Married Women: How do you feel when men flirt with you?

[Anonymous]

It makes me uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Guy (happily married Dad) posting. I may be confused. If I tell a woman I like her earrings, is that flirting? Does it matter if she is working the Checkout at my local bagel place, versus she is a parent of one of my kids’ classmates, versus someone who works in my building? I always thought I was just being friendly, but maybe you’re telling me I’m flirting without realizing it (or at least you think I’m flirting). If I tell you I like your earrings, it’s because I like them, not because I want to make out with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's hard to tell what is flirting and what is just a guy being nice.

I've had to see an ENT recently for a health issue; he's very attractive. He always tells me I look great and makes intense eye contact. It almost seems flirty but I think it's just him being friendly. I think it's easy to confuse the two.

This is me. I have a total crush on my nerdy doctor who always tells me how good I look. Of course nothing would ever happen and he means nothing by it but it's fun. BTW I am very happily married.

[Anonymous]

It happens all the time. I just ignore it. Women flirt with me, too, since I'm bi. I ignore them, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy (happily married Dad) posting. I may be confused. If I tell a woman I like her earrings, is that flirting? Does it matter if she is working the Checkout at my local bagel place, versus she is a parent of one of my kids’ classmates, versus someone who works in my building? I always thought I was just being friendly, but maybe you’re telling me I’m flirting without realizing it (or at least you think I’m flirting). If I tell you I like your earrings, it’s because I like them, not because I want to make out with you.

If you would compliment a man's jewelry then maybe you're just being nice. If you wouldn't, then you're absolutely flirting by mentioning earrings because there is a gendered, sexual component to your flattery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy (happily married Dad) posting. I may be confused. If I tell a woman I like her earrings, is that flirting? Does it matter if she is working the Checkout at my local bagel place, versus she is a parent of one of my kids’ classmates, versus someone who works in my building? I always thought I was just being friendly, but maybe you’re telling me I’m flirting without realizing it (or at least you think I’m flirting). If I tell you I like your earrings, it’s because I like them, not because I want to make out with you.

If you would compliment a man's jewelry then maybe you're just being nice. If you wouldn't, then you're absolutely flirting by mentioning earrings because there is a gendered, sexual component to your flattery.

Woman here. Oh COME ON. I tell my male coworkers all the time when I think they have a nice jacket or tie on or whatever, and I'm pretty sure they don't think I'm flirting with them. My male boss likewise compliments me (and various other women) on clothes, hair, or something in our offices, and no one thinks he is a creep (because he's not).

PP with the reference to earrings, I think you have to consider a pattern of behavior. There is creepy, there is awkward, and there is friendly. It's hard to put into words the differences, but it's relatively easy to distinguish between the three in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy (happily married Dad) posting. I may be confused. If I tell a woman I like her earrings, is that flirting? Does it matter if she is working the Checkout at my local bagel place, versus she is a parent of one of my kids’ classmates, versus someone who works in my building? I always thought I was just being friendly, but maybe you’re telling me I’m flirting without realizing it (or at least you think I’m flirting). If I tell you I like your earrings, it’s because I like them, not because I want to make out with you.

If you would compliment a man's jewelry then maybe you're just being nice. If you wouldn't, then you're absolutely flirting by mentioning earrings because there is a gendered, sexual component to your flattery.

Woman here. Oh COME ON. I tell my male coworkers all the time when I think they have a nice jacket or tie on or whatever, and I'm pretty sure they don't think I'm flirting with them. My male boss likewise compliments me (and various other women) on clothes, hair, or something in our offices, and no one thinks he is a creep (because he's not).

It only takes one woman to think he is a creep for him to get fired. He is stupid to take the chance.

[Anonymous]

Men should not flirt with a woman unless they have affirmative consent. Telling a woman you like her earrings is mysoginistic and a form of sexual assault. #metoo

[Anonymous]

Lesson here is men should not talk to women just to be safe.

[Anonymous]

If a man tells me he likes my earrings, I'm gonna assume he's gay.

[Anonymous]

What does good looking have to do with anything?

[Anonymous]

As a women who is good looking with a nice body still (I'm not bragging, it is what it is...lucked out) I enjoy when certain men flirt with me. They know I'm married. I wear my engagement and wedding band everyday. I've had this chat with my friends and the honest truth is it all 100% depends on man. And yes it is 100% unfair.

If the flirting is coming from an attractive or nice man most women don't mind at all. But, if it's coming from someone you don't care for or isn't attractive it's "harassment" or "unwanted". Yes, it's unfair but that's life. Any woman who's honest will agree. You don't mind the small flirt or touch on the shoulder from an attractive nice man. But, if it's from someone you don't care for you file it under "harassment".

PERFECT EXAMPLE
I have a friend whom I've known for eight years. We are both married and met after we were married. In honestly if I could turn back time I would LOVE OH MY LOVE to have dated this man before I met my husband. He's kind, sweet, mature, hard working, very funny and attractive. He's my "if I wasn't married now crush". I know he feels the same by the way he speaks whenever we talk.

One day I asked him for a huge favor. We were at a member's club chatting (meaning not many people around) at the bar and a few times he placed his hand on my knees. I was wearing a skirt. I did not flinch. Of course, we both knew it was just flirting. But, reality is I've had other members in the club try to give me hugs or whatever and if they did that..hell no. Some may read this and think it's wrong for me to let someone touch my knee, but really it's a knee not my tits or ass. Bottom line is it depends on the man and what type of flirting it is. My friend has never mentioned my body in specifics, only saying how nice I look, etc. He knows the line as I do.

I see some of my friends who get chatted up by men. Sure it's flirting to a degree but it's harmless. As someone posted above "we're not dead".

[Anonymous]

I spend time training lots of attractive, fit men. I look the part and get flirted with on a regular basis. Its all in fun, like it has been my whole life. I'm happily married and haven't cheated in 13 years of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a women who is good looking with a nice body still (I'm not bragging, it is what it is...lucked out) I enjoy when certain men flirt with me. They know I'm married. I wear my engagement and wedding band everyday. I've had this chat with my friends and the honest truth is it all 100% depends on man. And yes it is 100% unfair.

If the flirting is coming from an attractive or nice man most women don't mind at all. But, if it's coming from someone you don't care for or isn't attractive it's "harassment" or "unwanted". Yes, it's unfair but that's life. Any woman who's honest will agree. You don't mind the small flirt or touch on the shoulder from an attractive nice man. But, if it's from someone you don't care for you file it under "harassment".

PERFECT EXAMPLE
I have a friend whom I've known for eight years. We are both married and met after we were married. In honestly if I could turn back time I would LOVE OH MY LOVE to have dated this man before I met my husband. He's kind, sweet, mature, hard working, very funny and attractive. He's my "if I wasn't married now crush". I know he feels the same by the way he speaks whenever we talk.

One day I asked him for a huge favor. We were at a member's club chatting (meaning not many people around) at the bar and a few times he placed his hand on my knees. I was wearing a skirt. I did not flinch. Of course, we both knew it was just flirting. But, reality is I've had other members in the club try to give me hugs or whatever and if they did that..hell no. Some may read this and think it's wrong for me to let someone touch my knee, but really it's a knee not my tits or ass. Bottom line is it depends on the man and what type of flirting it is. My friend has never mentioned my body in specifics, only saying how nice I look, etc. He knows the line as I do.

I see some of my friends who get chatted up by men. Sure it's flirting to a degree but it's harmless. As someone posted above "we're not dead".

I need to hear more about this. Every time he talks to you he gives secret "I wish we had dated" cues? What are they? Does his wife notice? Does your husband? I would find that so weird it would turn me off immensely.

[Anonymous]

Uh, hand on the knee isn't flirting. That's groping.