go into debt for family beach vacation, or say no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg this is the most obvious no ever.

It's not, though.

The problem is that we should have said no right away. But now it's in the actual planning part: picking a house and the week: and NOW we have to say no. I feel like we let it go on too long.

We have not paid for anything, though. No deposits.

I think it's pretty easy, even so. You tell them that in planning, you've looked at what you can afford and what you can't, and you're sorry, but it's just not an option this year. Are there concessions that the other family members could make that would make it possible for you to go financially such as if your parents paid your part of the housing bill? If that is the case, maybe say that upfront. If not, then just tell them that you've looked more practically at your situation and it's not possible this year.

It is very possible that if we back out then my parents will offer to pay for our part of the house. Then there will be another thread, "How to get out of a family vacation." LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like it should be a pretty cheap trip to me, no? Like under $200 a night per family (probably a lot under)

And yet, the OP says that they can't afford it, so it doesn't really matter how cheap it seems to you.

OP, if the trip was important to you, I would say that you could figure out a way to make it happen and pay it off while still meeting your other obligations. Since it doesn't seem like it's very important to you, I would just tell your family that you can't make it happen this year and ask to plan something for next summer instead. Your older child will be a better age for the beach at that time, which should help.

This. If you were dying to go that would be one thing. But you're not, and you can't afford it, so why incur additional debt.

[Anonymous]

Say NOW both children have been sleeping increasingly badly lately and you're rethinking the vacation. Then back out for sure in a couple of days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg this is the most obvious no ever.

It's not, though.

The problem is that we should have said no right away. But now it's in the actual planning part: picking a house and the week: and NOW we have to say no. I feel like we let it go on too long.

We have not paid for anything, though. No deposits.

O.k. now IS the time to say no to this. Say no before anyone puts down deposit money.

Family should not be pressuring you into overspending like that. It is o.k. to say no. In fact, that is the right thing to do in your situation - you can not afford this.

OP here and they are absolutely NOT pressuring us.

In fact, I've even helped to find the house! STUPID ME! It's only now that I'm thinking "wait. This is going to cost $1K and I don't even really like my family and OMG do I want to take my babies to the beach and they won't sleep for a week and OMG WHAT HAVE I DONE."

It sounds like it's more than just money on your part. You are dreading the idea of having to deal with two babies around family that you aren't used to spending so much time with. Instead of being a relaxing vacation for you, you worry that you will be forking out money/possibly going into a debt for something that won't be much fun for you and could wind up being an ordeal for you instead.

It might be better to plan a long weekend if at all possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg this is the most obvious no ever.

It's not, though.

The problem is that we should have said no right away. But now it's in the actual planning part: picking a house and the week: and NOW we have to say no. I feel like we let it go on too long.

We have not paid for anything, though. No deposits.

I think it's pretty easy, even so. You tell them that in planning, you've looked at what you can afford and what you can't, and you're sorry, but it's just not an option this year. Are there concessions that the other family members could make that would make it possible for you to go financially such as if your parents paid your part of the housing bill? If that is the case, maybe say that upfront. If not, then just tell them that you've looked more practically at your situation and it's not possible this year.

It is very possible that if we back out then my parents will offer to pay for our part of the house. Then there will be another thread, "How to get out of a family vacation." LOL.

Mom/Dad we have limited funds and even more limited annual leave. We're sorry, we simply will not be able to make the beach house work for us this year. If the family would like to do a long weekend in the mountains instead that would be awesome!

[Anonymous]

So the real topic is -

My parents want a family vacation since we've never had one. I agree in principal, but when push comes to shove I'm really not into the idea in fact and want to get out of it. Oh and by the way, I'd happily go into debt for somewhere that I found exciting, but I don't like the location that they suggested. And I'll feel guilty if I don't go along with the family vacation thing, but I'll be miserable if I do.


Do you have decent communication with your parents? Could you tell them that a family vacation in a shared house is just going to be rough for you until your kids are better sleepers?

[Anonymous]

There are times to be accommodating and there are times to be selfish. To me, this is a time to be selfish. You can't afford it, you don't want to go, and you probably won't enjoy it. Yes, you should have said no earlier, but you can still back out. Don't take on debt for something you'll regret. My IL's are always pushing a joint beach vacation and I just cannot fathom paying $300/nt (in our case) to spend time cooped up with young kids. We'll go visit them at their home instead.

Say that next year will be better. Say that you're trying to save money and don't want to spend it when your kids are so young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the real topic is -

My parents want a family vacation since we've never had one. I agree in principal, but when push comes to shove I'm really not into the idea in fact and want to get out of it. Oh and by the way, I'd happily go into debt for somewhere that I found exciting, but I don't like the location that they suggested. And I'll feel guilty if I don't go along with the family vacation thing, but I'll be miserable if I do.


Do you have decent communication with your parents? Could you tell them that a family vacation in a shared house is just going to be rough for you until your kids are better sleepers?

Yup, this is it.

And we have good communication, but I am NOT cancelling this trip because of bad sleepers or we'll never hear the end of it. We can explain about the money, which is not a lie at all. We cannot afford the trip.

(but we'd go into debt for a weekend away in Cozumel without the kids, ya know?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the real topic is -

My parents want a family vacation since we've never had one. I agree in principal, but when push comes to shove I'm really not into the idea in fact and want to get out of it. Oh and by the way, I'd happily go into debt for somewhere that I found exciting, but I don't like the location that they suggested. And I'll feel guilty if I don't go along with the family vacation thing, but I'll be miserable if I do.


Do you have decent communication with your parents? Could you tell them that a family vacation in a shared house is just going to be rough for you until your kids are better sleepers?

Yup, this is it.

And we have good communication, but I am NOT cancelling this trip because of bad sleepers or we'll never hear the end of it. We can explain about the money, which is not a lie at all. We cannot afford the trip.

(but we'd go into debt for a weekend away in Cozumel without the kids, ya know?)

But as you know, the problem with using money as the excuse though is that it leaves you with no other out if they volunteer to pay.

[Anonymous]

no. never.

Why is this even a question ?

People in general need to quit living like they are uber wealthy because they see others live that way. It's stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go into debt. Surely your parents know your finances? Maybe they were going to pay for the house? What if it's a 3 day trip instead of a week trip?

OBX houses are for a week.

It will cost us around $700 for the house, plus food and gas, so $1000.

And let's be real, we don't really want to go. A week away with two babies? All of us sharing one room? Blah.

So...would you go into debt over a vacation you don't want to go on, or would you go for the greater good of your family?

My ILs wanted us to go to Mexico for a week with them and my DH's siblings. All in with flights and our share of the condo would be $3000. We just bought a house. We said NO and I have no regrets, financially. I do feel sad that we missed out on that family bonding experience, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go into debt. Surely your parents know your finances? Maybe they were going to pay for the house? What if it's a 3 day trip instead of a week trip?

OBX houses are for a week.

It will cost us around $700 for the house, plus food and gas, so $1000.

And let's be real, we don't really want to go. A week away with two babies? All of us sharing one room? Blah.

So...would you go into debt over a vacation you don't want to go on, or would you go for the greater good of your family?

My ILs wanted us to go to Mexico for a week with them and my DH's siblings. All in with flights and our share of the condo would be $3000. We just bought a house. We said NO and I have no regrets, financially. I do feel sad that we missed out on that family bonding experience, though.

Sorry, that should have said, we just bought a house in DC so our money was tight and we didn't have the cash to swing a vacation.

[Anonymous]

No, don’t go. Go once your kids are done with diapers and naps. We do a week on the beach every year because my inlaws pay for the house - and I spend all my afternoons and evenings reading in the bedroom while my young kids nap or sleep. Both my kids wake from time to time and we can’t leave them alone in a room with untethered dressers and TVs, heavy glass lamps, access to a bathroom, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't want to go and you can't afford to go. You haven't committed to a house or even a week. Say no TODAY. It's not too late. The only way I would even consider going with your circumstances is if someone had 6 months to live and really wanted you there.

I would never go into debt for a vacation, absent some compelling circumstance like a relative with a terminal illness. Tell them immediately, that having seen the numbers, you've realized you cannot afford this vacation, period.

[Anonymous]

No, unless there are external circumstances (elderly family member in poor health or something similar), vacations should never make you go into debt that you cannot pay off with existing funds. Especially when you have other outstanding debt that is not going to be paid off.

However, you cannot use this as the excuse if you are not willing to go on the trip if someone offers to pay your portion. That is just going to get you caught up in the lie. When that happens and you try to squirm out of the vacation anyways, then it make the family relationship even worse because you clearly lied about the cost being the reason you won't go. Either you are willing to go on the vacation if cost were not an issue or you have to find a different excuse (or combination of excuses) that put together come up with a cohesive reason to decline. Do not hurt your family relationships even more by using the moving goalposts of avoidance.