We've been dating for less than a year. Now he has a serious, life-altering illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I read this stuff, I feel so sad - mostly for the boyfriend who's sick, but also for you. Something to consider:

My sister was dating a guy who fell ill 6 months into their relationship. He almost died several times and was in the hospital longer than their relationship up until that point. No one truly expected him to get better. He did. After he came home from an 8 month hospital stay, they moved in together. Eventually they got engaged. They got married, and 5 months after they had their second kid, on their 7th wedding anniversary, he came home and cried. Saying he never loved her, but felt obligated to marry her since she stuck by his side when he was so sick. It's been almost a decade and several sad years since, and my sister is happily re-married. But food for thought...

Whoa.

[Anonymous]

Another vote in favor of exiting, but you can do this gracefully, making sure that he has an adequate support system (family, other friends) in place before you break up with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sensing that you are in love with him. If you were, I would feel it in your post, and you wouldn’t really be thinking about the inability to hike or mountain bike, ya know?

Even if she only feels like his friend, this is a crappy juncture to break up with him.

Is there ever a REALLY GOOD TIME to break up with somebody? Before the vacation? After? No? Wait for Christmas? No, there isn't. OP, it's OK to break up with him. You aren't married, you don't love him enough to see this through, and that's fine. Do what is right for you. You have plenty of time to do for others, but sticking with somebody who isn't right for you because it feels crappy to break up isn't one of them.

[Anonymous]

This is very difficult, because I know both extremes.

One person I know had been in an accident and it was unclear if she would walk again, but she was such a fighter and went through YEARS of physical therapy and overcame the odds... it would be a shame to leave someone if you do truly love someone and you can see their fighting spirit.

Another friend I had was not so fortunate. Her DH is a disabled veteran. She stuck by him through and through and he seemed to be making the most of things until the PTSD hit. Now their finances and home life are in a wreck. They were and are married, but IMO their marriage felt kind of rushed and he was deployed six months after their wedding.

Apples and oranges, completely different issues but it speaks to how much of a sacrifice you are willing to make for someone based on how much you've already invested in each other and your relationship. And "love" can still be in the context of your "honeymoon phase" we know all too well.

[Anonymous]

You don't love him enough. Pre-marriage is for figuring out if you love someone enough. Post-marriage is for sticking together in sickness and in health. So leave.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you should end the relationship. Yes, it looks kinda shitty from the outside, but one year of dating doesn't mean you have to sacrifice such a great deal of your own enjoyment, time, and energy. Marriage is hard and life is long. Things can come up to make life change for the worse, but no need to sign on for something so tough if your heart isn't there.

[Anonymous]

On behalf of my brother who went through this with his now ex wife and her “illness” GETOUT. Run. Go.

[Anonymous]

If he liked it then he should have put a ring on it...

You can feel free to leave!

[Anonymous]

You owe yourself and him your total honesty. Nothing more. Anyone who's trying to shame you for leaving is a loon and you should just tune them out. You can do it graciously, but you have to be honest with yourself, first and foremost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sensing that you are in love with him. If you were, I would feel it in your post, and you wouldn’t really be thinking about the inability to hike or mountain bike, ya know?

Even if she only feels like his friend, this is a crappy juncture to break up with him.

Is there ever a REALLY GOOD TIME to break up with somebody? Before the vacation? After? No? Wait for Christmas? No, there isn't. OP, it's OK to break up with him. You aren't married, you don't love him enough to see this through, and that's fine. Do what is right for you. You have plenty of time to do for others, but sticking with somebody who isn't right for you because it feels crappy to break up isn't one of them.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think you should break up. More because I met my husband around your age and I know that a year in I would have have any question in my mind whether or not I would stay. I knew I was all-in (to the point that I moved to northern VA!) well before that. You obviously aren't that into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suffer from Lyme disease, don't stay with him.

I was going to say the same thing. I have Lyme and complications from it. Thankfully, it happened in my 40s and we were slowing down anyhow. You are my daughter's age and I would really tell you to not think long term relationship with him. You can be his friend in a humane way, but being in a romantic relationship is going to be hard and unfair to both of you in the long term. You are not a bad person for thinking that. Truly, there is a big difference between a relationship of one year in your 20s and a marriage that has kids involved in your 40s. He also deserves to be with someone who is accepting of him and his illness.

[Anonymous]

You have to get out. Rip the bandaid off. Yes it's going to feel shltty and honestly, yes, maybe it is a "bad" thing to do. But this is your WHOLE LIFE we're talking about here. Do it as kindly as you can (I agree with the advice to wait 3-6 months if you can - but definitely renew your lease in July), be as honest and kind and supportive of him as you can be. But do not throw your life away out of some sense of duty. A situation like this would be hard enough if you were really, truly, deeply in love - it will be impossible for you given that you would be mostly doing it out of fear of being a "bad person" otherwise. It won't end well no matter what so just rip the bandaid off when you can. I'm sorry you're in this situation.

FWIW I have been with my husband for a decade and there's no doubt in my mind I would stick with him if something like this happened - and it's BECAUSE I feel that way about him that I'm telling you that if you don't, you shouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you know that long term lyme is fake

https://www.skepticalraptor.com/skepticalraptorblog.php/chronic-lyme-disease-scientific-evidence-supporting/

Such a reliable source.

I got Lyme when I was 22! It gave me arthritis. Lyme disease is not fake. It's a miserable thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an anonymous forum so I'm just going to say this: get out now.

- MD

+1

Why do you say this?

— wife of somebody who has suffered from Lyme for years