If you’ve considered suicide, what keeps you from doing it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm afraid I'll traumatize my daughters.

You will. My husbands mom did it, and all five kids were traumatized. They are all now in their 40-50s, but I still think it affect them every single day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could support you in real life OP.

Me too.

There are so many people who care - even if you haven't found them in real life yet.

[Anonymous]

Because I knew the pain I was feeling was going to be transferred to the people I left behind. Because I didn’t want people to think I was weak and “took the easy way out”.

So I made some rules:
1) I would never do it impulsively. Meaning having a bad day or week and suddenly doing it.

2) I would do everything possible to deal with my depression. Try every technique, every medication, every therapy. So if I did do it, I could show my loved ones how hard I tried to stay for them. And hope they would understand that I tried everything and was still in pain

3) I would never lie if directly asked about suicidal thoughts or plans.

I often cursed the universe because I wanted to die so badly. But I hung on. And luckily I found the right cocktail of medication and I got better. And my life is better than I could ever imagine it.

OP- keep holding on. Keep trying to get help. If trying to get help is overwhelming, find someone to help you. I recently found a therapist for a friend who was just overwhelmed by everything. Know that it can and does get better.

[Anonymous]

First, OP, please, please call someone and get help. Anyone. Just call a friend you haven't talked to for a while and say, "Can you help me?" or "Can you listen?" Or just call and talk nonsense. Once at a really low point, a friend I hadn't spoken to in a long while called just randomly and we talked about nothing important. But it was enough to remind me that people in the world still cared if I existed. It was more than 15 years before I told him he probably helped save my life with that phone call.

Second, my perspective is different. I've struggled with suicidal ideation. And I have an older sister who unsuccessfully attempted suicide. So I kind of know a little about the aftermath. And that also has kept me from acting on my thoughts.

[Anonymous]

My dog. And my parents. They would never understand and I worry about what it might do to their health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could support you in real life OP.

Me too.

There are so many people who care - even if you haven't found them in real life yet.

Thank you both

[Anonymous]

My best friend looked me in the eyes and said she would never forgive me or ever speak well of me again.

That was 30 years ago. I am so glad she said that to me! Things did turn around and I got help.

Hugs, OP.

[Anonymous]

At nighttime, tell yourself you need to make it to morning. Force yourself to go to bed and sleep.

During the day, be good to yourself. Take things slowly. Do only what you need to do. Do not engage with any drama - take a break from that. Be good to yourself.

Before nighttime, tell yourself your goal is to make it to the next day.

I can tell you, at some point, things will get better. Not perfect, but better. There is hope in that. Please trust that.

I’m pulling for you. Cyber hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm afraid I'll traumatize my daughters.

You will. My husbands mom did it, and all five kids were traumatized. They are all now in their 40-50s, but I still think it affect them every single day.

+100 It is so traumatic for those closest to the person who dies. Suicide survivors feel so much guilt, blame themselves, question everything. You can't look back at happy memories without wondering if secretly you were really sad inside. You can't help but wonder if they really loved you, why you couldn't stay. The pain lessens over time, but I don't think it ever truly ends and there are triggers everywhere. There are birthdays, Christmases, all kinds of firsts to remind you over and over of what you lost.

[Anonymous]

My parents. I had a sibling who committed suicide and I spent many nights in my 20s mad at them for going through with it because it meant that I couldn’t do it and leave my parents alone. It gets better

[Anonymous]

My son killed himself. Including his younger brothers, we are left holding the bag knowing that we will never see him again. Our lives changed so decidedly and abruptly that we still have difficulty functioning after 9 months.

Before he died, I occasionally had those thoughts. Knowing I had three children to raise made it easier to shuffle those thoughts out of my head. Since my son's death, suicide is never an option for me because I know the pain that it would cause for those who love me.

It is a pain that is so traumatic that it seems that the pathways in our brains have been crossed up. My middle son had to be hospitalized because the pain was so overwhelming that he withdrew from life and was cutting himself. I have another son who occasionally cries himself to sleep. My husband and I are shadows of our former selves.

This, OP, is why suicide can never be the answer to my mental pain. There are resources available to me that I would have to exhaust. I owe it to those who love me to do more to keep myself healthy. We were clueless about our son and I spend far too many hours wishing I could turn back time. I have firmly promised that I will never do this to the people I love.

[Anonymous]

movement. Honestly.
I’ve had suicidal thoughts for most of my life. My first suicide attempt was at age 8. When I start to enter the spiral I get up and move. It sounds simple but it works. I don’t care if it’s 2pm or 2am. I’ll do a few sun salutations or circuits. The release of emphorphins in my brain almost always gets me out of the immediate spiral. I still feel sad- but not dangerously so.
Keep talking. Keep showing up.
Peace to you.

[Anonymous]

My dogs, honestly. I love them so much and I know no one would treat them the way I do. My family, second. I have seen the effects of suicide on family and it is devestating. If I went through with it I would do everything I could to make it look like an accident to try to make it easier on my family.

[Anonymous]

Because it doesn't end the pain, it just transfers my pain to those around me.

The last thing I want is to leave earth with my last action being to give my parents, siblings, spouse and children the gift of depression, trauma and PTSD, grief and loss, and a higher risk for suicide themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son killed himself. Including his younger brothers, we are left holding the bag knowing that we will never see him again. Our lives changed so decidedly and abruptly that we still have difficulty functioning after 9 months.

Before he died, I occasionally had those thoughts. Knowing I had three children to raise made it easier to shuffle those thoughts out of my head. Since my son's death, suicide is never an option for me because I know the pain that it would cause for those who love me.

It is a pain that is so traumatic that it seems that the pathways in our brains have been crossed up. My middle son had to be hospitalized because the pain was so overwhelming that he withdrew from life and was cutting himself. I have another son who occasionally cries himself to sleep. My husband and I are shadows of our former selves.

This, OP, is why suicide can never be the answer to my mental pain. There are resources available to me that I would have to exhaust. I owe it to those who love me to do more to keep myself healthy. We were clueless about our son and I spend far too many hours wishing I could turn back time. I have firmly promised that I will never do this to the people I love.

I’m so sorry. My son unsuccessfully attempted suicide and I know if it had worked I’d feel like you do. Right now we’re in a good place but honestly I’m scared a lot of the time.

OP and PP, I hope you find peace.