Husband made plans without me Thanksgiving morning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that OP’s DH is going out golfing isn’t a big deal. The big deal is that OP was never on board with it, which could be a bigger part of the problem

Op was never even told about his plans until he casually mentioned to her that that's what he'd be doing. It's hard to be on board with something that was never even discussed with you.

She made plans without asking him, he made plans without her without telling her.

She's butt hurt that her plans did not trump his.

No, she didn't. She saw the bike ride advertised, suggested to her husband that they do that, and only then learned that he had already made plans. Learn to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that OP’s DH is going out golfing isn’t a big deal. The big deal is that OP was never on board with it, which could be a bigger part of the problem

Op was never even told about his plans until he casually mentioned to her that that's what he'd be doing. It's hard to be on board with something that was never even discussed with you.

She made plans without asking him, he made plans without her without telling her.

She's butt hurt that her plans did not trump his.

Can you read? And actually understand the words you’re reading?

Yes. Can U?

Here is her post.

I saw an area bike ride with a whole bunch of folks Thanksgiving morning and asked if he'd be interested. No, he said because he's already playing golf that morning with a group of folks


She planned to bike and he is golfing. She should go bike but she needs to control her H so she's pissed he is golfing.

Jesus, you're stupid. She saw the bike ride and asked if he would be interested. That is precisely how you make plans with someone.

[Anonymous]

Communication is so vital in this type of situation to ensure that you are both on the same page understanding what has changed and/or what to expect going forward. Have you considered setting aside time to get to the bottom of what is different and/or what has changed? I was just contemplating this idea of "offended" this morning, the true definition is dealing with an offense makes us Off Ended. Instead try to be committed to communication and understanding. I know it's hard especially since it's the holidays and tensions are elevated and schedules are different. Try to give him the benefit of the doubt and talk to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that OP’s DH is going out golfing isn’t a big deal. The big deal is that OP was never on board with it, which could be a bigger part of the problem

Op was never even told about his plans until he casually mentioned to her that that's what he'd be doing. It's hard to be on board with something that was never even discussed with you.

She made plans without asking him, he made plans without her without telling her.

She's butt hurt that her plans did not trump his.

No, she didn't. She saw the bike ride advertised, suggested to her husband that they do that, and only then learned that he had already made plans. Learn to read.

So who was going to be cooking dinner during the bike ride? How is going golfing different than a bike ride, except she wasn't invited?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Jesus, you're stupid. She saw the bike ride and asked if he would be interested. That is precisely how you make plans with someone.

I'm a new poster, but it seems to me that actually her plan was for them to spend the day together. She assumed that was his plan too. She thought they had a family tradition based on past patterns. They never discussed it explicitly. He (must have) thought that although they had previously spend the day together, that it wasn't a tradition that set an expectation for future Thanksgvings, that's just how it happened to turn out in the past. In his mind, he had a free morning so he made plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most guys do something like a run, football or golf that morning.

I think you are overreacting.

I don't know a single guy with a family who "does something" Thanksgiving morning. Are you in the South? Serious question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most guys do something like a run, football or golf that morning.

I think you are overreacting.

I don't know a single guy with a family who "does something" Thanksgiving morning. Are you in the South? Serious question.

I know a bunch. They are all in the NE. Get friends that are more fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys - it’s 2018. Men don’t just waltz out of the house to golf with their buddies while their wife and kids stay home preparing Thanksgiving Dinner for *their* friends! My God, have we gotten anywhere in this country?!

eh, my dad always helped my mom with the cooking when I was a kid and they were pretty traditional people. This business of a man ditching his family to do his own thing on Thanksgiving is both foreign and sad to me.

Maybe that flies in some families but it isn't anything that I've ever dealt with.

My H helps with all the cooking and plays football every thanksgiving morning.

Why does it take all day to make dinner? Why can't you make some things the night before with your H?

Pretty much all you do once the Turkey is in is baste it? How do you need all hands on deck for that?

Exactly. If it takes you all day and all hands on deck to prepare a thanksgiving dinner, then you are doing it wrong...or you're just a martyr.

It takes awhile to do all the prep and the cooking. Unless you are cutting a lot of corners, using boxed foods (like instant mashed potatoes and Stovetop) or simply not making that much in the way of food...it absolutely does take a fair amount of time to prepare Thanksgiving dinner. If you are also watching the parade on t.v., playing board games, listening to holiday music and chatting the morning just zooms right on by. We eat around 3pm.

Enough with the boring parade.

If you start at noon you have 3 f'ing hours to get the sides done and you can easily do some prep on Wednesday. Pies are always gone before.

Your are just obsessing about some vision in your head of what you want and are not being a good partner.

I really don't care if you think that I take too long prepping/making food. I also don't care if you don't like the parade or playing games or anything else we do. If you want to run a 5k on Thanksgiving morning go right on ahead and do it. I do enough 5Ks already that doing one on Thanksgiving is no great shakes to me. Spending some time with my family is how I prefer to spend the day. And my husband and kids feel the same way.

It is strange that you are arguing with me over the way my family spends our holidays.

What is strange is that you don't want OP's H to spend the morning the way he would like to spend it based on how you spend your morning. He doesn't even know you.

Op does know her husband and she knows that up until this Thanksgiving they have always spent the holiday together. Now her dh has suddenly switched things up and is going to be spending the early part of the day with his friends instead of his wife and child. He didn't bother to discuss the plans with Op, he just unilaterally decided that Op is watching their child and getting the house ready and the meal prepped for his friends. That was completely inconsiderate of him and Op has the right to feel unhappy about it.

I, personally, don't care how that guy spends his day. I do understand that his wife and child do care.