How to announce a pet to disapproving parents?

[Anonymous]

I'd keep lying; it sounds easiest for someone like you with a relationship like this.

Regardless, when/if the dog comes up you need to let them know that you've had him a year and it has been nice not hearing anything negative from them about it for the last year- so 'can we go back to pretending I don't have a dog?' I literally would repeat this every time the negativity comes up and then find a reason to get off the phone.

[Anonymous]

Why are Americans so quick to pathologize everything? Telling OP to get therapy...seriously? The concept of individualism isn't universal people. Regardless of your age, there are certain things that remain taboo for people in a particular culture or country. I'm almost 30 but I can tell you that if I call my mom up and mention that I got a tattoo, she would flip. Or if I shaved my head bald. There's no right or wrong, no need to crucify OP's parents. I also left my home country partly because of my suffocating family so I totally understand OP and don't think she needs a shrink.

[Anonymous]

"We're getting this dog because fvck you!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such an issue if your parents don't live with you and are not supporting you financially? Simply state that you now have a dog and let them say what they want.
My parents live in Asia and have dim views of how Americans treat their pets. I have two giant dogs and don't let ther comments affect me. I keep the dogs gated away from my parents rooms when they visit me and don't allow them to slobber over my parents but otherwise we stick to our routine.

What does the bolded mean?

+1 I am curious too. Asians are know to eat dog and have mass slaughters of dogs. Hmm, dim view?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such an issue if your parents don't live with you and are not supporting you financially? Simply state that you now have a dog and let them say what they want.
My parents live in Asia and have dim views of how Americans treat their pets. I have two giant dogs and don't let ther comments affect me. I keep the dogs gated away from my parents rooms when they visit me and don't allow them to slobber over my parents but otherwise we stick to our routine.

What does the bolded mean?

+1 I am curious too. Asians are know to eat dog and have mass slaughters of dogs. Hmm, dim view?

Take a chill pill and read some of the previous posts where this has been addressed. People are allowed to have opinions different from yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are Americans so quick to pathologize everything? Telling OP to get therapy...seriously? The concept of individualism isn't universal people. Regardless of your age, there are certain things that remain taboo for people in a particular culture or country. I'm almost 30 but I can tell you that if I call my mom up and mention that I got a tattoo, she would flip. Or if I shaved my head bald. There's no right or wrong, no need to crucify OP's parents. I also left my home country partly because of my suffocating family so I totally understand OP and don't think she needs a shrink.

So is OP supposed to play the game of just not telling her parents anything at all about her family's day to day life as time goes on? I guess since they're overseas she can just keep omitting any details or she can just stop speaking to them -- but she already posted earlier that she does not want to cut them off. I posted earlier that OP might want to consider getting an outside perspective if she wants to keep a relationship with her parents because at some point she may not want the continued effort of omitting things of which her parents might not approve. It's going to get pretty wearing to have to remember not to tell the parents that a kid is picking a college major they'll think is dumb, or to avoid saying that she's changing jobs to something they might not like.

The petty stuff about the dog is a signal of a larger issue. If OP is too cowed by her parents to mention something like a dog, she's going to have a far worse time covering up bigger "secrets" that shouldn't be secrets at all. It's not "pathologizing" things for OP to acknowledge that it's no way to maintain an adult relationship and to figure out a better way with some help.

[Anonymous]

It's unimportant whether you tell them or not

Sounds like everyone is into drama

[Anonymous]

You're making a big deal out of it. Not your responsibility to ease their anxiety. You already did as much as you could to change your relationship to a healthier one by moving away, having a family etc. Just tell them as it comes up. Listen to the inevitable whatever commentary and switch subjects. If they keep being negative about it just say "clearly you just don't want to talk about the dog so let's not".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's unimportant whether you tell them or not

Sounds like everyone is into drama

This! Though I’d get a dog just to stick it out to my controlling and self-centered in-laws LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such an issue if your parents don't live with you and are not supporting you financially? Simply state that you now have a dog and let them say what they want.
My parents live in Asia and have dim views of how Americans treat their pets. I have two giant dogs and don't let ther comments affect me. I keep the dogs gated away from my parents rooms when they visit me and don't allow them to slobber over my parents but otherwise we stick to our routine.

What does the bolded mean?

Maybe she means Americans don't eat their pets?

[Anonymous]

The unspoken truth with all these sort of things is that the child can't afford to alienate the parents becaus e they are afraid the parents would disown them and they'l never get that inheritance.

After all what else could it really be about?

[Anonymous]

This cannot be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are Americans so quick to pathologize everything? Telling OP to get therapy...seriously? The concept of individualism isn't universal people. Regardless of your age, there are certain things that remain taboo for people in a particular culture or country. I'm almost 30 but I can tell you that if I call my mom up and mention that I got a tattoo, she would flip. Or if I shaved my head bald. There's no right or wrong, no need to crucify OP's parents. I also left my home country partly because of my suffocating family so I totally understand OP and don't think she needs a shrink.

So is OP supposed to play the game of just not telling her parents anything at all about her family's day to day life as time goes on? I guess since they're overseas she can just keep omitting any details or she can just stop speaking to them -- but she already posted earlier that she does not want to cut them off. I posted earlier that OP might want to consider getting an outside perspective if she wants to keep a relationship with her parents because at some point she may not want the continued effort of omitting things of which her parents might not approve. It's going to get pretty wearing to have to remember not to tell the parents that a kid is picking a college major they'll think is dumb, or to avoid saying that she's changing jobs to something they might not like.

The petty stuff about the dog is a signal of a larger issue. If OP is too cowed by her parents to mention something like a dog, she's going to have a far worse time covering up bigger "secrets" that shouldn't be secrets at all. It's not "pathologizing" things for OP to acknowledge that it's no way to maintain an adult relationship and to figure out a better way with some help.

OP's kids are going to be American and won't give a damn about what their grandparents think about their college major. You think OP is making a big deal but you're making a bigger deal by pathologizing her concerns. If you've always been raised in a culture which prioritizes the self, you don't understand where OP is coming from- people like me who have been raised elsewhere do.

[Anonymous]

Have the dog call them up and tell them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Are you an adult? Do they live with you? I truly cannot understand how this is an issue. Who cares what they think?

Totally agree. This is so weird. Your desire for a pet was bigger than their disapproval. Own that decision.

+1