DH can't balance work and family. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are so mean. You must all be trolls. OP is being totally reasonable - if he wants to be part of a family he needs to do the bare minimum. Videochatting is not difficult.

How much do you make? It’s not easy in a meeting, conference call or in front of a client/boss to just pick up the FaceTime. We have prearranged times.

If your kids go to bed at 8:30, then don’t schedule a meeting until 8:40.

I don’t really believe many people are scheduling meetings so late at night anyway.

Lol. Tell that to biglaw and investment banking associates and partners — and it’s not that the meeting (which you have no say in) is scheduled at 8:30 — it’s the 6 pm call that’s still going and spinning off more and more for them to do. But you don’t worry your pretty little head about that, go enjoy the $$$$ he makes.

I guess that its possible that on the day his schedule was supposed to free up, he had a sudden and unexpected four hour meeting that he could not leave even to pee. Or, more likely, he was working on paperwork and didn’t want to interrupt his flow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are so mean. You must all be trolls. OP is being totally reasonable - if he wants to be part of a family he needs to do the bare minimum. Videochatting is not difficult.

+1 Imagine this was a DW with a husband who was the default parent who couldn't take more than 10 minutes per day to videochat with her kids. Or ever take off a vacation with her kids. Posters would crucify her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are so mean. You must all be trolls. OP is being totally reasonable - if he wants to be part of a family he needs to do the bare minimum. Videochatting is not difficult.

How much do you make? It’s not easy in a meeting, conference call or in front of a client/boss to just pick up the FaceTime. We have prearranged times.

If your kids go to bed at 8:30, then don’t schedule a meeting until 8:40.

I don’t really believe many people are scheduling meetings so late at night anyway.

Lol. Tell that to biglaw and investment banking associates and partners — and it’s not that the meeting (which you have no say in) is scheduled at 8:30 — it’s the 6 pm call that’s still going and spinning off more and more for them to do. But you don’t worry your pretty little head about that, go enjoy the $$$$ he makes.

THIS. And every client on every matter wants THEIR stuff ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he’s a surgeon, then this is normal.

I'm neighbors with a number of surgeons. They all spend more time with their families than what OP is describing. Some are female, and do a whole lot of parenting on top of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are so mean. You must all be trolls. OP is being totally reasonable - if he wants to be part of a family he needs to do the bare minimum. Videochatting is not difficult.

+1 Imagine this was a DW with a husband who was the default parent who couldn't take more than 10 minutes per day to videochat with her kids. Or ever take off a vacation with her kids. Posters would crucify her.

I’m a biglaw spouse and agree it totally sucks and is unfair and wish DH would get a new job. I’m merely affirming this is how bilglaw works. Not every night or even every week, but when stuffs heating up, yes. I usually get a heads up “next week will suck” or something like that. But some nights it’s “I’ll be home at 6.” And then at 6:10pm I get a call that he may not be home before 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never get this. Either he's a peon who has to work like this or be fired, but then a peon would find an easier job. Or he's a super important head honcho, but they have enough clout to set their own schedules.

Agree. He sounds like a people pleaser at work. He needs to get skilled or senior enough to call his own shots or hire more people.

[Anonymous]

Clients are for suckers.

Go be the client already. Get to a better place in the food chain. Your stupid bonus isn’t worth it after all the taxes, SS, Medicare anyhow. Go enjoy your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clients are for suckers.

Go be the client already. Get to a better place in the food chain. Your stupid bonus isn’t worth it after all the taxes, SS, Medicare anyhow. Go enjoy your life.

Sounds nice, where do we all sign up?

[Anonymous]

Does ur husband love working? Or is your family all golden handcuffed? If they pay you, they will work you.

[Anonymous]

Husband is a lawyer. Usually he doesn't come home until around 8:30, sometimes 9:00pm. Yes, he sometimes has to work later and his schedule changes. Most nights kids don't wait up to say goodnight. But since we aren't at home and kids are seeing him at all, I thought calling would be okay. I waited until 8:30 when he usually is done before calling and because he told me his schedule wasn't going to be bad today. Of course, I understand things change but still having trouble understanding why he couldn't take a 5 minute break. Anyway, we ended up having a huge argument over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband is a lawyer. Usually he doesn't come home until around 8:30, sometimes 9:00pm. Yes, he sometimes has to work later and his schedule changes. Most nights kids don't wait up to say goodnight. But since we aren't at home and kids are seeing him at all, I thought calling would be okay. I waited until 8:30 when he usually is done before calling and because he told me his schedule wasn't going to be bad today. Of course, I understand things change but still having trouble understanding why he couldn't take a 5 minute break. Anyway, we ended up having a huge argument over this.

Tell him to listen to ‘Cats in the Cradle’ by Harry Chapin. Maybe then he’ll get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband is a lawyer. Usually he doesn't come home until around 8:30, sometimes 9:00pm. Yes, he sometimes has to work later and his schedule changes. Most nights kids don't wait up to say goodnight. But since we aren't at home and kids are seeing him at all, I thought calling would be okay. I waited until 8:30 when he usually is done before calling and because he told me his schedule wasn't going to be bad today. Of course, I understand things change but still having trouble understanding why he couldn't take a 5 minute break. Anyway, we ended up having a huge argument over this.

Tell him to listen to ‘Cats in the Cradle’ by Harry Chapin. Maybe then he’ll get it.

Ugh pound sand. He’s trying to fund their life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband is a lawyer. Usually he doesn't come home until around 8:30, sometimes 9:00pm. Yes, he sometimes has to work later and his schedule changes. Most nights kids don't wait up to say goodnight. But since we aren't at home and kids are seeing him at all, I thought calling would be okay. I waited until 8:30 when he usually is done before calling and because he told me his schedule wasn't going to be bad today. Of course, I understand things change but still having trouble understanding why he couldn't take a 5 minute break. Anyway, we ended up having a huge argument over this.

Both me and my husband are in biglaw. Our kids don’t go to bed until 9:30. Maybe you should figure out what you can do to make things better rather than worse and being just another person he’s trying to appease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband is a lawyer. Usually he doesn't come home until around 8:30, sometimes 9:00pm. Yes, he sometimes has to work later and his schedule changes. Most nights kids don't wait up to say goodnight. But since we aren't at home and kids are seeing him at all, I thought calling would be okay. I waited until 8:30 when he usually is done before calling and because he told me his schedule wasn't going to be bad today. Of course, I understand things change but still having trouble understanding why he couldn't take a 5 minute break. Anyway, we ended up having a huge argument over this.

Tell him to listen to ‘Cats in the Cradle’ by Harry Chapin. Maybe then he’ll get it.

Ugh pound sand. He’s trying to fund their life.

Ugh, get a clue. Don't make babies if you're not prepared to be a father. Plenty of women are high earners, sometimes earning more than their spouses, but don't check out from their kid's lives.

[Anonymous]

I think not taking the call is fine. He texted to let you know why.

You guys might need to have s larger discussion about work and expectations, but this specific instance does not seem like a big deal.