My daughter’s future in-laws are horrible—how do I cope?

[Anonymous]

Typical mother, more concerned with how she has to cope with the in-laws, not her daughter!

[Anonymous]

Is this a troll?

If not, I feel for you.

[Anonymous]

This sounds terrible, OP. I'm sorry! Maybe tell her you'd be civil to them but have no desire to associate. I wouldn't tell her you feel strongly about this, she might feel inclined to go the other way to punish you. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Typical mother, more concerned with how she has to cope with the in-laws, not her daughter!

Her daughter LIKES those in-laws. So, STFU.

[Anonymous]

No, I’m not a troll. I’ve been on DCUM forever, and I’m unsure what seems unreliable in my reporting. I have to say that being a parent of an adult is far more difficult than raising a little one. I didn’t know how tough this would be.

My DH and I have never spent time with the in-laws independently of our DD and future SIL, but there are times that cop FIL has talked one-on-one at these gatherings with my DH, who has then reported back to me.

My DD wants us to hang out a lot (all parents together) and be one big happy family. I can restrict those gatherings, but then she’s spending that much more time without our influence. I guess that horse has left the barn, though.

[Anonymous]

Op, the one thing that I noticed about the way that you talk is that you tend to stereotype people. "Right wing" people in your mind are gun toting racists. "Law enforcement types" hate minorities and go out of their way to target them unfairly.

In stereotyping people like that, you have raised your daughter to believe that it's o.k. to be intolerant of specific groups of people. She has just substituted your disdain towards conservatives for a disdain towards minorities. In her mind it's o.k. to use a broad brush against groups, just like her future FIL does, just like you do. Instead of holding individuals accountable, this view taints an entire group.

I think you need to understand where this ugly intelorance may be coming from in your daughter.

[Anonymous]

We really need to be careful about the way we express ourselves around our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the one thing that I noticed about the way that you talk is that you tend to stereotype people. "Right wing" people in your mind are gun toting racists. "Law enforcement types" hate minorities and go out of their way to target them unfairly.

In stereotyping people like that, you have raised your daughter to believe that it's o.k. to be intolerant of specific groups of people. She has just substituted your disdain towards conservatives for a disdain towards minorities. In her mind it's o.k. to use a broad brush against groups, just like her future FIL does, just like you do. Instead of holding individuals accountable, this view taints an entire group.

I think you need to understand where this ugly intelorance may be coming from in your daughter.

+1. Your views of conservatives are so ingrained and biased that I will assume that you are very much exaggerating these people's beliefs and actions. You claim you raised your daughter to be independent and open-minded, but are aghast that her beliefs aren't the same as yours. Believe me, that poor future SIL isn't thinking so highly of you either, I would guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the one thing that I noticed about the way that you talk is that you tend to stereotype people. "Right wing" people in your mind are gun toting racists. "Law enforcement types" hate minorities and go out of their way to target them unfairly.

In stereotyping people like that, you have raised your daughter to believe that it's o.k. to be intolerant of specific groups of people. She has just substituted your disdain towards conservatives for a disdain towards minorities. In her mind it's o.k. to use a broad brush against groups, just like her future FIL does, just like you do. Instead of holding individuals accountable, this view taints an entire group.

I think you need to understand where this ugly intelorance may be coming from in your daughter.

Different poster here...you know, I rarely see something on DCUM that makes me think twice...but this one was insighttful, and made me realize that I think I am doing the same thing to my kid.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws and parents never see each other. Not that they didn't like each other. I would not tell your daughter how you feel beacuse it could back to your soon to son in-law.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the post about my stereotyping. I will be careful of that and will consider this aspect of my personality.

FWIW, I deeply respect law enforcement, which is why I was particularly taken aback and saddened by future FIL’s comments & actions. I’ve supported my DD’s endeavors in this field and am proud of her, as I’m equally proud of our men and women in uniform. My family has a long, proud history of serving in various armed forces and law enforcement fields. When my daughter considered becoming a police officer, I supported her and was proud to think she’d be on the streets.

I believe the shorthand I’m using here is to convey my thoughts briskly, but I will reflect on this further to be sure.

[Anonymous]

OP again—I will say that I have no flexibility regarding racism and homophobic behavior, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again—I will say that I have no flexibility regarding racism and homophobic behavior, however.

I'm a conservative who married a liberal man with very liberal parents and other family members. I'm constantly labeled as racist and homophobic, both of which are not true - I am a realist but feel all members of society should be equally treated under the law.

At family events, I was blackballed. Family members literally turned their backs on me at my nephew's birthday party. I once overheard my nephew saying to my eldest "Your mother is actually very nice and a lot of fun". He must've been told I was some kind of monster because I wasn't 'one of them'

I was accused of being mentally unwell and of abusing my kids, because they were anti-vaxxers and anti-screen people as well. So convinced were these liberal family members of the 'evil in their midst', that they believed social services would be on their side. They were shocked to discover that they needed actual evidence to back up their claims and that medical records meant something. Only then did they retreat to a neutral place, but they did end up losing closeness with my husband, who was surprised at the way they twisted the truth. And yet they consider themselves 'good people'.

Be careful, OP. You sound a lot like my 'well-meaning' in-laws, stereotyping people in very negative ways because they don't share your liberal views. This officer has seen a lot more on the streets than you can ever imagine, has looked true evil in the face in ways you never will. There are undoubtedly bad cops, but much more of the time, they are capturing and locking up very bad people. Give an inch they will take a mile. Walk a mile, then get back to me.

[Anonymous]

hm fill a flask with dewars and soda and tune em out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again—I will say that I have no flexibility regarding racism and homophobic behavior, however.

but all the other racism and stereotypes are cool