Grandparents, please stop undermining your kids' authority as parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't care about them getting her an ice cream cone or giving her a piece of candy. To me, that's different than seeing us trying to enforce a rule and explicitly telling her, "That's ok if you don't want to do that!" and give her exactly what she's looking for.

What is wrong when Grandpa picks her up to carry her? That is really not a fight worth having.

He was probably tired of you trying to reason with a toddler, when everyone can move faster and easier if someone carries the 2 year old.

Because they are trying to train DD not to expect to be carried all the time.

She is two. Not five.

Whatever. It is not up to you, me, or her grandparents decide this. It’s up to her part.

That is crazy talk.

"Training" a 2 year old not to ask to be carried? That is because mom and dad don't want to carry her and for the benefit of the parents only, not the child. So grandpa carrying her gives the same result, mom and dad do not need to carry her, with a far better outcome, child feel loved and the group gets to move at a normal pace instead of toddler walk speed, resulting in the toddler being better rested, not as tired out and less likely to tantrum than she would if she were walking around all day.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It's not for our benefit. It's because she throws tantrums over not wanting to be in the stroller or walk. We're not making her walk all day; these are short walks from our house to the playground (probably 500 feet at most). We're not depriving her of love; we're trying to avoid her having the expectation that we will carry her everywhere. My mom has made a joke that "If we lived here, she'd never walk anywhere because we'd just carry her!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless they live with you, try some breathing and relaxation techniques? No kid ended up a spoiled rat forever because grandparents "spoiled" them for a few days. Nor does it actually undermine parent in kids' eyes in any kind of a long run. Kids know that this is an exception. The undermining is all in your head because you are unable to relax for a second. It is usually done by insecure parents like you who can't give up control for a second. Again, if they don't live with you, why do you hate them?

WTAF is wrong with you, dude? Get a job!

[Anonymous]

You posted that your DD is well behaved and has barely any tantrums when your parents are not visiting. Which is it now?It seems like you are in the mood to fight, did your DH pi** you off or your mommy didn't get you the present your wanted? Nobody, no toddler or a grown up has made this big of a deal over grandparents caring their granddaughter once or twice a month for less than 500 feet. Honestly, you sound like an utter nutter who is imagining her toddler will become a a nightmare over a walk. Just make sure that after you pick this fight with your parents, next time you need a favor, you crawl on your knees to apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's not for our benefit. It's because she throws tantrums over not wanting to be in the stroller or walk. We're not making her walk all day; these are short walks from our house to the playground (probably 500 feet at most). We're not depriving her of love; we're trying to avoid her having the expectation that we will carry her everywhere. My mom has made a joke that "If we lived here, she'd never walk anywhere because we'd just carry her!"

And she’s two. So let them carry her. And tell her that’s something special rule for her grandparents, because seeing them is a special occasion. But the rest of the time she rides in the stroller (which I also think is ridiculously rigid. But whatever. You are the parent). She will likely fuss more the first outing after she gets home, then things will go back to the way they were. This will not ruin your kid for life. What is the worst thing that will happen if grandpa carries her around for a few days? That she will come home and need to readjust and be whiny. But whiny is a given with two year olds, and she might well whine ever if she is never picked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's not for our benefit. It's because she throws tantrums over not wanting to be in the stroller or walk. We're not making her walk all day; these are short walks from our house to the playground (probably 500 feet at most). We're not depriving her of love; we're trying to avoid her having the expectation that we will carry her everywhere. My mom has made a joke that "If we lived here, she'd never walk anywhere because we'd just carry her!"

Team OP. Their behavior is undermining and disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless they live with you, try some breathing and relaxation techniques? No kid ended up a spoiled rat forever because grandparents "spoiled" them for a few days. Nor does it actually undermine parent in kids' eyes in any kind of a long run. Kids know that this is an exception. The undermining is all in your head because you are unable to relax for a second. It is usually done by insecure parents like you who can't give up control for a second. Again, if they don't live with you, why do you hate them?

WTAF is wrong with you, dude? Get a job!

Nothing is wrong with me, and I am a woman and a mom. Something is seriously wrong with so many pps here who can't spend two days over the holidays with their parents or their ILs without trying to prove that they are in charge, they, the parents and not grandparents and that their word is the LAW. It is like any issue is a mountain, and OP is the only guide who knows the way to the top. She is so obsessed with asserting her authority that she lost sight of what matters, not a little jab her mom said, which her mom obviously did to get under her skin, knowing how high strung her adult dd is, she lost sight of allowing her 2 year old to enjoy her grandparents for a couple of days and them pampering her a bit. Her DD is not about to become Dexter, despite what OP might think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's not for our benefit. It's because she throws tantrums over not wanting to be in the stroller or walk. We're not making her walk all day; these are short walks from our house to the playground (probably 500 feet at most). We're not depriving her of love; we're trying to avoid her having the expectation that we will carry her everywhere. My mom has made a joke that "If we lived here, she'd never walk anywhere because we'd just carry her!"

And she’s two. So let them carry her. And tell her that’s something special rule for her grandparents, because seeing them is a special occasion. But the rest of the time she rides in the stroller (which I also think is ridiculously rigid. But whatever. You are the parent). She will likely fuss more the first outing after she gets home, then things will go back to the way they were. This will not ruin your kid for life. What is the worst thing that will happen if grandpa carries her around for a few days? That she will come home and need to readjust and be whiny. But whiny is a given with two year olds, and she might well whine ever if she is never picked up.

As long as you are firm and consistent that YOU will not be picking her up, she will understand that YOU will not be carrying her. If her grandparents want to carry her around that's their choice.

Even 2 year olds "get" that grandma carries me but mommy does not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's not for our benefit. It's because she throws tantrums over not wanting to be in the stroller or walk. We're not making her walk all day; these are short walks from our house to the playground (probably 500 feet at most). We're not depriving her of love; we're trying to avoid her having the expectation that we will carry her everywhere. My mom has made a joke that "If we lived here, she'd never walk anywhere because we'd just carry her!"

And she’s two. So let them carry her. And tell her that’s something special rule for her grandparents, because seeing them is a special occasion. But the rest of the time she rides in the stroller (which I also think is ridiculously rigid. But whatever. You are the parent). She will likely fuss more the first outing after she gets home, then things will go back to the way they were. This will not ruin your kid for life. What is the worst thing that will happen if grandpa carries her around for a few days? That she will come home and need to readjust and be whiny. But whiny is a given with two year olds, and she might well whine ever if she is never picked up.

Different circumstances from the OP, I understand OP's point about not being held all the time, but I did leave some wiggle room for grandparents. When my mom visited the first time (2 month stay prior to a daycare spot opening) I told her to not carry DS all the time or else he'll be conditioned to it and that it'll end up being impractical when you have a screaming toddler yelling to be held when she needed to get stuff done. Of course, she held him all the time but I just let it go and appreciate the fact that the benefits outweighs whatever the negatives that may have occurred. Well...1 month in, grandma strained her back and guess who had to pick up the slack.

[Anonymous]

She is 2 OP.

Nothing is more fun than carrying around a toddler when you are visiting. It is a novelty for them. Let them indulge in the fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless they live with you, try some breathing and relaxation techniques? No kid ended up a spoiled rat forever because grandparents "spoiled" them for a few days. Nor does it actually undermine parent in kids' eyes in any kind of a long run. Kids know that this is an exception. The undermining is all in your head because you are unable to relax for a second. It is usually done by insecure parents like you who can't give up control for a second. Again, if they don't live with you, why do you hate them?

WTAF is wrong with you, dude? Get a job!

Nothing is wrong with me, and I am a woman and a mom. Something is seriously wrong with so many pps here who can't spend two days over the holidays with their parents or their ILs without trying to prove that they are in charge, they, the parents and not grandparents and that their word is the LAW. It is like any issue is a mountain, and OP is the only guide who knows the way to the top. She is so obsessed with asserting her authority that she lost sight of what matters, not a little jab her mom said, which her mom obviously did to get under her skin, knowing how high strung her adult dd is, she lost sight of allowing her 2 year old to enjoy her grandparents for a couple of days and them pampering her a bit. Her DD is not about to become Dexter, despite what OP might think.

OP said they see the grandparents every other weekend. Pay attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless they live with you, try some breathing and relaxation techniques? No kid ended up a spoiled rat forever because grandparents "spoiled" them for a few days. Nor does it actually undermine parent in kids' eyes in any kind of a long run. Kids know that this is an exception. The undermining is all in your head because you are unable to relax for a second. It is usually done by insecure parents like you who can't give up control for a second. Again, if they don't live with you, why do you hate them?

WTAF is wrong with you, dude? Get a job!

Nothing is wrong with me, and I am a woman and a mom. Something is seriously wrong with so many pps here who can't spend two days over the holidays with their parents or their ILs without trying to prove that they are in charge, they, the parents and not grandparents and that their word is the LAW. It is like any issue is a mountain, and OP is the only guide who knows the way to the top. She is so obsessed with asserting her authority that she lost sight of what matters, not a little jab her mom said, which her mom obviously did to get under her skin, knowing how high strung her adult dd is, she lost sight of allowing her 2 year old to enjoy her grandparents for a couple of days and them pampering her a bit. Her DD is not about to become Dexter, despite what OP might think.

OP said they see the grandparents every other weekend. Pay attention.

Oh my! What a little terror she must be seeing her grandparents TWICE a month. Assuming she saw them for Christmas just now.... I am just so stupid for not paying attention, have to have some insane pp on dcum tell me how to read. Every other weekend they carry her for less than 500 feet?! What horrible, horrible grandparents! OP is so right...they will damage her so much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless they live with you, try some breathing and relaxation techniques? No kid ended up a spoiled rat forever because grandparents "spoiled" them for a few days. Nor does it actually undermine parent in kids' eyes in any kind of a long run. Kids know that this is an exception. The undermining is all in your head because you are unable to relax for a second. It is usually done by insecure parents like you who can't give up control for a second. Again, if they don't live with you, why do you hate them?

WTAF is wrong with you, dude? Get a job!

Nothing is wrong with me, and I am a woman and a mom. Something is seriously wrong with so many pps here who can't spend two days over the holidays with their parents or their ILs without trying to prove that they are in charge, they, the parents and not grandparents and that their word is the LAW. It is like any issue is a mountain, and OP is the only guide who knows the way to the top. She is so obsessed with asserting her authority that she lost sight of what matters, not a little jab her mom said, which her mom obviously did to get under her skin, knowing how high strung her adult dd is, she lost sight of allowing her 2 year old to enjoy her grandparents for a couple of days and them pampering her a bit. Her DD is not about to become Dexter, despite what OP might think.

Dude. I'm a woman and a mom, too, and you are so much dramatically inclined than the OP, with his "hate" nonsense and ratcheting this into a clash of the Titans. Get a job, go for a run, get a grip. Damn!

[Anonymous]

OP here. It’s not just the carrying around. It’s letting her eat wherever she wants to, when we try to enforce having her sit at the table. Apparently she’s been having more trouble staying at the table at daycare to eat than she used to, making it that much more important to stay consistent at home.

They also let her watch videos on their phones for much longer than we let her do, which inevitably leads to tantrums when we don’t let her have unlimited access to videos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s not just the carrying around. It’s letting her eat wherever she wants to, when we try to enforce having her sit at the table. Apparently she’s been having more trouble staying at the table at daycare to eat than she used to, making it that much more important to stay consistent at home.

They also let her watch videos on their phones for much longer than we let her do, which inevitably leads to tantrums when we don’t let her have unlimited access to videos.

That bolded is really common for 2.

I am sure if the daycare knew you were using this kind of example to keep her grandparents from indulging her a day or two a month, they would regret saying anything to you.