We've been dating for less than a year. Now he has a serious, life-altering illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical issues are basically the same as money issues. Don’t marry until everything is resolved, or else you are on the hook for everything the partner is tied to. You are 29, move on. The boyfriend needs time to heal before he can focus on the relationship. My brother had Lyme disease. It took years to figure out what was causing his health problems.

Did he recover?

After they finally diagnosed things it took about three years to fully recover with treatment. Luckily nothing permanent resulted, but it did amplify other health problems he had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Medical issues are basically the same as money issues. Don’t marry until everything is resolved, or else you are on the hook for everything the partner is tied to. You are 29, move on. The boyfriend needs time to heal before he can focus on the relationship. My brother had Lyme disease. It took years to figure out what was causing his health problems.

I agree about waiting until things are resolved. I was/am the compromised one due to an accident at 21 and only three months into dating. He immediately moved in and traded shifts taking care of me with my roommates. It took several years before I would agree to a proposal because I was worried he just felt obligated and I wasn’t sure how well I would recover. I did recover-slowly-but far better than expected and we are happily married for several years. I’m still glad we waited because it revealed his character and we both entered marriage understanding any issues either of us have, physically and financially.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read all these posts. But life changes for all kinds of reasons. I love the outdoors. Still do. I love being on the water (kayaking) even move. Two kids and one with special needs has severely limited my ability to go out whenever I want.

If you loved him I wouldn’t leave because of this. My neighbor has Lyme disease. It has taken her years to get over it but she is.

[Anonymous]

you are just dating. not married. leave.

[Anonymous]

Watch on Netflix Root Cause film. May be different solution and cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you're no longer useful to a woman, she'll throw you under the bus in a heartbeat. You can never be weak or sick for even a minute, or she'll despise you and start thinking about how to get rid of you.

Guy here. Reader of the same forum and subscriber to that philosophy. Yep, that was my first thought when I saw this post. Demonstrates on the principle of that philosophy very clearly. Meanwhile, if the roles were reversed, most guys would stick by the girl no question.

Actually, husbands of wives with chronic illness divorce them at a far higher rate than do wives of husbands with chronic illness.

https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2009-11/fhcr-mls111009.php

Don't let facts get in the way of MRA!

[Anonymous]

1) you are not, as you put it, “very young”. you are five years from being middle aged. so any decision you make needs to take into account je thst you don’t have all that much time to waste dating men you Kind of like but not really take all that seriously
2) neither of you seems to be all that into the other person. you should break up, support him as a friend (if he wants that) and move on. cut your losses, your time is running out:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to feel this way. I just don't think he's the one for you.

+1 If the bond between you doesn't feel more profound than enjoyment of outdoor activities, you are not madly in love and he is not the one for you (especially since you're still in the honeymoon period of the relationship). I would gently transition to supporting him through his illness as a good friend rather than a girlfriend. It sounds like more of a friendship than a big romance any way.

+2

OP, for what it's worth, if something like that had happened to my ex, I would have left him (obviously did eventually anyway). Now, though, I love my husband so much that I would never leave him, no matter what happened to him. It's ok if you don't feel that way about your boyfriend, but do both of you a favor and don't stick with him out of some sort of obligation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd break up.

I got a divorce because my husband became lazy and fat after marriage. We were an active couple pre-marriage... taking trips, hiking, rafting/canoeing, biking, or just taking long walks around and exploring a new area.

Post-marriage, all he wanted to do was relax after work and watch TV. He was fine if I went and did all those things without it, and I did at first, and then it got to the point where we were just living separate lives. I'd be out with my friends, he'd be either at home or at a bar with his friends, and we'd see each other for a few hours each night and weekend and that was it. I had zero desire to veg on the couch and he had zero desire to do anything that required too much movement.

Just to be clear, your husband had a personality change. OP's boyfriend has only had a physical change. Those are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something similar happened to me before marriage. My husband married me anyway and I eventually got treated! I will never be able to do the same things but my health is ok. My husband is a good person. You know someone is good when they stick by you through sickness.

OP this isn't true. And you are not a bad person if you decide to break up with them. You know someone is a good fit for you if going through something like that doesn't break you up. It doesn't make you good people.

[Anonymous]

It is a shitty thing to do, but not the only or the most shitty thing to do. Also, much better to leave now and hurt him, then to be done after you have kids and a mortgage. The only one who gets hurt now is him, and he'll recover. If you stay and then you keep doing thing because that's what's expected, soon there will be a mortgage and a child to fight over and it's jsut way, way worse.

[Anonymous]

Out

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t sound like you love him. Better to figure out that now than after you’re married.