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SAHM shaming
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Anonymous
| I'm a SAHM. I live in an area where it isn't really popular. I also come from a family where it is frowned upon. I was wondering how others have dealt with negative feedback/pressure from being a SAHM? I'd especially like to hear from moms who are permanently staying home, or have older kids. |
Anonymous
Who exactly do you feel is shaming you? I am a SAHM of older kids (10 and 8.) I would like to stay home a while longer and I do know other moms in the area doing the same. I agree it’s not “the norm” around here. I don’t have an issue with moms working, I just selfishly wish I had more friends. My DH is fine with me staying home but he’s not the “it’s soooo wonderful my wife stays home type.” Sometimes I feel like he’s humoring me. He’s a good guy. I’m not sure if I answered your question? |
Anonymous
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You ask about SAHM stuff but that's not really the nut of it, right? I mean you could start work next week if your DH gets laid off or something or you find some passion you want to monetize. The issue is that you are worried what other people say or think. Brene Brown has a lot on this that has heartened me. Some examples:
“I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter. To be on that list, you have to love me for my strengths and struggles.” “What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think – or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?” |
Anonymous
| It doesn't matter what decisions you make people will judge them ... you need to stop letting peoples opinions affect you. |
Anonymous
| I sah with older kids, 10 and 12. No one I know would venture to openly judge me. I do get the "What DO you do all day?" type of questions, which I answer honestly and at length until their eyes glaze over. My husband and I both enjoy my being at home and feel it has helped our kids to thrive. We don't gaf what others think or say about it. |
Anonymous
You just have to ignore it and move along. You do you and try not to worry about what others think. Most will not say anything directly to your face. I have one very good friend who is a wohp and she has been my biggest defender and having someone in your corner helps too. Make friends and create a mutual support network. We all have specific reasons for doing what we do (for our family it was trying to balance our lives with the raising of two special needs children) and everyone’s circumstance is different - even if it looks the same to outsiders. The main peson you want on your side is your partner. Having a solid relationship is key. My DH has also been excellent in understanding how we both are working for the family and each of us brings value to the table. |
Anonymous
This. I do not give a rat's backside about what everyone else thinks. My DH and DCs are deeply appreciative that I am home and we all can see the fruits of my staying home in ways that are meaningful to our family. I would be more bothered if my DH had negative opinions about my significant life choices and I disagreed with him. At that point I would do everything to carve a life away from him because who needs such negativity from a life partner? |
Anonymous
| Funny I am a WOHM and I get shamed for that. There is no right way in the eyes of beholders. You be you and don't worry about what others think. |
Anonymous
Avoid talking about it first of all. Nosy people who like to stir the pot might say something To get you in a position where you feel like you have to defend yourself. Don’t fall into it. Force them to actually have to come out and ask you on the rude or nosy question of “why do you stay home?” or whatever other thing they’re saying to you to make you question yourself. I never thought I would stay at home as in my family ITV also was looked down a little bit but in all honesty I would do it again. The years go by fast and now I have an older teen and he’ll only be home with us a few more years and I’m there to pick him up at school and for dinner and I’m around when he’s doing homework and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Plus I am involved in their schools. If you’re comfortable in what you’re doing and true to yourself, you’ll be able to fend it off and ignore any comments. Once again, don’t go on the defensive and change the subject, excuse yourself, whatever it takes to not discuss. |
Anonymous
I am a current SAHM and a former WOHM. People have tried to shame me for both choices, so in the end, other people's choices do not matter. |
Anonymous
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I only had one negative experience, but she was clearly jealous. Actually she completely ignored me and acted like I wasn't there in their own home. After that we dumped the couple completely. Otherwise, I found most women wanted to stay home but couldn't because of finances. Or they had a partner that wasn't supportive.
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Anonymous
| You won't win. My in laws frown on me for working but my family would frown on my for not working. |
Anonymous
| People shame you and have an opinion on your life no matter what you do. As a WOHM, I've been told I'm abandoning my children and letting someone else raise them. My friends who SAH get asked things like "what do you even do all day". We women can't win! We need to stick together and support one another's choices. |
Anonymous
Are you me? My in laws just can't believe I'm choosing to work. My mom would be horrified if I gave up my career. |
Anonymous
| I’m really struggling with all the comments I get about being a SAHM of school-age kids (IRL and on DCUM). I know I shouldn’t take it to heart since it works for my family but it is so discouraging. Just today I was thinking what job would satisfy all these people and realize nothing short of the full-time, high power job I left would qualify. For example, if I became a preschool teacher, DCUM would still look down on me. |