Husband made plans without me Thanksgiving morning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that OP’s DH is going out golfing isn’t a big deal. The big deal is that OP was never on board with it, which could be a bigger part of the problem

Op was never even told about his plans until he casually mentioned to her that that's what he'd be doing. It's hard to be on board with something that was never even discussed with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that OP’s DH is going out golfing isn’t a big deal. The big deal is that OP was never on board with it, which could be a bigger part of the problem

Op was never even told about his plans until he casually mentioned to her that that's what he'd be doing. It's hard to be on board with something that was never even discussed with you.

She made plans without asking him, he made plans without her without telling her.

She's butt hurt that her plans did not trump his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I'm either a doormat for "letting" this happen, despite it being anything that's settled and he knows I'm pissed, so how exactly did he walk away thinking things were settled? He didn't. We're fighting about it. It's kinda what the fight is about. So not sure where you're getting that. Not to mention, this is the same board where I routinely see you don't "let" grown men and women do anything. Right?

Or on the other side I'm an immature whiner and need to grow up and be a wifey and let the man have his fun one day a year, despite the fact that we live on a golf course and he golfs consistently.

So which is it? I'm a child who needs to grow up or a doormat for "letting" this happen?

Oh, and this is a disagreement between my husband and me. Doesn't involve our kid, so PP insinuating I don't give a crap about my kid can go to hell.

I will agree one thing I'm an idiot about - posting here.

Enjoy your holidays.

We're getting it from YOU--from your martyr-y little comments about "now I'm cooking dinner for his friends." So that's where we're getting it. From. You.

You're a doormat, based on those comments and the fact that apparently someone who you do not want to be living in your house is still, in fact, living in your house. Move into a hotel until she's gone. Leave your husband to deal with your child and your household solo. I guarantee she'll be out in a week.

You are one squawking twat. (RIP, Greg Giraldo). Jesus H. on a pony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - tell him exactly what you just told us. You are disappointed because you had looked forward to spending Thanksgiving morning doing something special together - just the two of you. You are sad that he didn't think to discuss these golf plans with you before he made them because you really love spending the holidays with him.

Ask him to please run this stuff by you in the future.

The most sane response in this thread so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that OP’s DH is going out golfing isn’t a big deal. The big deal is that OP was never on board with it, which could be a bigger part of the problem

Op was never even told about his plans until he casually mentioned to her that that's what he'd be doing. It's hard to be on board with something that was never even discussed with you.

She made plans without asking him, he made plans without her without telling her.

She's butt hurt that her plans did not trump his.

Can you read? And actually understand the words you’re reading?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it weren't for women there would be no thanksgiving huge meals. Men wouldn't know their grandparents . Men would be fine with it. This kind of thread is why men die 10 years younger than women. The institutional drama is damaging.

This is total BS. There would be Sunday football and they would see family more often. They would be fine with a beer and a pizza. Family gatherings don't have to be family drama, it's just women make up some Norman Rockwell imagine in their head.

Women make things so complicated.

Oh, please. What is there not to love about turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, mac & cheese, green beans w/bacon, pumpkin pie and other delicious treats?

And you get to eat this wonderful food while watching t.v., drinking beer and/or sipping on a glass of wine. How good is that?

Nothing is wrong with that or any other Thank giving dinner menu. It's not really that complicated either, especially if you are not a martyr ... assign guests a dish, make a few the day before and relax.

It's not like she didn't think she could go for a hike the morning of the dinner, she is just pissed her H is doing something without her. #princessAlert

Call me a princess, too, because I would be really disappointed in dh if he just upped and ditched me and the kids to go golfing with his buddies on the holidays and then expected to be served a feast when they all got back to our house. I think I might be tempted to tell him where he could stick those golf clubs as a matter of fact

Every time you have friends over for dinner your H isn't allowed to do anything else all day except prepare?

Nobody said he can't help when he gets home, set up the bar the night before, etc.

Huh? We were talking very specifically about a *Holiday*. Yes, I expect my husband to spend time with me and the kids on a holiday. If he made other plans w/o even discussing them with me I would be upset.

If you and your own spouse do your own thing on holidays and meet up for meals, good for you. That's not how we do things in our house.

every family I know goes to a 5K or plays football in the morning. It's bizarre to me that you need everybody at the house at 10 am "together",

If your family runs a 5K every Thanksgiving morning or takes a bike ride or sits at home watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade together with the grandparents....that is all fine. Whatever your family tradition is - do it.

Back when I was growing up in the 70's we pretty much all hung out at home watching the parade on t.v., helping with food prep, playing games. We do the same sort of thing now. I wouldn't necessarily be opposed to doing a 5K but that is something I do pretty much every day anyway. Thanksgiving is I cook, hang out with my family, cook and watch football. That's how we do it. Don't like what we do? Fine. Do your own thing as a family.

Since this was your family tradition your H is held hostage to do exactly what you did as a child? What about his traditions or desires?

Trying to repeat your childhood for your children is the highest for of narcissism.

Let your H have some say in his life and stop controlling every moment to fullfil your delusional idea of perfect.

It was his childhood, too. We've been together since we were young 20 somethings and this is pretty much the way we have always spent our holidays together as a couple, as a part of extended family, and as parents with our children.

If you have different expectations in your own relationship and want to do things differently - do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys - it’s 2018. Men don’t just waltz out of the house to golf with their buddies while their wife and kids stay home preparing Thanksgiving Dinner for *their* friends! My God, have we gotten anywhere in this country?!

eh, my dad always helped my mom with the cooking when I was a kid and they were pretty traditional people. This business of a man ditching his family to do his own thing on Thanksgiving is both foreign and sad to me.

Maybe that flies in some families but it isn't anything that I've ever dealt with.

My H helps with all the cooking and plays football every thanksgiving morning.

Why does it take all day to make dinner? Why can't you make some things the night before with your H?

Pretty much all you do once the Turkey is in is baste it? How do you need all hands on deck for that?

Exactly. If it takes you all day and all hands on deck to prepare a thanksgiving dinner, then you are doing it wrong...or you're just a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys - it’s 2018. Men don’t just waltz out of the house to golf with their buddies while their wife and kids stay home preparing Thanksgiving Dinner for *their* friends! My God, have we gotten anywhere in this country?!

eh, my dad always helped my mom with the cooking when I was a kid and they were pretty traditional people. This business of a man ditching his family to do his own thing on Thanksgiving is both foreign and sad to me.

Maybe that flies in some families but it isn't anything that I've ever dealt with.

My H helps with all the cooking and plays football every thanksgiving morning.

Why does it take all day to make dinner? Why can't you make some things the night before with your H?

Pretty much all you do once the Turkey is in is baste it? How do you need all hands on deck for that?

Exactly. If it takes you all day and all hands on deck to prepare a thanksgiving dinner, then you are doing it wrong...or you're just a martyr.

It takes awhile to do all the prep and the cooking. Unless you are cutting a lot of corners, using boxed foods (like instant mashed potatoes and Stovetop) or simply not making that much in the way of food...it absolutely does take a fair amount of time to prepare Thanksgiving dinner. If you are also watching the parade on t.v., playing board games, listening to holiday music and chatting the morning just zooms right on by. We eat around 3pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that OP’s DH is going out golfing isn’t a big deal. The big deal is that OP was never on board with it, which could be a bigger part of the problem

Op was never even told about his plans until he casually mentioned to her that that's what he'd be doing. It's hard to be on board with something that was never even discussed with you.

She made plans without asking him, he made plans without her without telling her.

She's butt hurt that her plans did not trump his.

Can you read? And actually understand the words you’re reading?

Yes. Can U?

Here is her post.

I saw an area bike ride with a whole bunch of folks Thanksgiving morning and asked if he'd be interested. No, he said because he's already playing golf that morning with a group of folks


She planned to bike and he is golfing. She should go bike but she needs to control her H so she's pissed he is golfing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys - it’s 2018. Men don’t just waltz out of the house to golf with their buddies while their wife and kids stay home preparing Thanksgiving Dinner for *their* friends! My God, have we gotten anywhere in this country?!

eh, my dad always helped my mom with the cooking when I was a kid and they were pretty traditional people. This business of a man ditching his family to do his own thing on Thanksgiving is both foreign and sad to me.

Maybe that flies in some families but it isn't anything that I've ever dealt with.

My H helps with all the cooking and plays football every thanksgiving morning.

Why does it take all day to make dinner? Why can't you make some things the night before with your H?

Pretty much all you do once the Turkey is in is baste it? How do you need all hands on deck for that?

Exactly. If it takes you all day and all hands on deck to prepare a thanksgiving dinner, then you are doing it wrong...or you're just a martyr.

It takes awhile to do all the prep and the cooking. Unless you are cutting a lot of corners, using boxed foods (like instant mashed potatoes and Stovetop) or simply not making that much in the way of food...it absolutely does take a fair amount of time to prepare Thanksgiving dinner. If you are also watching the parade on t.v., playing board games, listening to holiday music and chatting the morning just zooms right on by. We eat around 3pm.

Enough with the boring parade.

If you start at noon you have 3 f'ing hours to get the sides done and you can easily do some prep on Wednesday. Pies are always gone before.

Your are just obsessing about some vision in your head of what you want and are not being a good partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that OP’s DH is going out golfing isn’t a big deal. The big deal is that OP was never on board with it, which could be a bigger part of the problem

Op was never even told about his plans until he casually mentioned to her that that's what he'd be doing. It's hard to be on board with something that was never even discussed with you.

She made plans without asking him, he made plans without her without telling her.

She's butt hurt that her plans did not trump his.

Can you read? And actually understand the words you’re reading?

Yes. Can U?

Here is her post.

I saw an area bike ride with a whole bunch of folks Thanksgiving morning and asked if he'd be interested. No, he said because he's already playing golf that morning with a group of folks


She planned to bike and he is golfing. She should go bike but she needs to control her H so she's pissed he is golfing.

[Anonymous]

ASKED. IF he WANTED. As in INQUIRED. That’s not a plan. That’s a question you dolt. And the answer was no, he didn’t. No plan in any regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys - it’s 2018. Men don’t just waltz out of the house to golf with their buddies while their wife and kids stay home preparing Thanksgiving Dinner for *their* friends! My God, have we gotten anywhere in this country?!

eh, my dad always helped my mom with the cooking when I was a kid and they were pretty traditional people. This business of a man ditching his family to do his own thing on Thanksgiving is both foreign and sad to me.

Maybe that flies in some families but it isn't anything that I've ever dealt with.

My H helps with all the cooking and plays football every thanksgiving morning.

Why does it take all day to make dinner? Why can't you make some things the night before with your H?

Pretty much all you do once the Turkey is in is baste it? How do you need all hands on deck for that?

Exactly. If it takes you all day and all hands on deck to prepare a thanksgiving dinner, then you are doing it wrong...or you're just a martyr.

It takes awhile to do all the prep and the cooking. Unless you are cutting a lot of corners, using boxed foods (like instant mashed potatoes and Stovetop) or simply not making that much in the way of food...it absolutely does take a fair amount of time to prepare Thanksgiving dinner. If you are also watching the parade on t.v., playing board games, listening to holiday music and chatting the morning just zooms right on by. We eat around 3pm.

Enough with the boring parade.

If you start at noon you have 3 f'ing hours to get the sides done and you can easily do some prep on Wednesday. Pies are always gone before.

Your are just obsessing about some vision in your head of what you want and are not being a good partner.

I really don't care if you think that I take too long prepping/making food. I also don't care if you don't like the parade or playing games or anything else we do. If you want to run a 5k on Thanksgiving morning go right on ahead and do it. I do enough 5Ks already that doing one on Thanksgiving is no great shakes to me. Spending some time with my family is how I prefer to spend the day. And my husband and kids feel the same way.

It is strange that you are arguing with me over the way my family spends our holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it weren't for women there would be no thanksgiving huge meals. Men wouldn't know their grandparents . Men would be fine with it. This kind of thread is why men die 10 years younger than women. The institutional drama is damaging.

This is total BS. There would be Sunday football and they would see family more often. They would be fine with a beer and a pizza. Family gatherings don't have to be family drama, it's just women make up some Norman Rockwell imagine in their head.

Women make things so complicated.

Oh, please. What is there not to love about turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, mac & cheese, green beans w/bacon, pumpkin pie and other delicious treats?

And you get to eat this wonderful food while watching t.v., drinking beer and/or sipping on a glass of wine. How good is that?

Nothing is wrong with that or any other Thank giving dinner menu. It's not really that complicated either, especially if you are not a martyr ... assign guests a dish, make a few the day before and relax.

It's not like she didn't think she could go for a hike the morning of the dinner, she is just pissed her H is doing something without her. #princessAlert

Call me a princess, too, because I would be really disappointed in dh if he just upped and ditched me and the kids to go golfing with his buddies on the holidays and then expected to be served a feast when they all got back to our house. I think I might be tempted to tell him where he could stick those golf clubs as a matter of fact

Every time you have friends over for dinner your H isn't allowed to do anything else all day except prepare?

Nobody said he can't help when he gets home, set up the bar the night before, etc.

Huh? We were talking very specifically about a *Holiday*. Yes, I expect my husband to spend time with me and the kids on a holiday. If he made other plans w/o even discussing them with me I would be upset.

If you and your own spouse do your own thing on holidays and meet up for meals, good for you. That's not how we do things in our house.

every family I know goes to a 5K or plays football in the morning. It's bizarre to me that you need everybody at the house at 10 am "together",

If your family runs a 5K every Thanksgiving morning or takes a bike ride or sits at home watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade together with the grandparents....that is all fine. Whatever your family tradition is - do it.

Back when I was growing up in the 70's we pretty much all hung out at home watching the parade on t.v., helping with food prep, playing games. We do the same sort of thing now. I wouldn't necessarily be opposed to doing a 5K but that is something I do pretty much every day anyway. Thanksgiving is I cook, hang out with my family, cook and watch football. That's how we do it. Don't like what we do? Fine. Do your own thing as a family.

Since this was your family tradition your H is held hostage to do exactly what you did as a child? What about his traditions or desires?

Trying to repeat your childhood for your children is the highest for of narcissism.

Let your H have some say in his life and stop controlling every moment to fullfil your delusional idea of perfect.

It was his childhood, too. We've been together since we were young 20 somethings and this is pretty much the way we have always spent our holidays together as a couple, as a part of extended family, and as parents with our children.

If you have different expectations in your own relationship and want to do things differently - do it.

I do respect that OP's H wants to do it differently. Let him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys - it’s 2018. Men don’t just waltz out of the house to golf with their buddies while their wife and kids stay home preparing Thanksgiving Dinner for *their* friends! My God, have we gotten anywhere in this country?!

eh, my dad always helped my mom with the cooking when I was a kid and they were pretty traditional people. This business of a man ditching his family to do his own thing on Thanksgiving is both foreign and sad to me.

Maybe that flies in some families but it isn't anything that I've ever dealt with.

My H helps with all the cooking and plays football every thanksgiving morning.

Why does it take all day to make dinner? Why can't you make some things the night before with your H?

Pretty much all you do once the Turkey is in is baste it? How do you need all hands on deck for that?

Exactly. If it takes you all day and all hands on deck to prepare a thanksgiving dinner, then you are doing it wrong...or you're just a martyr.

It takes awhile to do all the prep and the cooking. Unless you are cutting a lot of corners, using boxed foods (like instant mashed potatoes and Stovetop) or simply not making that much in the way of food...it absolutely does take a fair amount of time to prepare Thanksgiving dinner. If you are also watching the parade on t.v., playing board games, listening to holiday music and chatting the morning just zooms right on by. We eat around 3pm.

Enough with the boring parade.

If you start at noon you have 3 f'ing hours to get the sides done and you can easily do some prep on Wednesday. Pies are always gone before.

Your are just obsessing about some vision in your head of what you want and are not being a good partner.

I really don't care if you think that I take too long prepping/making food. I also don't care if you don't like the parade or playing games or anything else we do. If you want to run a 5k on Thanksgiving morning go right on ahead and do it. I do enough 5Ks already that doing one on Thanksgiving is no great shakes to me. Spending some time with my family is how I prefer to spend the day. And my husband and kids feel the same way.

It is strange that you are arguing with me over the way my family spends our holidays.

What is strange is that you don't want OP's H to spend the morning the way he would like to spend it based on how you spend your morning. He doesn't even know you.