Grandparents, please stop undermining your kids' authority as parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless they live with you, try some breathing and relaxation techniques? No kid ended up a spoiled rat forever because grandparents "spoiled" them for a few days. Nor does it actually undermine parent in kids' eyes in any kind of a long run. Kids know that this is an exception. The undermining is all in your head because you are unable to relax for a second. It is usually done by insecure parents like you who can't give up control for a second. Again, if they don't live with you, why do you hate them?

Whoa, when did I say I hate them? I actually said that, in many ways, they're great grandparents.

The what is the point of your rant? Once in a while they act like grandparents? They raised you, are you a spoiled brat? Let the kid and them have some fun without harping non stop about in control. How about you just let them go and get ice cream and while they are there do not make a big deal out of every single thing? My parents spoiled my kids, and now older teens they are perfectly behaved young adults. What I am saying is, it doesn't make a difference in any long run. Kids are smart, they know that this is just while grandparents are here. Why is everything a power struggle today? Sure it is irritating if they are saying the opposite of what you are saying, tell them to quit it, you are their daughter. But, it is not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

And oh, no, once a month grandparents are there messing up with the two year old? What a nightmare! And no, it doesn't lead to grandparents "ruling over" mom and dad. They will hand you that sweet kid when she acts out like hotcakes.

[Anonymous]

The only things mentioned so far that would drive me nuts are the grandparents who undermine bedtimes and wake young children up early. And the grandparents who were telling the two year old that it's fine to go back and forth from the table during a meal....that just sounds like crumbs everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m totally with you. When they fail to respect quite reasonable rules that you’ve set, it’s not just spoiling, but is dissing you. It’s rude and disrespectful of your efforts and efficacy as a parent.

I don’t see why grandparents always get excused for this crap. They should be capable of minor adjustments.

Because grandparents are supposed to indulge their grandkids. It is only recently that a loving grandparent spoiling the grandparents is considered, as you say, crap.

“Supposed to indulge their grandkids” according to whom?

And again, you indulge doesn’t mean “break parental rules.”

[Anonymous]

The grandparents that plow kids with sweets and let them run around while they eat are the same generation that gave our generation obesity and eating disorders. Yay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m totally with you. When they fail to respect quite reasonable rules that you’ve set, it’s not just spoiling, but is dissing you. It’s rude and disrespectful of your efforts and efficacy as a parent.

I don’t see why grandparents always get excused for this crap. They should be capable of minor adjustments.

Because grandparents are supposed to indulge their grandkids. It is only recently that a loving grandparent spoiling the grandparents is considered, as you say, crap.

“Supposed to indulge their grandkids” according to whom?

And again, you indulge doesn’t mean “break parental rules.”

According to centuries of grandparenting. And not some new mom putting her foot down. It has been a dynamic for ages that parents will say no, and grandparents will say yes. And kids grow up watching their parents say, nope I said no, and seeing grandma wink at them. What is this "breaking of parents rules" you speak of? Some new fangled concept? In the past two generations raised kids, and often extended families did so and most of people turned out just fine. It is all "according" to the way life has happened and will continue to happen. But, please go ahead and pick a fight with your otherwise great parents. What a load of entitled rubbish. According to whom?! This is where you show your true control freak face, everything is supposed to be according to you?! Being a parents is not being a God, get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m totally with you. When they fail to respect quite reasonable rules that you’ve set, it’s not just spoiling, but is dissing you. It’s rude and disrespectful of your efforts and efficacy as a parent.

I don’t see why grandparents always get excused for this crap. They should be capable of minor adjustments.

Because grandparents are supposed to indulge their grandkids. It is only recently that a loving grandparent spoiling the grandparents is considered, as you say, crap.

“Supposed to indulge their grandkids” according to whom?

And again, you indulge doesn’t mean “break parental rules.”

According to centuries of grandparenting. And not some new mom putting her foot down. It has been a dynamic for ages that parents will say no, and grandparents will say yes. And kids grow up watching their parents say, nope I said no, and seeing grandma wink at them. What is this "breaking of parents rules" you speak of? Some new fangled concept? In the past two generations raised kids, and often extended families did so and most of people turned out just fine. It is all "according" to the way life has happened and will continue to happen. But, please go ahead and pick a fight with your otherwise great parents. What a load of entitled rubbish. According to whom?! This is where you show your true control freak face, everything is supposed to be according to you?! Being a parents is not being a God, get a grip.

“Centuries of grandparenting”? That’s funny!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't care about them getting her an ice cream cone or giving her a piece of candy. To me, that's different than seeing us trying to enforce a rule and explicitly telling her, "That's ok if you don't want to do that!" and give her exactly what she's looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't care about them getting her an ice cream cone or giving her a piece of candy. To me, that's different than seeing us trying to enforce a rule and explicitly telling her, "That's ok if you don't want to do that!" and give her exactly what she's looking for.

What is wrong when Grandpa picks her up to carry her? That is really not a fight worth having.

He was probably tired of you trying to reason with a toddler, when everyone can move faster and easier if someone carries the 2 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't care about them getting her an ice cream cone or giving her a piece of candy. To me, that's different than seeing us trying to enforce a rule and explicitly telling her, "That's ok if you don't want to do that!" and give her exactly what she's looking for.

What is wrong when Grandpa picks her up to carry her? That is really not a fight worth having.

He was probably tired of you trying to reason with a toddler, when everyone can move faster and easier if someone carries the 2 year old.

Because they are trying to train DD not to expect to be carried all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't care about them getting her an ice cream cone or giving her a piece of candy. To me, that's different than seeing us trying to enforce a rule and explicitly telling her, "That's ok if you don't want to do that!" and give her exactly what she's looking for.

What is wrong when Grandpa picks her up to carry her? That is really not a fight worth having.

He was probably tired of you trying to reason with a toddler, when everyone can move faster and easier if someone carries the 2 year old.

Because they are trying to train DD not to expect to be carried all the time.

She is two. Not five.

[Anonymous]

Training a 2 year old not to expect to be carried all the time? Now, if only most of the toddlers in the world were so great as OP's kid! Never going anywhere, sitting in the same spot unless carried? Sign me up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't care about them getting her an ice cream cone or giving her a piece of candy. To me, that's different than seeing us trying to enforce a rule and explicitly telling her, "That's ok if you don't want to do that!" and give her exactly what she's looking for.

What is wrong when Grandpa picks her up to carry her? That is really not a fight worth having.

He was probably tired of you trying to reason with a toddler, when everyone can move faster and easier if someone carries the 2 year old.

Because they are trying to train DD not to expect to be carried all the time.

She is two. Not five.

Whatever. It is not up to you, me, or her grandparents decide this. It’s up to her part.

[Anonymous]

^^parents, not part

[Anonymous]

Your house, your rules. Their house. Let this go. This is different if your parents live nearby, see your kid for Sunday dinner, watch her while you work, etc. And don’t compromise on health, safety, welfare. Kids sit in car seats. Full stop. They wear bike helmets. Full stop. But for the little stuff, keep your eye on long term. Grandparents won’t be there forever. If they are otherwise good grandparents, this will be an important relationship for both the kids and the grandparents. Don’t sweat the little stuff. In the long term, it does not harm your kid at all if they have more freedom to leave the table at the grandparents. When the grandparents visit, hold the line more on discipline in terms of household rules, but let them sneak in candy or carry the kid instead of stroller. Kids get that rules in our house and rules in other people house might be different.

Also— one parent being the “fun parent” and the other being the disciplinarian is a bad dynamic. Parents being the disciplinarians and raising a decent human being is their job. Grandparents loving unconditionally and spoiling some is their job. This is not a bad dynamic. Yep. It sucks to be the disciplinarian sometimes. But thems the breaks.