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[quote=Anonymous]1. Once a week cleaning company. This eliminates the mold and crumbs issues.

2. Have a constructive conversation where you tell him his messiness is a sign of disrespect and bothers you.

3. Ignore the comments about adhd. Tons of men (and some women) are this way because they are legitimately lazy and had moms spoil them as kids.  My DH is the opposite of adhd, and he was a mess when i met him. We lived together for a year before marriage and he adjusted his behavior pretty well. I think it just took him recognizing that he was part of a partnership, it's gross to be messy to anyone else (gf, roommate or otherwise) and being clean and orderly made him happier in the partnership too.  We got a cleaner the next year when i finished school and we had the money.

4. I would contemplate therapy over this issue if it doesn't resolve.

5. Do not have kids unless you have peace with the issue. The "peace" may not be a spotless house.  But it may be a housecleaner, plus you do 60% of the work to his 40%, and the house isn't as clean as you'd like but it's good enough.  Find the compromise you are legitimately okay with.  But not a compromise that you have to compromise on.

6. If in a couple years, you are still not sufficiently at peace with the issue, but it's not bothering you enough to divorce him -- then you must not have children with this person. That sounds unfair.  But I promise you that the issue gets so much exponentially worse after kids in a way that you can't even wrap your head around now.  Do not do that unkindness to your future children by bringing them into a house of conflict.  [/quote]

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