SAHM shaming

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m rarely uncomfortable with people criticizing my SAHM status. In fact, I embrace it! If they ask what I do all day, I say I run errands, laundry, clean up a little bit, go to the gym, play a whole lot of tennis, cuddle with my dogs. Sometimes I’m nap, sometimes I read, go to lunch or coffee with my girlfriends (a mix of SAH and working moms), go on field trips and volunteer at school.

I don’t pretend that it’s the hardest job in the world and I’m not looking for praise from others. It is what it is and it works for my family. Other families are different and I respect that.

Totally serious question and I respect your answer. Are you OK with this as your life? Did you go to college? Do you have daughters and expect them to excel academically? What are your life goals?

Not everyone lives to work.

I can tell you're a workaholic whose identity is wrapped up in what they do for money. That's fine but, if you were truly as smart and perceptive as you think you are, you'd realize not everyone wants to live that way.

And don't bother responding back to deny your workaholism. I can tell because you seem unable to acknowledge why many people don't want to waste their one precious life in an office pushing paper.

It's fine if you feel purpose in what you do. But you can't even acknowledge that other people feel differently. That's a problem.

Read these first before responding.

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/millennials-burnout-generation-debt-work

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/01/opinion/burnout-hustle-culture-gentrification-work.html

https://www.theguardian.com/money/shortcuts/2019/jan/28/work-life-balance-thankgoditsmonday

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/02/religion-workism-making-americans-miserable/583441/

https://www.theatlantic.com/letters/archive/2019/03/readers-respond-workism-is-making-americans-miserable/584377/

NP. You have a huge chip on your shoulder. PP only asked a question - you're the one who seems to think it was loaded.

New poster.

how is the bolded not a loaded question?

I actually agree that any person who asks the question like that can't envision the obvious answer. Duh. It's because they're rich enough to pursue leisure and hobbies all day.

If you read the thread, this is pointed out to that poster NUMEROUS times and still she persists in pretending she doesn't understand.

So that poster is either a workaholic (someone who can't envision why others don't live to work) OR an assh0le.

I'm not sure which is worse.

I'm the one who posted the original question. I'm rich.
And of course PP, she'd never send her husband any of those articles - because it's ok for men to live to work. But her husband doesn't... etc.

Ok so you're not a workaholic.

You're an assh0le who asked a rude question.

Got it.

That STILL hasn't been answered. How triggered are you, girl?

Um, I'm the person who said

a.) no one has ever said anything negative to my face about it

b.) that I agree with the person who said they spend time on their hobbies

and

b.) you use your education all the time as you move through the world. It's a core part of your identity. It's one of the largest pieces that make you who you are.

Soooo I answered the question.

I still think you're an assh0le.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m rarely uncomfortable with people criticizing my SAHM status. In fact, I embrace it! If they ask what I do all day, I say I run errands, laundry, clean up a little bit, go to the gym, play a whole lot of tennis, cuddle with my dogs. Sometimes I’m nap, sometimes I read, go to lunch or coffee with my girlfriends (a mix of SAH and working moms), go on field trips and volunteer at school.

I don’t pretend that it’s the hardest job in the world and I’m not looking for praise from others. It is what it is and it works for my family. Other families are different and I respect that.

Totally serious question and I respect your answer. Are you OK with this as your life? Did you go to college? Do you have daughters and expect them to excel academically? What are your life goals?

Not everyone lives to work.

I can tell you're a workaholic whose identity is wrapped up in what they do for money. That's fine but, if you were truly as smart and perceptive as you think you are, you'd realize not everyone wants to live that way.

And don't bother responding back to deny your workaholism. I can tell because you seem unable to acknowledge why many people don't want to waste their one precious life in an office pushing paper.

It's fine if you feel purpose in what you do. But you can't even acknowledge that other people feel differently. That's a problem.

Read these first before responding.

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/millennials-burnout-generation-debt-work

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/01/opinion/burnout-hustle-culture-gentrification-work.html

https://www.theguardian.com/money/shortcuts/2019/jan/28/work-life-balance-thankgoditsmonday

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/02/religion-workism-making-americans-miserable/583441/

https://www.theatlantic.com/letters/archive/2019/03/readers-respond-workism-is-making-americans-miserable/584377/

NP. You have a huge chip on your shoulder. PP only asked a question - you're the one who seems to think it was loaded.

New poster.

how is the bolded not a loaded question?

I actually agree that any person who asks the question like that can't envision the obvious answer. Duh. It's because they're rich enough to pursue leisure and hobbies all day.

If you read the thread, this is pointed out to that poster NUMEROUS times and still she persists in pretending she doesn't understand.

So that poster is either a workaholic (someone who can't envision why others don't live to work) OR an assh0le.

I'm not sure which is worse.

I'm the one who posted the original question. I'm rich.
And of course PP, she'd never send her husband any of those articles - because it's ok for men to live to work. But her husband doesn't... etc.

She said she did send those articles to her husband. Did you even read the thread?

And if you're rich and only work 30 hours a week, then you must agree with her overall premise that in general, American capitalists are trying to turn work into some desirable goal. "Rise and grind," "hustle harder," #hustle, #thankgoditsmonday #dowhatyoulove

It's gross. It's people with capital taking advantage of people without and trying to squeeze extra work out of them for no pay.

So I assume you think that PP's husband should quit, too, then? Or your husband?

I assume PP's husband will quit when he makes enough money to do so. I believe she said he plans to quit at 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny I am a WOHM and I get shamed for that. There is no right way in the eyes of beholders. You be you and don't worry about what others think.

I am a current SAHM and a former WOHM. People have tried to shame me for both choices, so in the end, other people's choices do not matter.

This. All moms are judged. You can’t win so just make the choices that work for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

PP can you tell us why you think the question hasn't been answered

I'm the first person who said college isn't just about making money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m rarely uncomfortable with people criticizing my SAHM status. In fact, I embrace it! If they ask what I do all day, I say I run errands, laundry, clean up a little bit, go to the gym, play a whole lot of tennis, cuddle with my dogs. Sometimes I’m nap, sometimes I read, go to lunch or coffee with my girlfriends (a mix of SAH and working moms), go on field trips and volunteer at school.

I don’t pretend that it’s the hardest job in the world and I’m not looking for praise from others. It is what it is and it works for my family. Other families are different and I respect that.

Totally serious question and I respect your answer. Are you OK with this as your life? Did you go to college? Do you have daughters and expect them to excel academically? What are your life goals?

Not everyone lives to work.

I can tell you're a workaholic whose identity is wrapped up in what they do for money. That's fine but, if you were truly as smart and perceptive as you think you are, you'd realize not everyone wants to live that way.

And don't bother responding back to deny your workaholism. I can tell because you seem unable to acknowledge why many people don't want to waste their one precious life in an office pushing paper.

It's fine if you feel purpose in what you do. But you can't even acknowledge that other people feel differently. That's a problem.

Read these first before responding.

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/millennials-burnout-generation-debt-work

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/01/opinion/burnout-hustle-culture-gentrification-work.html

https://www.theguardian.com/money/shortcuts/2019/jan/28/work-life-balance-thankgoditsmonday

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/02/religion-workism-making-americans-miserable/583441/

https://www.theatlantic.com/letters/archive/2019/03/readers-respond-workism-is-making-americans-miserable/584377/

NP. You have a huge chip on your shoulder. PP only asked a question - you're the one who seems to think it was loaded.

New poster.

how is the bolded not a loaded question?

I actually agree that any person who asks the question like that can't envision the obvious answer. Duh. It's because they're rich enough to pursue leisure and hobbies all day.

If you read the thread, this is pointed out to that poster NUMEROUS times and still she persists in pretending she doesn't understand.

So that poster is either a workaholic (someone who can't envision why others don't live to work) OR an assh0le.

I'm not sure which is worse.

I'm the one who posted the original question. I'm rich.
And of course PP, she'd never send her husband any of those articles - because it's ok for men to live to work. But her husband doesn't... etc.

She said she did send those articles to her husband. Did you even read the thread?

And if you're rich and only work 30 hours a week, then you must agree with her overall premise that in general, American capitalists are trying to turn work into some desirable goal. "Rise and grind," "hustle harder," #hustle, #thankgoditsmonday #dowhatyoulove

It's gross. It's people with capital taking advantage of people without and trying to squeeze extra work out of them for no pay.

So I assume you think that PP's husband should quit, too, then? Or your husband?

I assume PP's husband will quit when he makes enough money to do so. I believe she said he plans to quit at 50.

Okay, again for the slow: you think a woman who works 30 hours week but doesn't have to is gross and should retire, but a man who works 40-50 hours a week but doesn't have to is not gross and should not retire. Got it.

You people should not be shamed for SAHM. You should be shamed for misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m rarely uncomfortable with people criticizing my SAHM status. In fact, I embrace it! If they ask what I do all day, I say I run errands, laundry, clean up a little bit, go to the gym, play a whole lot of tennis, cuddle with my dogs. Sometimes I’m nap, sometimes I read, go to lunch or coffee with my girlfriends (a mix of SAH and working moms), go on field trips and volunteer at school.

I don’t pretend that it’s the hardest job in the world and I’m not looking for praise from others. It is what it is and it works for my family. Other families are different and I respect that.

Totally serious question and I respect your answer. Are you OK with this as your life? Did you go to college? Do you have daughters and expect them to excel academically? What are your life goals?

Not everyone lives to work.

I can tell you're a workaholic whose identity is wrapped up in what they do for money. That's fine but, if you were truly as smart and perceptive as you think you are, you'd realize not everyone wants to live that way.

And don't bother responding back to deny your workaholism. I can tell because you seem unable to acknowledge why many people don't want to waste their one precious life in an office pushing paper.

It's fine if you feel purpose in what you do. But you can't even acknowledge that other people feel differently. That's a problem.

Read these first before responding.

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/millennials-burnout-generation-debt-work

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/01/opinion/burnout-hustle-culture-gentrification-work.html

https://www.theguardian.com/money/shortcuts/2019/jan/28/work-life-balance-thankgoditsmonday

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/02/religion-workism-making-americans-miserable/583441/

https://www.theatlantic.com/letters/archive/2019/03/readers-respond-workism-is-making-americans-miserable/584377/

NP. You have a huge chip on your shoulder. PP only asked a question - you're the one who seems to think it was loaded.

New poster.

how is the bolded not a loaded question?

I actually agree that any person who asks the question like that can't envision the obvious answer. Duh. It's because they're rich enough to pursue leisure and hobbies all day.

If you read the thread, this is pointed out to that poster NUMEROUS times and still she persists in pretending she doesn't understand.

So that poster is either a workaholic (someone who can't envision why others don't live to work) OR an assh0le.

I'm not sure which is worse.

I'm the one who posted the original question. I'm rich.
And of course PP, she'd never send her husband any of those articles - because it's ok for men to live to work. But her husband doesn't... etc.

She said she did send those articles to her husband. Did you even read the thread?

And if you're rich and only work 30 hours a week, then you must agree with her overall premise that in general, American capitalists are trying to turn work into some desirable goal. "Rise and grind," "hustle harder," #hustle, #thankgoditsmonday #dowhatyoulove

It's gross. It's people with capital taking advantage of people without and trying to squeeze extra work out of them for no pay.

So I assume you think that PP's husband should quit, too, then? Or your husband?

I assume PP's husband will quit when he makes enough money to do so. I believe she said he plans to quit at 50.

Okay, again for the slow: you think a woman who works 30 hours week but doesn't have to is gross and should retire, but a man who works 40-50 hours a week but doesn't have to is not gross and should not retire. Got it.

You people should not be shamed for SAHM. You should be shamed for misogyny.

For god's sake. Do you hear yourself?

You have a hard on for this poster.

No one thinks she should retire! I personally think she is gross for being rude and shaming SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP can you tell us why you think the question hasn't been answered

I'm the first person who said college isn't just about making money.

Don't bother. That poster who asked the question (which is loaded) is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you refuse to be shamed?

Being a well-off SAHM in a great marriage is something that required luck and work. Many moms would kill to be in my shoes. When I find a better situation for me, from where I am right now, I will strive for that. As of now, there is nothing that looks remotely interesting and fulfilling and comfortable than where I am.

- Happy "guilt-free" SAHM

This is me: Currently Comfortable.

My husband appreciates the effort and I’m enjoying myself. I have no real complaints. For us, it’s perfect.

My main reason for not going back to work yet is my husband’s vacations; he takes six weeks off in the summer and we travel. The kids are still young and it’s something we look forward to all year. I know if I went back to work, getting six weeks off would be near impossible.

[Anonymous]

People in this area ask me all the time, "when are you going back to work?" It drives me crazy and I also feel ashamed sometimes, OP. There is a lot of judgment towards people who don't work outside the home in this area. Sometimes I lie and tell people I do temp jobs and that shuts them up. I just get tired of it.

[Anonymous]

Is your husband secretly bitching about you not working to family and friends?

I ask because both my brother and brother in law constantly whine to family about their wives not working and when someone mentions it the wives get upset. I never make comments but other family members certainly do.

[Anonymous]

The only thing you can control is your reaction, OP. Just let this stuff go.

[Anonymous]

I have to say. The women who come in here bragging about their 30 hour a week, high powered, well paying jobs are just as obnoxious as the ones who come in bragging about their husbands who make seven figures. Those are unicorn jobs and you know it.

Great if you have one but you know for a fact that you have no business shaming those of us for being unable to find one in the current work environment where work is supposed to be your top priority and they'll tell you to go pound salt if it's not.

I have to agree, it is an asshole move.

I SAHM partly because of logistics.

Last week, one of my kids got sick. She was sent home early one day then was out for the next three days with a high fever and vomiting.

She went back to school today but unfortunately her brother came down with the same thing yesterday. Same symptoms so I'm thinking he's going to be out for the next couple days too.

If our other child gets it, then that'll be another 2-3 days tacked on that someone needs to be home with a sick child.

This happens in our family probably twice a year - that each of our 3 kids gets sick domino style, one by one in a row. They don't all get it at the same time, that would be too easy.

Then add in all the random cold/snow days, half days for holidays or conferences. It would all fall on me because my husband has always been the breadwinner by a lot and it's only common sense to protect the job that funds your life.

What office would put up with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to say. The women who come in here bragging about their 30 hour a week, high powered, well paying jobs are just as obnoxious as the ones who come in bragging about their husbands who make seven figures. Those are unicorn jobs and you know it.

Great if you have one but you know for a fact that you have no business shaming those of us for being unable to find one in the current work environment where work is supposed to be your top priority and they'll tell you to go pound salt if it's not.

I have to agree, it is an asshole move.

I SAHM partly because of logistics.

Last week, one of my kids got sick. She was sent home early one day then was out for the next three days with a high fever and vomiting.

She went back to school today but unfortunately her brother came down with the same thing yesterday. Same symptoms so I'm thinking he's going to be out for the next couple days too.

If our other child gets it, then that'll be another 2-3 days tacked on that someone needs to be home with a sick child.

This happens in our family probably twice a year - that each of our 3 kids gets sick domino style, one by one in a row. They don't all get it at the same time, that would be too easy.

Then add in all the random cold/snow days, half days for holidays or conferences. It would all fall on me because my husband has always been the breadwinner by a lot and it's only common sense to protect the job that funds your life.

What office would put up with this?

This is so true. There is a group of nasty unicorn-life women on this site who are so entitled. They are both SAHM and WOHM. Link-posting SAHM is an obnoxious entitled hypocrite, but so is 30-hr week 400k mom.

They should be locked in a room together and leave the rest of us free from their judgment and nastiness. And honestly, I really wonder at how happy they truly are, given their antics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to say. The women who come in here bragging about their 30 hour a week, high powered, well paying jobs are just as obnoxious as the ones who come in bragging about their husbands who make seven figures. Those are unicorn jobs and you know it.

Great if you have one but you know for a fact that you have no business shaming those of us for being unable to find one in the current work environment where work is supposed to be your top priority and they'll tell you to go pound salt if it's not.

I have to agree, it is an asshole move.

I SAHM partly because of logistics.

Last week, one of my kids got sick. She was sent home early one day then was out for the next three days with a high fever and vomiting.

She went back to school today but unfortunately her brother came down with the same thing yesterday. Same symptoms so I'm thinking he's going to be out for the next couple days too.

If our other child gets it, then that'll be another 2-3 days tacked on that someone needs to be home with a sick child.

This happens in our family probably twice a year - that each of our 3 kids gets sick domino style, one by one in a row. They don't all get it at the same time, that would be too easy.

Then add in all the random cold/snow days, half days for holidays or conferences. It would all fall on me because my husband has always been the breadwinner by a lot and it's only common sense to protect the job that funds your life.

What office would put up with this?

This is a description of systemic sexism. It's assumed that a spouse who makes more money simply cannot take time off from work because that is the way it has always been. Likewise, it's assumed that the primary caretaker would be punished by her work because that's the way it's always been.

Thankfully, I do think workplace cultures are slowly changing so both parents can actually take care of their families without criticism or penalty. My spouse and I can both take turns because our supervisors (men and women) have had experience as primary caretakers. They have been good models for work-life balance.

I get that this isn't possible in every career, but I do have hope that the tides can change. We just need more leaders who also have to pick up their sick kids every once in awhile and also parents who don't have to assume the burden of ALL care taking tasks, foreclosing their own pursuits. Experience and empathy go a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP can you tell us why you think the question hasn't been answered

I'm the first person who said college isn't just about making money.

Don't bother. That poster who asked the question (which is loaded) is a troll.

I don't think you know what a troll is.
Spoiler: it's not someone who disagrees with you.