Step Parents and Spending

[Anonymous]

OP your father left you money and decided to leave you what you got. He obviously wanted to make sure his wife was taken care of since she never worked and you are presumably in your 30s(40s?).

The wisdom of her giving money to your half brother is another issue since I doubt you will be stepping up to care for her in her old age (hence why your dad left her the bulk of the estate). Also he has to be at least 12 years younger than you and probably still working to get established. I’d be curious to know if what he’s getting is really that out of bounds from what a lot of young professionals get.

[Anonymous]

It's possible that assets the SM and half-brother are now enjoying could've come from OP's mother.

OP's mother could've brought significant financial assets to the marriage (i.e. downpayment for the house, inheritance, savings/earnings from well-paying job, etc) and all of which went to OP's father upon her death. And now, it seems the bulk of the estate has been passed to SM and most likely, the half-brother after that.

OP's dad should've protected his children from his first marriage better.

[Anonymous]

I love all the greedy step moms here cheering the loss of OP’s birthright

[Anonymous]

This thread once again proves that stepmothers are sketchy as hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's possible that assets the SM and half-brother are now enjoying could've come from OP's mother.

OP's mother could've brought significant financial assets to the marriage (i.e. downpayment for the house, inheritance, savings/earnings from well-paying job, etc) and all of which went to OP's father upon her death. And now, it seems the bulk of the estate has been passed to SM and most likely, the half-brother after that.

OP's dad should've protected his children from his first marriage better.

You don't really know that, and it's silly to guess whether SM's share was the "bulk" or a "share" of the estate. We have no idea.

[Anonymous]

My stepmom, who is v. Wealthy (eg ,+-20 m in assets at least) insisted my dad leave her half of everything he has (half is around 750k ) plus their joint properties go to her. She has no children, though we have made every effort for her to be as much of a grandparent as she would like. Evidently she has left him 1 m and right to stay in house until he dies, then it is split. And the balance goes to her nieces ( who are also wealthy, it's all family wealth)and charity. It's about control not money in our case. I could care less about her money but I'm pissed that my dad's retirement, savings, pension goes to her when she doesn't need it. He isn't looking out for his grandkids. He just cannot stand up to her. He's a lot older so likely to pass first. Meanwhile I'm a stepparent myself and have been sharing burden of private schools for stepchild while my bio kids do public. Another story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My stepmom, who is v. Wealthy (eg ,+-20 m in assets at least) insisted my dad leave her half of everything he has (half is around 750k ) plus their joint properties go to her. She has no children, though we have made every effort for her to be as much of a grandparent as she would like. Evidently she has left him 1 m and right to stay in house until he dies, then it is split. And the balance goes to her nieces ( who are also wealthy, it's all family wealth)and charity. It's about control not money in our case. I could care less about her money but I'm pissed that my dad's retirement, savings, pension goes to her when she doesn't need it. He isn't looking out for his grandkids. He just cannot stand up to her. He's a lot older so likely to pass first. Meanwhile I'm a stepparent myself and have been sharing burden of private schools for stepchild while my bio kids do public. Another story.

Be pissed at your dad, not the woman who is not your blood and flesh and owes you nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's possible that assets the SM and half-brother are now enjoying could've come from OP's mother.

OP's mother could've brought significant financial assets to the marriage (i.e. downpayment for the house, inheritance, savings/earnings from well-paying job, etc) and all of which went to OP's father upon her death. And now, it seems the bulk of the estate has been passed to SM and most likely, the half-brother after that.

OP's dad should've protected his children from his first marriage better.

You don't really know that, and it's silly to guess whether SM's share was the "bulk" or a "share" of the estate. We have no idea.

We don't know that it's not the case. It's fair speculation.

[Anonymous]

OP sucks for putting down stay at home mothers (what does that detail have to do with anything?). It's clear she regards her step-mom as not really her mom. It's not as if she is some 60-year-old that swooped in and helped dad spend all the money and did none of the hard work.

Stepmom sucks for giving one of the kids that she raised $11k a year and zilch to the other two kids. It's clear she regards her kid as her only real kid.

On the other hand, we don't know how much help OP and the younger brother (not step brother) got when Dad was still alive.

Dad tried by ensuring all three kids got $250k and left the rest to his wife, who presumably had many more years to go. (Of course it gets way funner if stepmom remarries again.) I'd feel a little more sympathy for OP if she got nothing from Dad when he died and stepmom was proceeding to give all the monies to her "real" son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sucks for putting down stay at home mothers (what does that detail have to do with anything?). It's clear she regards her step-mom as not really her mom. It's not as if she is some 60-year-old that swooped in and helped dad spend all the money and did none of the hard work.

What's with the weird expectation to regard the stepmom is mom? She isn't mom. Mom died. Dad remarried when OP was at a ripe age of 12. It would be a huge act of disrespect toward the memory of her mother to regard any other woman as her mom.

[Anonymous]

Are you seriously complaining after receiving $250K? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

I can't believe all the people defending the step mom keeping all the money with the expectation of the son getting it. Under all their crazy rationalizations, when the dad died, 50% of the estate should have immediately gone to OP and her brother (because that represents their long-passed mother's share of the assets). And the remaining assets should be split as desired between the step mom, and the three kids. And then the step mom can leave whatever she wants from that to her son (and not OP and the brother) when she ultimately passes away.

And the mom never working is totally relevant -- because it means that she wasn't bringing any assets to the family. So the assets represent the OP's mom's assets just as much as the stepmom's assets. Hence, OP should be entitled to a greater share than the half brother - since the half brother will get included in his mom's estate ultimately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe all the people defending the step mom keeping all the money with the expectation of the son getting it. Under all their crazy rationalizations, when the dad died, 50% of the estate should have immediately gone to OP and her brother (because that represents their long-passed mother's share of the assets). And the remaining assets should be split as desired between the step mom, and the three kids. And then the step mom can leave whatever she wants from that to her son (and not OP and the brother) when she ultimately passes away.

And the mom never working is totally relevant -- because it means that she wasn't bringing any assets to the family. So the assets represent the OP's mom's assets just as much as the stepmom's assets. Hence, OP should be entitled to a greater share than the half brother - since the half brother will get included in his mom's estate ultimately.

First of all, the amount stepmom got was what OP's dad decided. Second, she did NOT get all the money. OP got quite a large amount. She's just bitter about what the stepmom is doing with the portion she inherited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My stepmom, who is v. Wealthy (eg ,+-20 m in assets at least) insisted my dad leave her half of everything he has (half is around 750k ) plus their joint properties go to her. She has no children, though we have made every effort for her to be as much of a grandparent as she would like. Evidently she has left him 1 m and right to stay in house until he dies, then it is split. And the balance goes to her nieces ( who are also wealthy, it's all family wealth)and charity. It's about control not money in our case. I could care less about her money but I'm pissed that my dad's retirement, savings, pension goes to her when she doesn't need it. He isn't looking out for his grandkids. He just cannot stand up to her. He's a lot older so likely to pass first. Meanwhile I'm a stepparent myself and have been sharing burden of private schools for stepchild while my bio kids do public. Another story.

You aren't sharing the burden, your husband is. Your husband needs to say no if he cannot afford it.

[Anonymous]

Any time you are arguing with what "should be," you open yourself to huge disappointment and dissatisfaction. OP, you cannot control your stepmom, and your judgments about what she "should" do are subjective. Some people will see it your way, others won't. At the end of the day, though, do you want to be a happy person or no? Because that doesn't depend on what your stepmom does. It depends on how YOU deal with disappointments in life and what you can do for yourself.