Have you told your spouse about your sexual assault?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have told him. It's difficult to hide the scars from the attack, so I'm sure he would've asked about them had I not volunteered the information.

He's remarkably supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pls explain why you wouldn’t tell your spouse? It’s a pretty big thing that affected you? Why be ashamed?

This is so offensive. For some people it is very painful to talk about. Go away.

Surely it would come up at some point In a twenty year marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pls explain why you wouldn’t tell your spouse? It’s a pretty big thing that affected you? Why be ashamed?

This is so offensive. For some people it is very painful to talk about. Go away.

Surely it would come up at some point In a twenty year marriage.

NP. Jeez. You know nothing of trauma, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Went to court over it at the time. Wasn't a secret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pls explain why you wouldn’t tell your spouse? It’s a pretty big thing that affected you? Why be ashamed?

This is so offensive. For some people it is very painful to talk about. Go away.

Surely it would come up at some point In a twenty year marriage.

NP. Jeez. You know nothing of trauma, apparently.

Actually I do. I told DH early on. I can’t imagine not telling him about something that affected me so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pls explain why you wouldn’t tell your spouse? It’s a pretty big thing that affected you? Why be ashamed?

This is so offensive. For some people it is very painful to talk about. Go away.

Surely it would come up at some point In a twenty year marriage.

NP. Jeez. You know nothing of trauma, apparently.

Actually I do. I told DH early on. I can’t imagine not telling him about something that affected me so much.

I also didn’t want to make it something I am ashamed of. I did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

She knows about the childhood sexual abuse but not about a college date rape.

I'm not ashamed of the childhood stuff, but I do feel like I put myself in a bad position in college, so there is shame about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She knows about the childhood sexual abuse but not about a college date rape.

I'm not ashamed of the childhood stuff, but I do feel like I put myself in a bad position in college, so there is shame about that.

I used to feel bad about accepting a drink from the college guy who drugged me, but I don’t any more. I consented to a single drink from a neighbor of the guy I was seeing, not to ingest drugs and be sexually assaulted while semi-conscious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She knows about the childhood sexual abuse but not about a college date rape.

I'm not ashamed of the childhood stuff, but I do feel like I put myself in a bad position in college, so there is shame about that.

We all put ourselves in bad situations at certain times. Why would your spouse judge you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pls explain why you wouldn’t tell your spouse? It’s a pretty big thing that affected you? Why be ashamed?

I just didn’t want to. No good would come of it. It won’t make me feel better. He knew the guy. He’s from our hometown. There’s a minuscule chance that we could run into him when visiting family. It’s already weird enough, and I don’t want to add another layer.

Besides, it’s been 22 years since it happened. It would be weird to tell him now. I never told anyone.

I think your question is judgmental. It’s my story to tell. If I choose to tell or keep it private, that’s what I want and should be respected. It’s not just about shame. I don’t want that weird sympathy look from my DH that people give when you tell stories like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pls explain why you wouldn’t tell your spouse? It’s a pretty big thing that affected you? Why be ashamed?

This is so offensive. For some people it is very painful to talk about. Go away.

Surely it would come up at some point In a twenty year marriage.

NP. Jeez. You know nothing of trauma, apparently.

Actually I do. I told DH early on. I can’t imagine not telling him about something that affected me so much.

That's because you have a limited imagination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She knows about the childhood sexual abuse but not about a college date rape.

I'm not ashamed of the childhood stuff, but I do feel like I put myself in a bad position in college, so there is shame about that.

We all put ourselves in bad situations at certain times. Why would your spouse judge you?

She wouldn't, I do. So I don't talk about it. Same reason I don't talk about other things I've done that I'm ashamed of.

FWIW, I didn't get drugged, I let the guy into my room late at night knowing he was drunk and that he wanted sex, even though I didn't even really know him. I was stupid, I didn't try to stop it because I didn't really have the confidence to do that. I thought it meant he liked me. Instead, he told everyone and I earned the nickname "The 5th Floor Whore." I was an idiot.

I guarantee if he were in Kavanaugh's place today -- almost the same number of years later -- he wouldn't remember that night or me or any of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She knows about the childhood sexual abuse but not about a college date rape.

I'm not ashamed of the childhood stuff, but I do feel like I put myself in a bad position in college, so there is shame about that.

We all put ourselves in bad situations at certain times. Why would your spouse judge you?

She wouldn't, I do. So I don't talk about it. Same reason I don't talk about other things I've done that I'm ashamed of.

FWIW, I didn't get drugged, I let the guy into my room late at night knowing he was drunk and that he wanted sex, even though I didn't even really know him. I was stupid, I didn't try to stop it because I didn't really have the confidence to do that. I thought it meant he liked me. Instead, he told everyone and I earned the nickname "The 5th Floor Whore." I was an idiot.

I guarantee if he were in Kavanaugh's place today -- almost the same number of years later -- he wouldn't remember that night or me or any of it.

You do realize that what happened to you and what happened to Ford are very different things, right. The guy you knew might not have realized you were unwilling. From Ford’s description, both BK and his alleged accomplice must have known she didn’t want her clothing removed or to have sex. I’m sorry about your experience, but apples to oranges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pls explain why you wouldn’t tell your spouse? It’s a pretty big thing that affected you? Why be ashamed?

This is so offensive. For some people it is very painful to talk about. Go away.

Surely it would come up at some point In a twenty year marriage.

NP. Jeez. You know nothing of trauma, apparently.

Actually I do. I told DH early on. I can’t imagine not telling him about something that affected me so much.

That's because you have a limited imagination.

How so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She knows about the childhood sexual abuse but not about a college date rape.

I'm not ashamed of the childhood stuff, but I do feel like I put myself in a bad position in college, so there is shame about that.

We all put ourselves in bad situations at certain times. Why would your spouse judge you?

She wouldn't, I do. So I don't talk about it. Same reason I don't talk about other things I've done that I'm ashamed of.

FWIW, I didn't get drugged, I let the guy into my room late at night knowing he was drunk and that he wanted sex, even though I didn't even really know him. I was stupid, I didn't try to stop it because I didn't really have the confidence to do that. I thought it meant he liked me. Instead, he told everyone and I earned the nickname "The 5th Floor Whore." I was an idiot.

I guarantee if he were in Kavanaugh's place today -- almost the same number of years later -- he wouldn't remember that night or me or any of it.

How is it sexual assault when you didn’t try to stop it?