How to de-lazify new husband?

[Anonymous]

I have had the displeasure of discovering that my newly minted husband is lazy. He does work long hours at his job but after that he is useless. We recently moved into a new apartment and its been 2 months and he still hasn't unpacked 2 boxes full of his clothes, nor has he gone through and sorted through 2 other boxes full of his electronics and wires and odds and ends. In addition, he does not see dirt and disorder. He can live with a moldy shower and gross sink for years unless I specifically remind him to do his chores. I know it would be easy for me to just take on his chores but I do not want to end up like that. However, when I remind him that it is his turn to clean the bathroon he will get annoyed and huff and puff.

He is 30 years old.

I woke up at 6:00 am because I thought about all this and couldn't go back to sleep. This is very unattractive and I want out.

[Anonymous]

Getting in the cycle of telling him what to do is exhausting. Tell him to find an app that will keep him on track with reminders.

[Anonymous]

Join the club! Seriously, DH is the same way. He had EVERYTHING done for him growing up by his sisters and mom. I work a lot more hours than he does. I leave a checklist of things that need to be accomplished. That’s the best solution I’ve come up with so I don’t lose my mind. I explained I couldn’t continue living like that. He was agreeable with the checklist and it works.

Trying talking to him? If he knows it’s important to you , he should step it up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had the displeasure of discovering that my newly minted husband is lazy. He does work long hours at his job but after that he is useless. We recently moved into a new apartment and its been 2 months and he still hasn't unpacked 2 boxes full of his clothes, nor has he gone through and sorted through 2 other boxes full of his electronics and wires and odds and ends. In addition, he does not see dirt and disorder. He can live with a moldy shower and gross sink for years unless I specifically remind him to do his chores. I know it would be easy for me to just take on his chores but I do not want to end up like that. However, when I remind him that it is his turn to clean the bathroon he will get annoyed and huff and puff.

He is 30 years old.

I woke up at 6:00 am because I thought about all this and couldn't go back to sleep. This is very unattractive and I want out.

I think the bolded says it all for me. You want out. You don't have kids, you are barely married. Think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting in the cycle of telling him what to do is exhausting. Tell him to find an app that will keep him on track with reminders.

And start hiring people to go the chores. Men don’t like parting with money so maybe he’ll step it up.

[Anonymous]

Get out. It gets worse with time and especially with kids.

Was he like this before you got married? I'd be furious if a guy acted normal, then after marriage expected me to be his mommy. It's very unattractive.

[Anonymous]

No kids, get out. Now.

No checklist, or even juju can fix it.

I have seen this too many times.


When kids come, you will be miserable.

[Anonymous]

He could have depression and/or ADHD. You might ask him to get evaluated and see if some sort of treatment helps. But if he can't/won't do anything to address this I agree with others, get out -- especially before you have kids. This is a very unattractive quality and will fill you with resentment.

[Anonymous]

Just get some therapy and if that doesn't work, divorce before you have kids

[Anonymous]

OP either didn’t try living with the guy before they married, or she knew what she didn’t like about him and guessed that he would magically change.

[Anonymous]

The first order of business is you ramp up your birth control.
Seriously lock that down and do not get pergnant.

Then you flat out tell him: you either put away or throw out the stuff you haven’t unpacked and I expect you to help clean this home.

But honestly why do you want to nag a grown ass man.

If you haven’t combined your finances, id call the leasing office and find out the cost to break the lease.

And roll on out. Dissolve the marriage now.
Your parents will give you a short term place to crash.
They’ll even tell you later how glad they are you
Left that lazy bumb.

[Anonymous]

Clean people don't automatically become messy people after marriage. Life doesn't work that way.

Stop whining and life with your choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had the displeasure of discovering that my newly minted husband is lazy. He does work long hours at his job but after that he is useless. We recently moved into a new apartment and its been 2 months and he still hasn't unpacked 2 boxes full of his clothes, nor has he gone through and sorted through 2 other boxes full of his electronics and wires and odds and ends. In addition, he does not see dirt and disorder. He can live with a moldy shower and gross sink for years unless I specifically remind him to do his chores. I know it would be easy for me to just take on his chores but I do not want to end up like that. However, when I remind him that it is his turn to clean the bathroon he will get annoyed and huff and puff.

He is 30 years old.

I woke up at 6:00 am because I thought about all this and couldn't go back to sleep. This is very unattractive and I want out.

Had to double check the timestamp to make sure this wasn't about me

I got better at being clean and doing housework after I moved in and learned my wife's preferences

Also leaving a stressful job I hated helped

It was a source of tension for a while

[Anonymous]

People telling you to leave are idiots...I would judge you so hard and would probably not attend your second wedding if I were a family member who heard you left him so soon for a reason like this

Just work on it. Marriage counseling will be good

The first year is often hard for reasons like this

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Another thing. His clothes are disperesed all over the bedroom floor and the end of our bed.

...

I try to pick them up and either put them away or in the laundry basket. A week later, they end up on the floor again.