How to de-lazify new husband?

[Anonymous]

Can't believe all the people who say divorce over this! You need to sit down and have a heart to heart. Hire a cleaner and make HIM pay for it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t buy this “men don’t see the mess” of “men don’t care about the mess.” Pay a cleaner $300 to fully clean your house top to bottom. I guarantee that he will see what they missed, and he will care.

The question is not “how to make him see it,” but “how to make him see it as his responsibility.”

[Anonymous]

Please tell me your marriage vows and I can then give more-specific advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why people hire cleaning services or maids.

this, a million times over.
OP, if your husband is making decent money, tell him to hire someone to come once a week and clean the place up. Problem solved.

Those of you recommending divorce over unpacked boxes have to be millennial snowflakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t buy this “men don’t see the mess” of “men don’t care about the mess.” Pay a cleaner $300 to fully clean your house top to bottom. I guarantee that he will see what they missed, and he will care.

The question is not “how to make him see it,” but “how to make him see it as his responsibility.”

+1000

I see threads like this and feel grateful that both me and my husband clean up in the house, primarily because we don't want to live in squalor. I find it shocking how many other adults don't see cleaning as something that needs to happen. We have a once a month cleaner for deep cleaning, but maintain the rest ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Another thing. His clothes are disperesed all over the bedroom floor and the end of our bed.

...

I try to pick them up and either put them away or in the laundry basket. A week later, they end up on the floor again.

If you already discussed this and he won't change, I'd start collecting the clothes he leaves on the floor and hiding them somewhere he can't easily find them.

[Anonymous]

Every other week cleaning lady and large hampers.

[Anonymous]

1. Once a week cleaning company. This eliminates the mold and crumbs issues.

2. Have a constructive conversation where you tell him his messiness is a sign of disrespect and bothers you.

3. Ignore the comments about adhd. Tons of men (and some women) are this way because they are legitimately lazy and had moms spoil them as kids. My DH is the opposite of adhd, and he was a mess when i met him. We lived together for a year before marriage and he adjusted his behavior pretty well. I think it just took him recognizing that he was part of a partnership, it's gross to be messy to anyone else (gf, roommate or otherwise) and being clean and orderly made him happier in the partnership too. We got a cleaner the next year when i finished school and we had the money.

4. I would contemplate therapy over this issue if it doesn't resolve.

5. Do not have kids unless you have peace with the issue. The "peace" may not be a spotless house. But it may be a housecleaner, plus you do 60% of the work to his 40%, and the house isn't as clean as you'd like but it's good enough. Find the compromise you are legitimately okay with. But not a compromise that you have to compromise on.

6. If in a couple years, you are still not sufficiently at peace with the issue, but it's not bothering you enough to divorce him -- then you must not have children with this person. That sounds unfair. But I promise you that the issue gets so much exponentially worse after kids in a way that you can't even wrap your head around now. Do not do that unkindness to your future children by bringing them into a house of conflict.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but 2 people don't need a cleaning service. Sit down with him, have a list of what needs cleaned on a weekly basis and ask him which half of the list he wants. Do not pick up his clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t buy this “men don’t see the mess” of “men don’t care about the mess.” Pay a cleaner $300 to fully clean your house top to bottom. I guarantee that he will see what they missed, and he will care.

The question is not “how to make him see it,” but “how to make him see it as his responsibility.”

That's your mission in life, to make him see it is his responsibility, his obligation, to change? That's messed up in the head. The timing - post wedding - is poor.

[Anonymous]

Moving is really, really stressful. Not everyone is equally good at "unpacking"--finding new homes for objects. But you have a right to a place that doesn't make you nuts. Have you actually told him how nuts this is making you?

[Anonymous]

I've been dealing with this for 7 years, it doesn't get easier!

[Anonymous]

Two working people absolutely do need a cleaning service. My husband and I are both tidy people, thank god, but the animosity saved by paying someone to come in and seriously clean twice a month is so so very worth it.

[Anonymous]

If he is such a complete slob I don't understand how someone would not have noticed before they got married even if they didn't live together. People don't change overnight.

[Anonymous]

Blame your inlaws like the rest of us do.