SAHM shaming

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to own your choices and live with the consequences. My kids are both in college now. I chose to quit my career and raise them at home because I could not deal with the whole nanny thing. Do I think it made a difference in the outcome for my children. Can’t really say. But at the end of the day we only get one shot at a life well lived and for me, I am glad I spent that time with my children. I wasn’t destined to cure cancer, but I could possibly make a difference in the lives of my family.

When children have a stable, competent and loving primary caregiver, they are most fortunate. You have done the hardest and most important job there is. Believe me.

Kudos to you for making the biggest sacrifice. Kudos to your spouse for supporting your vitally important work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to own your choices and live with the consequences. My kids are both in college now. I chose to quit my career and raise them at home because I could not deal with the whole nanny thing. Do I think it made a difference in the outcome for my children. Can’t really say. But at the end of the day we only get one shot at a life well lived and for me, I am glad I spent that time with my children. I wasn’t destined to cure cancer, but I could possibly make a difference in the lives of my family.

When children have a stable, competent and loving primary caregiver, they are most fortunate. You have done the hardest and most important job there is. Believe me.

Kudos to you for making the biggest sacrifice. Kudos to your spouse for supporting your vitally important work.

I hope you’re being sarcastic, PP.

Because we all know working parents can’t be stable, competent or loving

And quitting a job with a partner financially supporting isn’t quite the “biggest sacrifice”. I’d chalk that up to something like choosing to forgo chemotherapy for the sake of your unborn child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to own your choices and live with the consequences. My kids are both in college now. I chose to quit my career and raise them at home because I could not deal with the whole nanny thing. Do I think it made a difference in the outcome for my children. Can’t really say. But at the end of the day we only get one shot at a life well lived and for me, I am glad I spent that time with my children. I wasn’t destined to cure cancer, but I could possibly make a difference in the lives of my family.

When children have a stable, competent and loving primary caregiver, they are most fortunate. You have done the hardest and most important job there is. Believe me.

Kudos to you for making the biggest sacrifice. Kudos to your spouse for supporting your vitally important work.

I hope you’re being sarcastic, PP.

Because we all know working parents can’t be stable, competent or loving

And quitting a job with a partner financially supporting isn’t quite the “biggest sacrifice”. I’d chalk that up to something like choosing to forgo chemotherapy for the sake of your unborn child.

Not to mention that while your children are in school you’re spending basically two hours a day more with them than a working parent. And that is if they don’t spend any time doing after school activities or sports. Which most kids do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m rarely uncomfortable with people criticizing my SAHM status. In fact, I embrace it! If they ask what I do all day, I say I run errands, laundry, clean up a little bit, go to the gym, play a whole lot of tennis, cuddle with my dogs. Sometimes I’m nap, sometimes I read, go to lunch or coffee with my girlfriends (a mix of SAH and working moms), go on field trips and volunteer at school.

I don’t pretend that it’s the hardest job in the world and I’m not looking for praise from others. It is what it is and it works for my family. Other families are different and I respect that.

Totally serious question and I respect your answer. Are you OK with this as your life? Did you go to college? Do you have daughters and expect them to excel academically? What are your life goals?

[Anonymous]

Oh, I guess I should be happy the SAHM bashing waited until page 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I guess I should be happy the SAHM bashing waited until page 3.

#bitter

[Anonymous]

I know you think you're very important, but you're just not important to that many other people. Why would anyone care what you're doing or not doing?

Who exactly is making comments to you, and what are the comments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I guess I should be happy the SAHM bashing waited until page 3.

#bitter

What Bashing? Because there is not universal salaaming at the alter of SAH?

You don’t have to blow out someone else’s candle to make yours shine.

Why can’t all parents be happy with the choices they make, and others be happy for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I guess I should be happy the SAHM bashing waited until page 3.

#bitter

What Bashing? Because there is not universal salaaming at the alter of SAH?

You don’t have to blow out someone else’s candle to make yours shine.

Why can’t all parents be happy with the choices they make, and others be happy for them?

Put the wine down. You’re incoherent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m really struggling with all the comments I get about being a SAHM of school-age kids (IRL and on DCUM). I know I shouldn’t take it to heart since it works for my family but it is so discouraging. Just today I was thinking what job would satisfy all these people and realize nothing short of the full-time, high power job I left would qualify. For example, if I became a preschool teacher, DCUM would still look down on me.

Eh, if you had the high-powered job, people would ask why you even bothered to have kids if you were just going to have someone else raise them. You can't win.

This. If you have a high powered job, people will call you neglectful and a terrible parent. You can't win.

Yes, the sweet spot seems to be a part time job working from home that comes with a lot of prestige and pays 400k a year.

Ha! I have that, except I make about 20k a year. I guess it doesn’t count, does it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I guess I should be happy the SAHM bashing waited until page 3.

#bitter

What Bashing? Because there is not universal salaaming at the alter of SAH?

You don’t have to blow out someone else’s candle to make yours shine.

Why can’t all parents be happy with the choices they make, and others be happy for them?

Put the wine down. You’re incoherent.

the universal answer on DCUM for “I have nothing important to add, and am being argumentative for the sake of it”.

People bash SAH, people bash WOH, people bash WAH who split their time. There is no “bigger sacrifice”. Everyone does what they can, and ultimately, what they feel is right for their family, or what IS right for their family. No one needs put the other down. There are sadifices on all sides, depending on what is important to the family. I know women on both sides of the fence, for whom thier choice is not the “biggest sacrifice”.

And guess what? All their kids are going to be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to own your choices and live with the consequences. My kids are both in college now. I chose to quit my career and raise them at home because I could not deal with the whole nanny thing. Do I think it made a difference in the outcome for my children. Can’t really say. But at the end of the day we only get one shot at a life well lived and for me, I am glad I spent that time with my children. I wasn’t destined to cure cancer, but I could possibly make a difference in the lives of my family.

When children have a stable, competent and loving primary caregiver, they are most fortunate. You have done the hardest and most important job there is. Believe me.

Kudos to you for making the biggest sacrifice. Kudos to your spouse for supporting your vitally important work.

Snort. That’s funny. Permanent vacation is the ultimate sacrifice?!?! Bwahahahahaha.

[Anonymous]

SAHM, Good for you.


To each their own.
I didn't do it, but happy for you that it is working out.

When I get pressure to be a different version of myself, I look to a culture that is less of a pressure-cooker in that regard, and pretend I am a part of. that.

For example, in my head, I live in a country where a higher BMI is desirable/endeaing after a "certain age".

[Anonymous]

Love this quote:

“I’ve never had a job because I don’t want one. Jobs reduce people to absolute stupidity, they forget to think about themselves. There’s something so positive about unemployment. It’s like, Now We Can Think About Ourselves. You won’t get trapped into materialism, you won’t buy things you don’t really want…”

https://strikemag.org/bullshit-jobs/

[Anonymous]

My husband runs his own successful part-time business that takes up about 25-30 hours a week and earns $70K per year). Hee spends the rest of his time on caring for our son and cooking. We have #2 on the way and I have a busy job, so this works perfectly for our family.

I get asked weekly "so when is he going to get a job?" And they do it in roundabout ways that imply the situation is so hopeless it needs to be talked about under one's breath.

People are jealous, clueless, or both. Most SAHM do not "stay at home," they work at home and at school, park, museum, grocery store... The problem is that our society doest't put a specific monetary value on this work.