Reply to If you’ve considered suicide, what keeps you from doing it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My son killed himself.  Including his younger brothers, we are left holding the bag knowing that we will never see him again.  Our lives changed so decidedly and abruptly that we still have difficulty functioning after 9 months.

Before he died, I occasionally had those thoughts.  Knowing I had three children to raise made it easier to shuffle those thoughts out of my head.  Since my son's death, suicide is never an option for me because I know the pain that it would cause for those who love me.

It is a pain that is so traumatic that it seems that the pathways in our brains have been crossed up.  My middle son had to be hospitalized because the pain was so overwhelming that he withdrew from life and was cutting himself.  I have another son who occasionally cries himself to sleep.  My husband and I are shadows of our former selves.

This, OP, is why suicide can never be the answer to my mental pain.  There are resources available to me that I would have to exhaust.  I owe it to those who love me to do more to keep myself healthy.  We were clueless about our son and I spend far too many hours wishing I could turn back time.  I have firmly promised that I will never do this to the people I love.[/quote]

Oh PP lm just so sorry. I'm literally crying for you. Know that someone cares about you and your family. Sending hugs to your sons.[/quote]

wow, I am crying reading this too.

I think and fantasize about suicide a lot.  If you met me you would never guess that I feel this way as I seem to have it all together.  However, I spend hours thinking through how i would kill myself (the series of actions I would take and how it would play out).  It's incredibly comforting to me to imagine just ceasing to exist.  I would do anything to just end the pain of being me that I have felt since I was little. 
The only thing that stops me is that that logically I know it would just transfer that pain to my kids.  I love them so much and am so protective of them, especially my youngest who is only 9.   I feel like at this point the logic is overriding the pain.  I wonder if this will always be the case.  [/quote]

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