DW had a panic attack, cancelled her plane ticket and is refusing to go on a planned holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't go. I guarantee you that even if she changes her mind and goes you will not have fun. Get some credit instead for supporting her in her decision. Not because you agree her body looks bad but because you agree that it's her decision to make.

Go without her. Leave her behind. Plan your exit.

Life with her will only get worse. Trust me.

[Anonymous]

You need to let your wife know how unwell she is and look at treatment options. Put inpatient on the table.

[Anonymous]

She needs a new therapist and a new doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't go. I guarantee you that even if she changes her mind and goes you will not have fun. Get some credit instead for supporting her in her decision. Not because you agree her body looks bad but because you agree that it's her decision to make.

So their life should be driven by his wife's perception of her body. What if she decides she never wants to go out again because she hates how she looks - OP needs ot support her decisions and just stay home? Why does she single handedly get to make decisions about THEIR vacation and his only role is to support her in whatever she wants.

This level of enabling is unhealthy.

OP, Iw ould go without her. If she is too unwell to go, then she can go into inpatient treatment or stay with parents.

If this was a man saying he was cancelling his wife's vacation because of his depression / anxiety no one would be telling his wife to sit at home with him and support him in that decision.

I kind of agree. It’s one or the other here. There is no middle. Either she’s being manipulative and immature with her vanity-tantrum, or if she’s really that serious—this is an inpatient level issue. Normal people don’t cancel vacations (with all the consequences to others, including the financial consequences) over something like this.

[Anonymous]

I would yoyo between thinking what a selfish idiot she is and being concerned for her mental health. I would also try to persuade her to GO. She doesn’t need to put on a swimsuit or anything revealing. She can sit in a mumu, but the trip will do her good.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to tell us about her other odd behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would yoyo between thinking what a selfish idiot she is and being concerned for her mental health. I would also try to persuade her to GO. She doesn’t need to put on a swimsuit or anything revealing. She can sit in a mumu, but the trip will do her good.

I am prone to panic attacks, BTW. I would never not go through something just for that.

Just to make sure, she should check her thyroid levels. Being hyperthyroid can make you very anxious, on the other hand it also makes you lose weight, so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the time for an intervention and not a vacation.

This.

Your wife has mental health issues and needs therapy. This isn't normal behavior.

I still haven't lost the last 20 lbs of baby weight, but I still went on vacation. That's why there's an entire industry dedicated to swim cover-ups.

+1. Also, her height and weight doesn't seem obese. That was my weight before I had a baby! And I'm 5'3". Please also let her know there will be a TON of other women there who are bigger than her. I just returned from Mexico, and was pleased to see lots of cellulite and tummies in bathing suits. In fact, it made me come home and feel more comfortable in a swimsuit at the pool.

[Anonymous]

I’m the exact same size and hate the way I look in underwear, bathing suits, etc.

I’m not sure I’ve got advice. I can definitely empathize with how she’s feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't go. I guarantee you that even if she changes her mind and goes you will not have fun. Get some credit instead for supporting her in her decision. Not because you agree her body looks bad but because you agree that it's her decision to make.

Go without her. Leave her behind. Plan your exit.

Life with her will only get worse. Trust me.

+1

Absolutely go without her. And get a new wife. This is super selfish of her. What a freakin' coward.

[Anonymous]

So much drama on this thread. Just rebook the tickets for both of you to somewhere that doesn’t involve a beach. Done. It’s her vacation too and she should be able to spend it somewhere she feels comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get this kind of thing from my DW (5'9, size 0 or 2) all the time. I feel bad for her, and tell her how beautiful and sexy I think she is. Fortunately, she's never shown any unhealthy eating / purging habits, just depression around every perceived flaw.

I find the better body a woman has, often the more sensitive they are about not being perfect. She's never cancelled a plane ticket or refused a vacation, though (even if she did complain endlessly about not wanting to wear a bathing suit).

Are you sure about her not having an eating disorder?

+1 5'9" and size 0 is a very rare natural combination in the world, especially if PP's wife is over 25. Combined with obsessing over being thin, it raises red flags.

Yep, to add to it, she's a 34C (ie. she actually has boobs). She's 38. I've known her since we were 18, so while I'm not 100% sure she's never had an eating disorder, I'm pretty confident.

That said, she does watch what she eats sometimes, and works out like a fiend.

[Anonymous]

I am so sad for women who can't accept their healthy bodies. What torture that is. I don't know exactly how I went from having an eating disorder in my 20's to getting to a place where I don't care if I have a spot of cellulite or a little pooch, but it makes life a lot easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get this kind of thing from my DW (5'9, size 0 or 2) all the time. I feel bad for her, and tell her how beautiful and sexy I think she is. Fortunately, she's never shown any unhealthy eating / purging habits, just depression around every perceived flaw.

I find the better body a woman has, often the more sensitive they are about not being perfect. She's never cancelled a plane ticket or refused a vacation, though (even if she did complain endlessly about not wanting to wear a bathing suit).

5’9” and size 0 is model thin, but not necessarily a “better body”. Are you sure you aren’t contributing to her insecurities with your own beauty standards?

You're probably not entirely off target in that she has my ideal body type, and has made comments at times about how much I've always loved her body, and whether I will still love her if / when she no longer has it.

The truth is, after 2 kids, I've loved her body when it looked like something out of a swimwear catalog, and I've loved it when she had a more normal look and wasn't able to work out all the time. I've never acted the least bit not attracted to her, and am not sure what else I can do / say to take pressure off her.

[Anonymous]

He do you know she weighs “128 lbs?” A husband knowing a wife’s weight that specifically is not normal.