Does the Husband backing off and giving space help

[Anonymous]

For a lot of women, they need to feel desirable, so unfortunately your backing off may make things worse.

[Anonymous]

It’s time to rekindle the relationship, sex is usually just the culmination of it. Start spending more time together as a couple, doing things you enjoy, this will build up intimacy and connection.

[Anonymous]

Is she willing to talk about it? Does she know why she doesn’t want to? Does she masturbate? Does she fantasize? Does she notice attractive people/celebrities? Does she have no libido or is she having trouble connecting what libido she has to you and your relationship? If you can talk about these things without getting too hurt/angry, maybe you can find a fix. If she masturbates, it could be a time issue - feeling overburdened, overtired, never enough time to fit everything in. If she never feels desire in any way, it could help to talk to her doctor. If there’s resentment blocking the way then counseling might help. There’s no one correct answer. And if you can’t talk to each other honestly about it, that suggests a lack of emotional intimacy that you could work on if you both want to. Some people just don’t want to be that close to another person. But if she wants it, you can move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a lot of women, they need to feel desirable, so unfortunately your backing off may make things worse.

My husband is low drive. Now I barely even think of him as a sexual being. If he tried in any way to woo me I’d burst in to flames. For your wife if she’s feeling unsexy a subtle wooing might take you further than outright asking for sex. This is why a few people have suggested massage. It’s sensual touch that asks nothing of her and relaxes her. She may not in the moment feel like sex but she’s connecting feeling good with your touch, with you touching her. It can rebuild your sensual relationship. It’s worth trying a few times. Be generous with affectionate touch that requires nothing of her but don’t ask for sex right away. Let her know you find her desirable by complimenting her. Go on some dates and hold her hand, small if back, get the door, talk about things other than family life and relationship. You’re in the sweet spot of having already learned how to get the girl, having done so before. Bonus for you it’s like she’s new again. I’m not saying you need to do all the work in your relationship but sometimes we need to refresh/remember how we got together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s time to rekindle the relationship, sex is usually just the culmination of it. Start spending more time together as a couple, doing things you enjoy, this will build up intimacy and connection.

+1

[Anonymous]

When I was married and the W lost interest in sex, I tried an experiment where I didn't even touch her or kiss her for one entire month to see if she even noticed. She didn't. It DOES NOT HELP to pull away but good luck with this problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was married and the W lost interest in sex, I tried an experiment where I didn't even touch her or kiss her for one entire month to see if she even noticed. She didn't. It DOES NOT HELP to pull away but good luck with this problem.

I agree with this, but I also disagree with all the massage/making her feel desirable/wooing her crap. While there are exceptions to every rule, 95/100 when a wife loses sexual desire for her husband in a long-term marriage, it’s gone forever. Bottom line, she’s lost interest in sex with you, so can lose interest in monogamy with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a lot of women, they need to feel desirable, so unfortunately your backing off may make things worse.

My husband is low drive. Now I barely even think of him as a sexual being. If he tried in any way to woo me I’d burst in to flames. For your wife if she’s feeling unsexy a subtle wooing might take you further than outright asking for sex. This is why a few people have suggested massage. It’s sensual touch that asks nothing of her and relaxes her. She may not in the moment feel like sex but she’s connecting feeling good with your touch, with you touching her. It can rebuild your sensual relationship. It’s worth trying a few times. Be generous with affectionate touch that requires nothing of her but don’t ask for sex right away. Let her know you find her desirable by complimenting her. Go on some dates and hold her hand, small if back, get the door, talk about things other than family life and relationship. You’re in the sweet spot of having already learned how to get the girl, having done so before. Bonus for you it’s like she’s new again. I’m not saying you need to do all the work in your relationship but sometimes we need to refresh/remember how we got together.

This is great advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was married and the W lost interest in sex, I tried an experiment where I didn't even touch her or kiss her for one entire month to see if she even noticed. She didn't. It DOES NOT HELP to pull away but good luck with this problem.

I agree with this, but I also disagree with all the massage/making her feel desirable/wooing her crap. While there are exceptions to every rule, 95/100 when a wife loses sexual desire for her husband in a long-term marriage, it’s gone forever. Bottom line, she’s lost interest in sex with you, so can lose interest in monogamy with her.

Not true for a fact. It can and did come back for me. Don't listen to this man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was married and the W lost interest in sex, I tried an experiment where I didn't even touch her or kiss her for one entire month to see if she even noticed. She didn't. It DOES NOT HELP to pull away but good luck with this problem.

I agree with this, but I also disagree with all the massage/making her feel desirable/wooing her crap. While there are exceptions to every rule, 95/100 when a wife loses sexual desire for her husband in a long-term marriage, it’s gone forever. Bottom line, she’s lost interest in sex with you, so can lose interest in monogamy with her.

Not true for a fact. It can and did come back for me. Don't listen to this man.

Op here, what worked for you? Some of the advice here sounds like the Manhattan project which is probably what is will take I am sure but still.

[Anonymous]

Once it’s gone, it’s gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was married and the W lost interest in sex, I tried an experiment where I didn't even touch her or kiss her for one entire month to see if she even noticed. She didn't. It DOES NOT HELP to pull away but good luck with this problem.

I agree with this, but I also disagree with all the massage/making her feel desirable/wooing her crap. While there are exceptions to every rule, 95/100 when a wife loses sexual desire for her husband in a long-term marriage, it’s gone forever. Bottom line, she’s lost interest in sex with you, so can lose interest in monogamy with her.

Even if this were true, and I’m sure you’re just pulling numbers out of your a**, wouldn’t you make some effort in this hopes your wife is one of the 5? Your kids, your life, your family; you wouldn’t hope you could be in that 5%? I absolutely would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was married and the W lost interest in sex, I tried an experiment where I didn't even touch her or kiss her for one entire month to see if she even noticed. She didn't. It DOES NOT HELP to pull away but good luck with this problem.

She noticed. She just didn’t beg you nor ask wtf what your problem, and assumed you were self centered.

[Anonymous]

How is your emotional connection? Do you guys fight? Talk? Have there been any periods of depression or disconnect due to kids, work, midlife, etc.?

Address the underlying intimacy issues. There may be some physical/health issues as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is your emotional connection? Do you guys fight? Talk? Have there been any periods of depression or disconnect due to kids, work, midlife, etc.?

Address the underlying intimacy issues. There may be some physical/health issues as well.

Emotionally, probably average. We don't fight a lot. She is super miserable at her job so when I come home, it's venting, then complaining, so I wouldn't dream of putting sex on the menu that night. We have a slightly special needs kid that wears us both out. The intimacy issue has been going on a decade plus, I am just over being the pursuer 100 percent of the time.

When I try to address it, its generally met with "this is because we haven't had sex in a while? Then just do it" i.e. checklist sex which I don't and won't have again. Would rather be celibate and open the marriage or divorce.