If you’ve considered suicide, what keeps you from doing it?

[Anonymous]

What stopped me from obsessing about suicide (which I did from 9-22 years old) was that I told myself that I will definitely do it when I'm older. I know that sounds weird. I promised myself I would do it at a later time and, each time I thought about it, I reminded myself it was settled and I am(was) going to do it when I'm older. Eventually, I stopped thinking about suicide or even considering it as an option. I am 48 years old now and I am content to live my life and to see it through to the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son killed himself. Including his younger brothers, we are left holding the bag knowing that we will never see him again. Our lives changed so decidedly and abruptly that we still have difficulty functioning after 9 months.

Before he died, I occasionally had those thoughts. Knowing I had three children to raise made it easier to shuffle those thoughts out of my head. Since my son's death, suicide is never an option for me because I know the pain that it would cause for those who love me.

It is a pain that is so traumatic that it seems that the pathways in our brains have been crossed up. My middle son had to be hospitalized because the pain was so overwhelming that he withdrew from life and was cutting himself. I have another son who occasionally cries himself to sleep. My husband and I are shadows of our former selves.

This, OP, is why suicide can never be the answer to my mental pain. There are resources available to me that I would have to exhaust. I owe it to those who love me to do more to keep myself healthy. We were clueless about our son and I spend far too many hours wishing I could turn back time. I have firmly promised that I will never do this to the people I love.

Oh PP lm just so sorry. I'm literally crying for you. Know that someone cares about you and your family. Sending hugs to your sons.

[Anonymous]

I heard a story on one of those personal true story shows on NPR...the Moth maybe? It was about a woman whose dad had committed suicide when she was 5. He had caught her stealing a candy bar and killed himself that night. She didnt speak for 5 years after that because she was convinced it was her fault for stealing the candy bar.

I couldn't do that to my kids. Before I had kids I couldn't do that to my dad. Sending you love,OP. Xoxox

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm afraid I'll traumatize my daughters.

You will. My husbands mom did it, and all five kids were traumatized. They are all now in their 40-50s, but I still think it affect them every single day.

I know someone who killed themselves when their oldest was 5. Most days, the kids still ask why mommy left them and if she’s ever coming back.

[Anonymous]

Kids and the thought that it may be a failed attempt, leaving me to live with a permanent disability and be a burden.

[Anonymous]

My heart aches for OP and all of you who're hurting.

My H has afib and it got really, really bad recently, to the point where he couldn't even lie down to sleep. In some really despairing moments he's vented that he'd prefer shooting himself over what he's going through. It was very upsetting to me, especially since we have 2 toddlers. So I made a deal with him about never saying such things out loud. Now I'm wondering if that's perhaps not the best approach. I didn't believe he meant it, but what if...

[Anonymous]

Like many others, my kids. Even when I sometimes whisper to myself they'd be better off without me, I know that's not true.

I also try to hang on to the belief that it is within my power to make some positive difference on this planet, even if small ones.

[Anonymous]

My child is adopted and in college. She has enough issues with who she is to have me do it and add more to her plate. We are very close and I sometimes struggle with the fact there will be a day when I am not here for her. Why make it earlier and throw her life into a tailspin. She deserves more from me. Also, suicide goes against my religion.

[Anonymous]

My parents. They have already lost a child, and I could not do that to them again.

Now I have kids, and I've seen what suicide does to kids (even adults kids). I know that it's so hard to see out of the despair, but it really isn't a fair thing to do to your kids.

People out there care OP. I care. Please get yourself help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My heart aches for OP and all of you who're hurting.

My H has afib and it got really, really bad recently, to the point where he couldn't even lie down to sleep. In some really despairing moments he's vented that he'd prefer shooting himself over what he's going through. It was very upsetting to me, especially since we have 2 toddlers. So I made a deal with him about never saying such things out loud. Now I'm wondering if that's perhaps not the best approach. I didn't believe he meant it, but what if...

This is the worst approach. You do not stop the suicidal thoughts or desire by not talking about it. You have basically said, you pain is too scary for me. So he is alone in his pain. Please talk to him. Look him straight in the eyes and say, "I know you are in pain. I know you want the pain to stop. I know the only way you can think to make the pain stop is to kill yourself. I am by your side. I will sit with you in the pain. I love you. You are not a burden. You, not your pain, not what you can do, but YOU, are the most important person to me. And I would be devastated if you died. If you can't hold on for you, hold on for me. Your kids love you. They need you. They don't care if you are healthy. They just care that you are here, in any form."

"If you ever feel like you want to die, please talk to me. Let me shoulder some of the pain. I won't ever turn away from you and the scary thoughts and feelings you are having"

Then--contact a therapist that deals with chronic illnesses. And also read up on how to help someone who is suicidal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son killed himself. Including his younger brothers, we are left holding the bag knowing that we will never see him again. Our lives changed so decidedly and abruptly that we still have difficulty functioning after 9 months.

Before he died, I occasionally had those thoughts. Knowing I had three children to raise made it easier to shuffle those thoughts out of my head. Since my son's death, suicide is never an option for me because I know the pain that it would cause for those who love me.

It is a pain that is so traumatic that it seems that the pathways in our brains have been crossed up. My middle son had to be hospitalized because the pain was so overwhelming that he withdrew from life and was cutting himself. I have another son who occasionally cries himself to sleep. My husband and I are shadows of our former selves.

This, OP, is why suicide can never be the answer to my mental pain. There are resources available to me that I would have to exhaust. I owe it to those who love me to do more to keep myself healthy. We were clueless about our son and I spend far too many hours wishing I could turn back time. I have firmly promised that I will never do this to the people I love.

Oh PP lm just so sorry. I'm literally crying for you. Know that someone cares about you and your family. Sending hugs to your sons.

wow, I am crying reading this too.

I think and fantasize about suicide a lot. If you met me you would never guess that I feel this way as I seem to have it all together. However, I spend hours thinking through how i would kill myself (the series of actions I would take and how it would play out). It's incredibly comforting to me to imagine just ceasing to exist. I would do anything to just end the pain of being me that I have felt since I was little.
The only thing that stops me is that that logically I know it would just transfer that pain to my kids. I love them so much and am so protective of them, especially my youngest who is only 9. I feel like at this point the logic is overriding the pain. I wonder if this will always be the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son killed himself. Including his younger brothers, we are left holding the bag knowing that we will never see him again. Our lives changed so decidedly and abruptly that we still have difficulty functioning after 9 months.

Before he died, I occasionally had those thoughts. Knowing I had three children to raise made it easier to shuffle those thoughts out of my head. Since my son's death, suicide is never an option for me because I know the pain that it would cause for those who love me.

It is a pain that is so traumatic that it seems that the pathways in our brains have been crossed up. My middle son had to be hospitalized because the pain was so overwhelming that he withdrew from life and was cutting himself. I have another son who occasionally cries himself to sleep. My husband and I are shadows of our former selves.

This, OP, is why suicide can never be the answer to my mental pain. There are resources available to me that I would have to exhaust. I owe it to those who love me to do more to keep myself healthy. We were clueless about our son and I spend far too many hours wishing I could turn back time. I have firmly promised that I will never do this to the people I love.

Oh PP lm just so sorry. I'm literally crying for you. Know that someone cares about you and your family. Sending hugs to your sons.

Are you getting help? Please, for your kids, find the right meds cocktail. Or try ketamine. New treatment for resistant depression. You deserve to have a life free from pain.


wow, I am crying reading this too.

I think and fantasize about suicide a lot. If you met me you would never guess that I feel this way as I seem to have it all together. However, I spend hours thinking through how i would kill myself (the series of actions I would take and how it would play out). It's incredibly comforting to me to imagine just ceasing to exist. I would do anything to just end the pain of being me that I have felt since I was little.
The only thing that stops me is that that logically I know it would just transfer that pain to my kids. I love them so much and am so protective of them, especially my youngest who is only 9. I feel like at this point the logic is overriding the pain. I wonder if this will always be the case.

[Anonymous]

if I did, my children would be 3 times more likely to commit suicide themselves one day. (Per research at Johns Hopkins)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What stopped me from obsessing about suicide (which I did from 9-22 years old) was that I told myself that I will definitely do it when I'm older. I know that sounds weird. I promised myself I would do it at a later time and, each time I thought about it, I reminded myself it was settled and I am(was) going to do it when I'm older. Eventually, I stopped thinking about suicide or even considering it as an option. I am 48 years old now and I am content to live my life and to see it through to the end.

You sound a lot like me. I’ve been a lot mentally healthier for years now, but back when it was bad the contemplation of suicide was like a pressure release valve for me. There was this sense of “I don’t think I can live like this, it’s so bad,” and realizing that I could end it if it got unbearable was like a secret solution that I kept in my back pocket. As long as I COULD do it later if I needed to was enough to get me through.

I wasn’t one of those who didn’t do it because I thought it would hurt my family; I was convinced that they would be much better off without me. That’s not a statement about lack of love in my life, but how f@cked up the mental illness thought process can be. It was like being possessed by your worst enemy, someone who hates you and is constantly wrestling with your natural will to live.

[Anonymous]

When I was really depressed, it was the fact that I did not want it to be my daughter's story that her mom killed herself. That was unfair to her. She could still have a good life without me, but she will always wish I had not, it will ruin her life, and she will hate my memory.

My mom told me that the only way to get to the other side of hard times is to just go through them. My parents worked so hard to find peace within themselves and their lives, they would be so disappointed if I did not do everything I could to stay alive.

Now, I am as upbeat as they come. No problem is too big (even the big ones), and we have the ability to constantly reinvent ourselves.