Step Parents and Spending

[Anonymous]

Most married couples write their wills so that everything goes to the other spouse, and then whatever is left after both deaths does to their kids. I don't get anything from any of my parents' wills until both of my parents are dead. Op's dad seems to have decided how much he wanted both of his biological kids to get from his estate and left them that.

Get over it, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

To be clear- my father had a detailed will. All three of us received approximately 250k each. I have no idea what the the remaining balance of my dad's estate was after that.

It could have been a few million or a few hundred thousand. Whatever it was was left to my step mother along with the house. That's another 800k there that will undoubtedly go to my half brother.



The money she's giving him comes from her share of the will.

I dont understand. If you dont know how much of the estate was remaining after the 750k that went to his kids, how do you know there's another 800k left?

It seems like you and your full sibling got a fair share of the estate. I'd try to move on from this. Your stepbrother is a lot younger than you. Did they ever give you money in your twenties?

The 800k is the value of the paid off home. No doubt Susan will leave that to her son. Or at least that's how I took it.

So he left her the house. And then he left his three kids - two of whom who are her stepkids - 750k. And op doesnt even know how much more was left other than the 750k or the house. It's entirely possibly his wife was only left with a few hundred thousand after the house. Lots of wives would have issues with the kids getting such a big cut.

Also - another poster said the stepmom didnt work. Where does it say that? I dont see that anywhere. And even if she did not work, she was probably helping care for the kids and the house. She's his wife and they were married for decades. That is her money. And OP still has not answered how much her dad provided for her college, grad school, any other help in her twenties, etc. She is a lot older than her half brother.

That’s a good point. The stepbrother is only 25 and OP is almost 40. Who knows what she got from her father when he was living. It’s not horrible to pay the cell phone bill of your 25 year old nor help them out with house expenses or a down payment, etc. It’s kind of silly to complaint about that stuff when you are far past the age of needing help.

If he’s 25, his “cushy” government job probably doesn’t pay that much. Not that it’s any of your business.

[Anonymous]

Sorry- you're getting hosed. You can expect your half brother to get everything else- including the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a married couple it's their money. Where would OP get the idea it was only her dads, lol.

OP how did you find out about the gifting? Susan should have made sure to keep it secret as it's no one's business. The dad gave his kids plenty, I would have been very happy with that amount. We got zip.

OP here.

My half brother has a long term gf he'll likely marry. I saw that she was probably going to be my SIL so I've made the effort to forge a relationship with her despite the age difference. I like her; she is kind and patient. She made a remark this weekend at brunch about how my half brother was 'socking away' the 11k for a house project. I played dumb and she went on explaining how Susan has been really helpful getting him squared away early in life.

She doesn't know I get nothing. Only my little brother knows about all this.

You were probably helped too. He is 25. You are 40. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

It’s her money to do with as she pleases. You got $250k; be content with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

To be clear- my father had a detailed will. All three of us received approximately 250k each. I have no idea what the the remaining balance of my dad's estate was after that.

It could have been a few million or a few hundred thousand. Whatever it was was left to my step mother along with the house. That's another 800k there that will undoubtedly go to my half brother.



The money she's giving him comes from her share of the will.

I dont understand. If you dont know how much of the estate was remaining after the 750k that went to his kids, how do you know there's another 800k left?

It seems like you and your full sibling got a fair share of the estate. I'd try to move on from this. Your stepbrother is a lot younger than you. Did they ever give you money in your twenties?

The 800k is the value of the paid off home. No doubt Susan will leave that to her son. Or at least that's how I took it.

So he left her the house. And then he left his three kids - two of whom who are her stepkids - 750k. And op doesnt even know how much more was left other than the 750k or the house. It's entirely possibly his wife was only left with a few hundred thousand after the house. Lots of wives would have issues with the kids getting such a big cut.

Also - another poster said the stepmom didnt work. Where does it say that? I dont see that anywhere. And even if she did not work, she was probably helping care for the kids and the house. She's his wife and they were married for decades. That is her money. And OP still has not answered how much her dad provided for her college, grad school, any other help in her twenties, etc. She is a lot older than her half brother.

That’s a good point. The stepbrother is only 25 and OP is almost 40. Who knows what she got from her father when he was living. It’s not horrible to pay the cell phone bill of your 25 year old nor help them out with house expenses or a down payment, etc. It’s kind of silly to complaint about that stuff when you are far past the age of needing help.

If he’s 25, his “cushy” government job probably doesn’t pay that much. Not that it’s any of your business.

WTF are you even talking about. The kid is making a least 70k, gets every federal holiday, several weeks paid vacation, 9-5 hours, no weekend work, has excellent health care, metro reimbursement (ie his commute is free) and will have a fully vested pension by 45. And nearly impossible to be fired.

If that's not cushy you are either born wealthy or trolling. Most jobs don't even have retirement benefits anymore.

Source: 28 year old in DC trying hard to get a fed job

[Anonymous]

Lots of greedy second wives chiming in, I see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad and mom had me and my little brother. They were an extremely happy couple from what I remember. My mother died of cancer when I was 8 and my brother was 6 . My dad was extremely depressed for several years but met "Susan" when I was 10. They fell in love and married when I was 12. They had a son when I was 14. Susan never worked outside the home again. That was 25 years ago. My father passed away four years ago.

I just learned this weekend that Susan has been gifting my half brother $11,000 annually since my dad's death as well as paying his cell phone bill and purchasing his car (a 30k 2017 Subaru). My brother and I haven't seen a dime.

I honestly have no complaints against my step mother or half brother and see them regularly, but this just.... pisses me off incredibly. It's my dad's money and she's not sharing it with me and my brother. My half brother is a full grown adult not needing any assistance at all and has a cushy job with the USDA.

That's wrong, right?

I feel like I'm being stolen from.

Ummmm...I think you need to get over this. This was the way your dad set this up. I *might* be more sympathetic if this wasn't your dad's child. All of his kids got $250k, which is nothing to sneeze at. I am assuming he left her the house. He did that because people in your position put the step-mom out of the house upon the death of the other parent.

You are dickering over HER money. I would feel differently if he left her everything and she was doing this, but you got your equal share. HIS mother is giving him the part of HER money SHE wants him to have. Be upset at how your dad did this. Be upset at how he agreed to her being a SAHM. And then get over it. Do you think he should have left you more money than his other son? It sucks, but you aren't being stolen from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad and mom had me and my little brother. They were an extremely happy couple from what I remember. My mother died of cancer when I was 8 and my brother was 6 . My dad was extremely depressed for several years but met "Susan" when I was 10. They fell in love and married when I was 12. They had a son when I was 14. Susan never worked outside the home again. That was 25 years ago. My father passed away four years ago.

I just learned this weekend that Susan has been gifting my half brother $11,000 annually since my dad's death as well as paying his cell phone bill and purchasing his car (a 30k 2017 Subaru). My brother and I haven't seen a dime.

I honestly have no complaints against my step mother or half brother and see them regularly, but this just.... pisses me off incredibly. It's my dad's money and she's not sharing it with me and my brother. My half brother is a full grown adult not needing any assistance at all and has a cushy job with the USDA.

That's wrong, right?

I feel like I'm being stolen from.

Ummmm...I think you need to get over this. This was the way your dad set this up. I *might* be more sympathetic if this wasn't your dad's child. All of his kids got $250k, which is nothing to sneeze at. I am assuming he left her the house. He did that because people in your position put the step-mom out of the house upon the death of the other parent.

You are dickering over HER money. I would feel differently if he left her everything and she was doing this, but you got your equal share. HIS mother is giving him the part of HER money SHE wants him to have. Be upset at how your dad did this. Be upset at how he agreed to her being a SAHM. And then get over it. Do you think he should have left you more money than his other son? It sucks, but you aren't being stolen from.

PS - I would NEVER do this, but she clearly does not think of you as a daughter, so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

To be clear- my father had a detailed will. All three of us received approximately 250k each. I have no idea what the the remaining balance of my dad's estate was after that.

It could have been a few million or a few hundred thousand. Whatever it was was left to my step mother along with the house. That's another 800k there that will undoubtedly go to my half brother.



The money she's giving him comes from her share of the will.

I dont understand. If you dont know how much of the estate was remaining after the 750k that went to his kids, how do you know there's another 800k left?

It seems like you and your full sibling got a fair share of the estate. I'd try to move on from this. Your stepbrother is a lot younger than you. Did they ever give you money in your twenties?

The 800k is the value of the paid off home. No doubt Susan will leave that to her son. Or at least that's how I took it.

So he left her the house. And then he left his three kids - two of whom who are her stepkids - 750k. And op doesnt even know how much more was left other than the 750k or the house. It's entirely possibly his wife was only left with a few hundred thousand after the house. Lots of wives would have issues with the kids getting such a big cut.

Also - another poster said the stepmom didnt work. Where does it say that? I dont see that anywhere. And even if she did not work, she was probably helping care for the kids and the house. She's his wife and they were married for decades. That is her money. And OP still has not answered how much her dad provided for her college, grad school, any other help in her twenties, etc. She is a lot older than her half brother.

That’s a good point. The stepbrother is only 25 and OP is almost 40. Who knows what she got from her father when he was living. It’s not horrible to pay the cell phone bill of your 25 year old nor help them out with house expenses or a down payment, etc. It’s kind of silly to complaint about that stuff when you are far past the age of needing help.

If he’s 25, his “cushy” government job probably doesn’t pay that much. Not that it’s any of your business.

The kids job has nothing to do with anything. OP doesn't know why Susan is gifting him the money - it could be a lot of things she's not aware of. Doesn't matter it's Susan's money period.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine being jealous over how my step mother spends her money at this point.

That would be absurd.

[Anonymous]

You're father was weak or dumb.

This scenario plays out ALL THE TIME.

Women get the benjamins and pass to their bio kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're father was weak or dumb.

This scenario plays out ALL THE TIME.

Women get the benjamins and pass to their bio kid.

Half a million dollars went to HIS bio kids. That is a lot of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

To be clear- my father had a detailed will. All three of us received approximately 250k each. I have no idea what the the remaining balance of my dad's estate was after that.

It could have been a few million or a few hundred thousand. Whatever it was was left to my step mother along with the house. That's another 800k there that will undoubtedly go to my half brother.



The money she's giving him comes from her share of the will.

I dont understand. If you dont know how much of the estate was remaining after the 750k that went to his kids, how do you know there's another 800k left?

It seems like you and your full sibling got a fair share of the estate. I'd try to move on from this. Your stepbrother is a lot younger than you. Did they ever give you money in your twenties?

The 800k is the value of the paid off home. No doubt Susan will leave that to her son. Or at least that's how I took it.

So he left her the house. And then he left his three kids - two of whom who are her stepkids - 750k. And op doesnt even know how much more was left other than the 750k or the house. It's entirely possibly his wife was only left with a few hundred thousand after the house. Lots of wives would have issues with the kids getting such a big cut.

Also - another poster said the stepmom didnt work. Where does it say that? I dont see that anywhere. And even if she did not work, she was probably helping care for the kids and the house. She's his wife and they were married for decades. That is her money. And OP still has not answered how much her dad provided for her college, grad school, any other help in her twenties, etc. She is a lot older than her half brother.

That’s a good point. The stepbrother is only 25 and OP is almost 40. Who knows what she got from her father when he was living. It’s not horrible to pay the cell phone bill of your 25 year old nor help them out with house expenses or a down payment, etc. It’s kind of silly to complaint about that stuff when you are far past the age of needing help.

If he’s 25, his “cushy” government job probably doesn’t pay that much. Not that it’s any of your business.

WTF are you even talking about. The kid is making a least 70k, gets every federal holiday, several weeks paid vacation, 9-5 hours, no weekend work, has excellent health care, metro reimbursement (ie his commute is free) and will have a fully vested pension by 45. And nearly impossible to be fired.

If that's not cushy you are either born wealthy or trolling. Most jobs don't even have retirement benefits anymore.

Source: 28 year old in DC trying hard to get a fed job

No he’s likely not making 70k. Entry-level jobs with a bachelor’s degree (GS-7) start at 47k in 2019. I doubt he is more than a GS-7 or maybe GS-9. Sure, it’s cushy in that it’s a relatively secure job, but the private sector offers way more money and even better benefits. The health care isn’t that great. Metro benefits only mean something if your building is metro-accessible (mine isn’t). And you are sorely mistaken about a “fully vested pension by 45.” That doesn’t exist anymore. Google is your friend.

Anyway, all that is to say he’s just a few years out of college and it’s not unreasonable to get some help in a HCOL area like DC before you’re fully established.

Source: someone who actually works for the federal government.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're father was weak or dumb.

This scenario plays out ALL THE TIME.

Women get the benjamins and pass to their bio kid.

Half a million dollars went to HIS bio kids. That is a lot of money.

Yes and her kid will probably get 5-6x of that "big number." Are you a stepmother?