DH can't balance work and family. What should I do?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Okay, need a reality check to see if I am overreacting. DH works long hours in a stressful job. Many evenings he doesn't come home in time to say good night to the kids. This week I have taken kids out of town for vacation. DH was very busy earlier this week but said his schedule would free up today. Last night kids and I videochatted with DH for about 10 minutes. He was at home and everything was okay. Also briefly spoke with him this morning. Today we tried to call him at around 8:30. He was still working and refused to pick up the video call. Txted to say he was working. Offered to wait and try again when he would be done with work but he still refused. I know he is busy with work but he couldn't take 5-10 minutes to say goodnight. Kids are old enough to understand. They said it was no big deal but it is a big deal to me. We also never go anywhere or do anything together. He refuses to take even one day off for a long weekend with us. I am really sad and really mad. Am I being unreasonable? |
Anonymous
|
Wtf do you want him to do, exactly?
Quit his job and make less money? If not get over it. |
Anonymous
| I never get this. Either he's a peon who has to work like this or be fired, but then a peon would find an easier job. Or he's a super important head honcho, but they have enough clout to set their own schedules. |
Anonymous
| Do you work? Do you rely substantially on his income? I am the Mom and DH, the Nanny and Grandma all know I will initiate the goodnight call when I can. You are coming across as needy. |
Anonymous
| Are you sure he's at work? |
Anonymous
Well I’m a senior associate in biglaw so neither of these apply to me. |
Anonymous
| You and the kids are disturbing his time with the other woman. Quit it |
Anonymous
I might add...youbsre contributing to the stress of DH by calling unnannounced and disappointing DCs at the same time. How about a text...are you available for a good night call in 15 minutes? |
Anonymous
| What does he do op? |
Anonymous
Seriously. |
Anonymous
|
Op, it's better for the kids to not expect anything. It's better for them to have a routine that does not include Dad, than to press Dad on the issue and be disappointed.
You can accept his explanation or not. Take a stand or not. Divorce or not. But if you care about your kids, instead of just caring about -being right- be very careful how you present this to them. |
Anonymous
| What else happens to make you think this way? This can’t be the only thing. It sounds like you miss sharing quality time with him. |
Anonymous
|
sorry OP, I feel for you and think its reasonable that your husband and father of the kids should take a 10 minute pause in his work at 8:30 pm to say good night to his family, who are on vacation without him because he is working.
The question is, is this typical for his field and his peers and he has to do this amount of work, or does he only think he does, and in essence chooses to? Unless he is conducting time sensitive transactions or surgery, he should take 10 minutes to acknowledge you guys and then go back to work, particularly if he is not expected to be home at any time. The larger question is--what are you going to do? Do you see this changing at all--eg, is there an end in sight, or is this he nature of the profession or the nature of your spouse? |
Anonymous
| You guys are so mean. You must all be trolls. OP is being totally reasonable - if he wants to be part of a family he needs to do the bare minimum. Videochatting is not difficult. |
Anonymous
| Does he have a job that requires a lot of driving? Like an engineer who has to visit multiple sites? Otherwise what you describe doesn’t make sense for reasons listed by others. |