Step Parents and Spending

[Anonymous]

I'd bet your 250k that your father had no idea she would do this or else he would have taken precautions to prevent it. You can't outright stop it, short of leaving her nothing or having her on a very tight disbursement schedule.

That he equally willed all 3 children equal portions indicates he had no preference. She is overriding that. That makes her disgusting.

Seriously- ask yourself what type of person would step between a parent and their child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn't your father's money, he's dead and has been for quite some time. Dead people don't have money, or stuff. You aren't being stolen from, you just aren't being subsidized.

It IS her dad's money. The SM never worked a day in her life. If it weren't for her da's money Susan would be on the street!

OP- I am sorry. This is terribly cruel. There isn't much to be done than wash your hands of her and move on. she sounds like a horrible woman.

The amount he earned while they were married is community property that passed to her. Anything he brought into the marriage might have been "his" if not comingled, but it *was* comingled, and passed to her upon his death.

I agree it's crappy, but it's all her money now, and that's that. Stop with the histrionics.

[Anonymous]

Your father left each of his three children $250,000 and the rest to his wife of many years. It is unfortunate that she doesn't treat you the same as her birth child given that she has been in your life since you were 10 or 12. Since you know the specifics of what she has been gifting her son and you say you have a good relationship why not just ask her politely? Depending on what her answer is will help define what kind of relationship you have with her going forward. Since it is eating away at you it's time to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

As a married couple it's their money. Where would OP get the idea it was only her dads, lol.

OP how did you find out about the gifting? Susan should have made sure to keep it secret as it's no one's business. The dad gave his kids plenty, I would have been very happy with that amount. We got zip.

[Anonymous]

Do you have children? Is she giving money to her son without bestowing any money on her dead husband's grandchildren? That's outrageous if so.

[Anonymous]

Your father made sure that 500k of money he could have left to your stepmom instead went to her stepkids. That's a lot of money. He could have left you nothing. Instead, it sounds like a big percentage of the estate went to you and your full sibling.

Do you have a copy of the estate paperwork? Did he leave it in trust? Who knows, maybe there is an equalization provision of whatever she gifts to her son in his lifetime gets taken out of his final interitance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

To be clear- my father had a detailed will. All three of us received approximately 250k each. I have no idea what the the remaining balance of my dad's estate was after that.

It could have been a few million or a few hundred thousand. Whatever it was was left to my step mother along with the house. That's another 800k there that will undoubtedly go to my half brother.



The money she's giving him comes from her share of the will.

I dont understand. If you dont know how much of the estate was remaining after the 750k that went to his kids, how do you know there's another 800k left?

It seems like you and your full sibling got a fair share of the estate. I'd try to move on from this. Your stepbrother is a lot younger than you. Did they ever give you money in your twenties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a married couple it's their money. Where would OP get the idea it was only her dads, lol.

OP how did you find out about the gifting? Susan should have made sure to keep it secret as it's no one's business. The dad gave his kids plenty, I would have been very happy with that amount. We got zip.

OP here.

My half brother has a long term gf he'll likely marry. I saw that she was probably going to be my SIL so I've made the effort to forge a relationship with her despite the age difference. I like her; she is kind and patient. She made a remark this weekend at brunch about how my half brother was 'socking away' the 11k for a house project. I played dumb and she went on explaining how Susan has been really helpful getting him squared away early in life.

She doesn't know I get nothing. Only my little brother knows about all this.

[Anonymous]

I bet your father assumed that she would treat all three children the same after so many years. It will be very interesting to see how she handles her own will. If it all goes to her son that will really be sad. In a perfect world your father would have set up a trust where Susan would receive annual income of X dollars and then the remainder would be split in three when she died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

To be clear- my father had a detailed will. All three of us received approximately 250k each. I have no idea what the the remaining balance of my dad's estate was after that.

It could have been a few million or a few hundred thousand. Whatever it was was left to my step mother along with the house. That's another 800k there that will undoubtedly go to my half brother.



The money she's giving him comes from her share of the will.

I dont understand. If you dont know how much of the estate was remaining after the 750k that went to his kids, how do you know there's another 800k left?

It seems like you and your full sibling got a fair share of the estate. I'd try to move on from this. Your stepbrother is a lot younger than you. Did they ever give you money in your twenties?

The 800k is the value of the paid off home. No doubt Susan will leave that to her son. Or at least that's how I took it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd bet your 250k that your father had no idea she would do this or else he would have taken precautions to prevent it. You can't outright stop it, short of leaving her nothing or having her on a very tight disbursement schedule.

That he equally willed all 3 children equal portions indicates he had no preference. She is overriding that. That makes her disgusting.

Seriously- ask yourself what type of person would step between a parent and their child?

She could be getting income from social security, 401ks, and other investments. She may have plenty to give to her child if that's her choice. Going forward it's no ones business what she does with her income. It was the estate of a married couple, and the couple gave their kids quite a bit. I wouldn't complain.

[Anonymous]

If you’re going to be mad at anyone, it should be your dad. With that kind of estate, he made an informed decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

To be clear- my father had a detailed will. All three of us received approximately 250k each. I have no idea what the the remaining balance of my dad's estate was after that.

It could have been a few million or a few hundred thousand. Whatever it was was left to my step mother along with the house. That's another 800k there that will undoubtedly go to my half brother.



The money she's giving him comes from her share of the will.

I dont understand. If you dont know how much of the estate was remaining after the 750k that went to his kids, how do you know there's another 800k left?

It seems like you and your full sibling got a fair share of the estate. I'd try to move on from this. Your stepbrother is a lot younger than you. Did they ever give you money in your twenties?

The 800k is the value of the paid off home. No doubt Susan will leave that to her son. Or at least that's how I took it.

So he left her the house. And then he left his three kids - two of whom who are her stepkids - 750k. And op doesnt even know how much more was left other than the 750k or the house. It's entirely possibly his wife was only left with a few hundred thousand after the house. Lots of wives would have issues with the kids getting such a big cut.

Also - another poster said the stepmom didnt work. Where does it say that? I dont see that anywhere. And even if she did not work, she was probably helping care for the kids and the house. She's his wife and they were married for decades. That is her money. And OP still has not answered how much her dad provided for her college, grad school, any other help in her twenties, etc. She is a lot older than her half brother.

[Anonymous]

So you don’t actually need money and you are just upset on principle. I get it, but you have no idea what money of her own, investments, etc. she brought to the marriage or what she’s using to fund your SB. Could be at least from SS, etc. I assume she worked at least SOME in her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a married couple it's their money. Where would OP get the idea it was only her dads, lol.

OP how did you find out about the gifting? Susan should have made sure to keep it secret as it's no one's business. The dad gave his kids plenty, I would have been very happy with that amount. We got zip.

OP here.

My half brother has a long term gf he'll likely marry. I saw that she was probably going to be my SIL so I've made the effort to forge a relationship with her despite the age difference. I like her; she is kind and patient. She made a remark this weekend at brunch about how my half brother was 'socking away' the 11k for a house project. I played dumb and she went on explaining how Susan has been really helpful getting him squared away early in life.

She doesn't know I get nothing. Only my little brother knows about all this.

It may be her gift to the couple for their married life. Who knows, but if you have a good relationship I would keep it that way. I get along with my step mother, and visit her fairly often though she ended up with everything. At the end of the day those were my dad's choices. It was shocking at the time, but who knows what she'll do with her assets. She's much younger so it's not something I even think about. Also, I'm doing pretty well so there's that.