Married Women: How do you feel when men flirt with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a women who is good looking with a nice body still (I'm not bragging, it is what it is...lucked out) I enjoy when certain men flirt with me. They know I'm married. I wear my engagement and wedding band everyday. I've had this chat with my friends and the honest truth is it all 100% depends on man. And yes it is 100% unfair.

If the flirting is coming from an attractive or nice man most women don't mind at all. But, if it's coming from someone you don't care for or isn't attractive it's "harassment" or "unwanted". Yes, it's unfair but that's life. Any woman who's honest will agree. You don't mind the small flirt or touch on the shoulder from an attractive nice man. But, if it's from someone you don't care for you file it under "harassment".

PERFECT EXAMPLE
I have a friend whom I've known for eight years. We are both married and met after we were married. In honestly if I could turn back time I would LOVE OH MY LOVE to have dated this man before I met my husband. He's kind, sweet, mature, hard working, very funny and attractive. He's my "if I wasn't married now crush". I know he feels the same by the way he speaks whenever we talk.

One day I asked him for a huge favor. We were at a member's club chatting (meaning not many people around) at the bar and a few times he placed his hand on my knees. I was wearing a skirt. I did not flinch. Of course, we both knew it was just flirting. But, reality is I've had other members in the club try to give me hugs or whatever and if they did that..hell no. Some may read this and think it's wrong for me to let someone touch my knee, but really it's a knee not my tits or ass. Bottom line is it depends on the man and what type of flirting it is. My friend has never mentioned my body in specifics, only saying how nice I look, etc. He knows the line as I do.

I see some of my friends who get chatted up by men. Sure it's flirting to a degree but it's harmless. As someone posted above "we're not dead".

I need to hear more about this. Every time he talks to you he gives secret "I wish we had dated" cues? What are they? Does his wife notice? Does your husband? I would find that so weird it would turn me off immensely.

Difficult to explain. When you're around someone you know, you can tell if you would be happy with them. Personality, interests, behavior, chemistry, etc. When we talk we can talk for hours without stopping. There's simply a connection. It's not explainable. We understand each other. Both has similar upbringings, played the same sports in high school/college, similar interests, similar takes on life, family, work, etc. You can't explain chemistry. However, we're both married and understand the line. Don't need to outright says it. Last time we met up was two weeks ago. We had lunch at a sushi restaurant. Met at 12pm and by 3:30pm we were still at the table talking. The restaurant closed at 3pm but they let us stay. Only reason we left was because we felt bad staying there while the staff was having lunch.

Being honest, yes I would have wanted to be with this man just to see what would have happen. But, I met my hubby before him. So that's life. And there's nothing wrong with that. Not everyone married their best friend and has a glorious happy marriage. For those who do that's great. One couple I know are literally best friends and I'm so happy or them. But, it's not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Oh, an emotional affair. That’s different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh, hand on the knee isn't flirting. That's groping.

If someone you know walks behind you and grabs your shoulder and say "hey" is that groping? What if you're walking through a door and someone opens/holds it for you? As you're walking through they place their hand on your back. Is that groping? Well, depends on who it is right? It's not as if his hands ran up my thigh. Please. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Casual flirting is nice. It makes me feel attractive and it's fun.

[Anonymous]

I love the attention. It’s harmless, I’m not going to cheat or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they're clueless, considering the clear "not interested" vibes I am putting out.

If the guy is genuinely good-looking or charming, I still find them clueless, but I am also slightly flattered.

Perhaps you are one of the many, many, many clueless women that think men are hitting on them by being nice.

So true.

LOL

No.

Ehhhh, let’s be honest - the bolded part is more likely what’s happening. And I am a woman. I think most people today are wrapped up in their worlds (and phones) and that tends to put things in a “me” perspective, meaning, oh he’s being nice he must be flirting with me because I’m so hot even though I’m sending out vibes I’m not interested. (See how many MEs and Is were in there??)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they're clueless, considering the clear "not interested" vibes I am putting out.

If the guy is genuinely good-looking or charming, I still find them clueless, but I am also slightly flattered.

Perhaps you are one of the many, many, many clueless women that think men are hitting on them by being nice.

So true.

LOL

No.

Ehhhh, let’s be honest - the bolded part is more likely what’s happening. And I am a woman. I think most people today are wrapped up in their worlds (and phones) and that tends to put things in a “me” perspective, meaning, oh he’s being nice he must be flirting with me because I’m so hot even though I’m sending out vibes I’m not interested. (See how many MEs and Is were in there??)

Also be honest: there are plenty of "nice guys" who have the idea - perhaps not even consciously - that "if I'm a nice guy she'll see I'm not a jerk like all the other guys and she'll want to sleep with me".

If you were old, fat or ugly, he probably wouldn't be nice to you. You'd be invisible.

[Anonymous]

if you were old, fat or ugly, he probably wouldn't be nice to you. You'd be invisible

Funny. It’s just the opposite for me. I’m married and not a cheater. I’ll happily flirt in a casual way with non-work women I consider “safe”, meaning they are unattractive or much older. Women I consider attractive where there could be some potential for anything, or even for my wife to think I might be interested, i won’t flirt with. My wife makes fun of me for flirting with the grandmas at any parties or other event we attend. I’m not sure if I’m representative of other men, or if it’s just me. But if I’m flirting with you, it’s probably because I’m NOT interested in you.

Any other men do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy (happily married Dad) posting. I may be confused. If I tell a woman I like her earrings, is that flirting? Does it matter if she is working the Checkout at my local bagel place, versus she is a parent of one of my kids’ classmates, versus someone who works in my building? I always thought I was just being friendly, but maybe you’re telling me I’m flirting without realizing it (or at least you think I’m flirting). If I tell you I like your earrings, it’s because I like them, not because I want to make out with you.

If you would compliment a man's jewelry then maybe you're just being nice. If you wouldn't, then you're absolutely flirting by mentioning earrings because there is a gendered, sexual component to your flattery.

Woman here. Oh COME ON. I tell my male coworkers all the time when I think they have a nice jacket or tie on or whatever, and I'm pretty sure they don't think I'm flirting with them. My male boss likewise compliments me (and various other women) on clothes, hair, or something in our offices, and no one thinks he is a creep (because he's not).

PP with the reference to earrings, I think you have to consider a pattern of behavior. There is creepy, there is awkward, and there is friendly. It's hard to put into words the differences, but it's relatively easy to distinguish between the three in real life.

Thank you. Compliments aren't flirting. In some instances, they could be an attempt from someone to gauge and opening. I try to be considerate and when I notice a new hair cut or some other item, I compliment it. If we are going to a wedding with another couple, I will often tell them they look nice or "clean up well" but occasionally I will just compliment the woman. It has nothing to do with my interest in her and everything to do with knowing it makes her feel good. When someone says that to my wife, I appreciate it because I know it will make my night better if she feels good and attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh, hand on the knee isn't flirting. That's groping.

Hand touching her knee while telling a story (reaches out, in emphasis) = nope.

Rubbing and caressing during the conversation = groping

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a women who is good looking with a nice body still (I'm not bragging, it is what it is...lucked out) I enjoy when certain men flirt with me. They know I'm married. I wear my engagement and wedding band everyday. I've had this chat with my friends and the honest truth is it all 100% depends on man. And yes it is 100% unfair.

If the flirting is coming from an attractive or nice man most women don't mind at all. But, if it's coming from someone you don't care for or isn't attractive it's "harassment" or "unwanted". Yes, it's unfair but that's life. Any woman who's honest will agree. You don't mind the small flirt or touch on the shoulder from an attractive nice man. But, if it's from someone you don't care for you file it under "harassment".

PERFECT EXAMPLE
I have a friend whom I've known for eight years. We are both married and met after we were married. In honestly if I could turn back time I would LOVE OH MY LOVE to have dated this man before I met my husband. He's kind, sweet, mature, hard working, very funny and attractive. He's my "if I wasn't married now crush". I know he feels the same by the way he speaks whenever we talk.

One day I asked him for a huge favor. We were at a member's club chatting (meaning not many people around) at the bar and a few times he placed his hand on my knees. I was wearing a skirt. I did not flinch. Of course, we both knew it was just flirting. But, reality is I've had other members in the club try to give me hugs or whatever and if they did that..hell no. Some may read this and think it's wrong for me to let someone touch my knee, but really it's a knee not my tits or ass. Bottom line is it depends on the man and what type of flirting it is. My friend has never mentioned my body in specifics, only saying how nice I look, etc. He knows the line as I do.

I see some of my friends who get chatted up by men. Sure it's flirting to a degree but it's harmless. As someone posted above "we're not dead".

I need to hear more about this. Every time he talks to you he gives secret "I wish we had dated" cues? What are they? Does his wife notice? Does your husband? I would find that so weird it would turn me off immensely.

Difficult to explain. When you're around someone you know, you can tell if you would be happy with them. Personality, interests, behavior, chemistry, etc. When we talk we can talk for hours without stopping. There's simply a connection. It's not explainable. We understand each other. Both has similar upbringings, played the same sports in high school/college, similar interests, similar takes on life, family, work, etc. You can't explain chemistry. However, we're both married and understand the line. Don't need to outright says it. Last time we met up was two weeks ago. We had lunch at a sushi restaurant. Met at 12pm and by 3:30pm we were still at the table talking. The restaurant closed at 3pm but they let us stay. Only reason we left was because we felt bad staying there while the staff was having lunch.

Being honest, yes I would have wanted to be with this man just to see what would have happen. But, I met my hubby before him. So that's life. And there's nothing wrong with that. Not everyone married their best friend and has a glorious happy marriage. For those who do that's great. One couple I know are literally best friends and I'm so happy or them. But, it's not the norm.

I don't think anyone here will be shocked when this turns physical down the road. Make no mistake, that is the path this relationship is on. It's just going to need that rough patch at home to shove it to that next level.

[Anonymous]

As a married woman whose husband neglects her, both emotionally and physically, I crave even the most basic levels of attention. It’s sad, I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a married woman whose husband neglects her, both emotionally and physically, I crave even the most basic levels of attention. It’s sad, I know.

. . . I would not be okay with touching/groping though.

[Anonymous]

I really enjoy flirting with gay men.

[Anonymous]

I wish my husband would flirt with me let alone strangers