Husband made plans without me Thanksgiving morning

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm surprised at some of the responses. It's not that I "care" per se that he has plans. We certainly do separate things all the time with our friends. We've just never in all our years of marriage unilaterally decided one of us was heading out for hours on a holiday morning. He got mad at me when I showed surprised, then anger, that he never even thought to check in with me. To me, that's just common courtesy. For the record, I would have said, of course, go ahead. But I was never even consulted when he chides me all the time for way lesser (i.e. RSVPing our daughter for a birthday party she's invited to. Yes, he expects to "consulted" on those.)

And yes, PP. We are hosting. His friends. Which I will now be prepping by myself apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most guys do something that mirn

Without their family?!?! What world do you live in? The only thing the guys do in my family thanksgiving morning - if they aren’t peeling 20 pounds of potatoes- is taking all the kids into the yard to play — after all the potatoes are peeled.

Op, I agree with all the pps who are saying to go out and do your ride and together you can figure out how you both will pull off dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a holiday - and traditionally they’ve done some activity together AND OP says she’s reemed if she makes plans w/o including him in decisions on just a normal day.

OP your DH is selfish and a douche. Go on your bike ride. You can discuss before or after how you’ll split up tasks to get dinner on the table but don’t hurry home. Oh-and plan a nice outing Friday morning....

OP I didn’t hear you complain that your DH was doing something w/friends just that he’s not valuing what you’ve always treated as a family centered day AS I’d say most people do

OP here. Yes, this sums it up. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm surprised at some of the responses. It's not that I "care" per se that he has plans. We certainly do separate things all the time with our friends. We've just never in all our years of marriage unilaterally decided one of us was heading out for hours on a holiday morning. He got mad at me when I showed surprised, then anger, that he never even thought to check in with me. To me, that's just common courtesy. For the record, I would have said, of course, go ahead. But I was never even consulted when he chides me all the time for way lesser (i.e. RSVPing our daughter for a birthday party she's invited to. Yes, he expects to "consulted" on those.)

And yes, PP. We are hosting. His friends. Which I will now be prepping by myself apparently.

Stop being such a flipping martyr. Tell him you’re not preparing a holiday meal for his friends solo while he golfs, and that’s that.

Or CHEERFULLY play Donna Reed if you choose to let him treat you like the little woman. That’s what you are choosing. Own your choice, wifey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most guys do something that mirn

What I believe you are trying so eloquently to say is that we need to go back to the 1950s and she should just be happy he isn't underfoot while she spends the day in the kitchen.

What I'm saying is that it is good for men and women to bond with friends and this is a common day for men to do that.

A common day for women to do that is Monday-Sunday, 365.

You're a neanderthal.

You are a schrew.

FFS she isn't even hosting.

NP. Reading is fundamental. They are hosting dinner at their house for his friends. So, she is stuck cooking while he golfs.

Reading IS fundamental—she’ll be going for a bike ride, not cooking. She said so. She’s just mad he’s not going on this stupid group bike ride. Smart a**.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm surprised at some of the responses. It's not that I "care" per se that he has plans. We certainly do separate things all the time with our friends. We've just never in all our years of marriage unilaterally decided one of us was heading out for hours on a holiday morning. He got mad at me when I showed surprised, then anger, that he never even thought to check in with me. To me, that's just common courtesy. For the record, I would have said, of course, go ahead. But I was never even consulted when he chides me all the time for way lesser (i.e. RSVPing our daughter for a birthday party she's invited to. Yes, he expects to "consulted" on those.)

And yes, PP. We are hosting. His friends. Which I will now be prepping by myself apparently.

You’re full of crap. You literally said you wanted to go on this group bike ride. So which is it—bike ride or slaving away in the kitchen? Did you change the narrative for sympathy votes since the consensus is you’re nuts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most guys do something that mirn

Without their family?!?! What world do you live in? The only thing the guys do in my family thanksgiving morning - if they aren’t peeling 20 pounds of potatoes- is taking all the kids into the yard to play — after all the potatoes are peeled.

Op, I agree with all the pps who are saying to go out and do your ride and together you can figure out how you both will pull off dinner.

She is not cooking dinner.

Yes most men take their kids running or playing football thanksgiving morning.

I've lived in DC/Union Stsion, DC/U street, Bethesda, overseas, Rockville, Colorado, St. Louis and NY.

Thanksgiving eve is time to also meet up with out of town friends and order pizza.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm surprised at some of the responses. It's not that I "care" per se that he has plans. We certainly do separate things all the time with our friends. We've just never in all our years of marriage unilaterally decided one of us was heading out for hours on a holiday morning. He got mad at me when I showed surprised, then anger, that he never even thought to check in with me. To me, that's just common courtesy. For the record, I would have said, of course, go ahead. But I was never even consulted when he chides me all the time for way lesser (i.e. RSVPing our daughter for a birthday party she's invited to. Yes, he expects to "consulted" on those.)

And yes, PP. We are hosting. His friends. Which I will now be prepping by myself apparently.

You’re full of crap. You literally said you wanted to go on this group bike ride. So which is it—bike ride or slaving away in the kitchen? Did you change the narrative for sympathy votes since the consensus is you’re nuts?

+1 op there’s either time to go on the bike ride or there isn’t. I also agree, from your follow up post, that you are playing the martyr card.

Sleep in the bed you made — and don’t complain about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm surprised at some of the responses. It's not that I "care" per se that he has plans. We certainly do separate things all the time with our friends. We've just never in all our years of marriage unilaterally decided one of us was heading out for hours on a holiday morning. He got mad at me when I showed surprised, then anger, that he never even thought to check in with me. To me, that's just common courtesy. For the record, I would have said, of course, go ahead. But I was never even consulted when he chides me all the time for way lesser (i.e. RSVPing our daughter for a birthday party she's invited to. Yes, he expects to "consulted" on those.)

And yes, PP. We are hosting. His friends. Which I will now be prepping by myself apparently.

You’re full of crap. You literally said you wanted to go on this group bike ride. So which is it—bike ride or slaving away in the kitchen? Did you change the narrative for sympathy votes since the consensus is you’re nuts?

+1 op there’s either time to go on the bike ride or there isn’t. I also agree, from your follow up post, that you are playing the martyr card.

Sleep in the bed you made — and don’t complain about it.

Exactly, she was mad he made plans with friends. She made plans without telling him and her feelings are hurt.

[Anonymous]

As a family-we do Bethesda turkey trot, then neighborhood brunch pot luck then make dinner. Don’t understand anyone saying OP changed story for sympathy-just unilaterally DH switched up his plans. For us it’s a full fun day together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a family-we do Bethesda turkey trot, then neighborhood brunch pot luck then make dinner. Don’t understand anyone saying OP changed story for sympathy-just unilaterally DH switched up his plans. For us it’s a full fun day together

Can you read? First OP posted that she was mad because she wanted DH to go on some group bike ride thanksgiving morning. Then some posters who can’t read injected into the narrative that OP would be home alone cooking while DH was golfing, but that was never what she said. Then in OP’ most recent post, she changed it up and made it about cooking. So 1) what you do is irrelevant and 2) she DID change things.

[Anonymous]

OP, there's no way I would be prepping for his friends while he is out solo like that. While he is out, you go out, too, and figure out beforehand how you both can prepare the meal.

FWIW, I'm going for a workout that morning and booked it before I told DH, BUT I will get up super early to start meal prep and will do almost all of it. Heck, I'm letting him sleep until 8 or so, when I need to leave for my class, all he really has to do is entertain the kids while I'm away.

Point being, I'm not unsympathetic to doing separate things that day, but there's no way I'd slave away in resentment as you propose to do. Frankly, part of the reason I booked the workout is so that I wouldn't be resentful of doing everything else: this time is for me, and it's the only time like that I'll get all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm surprised at some of the responses. It's not that I "care" per se that he has plans. We certainly do separate things all the time with our friends. We've just never in all our years of marriage unilaterally decided one of us was heading out for hours on a holiday morning. He got mad at me when I showed surprised, then anger, that he never even thought to check in with me. To me, that's just common courtesy. For the record, I would have said, of course, go ahead. But I was never even consulted when he chides me all the time for way lesser (i.e. RSVPing our daughter for a birthday party she's invited to. Yes, he expects to "consulted" on those.)

And yes, PP. We are hosting. His friends. Which I will now be prepping by myself apparently.

You’re full of crap. You literally said you wanted to go on this group bike ride. So which is it—bike ride or slaving away in the kitchen? Did you change the narrative for sympathy votes since the consensus is you’re nuts?

Um, what's with the anger? I asked him to come WITH ME to the bike ride, which is at 8 am, done no later than 9:30. Then we'd both come home and tackle TDay dinner TOGETHER. It's what we've done for 10+ years. Now, his plans take him out of being able to help at all. That's what I'm mad at. Sure, I can do a bike ride by myself with the group, but that wasn't the point. We've always done these TDay activities TOGETHER. I haven't changed anything. Thought that was clear, that we always did these activities TOGETHER. But what will happen, even if I ride and am home by 9:30, I'm still tackling dinner by myself because HE'LL BE GONE. What is so hard to understand here? I don't get these misogynistic "wifey" "which is it" snide remarks. But no, I'm not new here so I shoudln't be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm surprised at some of the responses. It's not that I "care" per se that he has plans. We certainly do separate things all the time with our friends. We've just never in all our years of marriage unilaterally decided one of us was heading out for hours on a holiday morning. He got mad at me when I showed surprised, then anger, that he never even thought to check in with me. To me, that's just common courtesy. For the record, I would have said, of course, go ahead. But I was never even consulted when he chides me all the time for way lesser (i.e. RSVPing our daughter for a birthday party she's invited to. Yes, he expects to "consulted" on those.)

And yes, PP. We are hosting. His friends. Which I will now be prepping by myself apparently.

You’re full of crap. You literally said you wanted to go on this group bike ride. So which is it—bike ride or slaving away in the kitchen? Did you change the narrative for sympathy votes since the consensus is you’re nuts?

+1 op there’s either time to go on the bike ride or there isn’t. I also agree, from your follow up post, that you are playing the martyr card.

Sleep in the bed you made — and don’t complain about it.

Exactly, she was mad he made plans with friends. She made plans without telling him and her feelings are hurt.

You people are crazy. Or illiterate. Or both. She suggested a potential plan to him, to do as a family, and he told her he already had plans. She didn't make the bike ride plan, she thought it would be fun and offered it as an option. That's when she learned he's already got his morning planned, without his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm surprised at some of the responses. It's not that I "care" per se that he has plans. We certainly do separate things all the time with our friends. We've just never in all our years of marriage unilaterally decided one of us was heading out for hours on a holiday morning. He got mad at me when I showed surprised, then anger, that he never even thought to check in with me. To me, that's just common courtesy. For the record, I would have said, of course, go ahead. But I was never even consulted when he chides me all the time for way lesser (i.e. RSVPing our daughter for a birthday party she's invited to. Yes, he expects to "consulted" on those.)

And yes, PP. We are hosting. His friends. Which I will now be prepping by myself apparently.

You’re full of crap. You literally said you wanted to go on this group bike ride. So which is it—bike ride or slaving away in the kitchen? Did you change the narrative for sympathy votes since the consensus is you’re nuts?

Um, what's with the anger? I asked him to come WITH ME to the bike ride, which is at 8 am, done no later than 9:30. Then we'd both come home and tackle TDay dinner TOGETHER. It's what we've done for 10+ years. Now, his plans take him out of being able to help at all. That's what I'm mad at. Sure, I can do a bike ride by myself with the group, but that wasn't the point. We've always done these TDay activities TOGETHER. I haven't changed anything. Thought that was clear, that we always did these activities TOGETHER. But what will happen, even if I ride and am home by 9:30, I'm still tackling dinner by myself because HE'LL BE GONE. What is so hard to understand here? I don't get these misogynistic "wifey" "which is it" snide remarks. But no, I'm not new here so I shoudln't be surprised.

LMAO pointing fingers at other posters about anger