Self-Centerdness and the Elderly

[Anonymous]

My dad completely lost his filter, among other signs of dementia. Turns out he had frontotemporal dementia. No amount of correction or boundaries was going to undo that. He had a geriatric psychiatrist who was really helpful in getting him medicated enough to be a reasonably pleasant person (mostly) without the enraged outbursts. So consider that this may be a disease and not just the person trying to torture you.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontotemporal_dementia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad completely lost his filter, among other signs of dementia. Turns out he had frontotemporal dementia. No amount of correction or boundaries was going to undo that. He had a geriatric psychiatrist who was really helpful in getting him medicated enough to be a reasonably pleasant person (mostly) without the enraged outbursts. So consider that this may be a disease and not just the person trying to torture you.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontotemporal_dementia

Well said. A few of the posts show that the posters don't really have a good understanding of dementia and that they should be more compassionate and understanding with their loved one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad completely lost his filter, among other signs of dementia. Turns out he had frontotemporal dementia. No amount of correction or boundaries was going to undo that. He had a geriatric psychiatrist who was really helpful in getting him medicated enough to be a reasonably pleasant person (mostly) without the enraged outbursts. So consider that this may be a disease and not just the person trying to torture you.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontotemporal_dementia

Well said. A few of the posts show that the posters don't really have a good understanding of dementia and that they should be more compassionate and understanding with their loved one.

You should be ashamed of yourself for criticizing people who actually do the work with their parents. Venting is healthy. I have news for you, if we weren't compassionate we wouldn't be doing all this often with downright verbal abuse in return. I have dealt with parents and grandparents with and without dementia who became incredibly difficult and self-centered and quite cruel to the caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad completely lost his filter, among other signs of dementia. Turns out he had frontotemporal dementia. No amount of correction or boundaries was going to undo that. He had a geriatric psychiatrist who was really helpful in getting him medicated enough to be a reasonably pleasant person (mostly) without the enraged outbursts. So consider that this may be a disease and not just the person trying to torture you.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontotemporal_dementia

Well said. A few of the posts show that the posters don't really have a good understanding of dementia and that they should be more compassionate and understanding with their loved one.

You should be ashamed of yourself for criticizing people who actually do the work with their parents. Venting is healthy. I have news for you, if we weren't compassionate we wouldn't be doing all this often with downright verbal abuse in return. I have dealt with parents and grandparents with and without dementia who became incredibly difficult and self-centered and quite cruel to the caregiver.

I am not ashamed at all of me. I am GREATLY ashamed of most of the posters here. You all sound like a bunch of immature loud-mouthed brats whining because mommy won't kiss your boo-boo and wants you to stop complaining about yourselves all the time. FWIW I do walk what I talk and we are caregivers to elderly family members with dementia and a whole host of other ailments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad completely lost his filter, among other signs of dementia. Turns out he had frontotemporal dementia. No amount of correction or boundaries was going to undo that. He had a geriatric psychiatrist who was really helpful in getting him medicated enough to be a reasonably pleasant person (mostly) without the enraged outbursts. So consider that this may be a disease and not just the person trying to torture you.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontotemporal_dementia

Well said. A few of the posts show that the posters don't really have a good understanding of dementia and that they should be more compassionate and understanding with their loved one.

You should be ashamed of yourself for criticizing people who actually do the work with their parents. Venting is healthy. I have news for you, if we weren't compassionate we wouldn't be doing all this often with downright verbal abuse in return. I have dealt with parents and grandparents with and without dementia who became incredibly difficult and self-centered and quite cruel to the caregiver.

I am not ashamed at all of me. I am GREATLY ashamed of most of the posters here. You all sound like a bunch of immature loud-mouthed brats whining because mommy won't kiss your boo-boo and wants you to stop complaining about yourselves all the time. FWIW I do walk what I talk and we are caregivers to elderly family members with dementia and a whole host of other ailments.

You sound angry and burned-out, with that reaction. Are you sure you are okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Old people are like toddlers in many ways: tantrum throwing, self centered poopy pants who are still so lovable

Some are, some aren't.
Just saying.

[Anonymous]

My FIL cooked, baked, babysat and worked long hours until he was over 80, when he got cancer and died at 82. He was amazing. His wife didn't work and lived like a queen. To her credit, though, she doesn't complain now that she's a widow, and she hires help instead of making demands on us. I'm not going to comment on my parents because Yom Kippur is coming up and that's Judgment Day.

[Anonymous]

My therapist says she can't get her elderly clients to change their appointment if a younger, working person needs to move theirs due to work or family responsibilities. The old folks say "I can't come at 11:30, that's when I eat my sandwich" or "that's when I cut my toenails" (the last one might be humor).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL cooked, baked, babysat and worked long hours until he was over 80, when he got cancer and died at 82. He was amazing. His wife didn't work and lived like a queen. To her credit, though, she doesn't complain now that she's a widow, and she hires help instead of making demands on us. I'm not going to comment on my parents because Yom Kippur is coming up and that's Judgment Day.

Let me add that when he was staring death in the face, he was humble about it and remained cheerful. Totally wonderful guy. Rare, I know.

[Anonymous]

They lose perspective and can’t think outside of their own needs. Unfortunately, if they were already selfish and manipulative, it can get even worse. My MIL is still able to guilt her kids into jumping through hoops for all sorts of “emergencies” , even as a dementia patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad completely lost his filter, among other signs of dementia. Turns out he had frontotemporal dementia. No amount of correction or boundaries was going to undo that. He had a geriatric psychiatrist who was really helpful in getting him medicated enough to be a reasonably pleasant person (mostly) without the enraged outbursts. So consider that this may be a disease and not just the person trying to torture you.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontotemporal_dementia

Well said. A few of the posts show that the posters don't really have a good understanding of dementia and that they should be more compassionate and understanding with their loved one.

You should be ashamed of yourself for criticizing people who actually do the work with their parents. Venting is healthy. I have news for you, if we weren't compassionate we wouldn't be doing all this often with downright verbal abuse in return. I have dealt with parents and grandparents with and without dementia who became incredibly difficult and self-centered and quite cruel to the caregiver.

I am not ashamed at all of me. I am GREATLY ashamed of most of the posters here. You all sound like a bunch of immature loud-mouthed brats whining because mommy won't kiss your boo-boo and wants you to stop complaining about yourselves all the time. FWIW I do walk what I talk and we are caregivers to elderly family members with dementia and a whole host of other ailments.

I've posted, though I'm not PP quoted above but none of the elderly people I have posted about have dementia. None of them. If they did have dementia I would at least be able to explain some of the nastiness away. Without dementia you are just staring at an obnoxious selfish nasty old person.

Their world shrinks and I get that but when you are caring they should try to understand instead they are so incredibly selfish.

Many care-givers burn out. Let people vent. You should be ashamed of yourself for not understanding that people need to vent sometimes, people get frustrated and worn out. It's doesn't make them whiny brats it makes them human and I'm not going for some super hero award like you obviously are. Good luck to you with that.

My friend cared for her dad with dementia and even she said how hard it was to deal with the cruelness and the loss of a father because the person she was caring for wasn't the dad she knew. Imagine I responded by calling her a loud mouthed whiny brat. No instead I hugged her and told her how great she was doing. I couldn't be as heartless as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad completely lost his filter, among other signs of dementia. Turns out he had frontotemporal dementia. No amount of correction or boundaries was going to undo that. He had a geriatric psychiatrist who was really helpful in getting him medicated enough to be a reasonably pleasant person (mostly) without the enraged outbursts. So consider that this may be a disease and not just the person trying to torture you.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontotemporal_dementia

Well said. A few of the posts show that the posters don't really have a good understanding of dementia and that they should be more compassionate and understanding with their loved one.

You should be ashamed of yourself for criticizing people who actually do the work with their parents. Venting is healthy. I have news for you, if we weren't compassionate we wouldn't be doing all this often with downright verbal abuse in return. I have dealt with parents and grandparents with and without dementia who became incredibly difficult and self-centered and quite cruel to the caregiver.

I am not ashamed at all of me. I am GREATLY ashamed of most of the posters here. You all sound like a bunch of immature loud-mouthed brats whining because mommy won't kiss your boo-boo and wants you to stop complaining about yourselves all the time. FWIW I do walk what I talk and we are caregivers to elderly family members with dementia and a whole host of other ailments.

You sound angry and burned-out, with that reaction. Are you sure you are okay?

Some people thrive on martyrdom.

They can handle the abuse and hardship, but the moment you question their selflessness they will go ballistic. This is the type of person who has a savior complex.

[Anonymous]

My sympathies, OP.

My parents are in a great stage right now: they smothered me as as child, and used to be hypercontrolling of me as an adult, but as they've aged, their world has slowly shrunk and they don't have the energy to care so much about my life. Which is GREAT because of how intrusive they used to be!

However, I can see how after a while, they will completely detach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad completely lost his filter, among other signs of dementia. Turns out he had frontotemporal dementia. No amount of correction or boundaries was going to undo that. He had a geriatric psychiatrist who was really helpful in getting him medicated enough to be a reasonably pleasant person (mostly) without the enraged outbursts. So consider that this may be a disease and not just the person trying to torture you.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontotemporal_dementia

Well said. A few of the posts show that the posters don't really have a good understanding of dementia and that they should be more compassionate and understanding with their loved one.

You should be ashamed of yourself for criticizing people who actually do the work with their parents. Venting is healthy. I have news for you, if we weren't compassionate we wouldn't be doing all this often with downright verbal abuse in return. I have dealt with parents and grandparents with and without dementia who became incredibly difficult and self-centered and quite cruel to the caregiver.

I am not ashamed at all of me. I am GREATLY ashamed of most of the posters here. You all sound like a bunch of immature loud-mouthed brats whining because mommy won't kiss your boo-boo and wants you to stop complaining about yourselves all the time. FWIW I do walk what I talk and we are caregivers to elderly family members with dementia and a whole host of other ailments.

You have to understand that different people have different tolerance levels, and take care of patients with varying levels of aggression and nastiness. Some people are truly stretched and have no more to give. They are also venting on an anonymous forum, which is a harmless way to get their negativity out before the next round of interaction with their elderly parents.

A little tolerance and understanding, PP, would go a long way towards understanding the suffering of your fellow humans.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone found a strategy to convince elderly parents to take psych meds? One poster mentioned that meds helped their parent with frontotemporal dementia - but how did this poster get the parent to agree to see the psychiatrist and take the meds?