on top of correcting her, you STILL couldn't expect they'd play together nicely. She doesn't have that personality, and you're not paying her to babysit.

While I agree with your dinner strategy, shouldn't YOU be the one to have a plan to make sure your kid has something to do, since he cannot seem to keep his hands off his younger cousin?

Seems like your child is the one who cannot play unsupervised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8yrs is way too young to expect her to play with a 5yr old. The age gap is way too close but yet way too big. If that makes sense. I have an 8yr old and she literally has no interest in anyone much younger than her unless it is a baby. 8yrs old will easily say they don’t want to sit next to someone. That’s typical for their age. It isn’t even remotely mean.

I can't believe these responses.

An 8 year old should be told it's rude to announce in front of another human that you don't want to sit next to them. This is basic shit people. Yes, it's fine if she has the feelings. Yes, it's fine to not make her sit next to the 5 year old. No, it's not ok to announce it at the table in front of the kid. An 8 year old should know better, but if she doesn't, correct the behavior.

Eh. There is also a gender difference too. My 8 you doesn't want to sit next to another 8 yo boy. Let alone a 5 yo boy with special needs. My daughter would know to whisper this to me instead of announcing at the table, but the feelings would be the same. People are always hypersensitive with their first born.

My SN DS has very sweet older cousins (of both genders) who are very nice to him, so no, it's not universal behavior. In turn, my DS has a younger cousin he would pick on meanly if he could, and I am 100% on top of that. I also wouldn't tolerate him refusing to sit next to his cousin.

So you make him sit by the cousin he picks on and are correcting him constantly? That sounds miserable for all parties.

Yes, I expect him to be able to have good manners for the short time period they are sitting at the table eating. If not, time out. Otherwise, he learns to use bad behavior to get what he wants. For the rest of the time I keep a close eye on him and separate them as needed. They're family so the other option would be to never see them, which is obviously problematic.

What I would suggest for OP is that she give up the idea that the 8 year old and 4 year old are going to play together. Have a plan to keep your 4 year old occupied by himself (screen, toy, game). In this scenario you're not just going to be able to trust that your 4 year old can play unsupervised. Even if the 8 year old's mom was on top of correcting her, you STILL couldn't expect they'd play together nicely. She doesn't have that personality, and you're not paying her to babysit.

While I agree with your dinner strategy, shouldn't YOU be the one to have a plan to make sure your kid has something to do, since he cannot seem to keep his hands off his younger cousin?

I think you're confused. I was saying that OP needs to have a plan for HER 4 year old. As for your implied judgment - stuff it, in general. No kid is perfect and parents are doing the best they can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8yrs is way too young to expect her to play with a 5yr old. The age gap is way too close but yet way too big. If that makes sense. I have an 8yr old and she literally has no interest in anyone much younger than her unless it is a baby. 8yrs old will easily say they don’t want to sit next to someone. That’s typical for their age. It isn’t even remotely mean.

We have neighbors like OP. I have an older boy, they have a younger girl. They have had the kids play and mine is polite and does sometimes but really has no interest. Its very uncomfortable for my son to have to be forced to play.

WOW - reading comprehension. I don't care if the girl doesn't play with him. Read again. I have NO EXPECTATION THAT ANY OLDER CHILD PLAYS WITH MY CHILD. I put it in CAPS so you understand. I do expect that when my child is happily playing with something, or meeting the dog, or watching TV, that a bratty 8 year old does not snatch items from him, boss him around, tell him he cannot do things, and generally get in his face, and then announce at dinner, when he is already sitting down, that she doesn't want to sit next to baby Larlo. Fine, go sit elsewhere. But have some manners.

OP, I am so with you. Some people have rude, horrid children and they will make any excuse for it. Or rude, obnoxious behavior goes on right in front of their faces and they don't give a crap.

Stop hanging out with your friend's kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8yrs is way too young to expect her to play with a 5yr old. The age gap is way too close but yet way too big. If that makes sense. I have an 8yr old and she literally has no interest in anyone much younger than her unless it is a baby. 8yrs old will easily say they don’t want to sit next to someone. That’s typical for their age. It isn’t even remotely mean.

I can't believe these responses.

An 8 year old should be told it's rude to announce in front of another human that you don't want to sit next to them. This is basic shit people. Yes, it's fine if she has the feelings. Yes, it's fine to not make her sit next to the 5 year old. No, it's not ok to announce it at the table in front of the kid. An 8 year old should know better, but if she doesn't, correct the behavior.

Eh. There is also a gender difference too. My 8 you doesn't want to sit next to another 8 yo boy. Let alone a 5 yo boy with special needs. My daughter would know to whisper this to me instead of announcing at the table, but the feelings would be the same. People are always hypersensitive with their first born.

My SN DS has very sweet older cousins (of both genders) who are very nice to him, so no, it's not universal behavior. In turn, my DS has a younger cousin he would pick on meanly if he could, and I am 100% on top of that. I also wouldn't tolerate him refusing to sit next to his cousin.

So you make him sit by the cousin he picks on and are correcting him constantly? That sounds miserable for all parties.

Yes, I expect him to be able to have good manners for the short time period they are sitting at the table eating. If not, time out. Otherwise, he learns to use bad behavior to get what he wants. For the rest of the time I keep a close eye on him and separate them as needed. They're family so the other option would be to never see them, which is obviously problematic.

What I would suggest for OP is that she give up the idea that the 8 year old and 4 year old are going to play together. Have a plan to keep your 4 year old occupied by himself (screen, toy, game). In this scenario you're not just going to be able to trust that your 4 year old can play unsupervised. Even if the 8 year old's mom was on top of correcting her, you STILL couldn't expect they'd play together nicely. She doesn't have that personality, and you're not paying her to babysit.

Is anyone actually reading this thread? The OP said the 4 year old is minding his own business, doing the kinds of things you suggested, and the 8 year old is messing with him. She's following your advice and the 8 year old is in his face and bothering him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8yrs is way too young to expect her to play with a 5yr old. The age gap is way too close but yet way too big. If that makes sense. I have an 8yr old and she literally has no interest in anyone much younger than her unless it is a baby. 8yrs old will easily say they don’t want to sit next to someone. That’s typical for their age. It isn’t even remotely mean.

I can't believe these responses.

An 8 year old should be told it's rude to announce in front of another human that you don't want to sit next to them. This is basic shit people. Yes, it's fine if she has the feelings. Yes, it's fine to not make her sit next to the 5 year old. No, it's not ok to announce it at the table in front of the kid. An 8 year old should know better, but if she doesn't, correct the behavior.

Eh. There is also a gender difference too. My 8 you doesn't want to sit next to another 8 yo boy. Let alone a 5 yo boy with special needs. My daughter would know to whisper this to me instead of announcing at the table, but the feelings would be the same. People are always hypersensitive with their first born.

My SN DS has very sweet older cousins (of both genders) who are very nice to him, so no, it's not universal behavior. In turn, my DS has a younger cousin he would pick on meanly if he could, and I am 100% on top of that. I also wouldn't tolerate him refusing to sit next to his cousin.

So you make him sit by the cousin he picks on and are correcting him constantly? That sounds miserable for all parties.

Yes, I expect him to be able to have good manners for the short time period they are sitting at the table eating. If not, time out. Otherwise, he learns to use bad behavior to get what he wants. For the rest of the time I keep a close eye on him and separate them as needed. They're family so the other option would be to never see them, which is obviously problematic.

What I would suggest for OP is that she give up the idea that the 8 year old and 4 year old are going to play together. Have a plan to keep your 4 year old occupied by himself (screen, toy, game). In this scenario you're not just going to be able to trust that your 4 year old can play unsupervised. Even if the 8 year old's mom was on top of correcting her, you STILL couldn't expect they'd play together nicely. She doesn't have that personality, and you're not paying her to babysit.

Is anyone actually reading this thread? The OP said the 4 year old is minding his own business, doing the kinds of things you suggested, and the 8 year old is messing with him. She's following your advice and the 8 year old is in his face and bothering him.

Sounds like the 4 year old is dominating all the toys and tv and the 8 year old gets bored as she doesn't get anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8yrs is way too young to expect her to play with a 5yr old. The age gap is way too close but yet way too big. If that makes sense. I have an 8yr old and she literally has no interest in anyone much younger than her unless it is a baby. 8yrs old will easily say they don’t want to sit next to someone. That’s typical for their age. It isn’t even remotely mean.

I can't believe these responses.

An 8 year old should be told it's rude to announce in front of another human that you don't want to sit next to them. This is basic shit people. Yes, it's fine if she has the feelings. Yes, it's fine to not make her sit next to the 5 year old. No, it's not ok to announce it at the table in front of the kid. An 8 year old should know better, but if she doesn't, correct the behavior.

Eh. There is also a gender difference too. My 8 you doesn't want to sit next to another 8 yo boy. Let alone a 5 yo boy with special needs. My daughter would know to whisper this to me instead of announcing at the table, but the feelings would be the same. People are always hypersensitive with their first born.

My SN DS has very sweet older cousins (of both genders) who are very nice to him, so no, it's not universal behavior. In turn, my DS has a younger cousin he would pick on meanly if he could, and I am 100% on top of that. I also wouldn't tolerate him refusing to sit next to his cousin.

So you make him sit by the cousin he picks on and are correcting him constantly? That sounds miserable for all parties.

Yes, I expect him to be able to have good manners for the short time period they are sitting at the table eating. If not, time out. Otherwise, he learns to use bad behavior to get what he wants. For the rest of the time I keep a close eye on him and separate them as needed. They're family so the other option would be to never see them, which is obviously problematic.

What I would suggest for OP is that she give up the idea that the 8 year old and 4 year old are going to play together. Have a plan to keep your 4 year old occupied by himself (screen, toy, game). In this scenario you're not just going to be able to trust that your 4 year old can play unsupervised. Even if the 8 year old's mom was on top of correcting her, you STILL couldn't expect they'd play together nicely. She doesn't have that personality, and you're not paying her to babysit.

Is anyone actually reading this thread? The OP said the 4 year old is minding his own business, doing the kinds of things you suggested, and the 8 year old is messing with him. She's following your advice and the 8 year old is in his face and bothering him.

Also, the 8 year old's parents are going through a horrible divorce. But she called a 4 year old a baby and bugs him so she must be a mean, future sociopath.

[Anonymous]

During a divorce parents unfortunately tend to back away from the negative parts of parenting. The guilt of the family break up along with feeling overwhelmed with the change, leads to a stretch of letting crappy behavior go unchecked. The lack of consistency can leave the child even more confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8yrs is way too young to expect her to play with a 5yr old. The age gap is way too close but yet way too big. If that makes sense. I have an 8yr old and she literally has no interest in anyone much younger than her unless it is a baby. 8yrs old will easily say they don’t want to sit next to someone. That’s typical for their age. It isn’t even remotely mean.

I can't believe these responses.

An 8 year old should be told it's rude to announce in front of another human that you don't want to sit next to them. This is basic shit people. Yes, it's fine if she has the feelings. Yes, it's fine to not make her sit next to the 5 year old. No, it's not ok to announce it at the table in front of the kid. An 8 year old should know better, but if she doesn't, correct the behavior.

Eh. There is also a gender difference too. My 8 you doesn't want to sit next to another 8 yo boy. Let alone a 5 yo boy with special needs. My daughter would know to whisper this to me instead of announcing at the table, but the feelings would be the same. People are always hypersensitive with their first born.

My SN DS has very sweet older cousins (of both genders) who are very nice to him, so no, it's not universal behavior. In turn, my DS has a younger cousin he would pick on meanly if he could, and I am 100% on top of that. I also wouldn't tolerate him refusing to sit next to his cousin.

So you make him sit by the cousin he picks on and are correcting him constantly? That sounds miserable for all parties.

Yes, I expect him to be able to have good manners for the short time period they are sitting at the table eating. If not, time out. Otherwise, he learns to use bad behavior to get what he wants. For the rest of the time I keep a close eye on him and separate them as needed. They're family so the other option would be to never see them, which is obviously problematic.

What I would suggest for OP is that she give up the idea that the 8 year old and 4 year old are going to play together. Have a plan to keep your 4 year old occupied by himself (screen, toy, game). In this scenario you're not just going to be able to trust that your 4 year old can play unsupervised. Even if the 8 year old's mom was on top of correcting her, you STILL couldn't expect they'd play together nicely. She doesn't have that personality, and you're not paying her to babysit.

Is anyone actually reading this thread? The OP said the 4 year old is minding his own business, doing the kinds of things you suggested, and the 8 year old is messing with him. She's following your advice and the 8 year old is in his face and bothering him.

Sounds like the 4 year old is dominating all the toys and tv and the 8 year old gets bored as she doesn't get anything.

Does your child act like this? Is that why you are defending the behavior of the 8 year old? I was pretty clear that there is no way he could dominate the TV. Whatever few things he found to occupy himself with, she takes. Even the dog toy - my kid picked it up to check it out and she screeched "THAT'S NOT YOURS" and threw it in the kitchen. The dog was like WTF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8yrs is way too young to expect her to play with a 5yr old. The age gap is way too close but yet way too big. If that makes sense. I have an 8yr old and she literally has no interest in anyone much younger than her unless it is a baby. 8yrs old will easily say they don’t want to sit next to someone. That’s typical for their age. It isn’t even remotely mean.

I can't believe these responses.

An 8 year old should be told it's rude to announce in front of another human that you don't want to sit next to them. This is basic shit people. Yes, it's fine if she has the feelings. Yes, it's fine to not make her sit next to the 5 year old. No, it's not ok to announce it at the table in front of the kid. An 8 year old should know better, but if she doesn't, correct the behavior.

Eh. There is also a gender difference too. My 8 you doesn't want to sit next to another 8 yo boy. Let alone a 5 yo boy with special needs. My daughter would know to whisper this to me instead of announcing at the table, but the feelings would be the same. People are always hypersensitive with their first born.

My SN DS has very sweet older cousins (of both genders) who are very nice to him, so no, it's not universal behavior. In turn, my DS has a younger cousin he would pick on meanly if he could, and I am 100% on top of that. I also wouldn't tolerate him refusing to sit next to his cousin.

So you make him sit by the cousin he picks on and are correcting him constantly? That sounds miserable for all parties.

Yes, I expect him to be able to have good manners for the short time period they are sitting at the table eating. If not, time out. Otherwise, he learns to use bad behavior to get what he wants. For the rest of the time I keep a close eye on him and separate them as needed. They're family so the other option would be to never see them, which is obviously problematic.

What I would suggest for OP is that she give up the idea that the 8 year old and 4 year old are going to play together. Have a plan to keep your 4 year old occupied by himself (screen, toy, game). In this scenario you're not just going to be able to trust that your 4 year old can play unsupervised. Even if the 8 year old's mom was on top of correcting her, you STILL couldn't expect they'd play together nicely. She doesn't have that personality, and you're not paying her to babysit.

Is anyone actually reading this thread? The OP said the 4 year old is minding his own business, doing the kinds of things you suggested, and the 8 year old is messing with him. She's following your advice and the 8 year old is in his face and bothering him.

Sounds like the 4 year old is dominating all the toys and tv and the 8 year old gets bored as she doesn't get anything.

Does your child act like this? Is that why you are defending the behavior of the 8 year old? I was pretty clear that there is no way he could dominate the TV. Whatever few things he found to occupy himself with, she takes. Even the dog toy - my kid picked it up to check it out and she screeched "THAT'S NOT YOURS" and threw it in the kitchen. The dog was like WTF.

She was right. Good for her. Your kid shouldn't play with dog toys. It's not good for him or nice to the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8yrs is way too young to expect her to play with a 5yr old. The age gap is way too close but yet way too big. If that makes sense. I have an 8yr old and she literally has no interest in anyone much younger than her unless it is a baby. 8yrs old will easily say they don’t want to sit next to someone. That’s typical for their age. It isn’t even remotely mean.

I can't believe these responses.

An 8 year old should be told it's rude to announce in front of another human that you don't want to sit next to them. This is basic shit people. Yes, it's fine if she has the feelings. Yes, it's fine to not make her sit next to the 5 year old. No, it's not ok to announce it at the table in front of the kid. An 8 year old should know better, but if she doesn't, correct the behavior.

Eh. There is also a gender difference too. My 8 you doesn't want to sit next to another 8 yo boy. Let alone a 5 yo boy with special needs. My daughter would know to whisper this to me instead of announcing at the table, but the feelings would be the same. People are always hypersensitive with their first born.

My SN DS has very sweet older cousins (of both genders) who are very nice to him, so no, it's not universal behavior. In turn, my DS has a younger cousin he would pick on meanly if he could, and I am 100% on top of that. I also wouldn't tolerate him refusing to sit next to his cousin.

So you make him sit by the cousin he picks on and are correcting him constantly? That sounds miserable for all parties.

Yes, I expect him to be able to have good manners for the short time period they are sitting at the table eating. If not, time out. Otherwise, he learns to use bad behavior to get what he wants. For the rest of the time I keep a close eye on him and separate them as needed. They're family so the other option would be to never see them, which is obviously problematic.

What I would suggest for OP is that she give up the idea that the 8 year old and 4 year old are going to play together. Have a plan to keep your 4 year old occupied by himself (screen, toy, game). In this scenario you're not just going to be able to trust that your 4 year old can play unsupervised. Even if the 8 year old's mom was on top of correcting her, you STILL couldn't expect they'd play together nicely. She doesn't have that personality, and you're not paying her to babysit.

Is anyone actually reading this thread? The OP said the 4 year old is minding his own business, doing the kinds of things you suggested, and the 8 year old is messing with him. She's following your advice and the 8 year old is in his face and bothering him.

Sounds like the 4 year old is dominating all the toys and tv and the 8 year old gets bored as she doesn't get anything.

Does your child act like this? Is that why you are defending the behavior of the 8 year old? I was pretty clear that there is no way he could dominate the TV. Whatever few things he found to occupy himself with, she takes. Even the dog toy - my kid picked it up to check it out and she screeched "THAT'S NOT YOURS" and threw it in the kitchen. The dog was like WTF.

She was right. Good for her. Your kid shouldn't play with dog toys. It's not good for him or nice to the dog.

LOL you are funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8yrs is way too young to expect her to play with a 5yr old. The age gap is way too close but yet way too big. If that makes sense. I have an 8yr old and she literally has no interest in anyone much younger than her unless it is a baby. 8yrs old will easily say they don’t want to sit next to someone. That’s typical for their age. It isn’t even remotely mean.

We have neighbors like OP. I have an older boy, they have a younger girl. They have had the kids play and mine is polite and does sometimes but really has no interest. Its very uncomfortable for my son to have to be forced to play.

WOW - reading comprehension. I don't care if the girl doesn't play with him. Read again. I have NO EXPECTATION THAT ANY OLDER CHILD PLAYS WITH MY CHILD. I put it in CAPS so you understand. I do expect that when my child is happily playing with something, or meeting the dog, or watching TV, that a bratty 8 year old does not snatch items from him, boss him around, tell him he cannot do things, and generally get in his face, and then announce at dinner, when he is already sitting down, that she doesn't want to sit next to baby Larlo. Fine, go sit elsewhere. But have some manners.

She does sound a little bratty but you are too upset about this. Just hang out with him, and intervene before she has a chance to take things or get in his face.