Please, don’t take away a play date with my kid as a consequence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For my 12 year old's birthday she invited 3 good friends to sleep over and have a cupcake wars type baking competition. We put a lot of time and effort into planning it. Even made freaking aprons with the guests names on them. The day of the party a mom grounded one of the girls. Two years later I'm sure her DD has forgotten about it and why she couldn't come. My DD still remembers.

Wow, that’s bullS. A play date is one thing, a birthday party is entirely different. I would have been pissed.

[Anonymous]

OP your story keeps changing to make this friend sound more and more flaky.
First it was this play date, now it is ALL OF THE TIME. Of course it is.

Bottom line if it is ALL OF THE TIME. This is on you for telling your child anything about it since you know this friend never follows through. Beyond that YOU should stop making plans with this person and when she asks why Larlo and Larl haven't played together in a while just say "It seemed you and Larl could never make it to our scheduled plans and it was making Larlo upset, so I thought it best not to plan anything further".

Done.
This is on you either way. Not her.

Every parent has the right to take away whatever thing they feel will be needed to get a point acrosss.
It is like me saying "Why did you take your daughter's cell phone away? My larla was looking forward to texting her later!" Boohoo

[Anonymous]

But we won't remain friends with you, pp
-np here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've been burned enough times that I don't tell my kid about a playdate until right before.

OP here and I think that’s why I am more irked. I confirmed with her around 3pm! Only then did I tell my son. At 5, she cancelled.

She has done this before, and no I don’t think it’s a cover because she doesn’t want to hang out with us. I like the mom a lot.

It’s rude. Both to you and to your DC. You made time plans snacks etc.

[Anonymous]

It puts you and your DC in the role of punishment for HER DC. Ridiculous. Also when the mom says Larla can come over when she finishes cleaning her room ( whenever that might be) puts you and yours in waiting for a kid to do chores or show up whenever. it hurts YOUR child’s feelings, puts you in an awkward place explaining “Larla was bad ...” and really just leads to no more play dates with Larla.

[Anonymous]

We had a parent who did this a lot in a circle of friends. They have known each other now 12 years. Her DD suffers greatly from depression and and overall flakiness. I often wonder if essentially cutting her off from all friends except family (the other family doesn’t do this it’s one sided) has contributed to her problems. I feel sorry for her but her parents timing when they were little just didn’t work for us. It comes across also as arrogant and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Yeah that’s awful. You and your kid are people, not pawns that exist to teach her kid something (and it’s not teaching what she thinks it is).

[Anonymous]

Thanks, all. I asked how her son was doing today and she said much better, great! I'm a little hurt that she didn't apologize. Sigh. I liked her, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. I asked how her son was doing today and she said much better, great! I'm a little hurt that she didn't apologize. Sigh. I liked her, too!

Apologize for what. Things happen. Either she didn't want to go and used child as an excuse or it was real. You don't reward bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only circumstances IMO under which this is acceptable is if the kid is *currently* out of control and the playdate would be a disaster. In that case, you're protecting everyone. But just as a punishment? No.

I’m here. I have in the past canceled saying “Larla is having a rough morning and I don’t trust her to behave appropriately so I’m afraid we’re not going to be able to XYZ, I’m really sorry. I hope we can do a rain check soon.” I haven’t had to do it in more than a year.

OP here and I admit to doing this for terrible behavior/suspected illness, but not for a BIG planned outing. More, like, going to someone’s house and my son is acting so strangely that I suspect a fever on the rise.

PP you’re replying to. Yeah, for a big event I would tell my friend “Hey, Larla has been a disaster this morning, I’m going to have a serious talk with her about behavior expectations but just a heads up that if she can’t behave we may have to cut things short.” And I’d point out to Larla that if I have to take her home early from the cool thing, that punishes her friend too.

[Anonymous]

I agree with OP completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. I asked how her son was doing today and she said much better, great! I'm a little hurt that she didn't apologize. Sigh. I liked her, too!

Jesus, OP, get over it! I cannot believe you are still carping about a play date 3 days later and expecting apologies. Do you and your kid not know anybody else?

[Anonymous]

As an only child, I can tell you that you are right, OP.

I am 60 and still remember my BFFs father pulling this crap, even on my birthday. Her crime was she hadn't cleaned the bathroom yet. We were 8
He used her as a damn maid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to see Larlo today.

No, you aren’t. Remember yesterday when you kept _______ and I told you to stop. But you didn’t. Now you can’t see Larlo.

Lightbulb moment even for a four year old.

I'm going to see Becky today.

No. Becky's mom Karen cancelled the playdate.

Lightbulb moment for even a 4 year.. Karen is flaky.

Karen can be flaky to your 4 year old. Big whoop. However, Karen’s four year now knows Karen means business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to see Larlo today.

No, you aren’t. Remember yesterday when you kept _______ and I told you to stop. But you didn’t. Now you can’t see Larlo.

Lightbulb moment even for a four year old.

I'm going to see Becky today.

No. Becky's mom Karen cancelled the playdate.

Lightbulb moment for even a 4 year.. Karen is flaky.

Karen can be flaky to your 4 year old. Big whoop. However, Karen’s four year now knows Karen means business.

Obviously not if she keeps having to cancel to prove to herself that her kid is going to listen!
Ah, maybe someday she’ll figure it out...