We've been dating for less than a year. Now he has a serious, life-altering illness.

[Anonymous]

OP, if this person were really your person in life you wouldn’t be dithering around about whether he is going to be able to hike enough.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you want out. So get out. You’re not married, not committed, and not living together. It will be a clean break. Don’t marry him out of obligation, your marriage would suck for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you know that long term lyme is fake

https://www.skepticalraptor.com/skepticalraptorblog.php/chronic-lyme-disease-scientific-evidence-supporting/

Such a reliable source.

It is a reliable source.

That said, chronic lyme is generally fake because there's no evidence of actual infection. Untreated lyme is a totally different story -- that means you have an active lyme infection that was never treated, and can lead to very serious symtoms as the bacteria disseminate through your whole body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you know that long term lyme is fake

https://www.skepticalraptor.com/skepticalraptorblog.php/chronic-lyme-disease-scientific-evidence-supporting/

Such a reliable source.

It is a reliable source.

That said, chronic lyme is generally fake because there's no evidence of actual infection. Untreated lyme is a totally different story -- that means you have an active lyme infection that was never treated, and can lead to very serious symtoms as the bacteria disseminate through your whole body.

Whatever m I have Lyme disease for many years. It's not so black and white. You should STFU and be grateful it didn't happen to you.

[Anonymous]

Something similar happened to me before marriage. My husband married me anyway and I eventually got treated! I will never be able to do the same things but my health is ok. My husband is a good person. You know someone is good when they stick by you through sickness.

[Anonymous]

NP here and I agree with PPs to get out, or the PP that said give yourself 6 months etc.

One thought I haven't seen expressed yet is WHY long term marriages can often shoulder through tough times.

I've been married over 20 years and we've had some tough times. What goes on in the pre-marriage and early years of marriage is this foundation-building of good times and positive experiences.

These experiences are like money in the bank. They are reserves. Then the sh*t hits the fan, and one person needs a big withdrawal, or both people are hit (maybe by their teenage kid) and need the withdrawal, but the reserves are there.

I remember one time when I had infant/toddlers and used to reminisce about a trip we took to Greece. Thank goodness for that trip to Greece, so long ago, before we were married.

I could go on re when DH had job trouble and got depressed, when our teen's health issue stressed me out so much it became questionable who was more sick...

But over time, before all that, my DH and I had built up reserves. That reserve gives you the strength and loyalty to persevere, vs. feeling cheated and used and trapped.

Look at it this way: It's not about you as an individual being shitty or whatever; it's simply about the circumstances. You two have not built up your relationship reserve yet. Therefore, you will feel trapped. He may also feel trapped into being loyal to you. It's a situation not set up to succeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sensing that you are in love with him. If you were, I would feel it in your post, and you wouldn’t really be thinking about the inability to hike or mountain bike, ya know?

+1 = the very fact you are asking this question means that you are not in love with him. No judgement - you just are not and so its not right for either of you. Leave him and both of you can find other partners more suited to you.

[Anonymous]

Why not see how things go? It sounds like you don't know what his prognosis will be or how well he will recover. Why throw away a good relationship because of something that might come to pass?

[Anonymous]

When you're no longer useful to a woman, she'll throw you under the bus in a heartbeat. You can never be weak or sick for even a minute, or she'll despise you and start thinking about how to get rid of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you're no longer useful to a woman, she'll throw you under the bus in a heartbeat. You can never be weak or sick for even a minute, or she'll despise you and start thinking about how to get rid of you.

Guy here. Reader of the same forum and subscriber to that philosophy. Yep, that was my first thought when I saw this post. Demonstrates on the principle of that philosophy very clearly. Meanwhile, if the roles were reversed, most guys would stick by the girl no question.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like you love him if you're already to jump ship when you have no idea whether or not he will recover!

I would personally give it time but that doesn't seem like an option you want to consider. So break up with him, be known as the bitch for awhile, and then everyone will move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you know that long term lyme is fake

https://www.skepticalraptor.com/skepticalraptorblog.php/chronic-lyme-disease-scientific-evidence-supporting/

Such a reliable source.

It is a reliable source.

That said, chronic lyme is generally fake because there's no evidence of actual infection. Untreated lyme is a totally different story -- that means you have an active lyme infection that was never treated, and can lead to very serious symtoms as the bacteria disseminate through your whole body.

Whatever m I have Lyme disease for many years. It's not so black and white. You should STFU and be grateful it didn't happen to you.

Sure you do. I bet you also have anxiety and depression. All of that usually goes hand in hand with the crazies. Same with fibro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you're no longer useful to a woman, she'll throw you under the bus in a heartbeat. You can never be weak or sick for even a minute, or she'll despise you and start thinking about how to get rid of you.

Guy here. Reader of the same forum and subscriber to that philosophy. Yep, that was my first thought when I saw this post. Demonstrates on the principle of that philosophy very clearly. Meanwhile, if the roles were reversed, most guys would stick by the girl no question.

Actually, husbands of wives with chronic illness divorce them at a far higher rate than do wives of husbands with chronic illness.

https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2009-11/fhcr-mls111009.php

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you're no longer useful to a woman, she'll throw you under the bus in a heartbeat. You can never be weak or sick for even a minute, or she'll despise you and start thinking about how to get rid of you.

Guy here. Reader of the same forum and subscriber to that philosophy. Yep, that was my first thought when I saw this post. Demonstrates on the principle of that philosophy very clearly. Meanwhile, if the roles were reversed, most guys would stick by the girl no question.

Actually, husbands of wives with chronic illness divorce them at a far higher rate than do wives of husbands with chronic illness.

https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2009-11/fhcr-mls111009.php

Yea, I’ve seen this in action. A friend’s sister was diagnosed with cancer with a poor prognosis. They had tween-age kids. The guy filed for divorce and basically abandoned his kids. It was horrifying. She died a few years later, and I don’t see how his relationship with the kids could have ever recovered.

[Anonymous]

OP, you did not make a commitment or vow towards him. You're allowed to leave. It's ok.

I think if you stay with him, resentment will brew, and it will sicken you in a different way, and you both won't be in a healthy place.

Best to either go all in, or get out ASAP. Don't let it linger. It's a hard position to be in for anyone.