Please, don’t take away a play date with my kid as a consequence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend actually did the right thing. I had a hard time disciplining our kids because there was always an activity coming up and I didn't want to disappoint the other kid by cancelling. In hindsight, it would have worked much better for my kids to experience an immediate consequence of not getting to do something they really wanted to do.

No, she didn’t. She flaked out on parenting.

Hard disagree. You "flake" when you plan to meet up for drinks and at the last minute say you can't do it. She's parenting her kids the best way she can. Yes, it stinks for OP, but I bet it stinks as much, if not more, for the other mom. OP can still take her kids to the destination and even make it a teachable moment. "I'm sorry, Larla, but Larlo isn't able to come to the playdate because he made bad choices" or however you want to word it. It would help if OP gave us ages and other details, but I get it if she doesn't want to out the other mom.

Sorry, I really dislike parents like you. I agree with the first PP that the "friend" flaked. There are better ways to handle this. I've gone to a playdate and had my child have a timeout for the first 10 minutes and have to sit on the bench with me while the other child plays. I've also gone to the playdate and then my child does not get a treat, like if the kids get ice cream at the end of they playdate, he doesn't get it.

I will politely give another parent one strike here. If you pull this twice on me and my kid, there are no more playdates. I'm not scheduling time with you if I can't trust that you'll follow through. I agree that it is lazy parenting to use this as your consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend actually did the right thing. I had a hard time disciplining our kids because there was always an activity coming up and I didn't want to disappoint the other kid by cancelling. In hindsight, it would have worked much better for my kids to experience an immediate consequence of not getting to do something they really wanted to do.

No, she didn’t. She flaked out on parenting.

Hard disagree. You "flake" when you plan to meet up for drinks and at the last minute say you can't do it. She's parenting her kids the best way she can. Yes, it stinks for OP, but I bet it stinks as much, if not more, for the other mom. OP can still take her kids to the destination and even make it a teachable moment. "I'm sorry, Larla, but Larlo isn't able to come to the playdate because he made bad choices" or however you want to word it. It would help if OP gave us ages and other details, but I get it if she doesn't want to out the other mom.

Sorry, I really dislike parents like you. I agree with the first PP that the "friend" flaked. There are better ways to handle this. I've gone to a playdate and had my child have a timeout for the first 10 minutes and have to sit on the bench with me while the other child plays. I've also gone to the playdate and then my child does not get a treat, like if the kids get ice cream at the end of they playdate, he doesn't get it.

I will politely give another parent one strike here. If you pull this twice on me and my kid, there are no more playdates. I'm not scheduling time with you if I can't trust that you'll follow through. I agree that it is lazy parenting to use this as your consequence.

That makes no sense to do a 10 minute time out as a punishment at a playdate in less the crime happened at the playdate. You do that at home. That is lazier parenting.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you. Same with birthday parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend actually did the right thing. I had a hard time disciplining our kids because there was always an activity coming up and I didn't want to disappoint the other kid by cancelling. In hindsight, it would have worked much better for my kids to experience an immediate consequence of not getting to do something they really wanted to do.

No, she didn’t. She flaked out on parenting.

Hard disagree. You "flake" when you plan to meet up for drinks and at the last minute say you can't do it. She's parenting her kids the best way she can. Yes, it stinks for OP, but I bet it stinks as much, if not more, for the other mom. OP can still take her kids to the destination and even make it a teachable moment. "I'm sorry, Larla, but Larlo isn't able to come to the playdate because he made bad choices" or however you want to word it. It would help if OP gave us ages and other details, but I get it if she doesn't want to out the other mom.

Sorry, I really dislike parents like you. I agree with the first PP that the "friend" flaked. There are better ways to handle this. I've gone to a playdate and had my child have a timeout for the first 10 minutes and have to sit on the bench with me while the other child plays. I've also gone to the playdate and then my child does not get a treat, like if the kids get ice cream at the end of they playdate, he doesn't get it.

I will politely give another parent one strike here. If you pull this twice on me and my kid, there are no more playdates. I'm not scheduling time with you if I can't trust that you'll follow through. I agree that it is lazy parenting to use this as your consequence.

That's batty, unless maybe if your kid did something on the way to the playdate. I agree with the pp. Anyway, all kinds of things can happen to other people to interfere with plans--somebody has car trouble, someone gets sick. That's life.

[Anonymous]

My only child was absolutely crushed when a friend's parents would do the same thing, OP. By the way, it was never for severe misbehavior, but more for something like not cleaning up a room. The cancellations were always very hard on my sociable only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 4.5 and her kid is 5. We, the parents, were involved because we were going on a big outing.

So, wait, what did a 5yo do that merits cancelling a big outing? Does a child that age even connect doing "bad" behavior now with the consequence of cancelling a future outing? Mine certainly wouldn't have. Most of the parenting guidance I've seen for that age says to make a consequence immediate (eg not finishing the activity currently under way), rather than applying it to something coming up.

[Anonymous]

We've been burned enough times that I don't tell my kid about a playdate until right before.

[Anonymous]

Agree OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed.

It’s lazy parenting. And if the kid is young enough for a parent attended play date, the consequence is too far removed to be effective anyways. That said, there are lots of bad parents out there.

x1000000

It’s lazy and often done out of anger.

Terrible parenting move.

A four year old isn’t going to connect something that’s going to happen tomorrow with whatever she’s doing today. This was a punishment so the mom could feel better, it teaches the kid nothing. This is useful in knowing which parents are clueless and flaky, so there is a silver lining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend actually did the right thing. I had a hard time disciplining our kids because there was always an activity coming up and I didn't want to disappoint the other kid by cancelling. In hindsight, it would have worked much better for my kids to experience an immediate consequence of not getting to do something they really wanted to do.

No, she didn’t. She flaked out on parenting.

Hard disagree. You "flake" when you plan to meet up for drinks and at the last minute say you can't do it. She's parenting her kids the best way she can. Yes, it stinks for OP, but I bet it stinks as much, if not more, for the other mom. OP can still take her kids to the destination and even make it a teachable moment. "I'm sorry, Larla, but Larlo isn't able to come to the playdate because he made bad choices" or however you want to word it. It would help if OP gave us ages and other details, but I get it if she doesn't want to out the other mom.

Sorry, I really dislike parents like you. I agree with the first PP that the "friend" flaked. There are better ways to handle this. I've gone to a playdate and had my child have a timeout for the first 10 minutes and have to sit on the bench with me while the other child plays. I've also gone to the playdate and then my child does not get a treat, like if the kids get ice cream at the end of they playdate, he doesn't get it.

I will politely give another parent one strike here. If you pull this twice on me and my kid, there are no more playdates. I'm not scheduling time with you if I can't trust that you'll follow through. I agree that it is lazy parenting to use this as your consequence.

That makes no sense to do a 10 minute time out as a punishment at a playdate in less the crime happened at the playdate. You do that at home. That is lazier parenting.

Fine then have the 10 minute time out at home and text the friend that you will be 10 minutes late instead of canceling the playdate. The point was to have an immediate punishment without canceling the playdate with the other family.

[Anonymous]

We had a parent do this to us. Planned a day at the water park with my son's friend. I bought snacks, drinks, stuff for deli sandwiches. (We get tired of amusement park food by the end of the summer.) My son declined a sleepover with another friend because we were leaving early. The night before, she cancels because her son is now grounded.

Sure, we have passes so we aren't out money & we'll still use the food at home, but the day was ruined for my son. Everyone else of course had plans for the next day already & I can't go on water slides. A water park isn't as much fun to a 10 year old alone.

It's not like my son was in tears or devastated, but it stunk especially since it was raining every day for 2 weeks other than this day. We did something else fun together, but thanks lady. You suck.

[Anonymous]

Omg so call up someone else and go! If her kid is being a nightmare she doesn’t want to take him out or subject anyone else to his behavior probably. Good parenting is actually more important than some
Mom getting excited about a “big” play date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only child was absolutely crushed when a friend's parents would do the same thing, OP. By the way, it was never for severe misbehavior, but more for something like not cleaning up a room. The cancellations were always very hard on my sociable only.

Other families are not responsible for making sure your only kid is entertained always

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
A four year old isn’t going to connect something that’s going to happen tomorrow with whatever she’s doing today. This was a punishment so the mom could feel better, it teaches the kid nothing.

Yup

[Anonymous]

Agree. That is the worst.