Please, don’t take away a play date with my kid as a consequence

[Anonymous]

Don’t make plans with that mother again. Completely agree with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A four year old isn’t going to connect something that’s going to happen tomorrow with whatever she’s doing today. This was a punishment so the mom could feel better, it teaches the kid nothing.

Yup

Agreed. At the very least now you now know these are ineffective parents and you should avoid plans with them.

Taking away tomorrow’s plans for a 4 year olds misbehavior is all about the mom getting to take out her frustration on something. The kid will continue to not pick up toys or whatever the issue was.

I wish all the people saying this is okay would take a parenting class.

[Anonymous]

Ditch this friend and kid. It's not worth the drama and hassle. It will happen again.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to see Larlo today.

No, you aren’t. Remember yesterday when you kept _______ and I told you to stop. But you didn’t. Now you can’t see Larlo.

Lightbulb moment even for a four year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've been burned enough times that I don't tell my kid about a playdate until right before.

OP here and I think that’s why I am more irked. I confirmed with her around 3pm! Only then did I tell my son. At 5, she cancelled.

She has done this before, and no I don’t think it’s a cover because she doesn’t want to hang out with us. I like the mom a lot.

[Anonymous]

The only circumstances IMO under which this is acceptable is if the kid is *currently* out of control and the playdate would be a disaster. In that case, you're protecting everyone. But just as a punishment? No.

[Anonymous]

While I’ve never had to do it, I can totally see how this would be a good consequence. You can’t behave/listen/act like a normal human being, you can’t go out in public/interact with other people/do this fun activity. Makes sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend actually did the right thing. I had a hard time disciplining our kids because there was always an activity coming up and I didn't want to disappoint the other kid by cancelling. In hindsight, it would have worked much better for my kids to experience an immediate consequence of not getting to do something they really wanted to do.

No, she didn’t. She flaked out on parenting.

Hard disagree. You "flake" when you plan to meet up for drinks and at the last minute say you can't do it. She's parenting her kids the best way she can. Yes, it stinks for OP, but I bet it stinks as much, if not more, for the other mom. OP can still take her kids to the destination and even make it a teachable moment. "I'm sorry, Larla, but Larlo isn't able to come to the playdate because he made bad choices" or however you want to word it. It would help if OP gave us ages and other details, but I get it if she doesn't want to out the other mom.

If the parent can’t figure out other ways to discipline her child then canceling confirmed plans then she shouldn’t make plans because it is unfair to the other party who arranged their schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ditch this friend and kid. It's not worth the drama and hassle. It will happen again.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

I think your friend did the right thing. She is trying to teach her child a lesson, please support her in that mission. My kids are in HS now, and I did the same thing a few times when they were young.

Play dates are not a right, they are a privilege. They are also lever parents can use to teach proper behavior.

She gave you at least 24-hours notice too, which shows she was trying to minimize the damage on your end and give you room to make other arrangements. I don't understand why you are not more supportive of this friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your friend did the right thing. She is trying to teach her child a lesson, please support her in that mission. My kids are in HS now, and I did the same thing a few times when they were young.

Play dates are not a right, they are a privilege. They are also lever parents can use to teach proper behavior.

She gave you at least 24-hours notice too, which shows she was trying to minimize the damage on your end and give you room to make other arrangements. I don't understand why you are not more supportive of this friend.

I don't understand why you couldn't figure out a more effective technique to discipline your child. It's an ineffective punishment because it is not in any way related to the incident. Bottom line, don't make playdates if that is your "go-to" punishment.

[Anonymous]

I’d just like to say that my four year old of very average intelligence would 1000% connect something he did wrong today with a consequence the next day. Especially something big. Fortunately he is an actual angel and hardly gets in trouble, so I don’t need to do this. But I would if I had too. Give your kids more credit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to see Larlo today.

No, you aren’t. Remember yesterday when you kept _______ and I told you to stop. But you didn’t. Now you can’t see Larlo.

Lightbulb moment even for a four year old.

I'm going to see Becky today.

No. Becky's mom Karen cancelled the playdate.

Lightbulb moment for even a 4 year.. Karen is flaky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d just like to say that my four year old of very average intelligence would 1000% connect something he did wrong today with a consequence the next day. Especially something big. Fortunately he is an actual angel and hardly gets in trouble, so I don’t need to do this. But I would if I had too. Give your kids more credit.

or find a more appropriate punishment that does not punish others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only circumstances IMO under which this is acceptable is if the kid is *currently* out of control and the playdate would be a disaster. In that case, you're protecting everyone. But just as a punishment? No.

I’m here. I have in the past canceled saying “Larla is having a rough morning and I don’t trust her to behave appropriately so I’m afraid we’re not going to be able to XYZ, I’m really sorry. I hope we can do a rain check soon.” I haven’t had to do it in more than a year.