Self-Centerdness and the Elderly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know...I look back at all of the pretty selfless things that my parent did for their kids - everything from flying out to help with a newborn baby, to driving for hours to help one of her kids through a couple of surgeries, to allowing her grown kids to move back in with her for months (even years) , to being her grandchildren's biggest fans and filling her basement with fun toys...never missing any event no matter how big or how small.

I look back at that and, yeah, Mom can be annoying at times but she has done her part.

Yes, your mom has done her part. Some people have parents who didn't do most of those things and still feel entitled to be verbally abusive and overly demanding. In some cases these are people sitting on piles of money and refusing to spend any of it on help because they expect their adult kids who have families and jobs to do it.

Yep. There are those people too. And, no, it is not their kids' jobs to drop their own lives to rush in and take care of them. My mom has always been good to us but I can't drop my own life and tend to her full time. Luckily she seems to understand that and does not expect that out of me!

I have to be able to take a weekend trip away to tour a college with my kid or to take them to/from college. Dh and I have a milestone anniversary coming up and we would like to finally take the honeymoon that we never took.....

It's a different phase of life for our parents but our own lives still go on. We will be in the retirement home ourselves before we know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had just one more day with my now dead parents. When there are gone you will be the one at the funeral saying how awesome they were. You’re annoying.

The two are not mutually exclusive. When people die, we naturally remember their best moments. Surely you can understand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My therapist says she can't get her elderly clients to change their appointment if a younger, working person needs to move theirs due to work or family responsibilities. The old folks say "I can't come at 11:30, that's when I eat my sandwich" or "that's when I cut my toenails" (the last one might be humor).

LOL. That's a fascinating anecdote. Here's my little example -- My aunt (still a great driver at 70) said she could not take my mom (age 75) to the airport (5 miles away) at 7:00 pm one evening because "that's when I take a shower."

It was probably more to do with night vision on your aunt's part. She didn't want to come out and say "I'm not seeing well at night and I don't want to try and drive in all of that airport traffic during the dark." She is still more than fine to drive but she knows her limits which is actually what you want!

This is the kind of lack of cognitive flexibility I expect in my 9 year old with ADHD, but I see it in my aging parents as well. I don't get it. I guess when you don't have other people to take care of anymore, you forget how to roll with things.

If her vision is not what it used to be maybe she really shouldn't be driving at night. That actually seems like a pretty responsible choice on her part. I think the shower thing is just an excuse she came up with on the fly. People who don't tell fibs very often are usually horrible liars, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My therapist says she can't get her elderly clients to change their appointment if a younger, working person needs to move theirs due to work or family responsibilities. The old folks say "I can't come at 11:30, that's when I eat my sandwich" or "that's when I cut my toenails" (the last one might be humor).

LOL. That's a fascinating anecdote. Here's my little example -- My aunt (still a great driver at 70) said she could not take my mom (age 75) to the airport (5 miles away) at 7:00 pm one evening because "that's when I take a shower."

Meh, I don't expect anyone to drive me to the airport and I would much rather take uber than have a 70 year old drive me or anyone. I just don't expect people to be my chauffeur. Everyone said my parents were still great drivers in their 70s. Uh, no they weren't.

Gee. Most of the 70 year old people that I know are fine to drive. 70 is not old unless you have some major health/mental issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had just one more day with my now dead parents. When there are gone you will be the one at the funeral saying how awesome they were. You’re annoying.

Our parents could outlive their children for all we know. My guess is that when that time comes, they'll have a memorial service w/reception at/near their retirement community with their many friends in attendance and then a funeral service at the cemetery.

And, yes, you do miss your parents when they are gone. No question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My therapist says she can't get her elderly clients to change their appointment if a younger, working person needs to move theirs due to work or family responsibilities. The old folks say "I can't come at 11:30, that's when I eat my sandwich" or "that's when I cut my toenails" (the last one might be humor).

LOL. That's a fascinating anecdote. Here's my little example -- My aunt (still a great driver at 70) said she could not take my mom (age 75) to the airport (5 miles away) at 7:00 pm one evening because "that's when I take a shower."

Meh, I don't expect anyone to drive me to the airport and I would much rather take uber than have a 70 year old drive me or anyone. I just don't expect people to be my chauffeur. Everyone said my parents were still great drivers in their 70s. Uh, no they weren't.

Gee. Most of the 70 year old people that I know are fine to drive. 70 is not old unless you have some major health/mental issues.

Over 10% of the population already has dementia at age 70, some research suggests more. I assume this is among those who actually willingly get evaluated, that is not often the case. Starting at age 70 IMO it should be required to get driving tests. 70 is old. It doesn't mean you can't live a wonderful and vibrant life at 70, but yes, it is old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My therapist says she can't get her elderly clients to change their appointment if a younger, working person needs to move theirs due to work or family responsibilities. The old folks say "I can't come at 11:30, that's when I eat my sandwich" or "that's when I cut my toenails" (the last one might be humor).

LOL. That's a fascinating anecdote. Here's my little example -- My aunt (still a great driver at 70) said she could not take my mom (age 75) to the airport (5 miles away) at 7:00 pm one evening because "that's when I take a shower."

Meh, I don't expect anyone to drive me to the airport and I would much rather take uber than have a 70 year old drive me or anyone. I just don't expect people to be my chauffeur. Everyone said my parents were still great drivers in their 70s. Uh, no they weren't.

Gee. Most of the 70 year old people that I know are fine to drive. 70 is not old unless you have some major health/mental issues.

Over 10% of the population already has dementia at age 70, some research suggests more. I assume this is among those who actually willingly get evaluated, that is not often the case. Starting at age 70 IMO it should be required to get driving tests. 70 is old. It doesn't mean you can't live a wonderful and vibrant life at 70, but yes, it is old.

I don't know what kind of old, decrepit people you hang around. But a 70 year old with early onset dementia is going to stick out. My dad had early onset Alzheimer's. Early onset progresses brutally fast. It's not that long, doddering process you see in the retirement home. Thankfully, early onset is not at all the norm!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My therapist says she can't get her elderly clients to change their appointment if a younger, working person needs to move theirs due to work or family responsibilities. The old folks say "I can't come at 11:30, that's when I eat my sandwich" or "that's when I cut my toenails" (the last one might be humor).

LOL. That's a fascinating anecdote. Here's my little example -- My aunt (still a great driver at 70) said she could not take my mom (age 75) to the airport (5 miles away) at 7:00 pm one evening because "that's when I take a shower."

Meh, I don't expect anyone to drive me to the airport and I would much rather take uber than have a 70 year old drive me or anyone. I just don't expect people to be my chauffeur. Everyone said my parents were still great drivers in their 70s. Uh, no they weren't.

Gee. Most of the 70 year old people that I know are fine to drive. 70 is not old unless you have some major health/mental issues.

Over 10% of the population already has dementia at age 70, some research suggests more. I assume this is among those who actually willingly get evaluated, that is not often the case. Starting at age 70 IMO it should be required to get driving tests. 70 is old. It doesn't mean you can't live a wonderful and vibrant life at 70, but yes, it is old.

Basically, we're supposed to kill ourselves working long hours, running complex corporations until we are 67 and then at 70 lay down and let the younger people take away our driver's permits....uh, no. You don't suddenly become addle headed the minute you retire.

[Anonymous]

My 87 year old grandmother was still driving herself to work every day and my 95 year old neighbor was still doing his own errands and driving to the doctor's office.

[Anonymous]

Early onset dementias can progressive very slowly. It varies by individual. Nobody is saying they are taking your driver's license away. Just get tested. Most people will pass. I know a doctor almost killed by a 78 year old driver and neighbor's kid was hit by an 80 year old. Both elderly people were happily driving themselves about and their families thought all was fine. In both cases the errors were egregious (driving through a red light and not slowing down at a crosswalk despite flashing lights and people. Yes, teenagers are lousy drivers too and so are distracted drivers. The problem is these were good drivers once and they should never have been on the road. A driver's test most likely would have caught their issues.

Many, many families go into denial at the early stages and you would be surprised, even at the middle stages. Heck Dr, Oz and Maria Shriver openly admit they were in total denial with their own mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early onset dementias can progressive very slowly. It varies by individual. Nobody is saying they are taking your driver's license away. Just get tested. Most people will pass. I know a doctor almost killed by a 78 year old driver and neighbor's kid was hit by an 80 year old. Both elderly people were happily driving themselves about and their families thought all was fine. In both cases the errors were egregious (driving through a red light and not slowing down at a crosswalk despite flashing lights and people. Yes, teenagers are lousy drivers too and so are distracted drivers. The problem is these were good drivers once and they should never have been on the road. A driver's test most likely would have caught their issues.

Many, many families go into denial at the early stages and you would be surprised, even at the middle stages. Heck Dr, Oz and Maria Shriver openly admit they were in total denial with their own mothers.

I think back to our old neighborhood and we had 70+ year old people doing their own yard work, watching grandchildren, driving themselves all over the place. When my 80 something mom sold her home it was absolutely immaculate both inside and out. It was very orderly, too. The young folks who bought her home are not keeping it up the way she used to.

I don't think we give the older generation enough credit. There are plenty of active, engaged, productive senior citizens who are quite capable of driving their car. I'm mid 50's and the idea of the DMV of all places doing some sort of dementia driving test on me in 15 years is not a pleasant thought. I'm not sure society really wants to go there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I know a doctor almost killed by a 78 year old driver and neighbor's kid was hit by an 80 year old. ... Yes, teenagers are lousy drivers too and so are distracted drivers. The problem is these were good drivers once and they should never have been on the road. A driver's test most likely would have caught their issues.

.

...There are plenty of active, engaged, productive senior citizens who are quite capable of driving their car. I'm mid 50's and the idea of the DMV of all places doing some sort of dementia driving test on me in 15 years is not a pleasant thought. I'm not sure society really wants to go there.

And I personally know many people who HAVE been killed by teenage, drunk, or texting drivers. I do not know of one who was killed by an elderly driver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My therapist says she can't get her elderly clients to change their appointment if a younger, working person needs to move theirs due to work or family responsibilities. The old folks say "I can't come at 11:30, that's when I eat my sandwich" or "that's when I cut my toenails" (the last one might be humor).

LOL. That's a fascinating anecdote. Here's my little example -- My aunt (still a great driver at 70) said she could not take my mom (age 75) to the airport (5 miles away) at 7:00 pm one evening because "that's when I take a shower."

Meh, I don't expect anyone to drive me to the airport and I would much rather take uber than have a 70 year old drive me or anyone. I just don't expect people to be my chauffeur. Everyone said my parents were still great drivers in their 70s. Uh, no they weren't.

Gee. Most of the 70 year old people that I know are fine to drive. 70 is not old unless you have some major health/mental issues.

Some people could never really drive safely, no matter their age - this is not something that "improves" as they get older. MIL should hav given up her license 40 years ago. In fact, I don't even think she started drvingin until she got married, so maybe she should have foregone it altogether, given her past driving "skills".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early onset dementias can progressive very slowly. It varies by individual. Nobody is saying they are taking your driver's license away. Just get tested. Most people will pass. I know a doctor almost killed by a 78 year old driver and neighbor's kid was hit by an 80 year old. Both elderly people were happily driving themselves about and their families thought all was fine. In both cases the errors were egregious (driving through a red light and not slowing down at a crosswalk despite flashing lights and people. Yes, teenagers are lousy drivers too and so are distracted drivers. The problem is these were good drivers once and they should never have been on the road. A driver's test most likely would have caught their issues.

Many, many families go into denial at the early stages and you would be surprised, even at the middle stages. Heck Dr, Oz and Maria Shriver openly admit they were in total denial with their own mothers.

+1

My friend got plowed into by an elderly driver recently. Thankfully, friend has a dash cam, because no one would have believed what the elderly driver did - THEN the elderly driver fled the scene because the elderly driver was scared! There were witnesses who came forward immediately, because the elderly drivers driving was so dangerous. Awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My therapist says she can't get her elderly clients to change their appointment if a younger, working person needs to move theirs due to work or family responsibilities. The old folks say "I can't come at 11:30, that's when I eat my sandwich" or "that's when I cut my toenails" (the last one might be humor).

LOL. That's a fascinating anecdote. Here's my little example -- My aunt (still a great driver at 70) said she could not take my mom (age 75) to the airport (5 miles away) at 7:00 pm one evening because "that's when I take a shower."

Meh, I don't expect anyone to drive me to the airport and I would much rather take uber than have a 70 year old drive me or anyone. I just don't expect people to be my chauffeur. Everyone said my parents were still great drivers in their 70s. Uh, no they weren't.

Gee. Most of the 70 year old people that I know are fine to drive. 70 is not old unless you have some major health/mental issues.

Over 10% of the population already has dementia at age 70, some research suggests more. I assume this is among those who actually willingly get evaluated, that is not often the case. Starting at age 70 IMO it should be required to get driving tests. 70 is old. It doesn't mean you can't live a wonderful and vibrant life at 70, but yes, it is old.

+1

For the safety of EVERYONE on the road - it is extremely selfish and narrow minded to think otherwise.