SAHM shaming

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to say. The women who come in here bragging about their 30 hour a week, high powered, well paying jobs are just as obnoxious as the ones who come in bragging about their husbands who make seven figures. Those are unicorn jobs and you know it.

Great if you have one but you know for a fact that you have no business shaming those of us for being unable to find one in the current work environment where work is supposed to be your top priority and they'll tell you to go pound salt if it's not.

I have to agree, it is an asshole move.

I SAHM partly because of logistics.

Last week, one of my kids got sick. She was sent home early one day then was out for the next three days with a high fever and vomiting.

She went back to school today but unfortunately her brother came down with the same thing yesterday. Same symptoms so I'm thinking he's going to be out for the next couple days too.

If our other child gets it, then that'll be another 2-3 days tacked on that someone needs to be home with a sick child.

This happens in our family probably twice a year - that each of our 3 kids gets sick domino style, one by one in a row. They don't all get it at the same time, that would be too easy.

Then add in all the random cold/snow days, half days for holidays or conferences. It would all fall on me because my husband has always been the breadwinner by a lot and it's only common sense to protect the job that funds your life.

What office would put up with this?

SAHMs never believe that flexible, well-paying jobs exist. Their husbands insist they HAVE to work crazy hours or the world would explode, and they've never earned their own flexibility because a) the workforce has changed significantly with telework etc since they've been in it and b) they were never senior enough to earn flexibility.

I can name a dozen women off the top of my head in these positions, but to SAHMs they're unicorns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in this area ask me all the time, "when are you going back to work?" It drives me crazy and I also feel ashamed sometimes, OP. There is a lot of judgment towards people who don't work outside the home in this area. Sometimes I lie and tell people I do temp jobs and that shuts them up. I just get tired of it.

Same. I have a go-to made up job as well. The barrage of questions just gets annoying. “When are you going back to work? Don’t you miss working? Don’t you want to do something with your time?” It’s not good enough for them that I’m happy just volunteering, helping my aging parents, and doing what makes me happy.

Maybe I will start asking others when they are going to look for better, more gainful employment elsewhere. Don’t they want to make more money? Do something more fulfilling with their time at work? Because that’s easentially what they are asking me.

[Anonymous]

Whoever shames you is jealous. That's the only reason they care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say. The women who come in here bragging about their 30 hour a week, high powered, well paying jobs are just as obnoxious as the ones who come in bragging about their husbands who make seven figures. Those are unicorn jobs and you know it.

Great if you have one but you know for a fact that you have no business shaming those of us for being unable to find one in the current work environment where work is supposed to be your top priority and they'll tell you to go pound salt if it's not.

I have to agree, it is an asshole move.

I SAHM partly because of logistics.

Last week, one of my kids got sick. She was sent home early one day then was out for the next three days with a high fever and vomiting.

She went back to school today but unfortunately her brother came down with the same thing yesterday. Same symptoms so I'm thinking he's going to be out for the next couple days too.

If our other child gets it, then that'll be another 2-3 days tacked on that someone needs to be home with a sick child.

This happens in our family probably twice a year - that each of our 3 kids gets sick domino style, one by one in a row. They don't all get it at the same time, that would be too easy.

Then add in all the random cold/snow days, half days for holidays or conferences. It would all fall on me because my husband has always been the breadwinner by a lot and it's only common sense to protect the job that funds your life.

What office would put up with this?

SAHMs never believe that flexible, well-paying jobs exist. Their husbands insist they HAVE to work crazy hours or the world would explode, and they've never earned their own flexibility because a) the workforce has changed significantly with telework etc since they've been in it and b) they were never senior enough to earn flexibility.

I can name a dozen women off the top of my head in these positions, but to SAHMs they're unicorns.

Yup, I do not have "high-powered" position, but I am paid well enough, hopefully making the world a slightly better place, with 7 weeks of paid leave a year. My partner has what would be considered a "High-powered" job but he still shares the responsibility of child care emergency, because he knows that's his job too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say. The women who come in here bragging about their 30 hour a week, high powered, well paying jobs are just as obnoxious as the ones who come in bragging about their husbands who make seven figures. Those are unicorn jobs and you know it.

Great if you have one but you know for a fact that you have no business shaming those of us for being unable to find one in the current work environment where work is supposed to be your top priority and they'll tell you to go pound salt if it's not.

I have to agree, it is an asshole move.

I SAHM partly because of logistics.

Last week, one of my kids got sick. She was sent home early one day then was out for the next three days with a high fever and vomiting.

She went back to school today but unfortunately her brother came down with the same thing yesterday. Same symptoms so I'm thinking he's going to be out for the next couple days too.

If our other child gets it, then that'll be another 2-3 days tacked on that someone needs to be home with a sick child.

This happens in our family probably twice a year - that each of our 3 kids gets sick domino style, one by one in a row. They don't all get it at the same time, that would be too easy.

Then add in all the random cold/snow days, half days for holidays or conferences. It would all fall on me because my husband has always been the breadwinner by a lot and it's only common sense to protect the job that funds your life.

What office would put up with this?

SAHMs never believe that flexible, well-paying jobs exist. Their husbands insist they HAVE to work crazy hours or the world would explode, and they've never earned their own flexibility because a) the workforce has changed significantly with telework etc since they've been in it and b) they were never senior enough to earn flexibility.

I can name a dozen women off the top of my head in these positions, but to SAHMs they're unicorns.

Yup, I do not have "high-powered" position, but I am paid well enough, hopefully making the world a slightly better place, with 7 weeks of paid leave a year. My partner has what would be considered a "High-powered" job but he still shares the responsibility of child care emergency, because he knows that's his job too.

Right! I don't work a particularly high powered job and neither does my partner but in a situation described by the first PP, we would switch off taking the sick days in the event of domino effect sickness. I don't understand why SAHM's make these minor logistical issues sound like the end of the world and a reason not to work. If you want to stay home, go ahead and do it but don't act like it's because it would be impossible to work .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to say. The women who come in here bragging about their 30 hour a week, high powered, well paying jobs are just as obnoxious as the ones who come in bragging about their husbands who make seven figures. Those are unicorn jobs and you know it.

Great if you have one but you know for a fact that you have no business shaming those of us for being unable to find one in the current work environment where work is supposed to be your top priority and they'll tell you to go pound salt if it's not.

I have to agree, it is an asshole move.

I SAHM partly because of logistics.

Last week, one of my kids got sick. She was sent home early one day then was out for the next three days with a high fever and vomiting.

She went back to school today but unfortunately her brother came down with the same thing yesterday. Same symptoms so I'm thinking he's going to be out for the next couple days too.

If our other child gets it, then that'll be another 2-3 days tacked on that someone needs to be home with a sick child.

This happens in our family probably twice a year - that each of our 3 kids gets sick domino style, one by one in a row. They don't all get it at the same time, that would be too easy.

Then add in all the random cold/snow days, half days for holidays or conferences. It would all fall on me because my husband has always been the breadwinner by a lot and it's only common sense to protect the job that funds your life.

What office would put up with this?

I would work 6 AM - 2 PM, Husband would go in 3 PM - 11 PM. It would suck but we are lucky enough that our jobs allow us to work those hours. And are are not making $400,000 either. we just are lucky that we have been at the same companies for years and have a certain amount of freedom to work hours as we need when it is kid related. And since we only have one, it would be a jacked up week but do able.

People are right, there are parents who have gotten lucky in ending up with jobs that are really flexible. I started at my job long before I had a child so I had no clue that it was going to be great when I had a kid. The good news is that my work place os cool with both Mom’s and Dad’s being out from work for kid purposes. I work with a lot of retired military and they are consistently telling people to spend time with their kids, probably because they missed some of that time with their kids.

It is not easy to find and I am grateful that I have the job that I do. I can work, make a good salary, and be home when DS gets out of school. It is great. It is also tiring but I am fine with that because I like being able to have hte best of both worlds.

So maybe I am a baby unicorn, not making $400,000, but with a very flexible job and able to have the best of both worlds. Tired but content.

[Anonymous]

People. Of course flexible, part time jobs exist. But are they interesting, meaningful, creative, fun jobs? Things you would do even if you didn’t get paid?

Those jobs do exist but by definition they’re hard to get. My friend has a job like that in social media at a big name company that I guarantee everyone in here has heard of. It’s insanely competitive to get a job there. She honestly finds her job FUN though and that’s why she would never quit even though her husband does make over 7 figures, easy. If these high powered, creative, meaningful jobs are also high paying to boot (like the PP’s 400k 30 hr/week gig), then yes they’re unicorn jobs.

No one is talking about a part time job at the pushing paper for one of the boring federal agencies making under 60k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in this area ask me all the time, "when are you going back to work?" It drives me crazy and I also feel ashamed sometimes, OP. There is a lot of judgment towards people who don't work outside the home in this area. Sometimes I lie and tell people I do temp jobs and that shuts them up. I just get tired of it.

Same. I have a go-to made up job as well. The barrage of questions just gets annoying. “When are you going back to work? Don’t you miss working? Don’t you want to do something with your time?” It’s not good enough for them that I’m happy just volunteering, helping my aging parents, and doing what makes me happy.

Maybe I will start asking others when they are going to look for better, more gainful employment elsewhere. Don’t they want to make more money? Do something more fulfilling with their time at work? Because that’s easentially what they are asking me.

Haha that’s awesome you should

Those questions are equivalent in rudeness.

[Anonymous]

I guess I’m just not seeing what the issue is?

If one partner makes a lot of money and the other can find enough things to do during the day, who cares as long as the working spouse is fine with it?

It’s very difficult to make two “big” jobs work with kids.

I am one of those people who don’t think it is possible to waste an education though, especially a liberal arts one.

I actually think that is a really ignorant, low class Republican way to think about the purpose of education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say. The women who come in here bragging about their 30 hour a week, high powered, well paying jobs are just as obnoxious as the ones who come in bragging about their husbands who make seven figures. Those are unicorn jobs and you know it.

Great if you have one but you know for a fact that you have no business shaming those of us for being unable to find one in the current work environment where work is supposed to be your top priority and they'll tell you to go pound salt if it's not.

I have to agree, it is an asshole move.

I SAHM partly because of logistics.

Last week, one of my kids got sick. She was sent home early one day then was out for the next three days with a high fever and vomiting.

She went back to school today but unfortunately her brother came down with the same thing yesterday. Same symptoms so I'm thinking he's going to be out for the next couple days too.

If our other child gets it, then that'll be another 2-3 days tacked on that someone needs to be home with a sick child.

This happens in our family probably twice a year - that each of our 3 kids gets sick domino style, one by one in a row. They don't all get it at the same time, that would be too easy.

Then add in all the random cold/snow days, half days for holidays or conferences. It would all fall on me because my husband has always been the breadwinner by a lot and it's only common sense to protect the job that funds your life.

What office would put up with this?

I would work 6 AM - 2 PM, Husband would go in 3 PM - 11 PM. It would suck but we are lucky enough that our jobs allow us to work those hours. And are are not making $400,000 either. we just are lucky that we have been at the same companies for years and have a certain amount of freedom to work hours as we need when it is kid related. And since we only have one, it would be a jacked up week but do able.

People are right, there are parents who have gotten lucky in ending up with jobs that are really flexible. I started at my job long before I had a child so I had no clue that it was going to be great when I had a kid. The good news is that my work place os cool with both Mom’s and Dad’s being out from work for kid purposes. I work with a lot of retired military and they are consistently telling people to spend time with their kids, probably because they missed some of that time with their kids.

It is not easy to find and I am grateful that I have the job that I do. I can work, make a good salary, and be home when DS gets out of school. It is great. It is also tiring but I am fine with that because I like being able to have hte best of both worlds.

So maybe I am a baby unicorn, not making $400,000, but with a very flexible job and able to have the best of both worlds. Tired but content.

What’s wrong with you? Don’t you want to make more money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say. The women who come in here bragging about their 30 hour a week, high powered, well paying jobs are just as obnoxious as the ones who come in bragging about their husbands who make seven figures. Those are unicorn jobs and you know it.

Great if you have one but you know for a fact that you have no business shaming those of us for being unable to find one in the current work environment where work is supposed to be your top priority and they'll tell you to go pound salt if it's not.

I have to agree, it is an asshole move.

I SAHM partly because of logistics.

Last week, one of my kids got sick. She was sent home early one day then was out for the next three days with a high fever and vomiting.

She went back to school today but unfortunately her brother came down with the same thing yesterday. Same symptoms so I'm thinking he's going to be out for the next couple days too.

If our other child gets it, then that'll be another 2-3 days tacked on that someone needs to be home with a sick child.

This happens in our family probably twice a year - that each of our 3 kids gets sick domino style, one by one in a row. They don't all get it at the same time, that would be too easy.

Then add in all the random cold/snow days, half days for holidays or conferences. It would all fall on me because my husband has always been the breadwinner by a lot and it's only common sense to protect the job that funds your life.

What office would put up with this?

SAHMs never believe that flexible, well-paying jobs exist. Their husbands insist they HAVE to work crazy hours or the world would explode, and they've never earned their own flexibility because a) the workforce has changed significantly with telework etc since they've been in it and b) they were never senior enough to earn flexibility.

I can name a dozen women off the top of my head in these positions, but to SAHMs they're unicorns.

Yup, I do not have "high-powered" position, but I am paid well enough, hopefully making the world a slightly better place, with 7 weeks of paid leave a year. My partner has what would be considered a "High-powered" job but he still shares the responsibility of child care emergency, because he knows that's his job too.

Right! I don't work a particularly high powered job and neither does my partner but in a situation described by the first PP, we would switch off taking the sick days in the event of domino effect sickness. I don't understand why SAHM's make these minor logistical issues sound like the end of the world and a reason not to work. If you want to stay home, go ahead and do it but don't act like it's because it would be impossible to work .

What’s wrong with you? Don’t you want more seniority and importance at work? When are you going to look for a job that pays better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoever shames you is jealous. That's the only reason they care.

+1

If you truly don’t care, then you also don’t care enough to say something you know is rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say. The women who come in here bragging about their 30 hour a week, high powered, well paying jobs are just as obnoxious as the ones who come in bragging about their husbands who make seven figures. Those are unicorn jobs and you know it.

Great if you have one but you know for a fact that you have no business shaming those of us for being unable to find one in the current work environment where work is supposed to be your top priority and they'll tell you to go pound salt if it's not.

I have to agree, it is an asshole move.

I SAHM partly because of logistics.

Last week, one of my kids got sick. She was sent home early one day then was out for the next three days with a high fever and vomiting.

She went back to school today but unfortunately her brother came down with the same thing yesterday. Same symptoms so I'm thinking he's going to be out for the next couple days too.

If our other child gets it, then that'll be another 2-3 days tacked on that someone needs to be home with a sick child.

This happens in our family probably twice a year - that each of our 3 kids gets sick domino style, one by one in a row. They don't all get it at the same time, that would be too easy.

Then add in all the random cold/snow days, half days for holidays or conferences. It would all fall on me because my husband has always been the breadwinner by a lot and it's only common sense to protect the job that funds your life.

What office would put up with this?

SAHMs never believe that flexible, well-paying jobs exist. Their husbands insist they HAVE to work crazy hours or the world would explode, and they've never earned their own flexibility because a) the workforce has changed significantly with telework etc since they've been in it and b) they were never senior enough to earn flexibility.

I can name a dozen women off the top of my head in these positions, but to SAHMs they're unicorns.

Yup, I do not have "high-powered" position, but I am paid well enough, hopefully making the world a slightly better place, with 7 weeks of paid leave a year. My partner has what would be considered a "High-powered" job but he still shares the responsibility of child care emergency, because he knows that's his job too.

Right! I don't work a particularly high powered job and neither does my partner but in a situation described by the first PP, we would switch off taking the sick days in the event of domino effect sickness. I don't understand why SAHM's make these minor logistical issues sound like the end of the world and a reason not to work. If you want to stay home, go ahead and do it but don't act like it's because it would be impossible to work .

To make themselves feel better, of course! There are tons of working parents covering sick days, at school events, etc. SAHMs aren't known for being great at multitasking, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoever shames you is jealous. That's the only reason they care.

How to explain those of us who CHOOSE to work, when we don't have to financially? We could literally be in their position, but aren't. I'm not sure you understand how jealousy works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People. Of course flexible, part time jobs exist. But are they interesting, meaningful, creative, fun jobs? Things you would do even if you didn’t get paid?

Those jobs do exist but by definition they’re hard to get. My friend has a job like that in social media at a big name company that I guarantee everyone in here has heard of. It’s insanely competitive to get a job there. She honestly finds her job FUN though and that’s why she would never quit even though her husband does make over 7 figures, easy. If these high powered, creative, meaningful jobs are also high paying to boot (like the PP’s 400k 30 hr/week gig), then yes they’re unicorn jobs.

No one is talking about a part time job at the pushing paper for one of the boring federal agencies making under 60k.

I'm the earlier poster working about 30 hours a week. I don't make 400k!!